Bostik's Finally Doing It :)

[Shazzabir]

Big hugs Bostik, this must be awful for you. Don't be so hard on yourself with the food. Just take it one day at a time x

 

[Bostik]

Thanks hun x

 

[Bostik]

Sneaked a peek on the scales today just to make sure im still actually losing. With the amount of picking and take out I've had, i wouldn't have been surprised if id gained. But the scales have gone down thankfully. Motivating me to keep it going down

Hospital appointment today to see about why i keep throwing up. Hopefully they'll do something so i can finally get some answers soon.

 

[Bostik]

Went for the hospital appointment today. The specialist i saw reckons its inflammatory bowel disease. I've been reading up on Chrons disease which is a chronic form of it. It accounts for so many of my symptoms, including my anemia and chronic backache. Gonna be doing scans and putting cameras in me over the next couple of months and then ill know for sure in January if i have it or not. Seems very likely though from what i read.

 

[Shazzabir]

That's good that they have a good idea what is wrong. How do you feel about it?

 

[Squeezyweezy]

So sorry about all the Max stuff hun, hope you're keeping strong. What a shock!

I'm over the moon they may have come up with an idea of what is going on with your health. I would say I'm so sorry it may be IBD or Chrons, but it must be such a relief to finally be getting some answers. You have already lived with it for such a long time. Really hope you can get the right advice and treatment after the tests are done. It's about blooming time!! xxx

 

[Bostik]

Yeah thats just it. Im feeling relief im finally getting some answers. Cos sometimes i just felt that maybe there is nothing wrong if noones helping me. Maybe it is in my head. Maybe its an eating disorder. But deep down i knew it wasn't. I can't have been cos i lost 4 stone without even realising when it started.

Obviously i feel like this has been nearly three years already and if it is ibd then its not gonna go. So thats pretty ****. I just need answers now i think. Deal with them when it comes to it.

 

[Bostik]

Oh yeah. They weighed me at the hospital. Was like 2lbs above what i weighed in the morning at home which was probably my clothes and shoes and lunch so pleased to know my scales are mostly accurate

 

[Bostik]

My periods are really affected by how stressed i am. Its late all the way until today, the day after my hospital appointment. Whenever something is coming up that i am worried about, ill be late and ill come on shortly after the thing that was worrying me.

Anyway, it explains all the emotionalness and crying and stuff. Especially with the whole max thing. Im hoping by the time its done, ill be feeling less crap about it all and ready to let go. Im talking to him far too much again.

 

[Bostik]

Time of the month is getting the better of me. Today i had took breakfast and lunch to work. Ended up getting breakfast at mcdonalds and my workmate brought me lasagne and garlic bread so i ate that for lunch instead. I can only guess the cals in the lasagne. But if im right then if i don't eat anything else i should be alright.

Im not hungry yet. Im just hoping i don't get hungry either. Hoping to just have a hot chocolate before bed.

Dunno if ill be able to weigh in tomorrow cos im working early. Also its totm so that usually adds a couple of pounds. Ill see in the morning. If i can't weigh in or it is unusually high, ill leave weigh in til next week. Got my staff meal out tomorrow so gonna be drinking. Not good for the scales!

 

[Bostik]

Just managed to weigh in. Was worried. But a 1.6lb loss is what i got pleased with that. Tonight im gonna try and not go way over calories. But i will be drinking so don't mind if i go over a bit. Low cal lunch and all the other cals on the meal out

 

[Bostik]

I think i can see my body getting smaller in the mirror. I think never have before

 

[xsarahx]

Wow you are doing so well! Congrats on the loss, you seem to be unstoppable!

 

[Bostik]

Thanks hun

Last night was a disaster. Absolutely wasted. Ate so much before i even went out for the meal too. Had over 3000 calories if i had to guess. But it was a good night. And im just gonna try and carry on back on track straight away.

I also sat with my workmate last night at half 2 in the morning trying to watch a film. Subject of max came up. He talked to me. Told me i deserve better and i was just hurting myself carrying on in hope if it wasn't gonna work out. I text max to ask him if we were gonna sort stuff out. He said we can't. So I've now deleted his number. I will get over him. I don't need this anymore. Its making me a mess and I've already got my potential disease to worry about.

Im sad about it now but i will be happier

 

[Bostik]

Chinese for dinner. Still in calories but not good choices. Enjoyed it though. Still comfort eating a bit

 

[Bostik]

Agh. Picking so so much. Gone over calories a little. I just got to remember im only going a bit over 1300 so still in a deficit so its not terrible.

I feel im comfort eating a lot. Not happy about that at all.

 

[Bostik]

Another day a bit over. Doubt im gonna be losing this week. Going out for dinner tomorrow. Then Friday is eid so not gonna be counting. Think ill just weigh in next Friday rather than this week. Hoping to be back on track by then.

 

[BerryBerry]

Hi Bostik - I just read a big wedge of your diary- you are flipping amazing!! What an incredible and inspiring weight loss and done in such a sensible way through calorie counting without getting obsessive, without sacrificing your social life and supplemented by a brilliant gym habit!! Sorry to hear about health/relationship troubles- at least you have your success in weight loss to keep focusing on for the time being

 

[Bostik]

Thank you it can be done. It just won't be done overnight so you gotta give it the time it needs.

I am so tired of this whole max thing. I need to focus on me now. I might be really ill. I don't need extra rubbish from him. I need to remember that. And my tummy needs to remember that when it wants to wallow in pizza and Chinese everyday!

 

[tranquility]

Good to hear the medics might finally be getting your sorted out Bostik. That Crohns can be proper nasty and certainly make the weight fall off quickly; I used to work with someone whose hubby had it and he lost almost half of himself before getting a diagnosis. Yep good move on Max you don't need any more stress right now. Not sure about the talking tummy demanding pizza and chinese though