Brand new and terrified!!! Ella's Diary

[Ella Belle]

Feel like crap today. All crappy stuff going on in my personal life, and today is the first day that I'm feeling really weak. I'm not hungry or anything, just weak, kind of like I'm a bit drunk or something. I hope it passes cus I've a mountain of gym work this evening! I find that I'm completely obsessed with this diet. It's all I can think about, I'm not thinking about food at all, just losing weight and being thin. I continuously look at my calender trying to imagine when I'll be thinner. I'm hoping that when I feel a bit better about my weight I won't be so obsessed as I'll be feeling good and that'll be enough. Bleurgh, just feeling rotten...I'd love to have something really exciting to do this weekend but because of the stupid stuff going on I'm kind of trapped....stupid stupid stupid ex's!!!! Didn't help myself last night when I found poems I'd written as a teenager, talk about depressing..it's no wonder I'm the mess I am today with the crap I was dealing with back then! Anyway, sharing too much now but hey, nobody knows me here so no danger right?!

In other news, this week's shakes are going fine, counting down the days til weigh-in (3), hoping for a good loss this week to really boost me on but sure whatever it is it is. I'm back to the gym with gusto after a 5 week break and that feels good, I can't wait to feel fit again but I know just how much work has to be put in to achieve that. Anyway, that's all I guess...x

 

[monarch]

You are doing really well. Sharing on here is so satisfying. I think it cleanses you mind a little to have somewhere to rant where people will just say "keep your chin up" or "well done" and not judge you.

To cheer you up, have a lovely glass of water and a peppermint tea. Yes you are right - that's no help!!!

 

[Ella Belle]

It feels like ages since I wrote anything here. Last week I lost 7.5lbs according to the chemist. I felt great afterward but I wasn't sure that loss was accurate. It seems it wasn't as my home scales still has me at the same weight as the chemist had 6 days ago. It's a bit of a downer but I still have 3 days until my next weigh in(on Tuesday this week as Monday is a bank holiday) so I'm hoping by then there'll be a little movement on the scales. I would love love love love love to lose 4lbs (well if I'm really honest I'd love 5 to make it to my Oct target) but I can't see that happening, I'll be happy enough just to lose anything. Is it possible to lose nothing in a week on this diet?? I don't know. I am doing a lot of exercise so I could be adding a bit of muscle weight. It feels good though to exercise. Tomorrow night is the big halloween night out here. I'm in two minds whether to go out, on one hand I really should, I've been hiding in my cave for a while now and I might never get the courage to go out if I don't do it soon. The fancy dress element of it has been a bit of a drama, if I do go out I'll be dressed as an army girl..I want to look a little sexy if possible, even if I am 3st overweight.

I've decided to stop this after 10 weeks. I felt that I needed a mid and end point to aim at. By then I should be 10st something..hopefully something like 1 or 2!!! It feels good to know that in 2 weeks I'll be halfway through. I will still have more weight to lose after that but at that point my friends will start bugging me to stop so I'm trying to pre-empt the arguments!!

Anyway, enough rambling on..watching x-factor here...God I wish that Cher would stop wearing so much make-up..it is wrecking my brain!!!

 

[Ella Belle]

Week3 WI

Had my wi today. According to the chemist I lost 7lbs this week. There are a couple of things that make me not be ecstatic about this. For a start it was over 8days so not a week, also I had to weigh in first thing in the morning so I hadn't had much water or a shake. Also yesterday I only managed to have two shakes. None of this really matters, it's great that the scales said I was down to 11st 6lbs, it's amazing. It's just that today has been a massive challenge and my wi is really not important in the grand scheme of things. My Mother was back in the hospital this morning, no point in going into the whole story of it here, what's interesting as regards this diet is that being back in the hospital my body was craving all the things I usually have when I'm there..shop sandwiches, crisps..muffins. It was hard to resist but I went out to the car and mixed a shake when I could. I won't be able to exercise much this week I shouldn't think so next weeks wi will reflect that. Anyway, I don't really mind what I lose this week, I'll be happy with 2 or 3lbs, I can't be greedy..I've had three very good wi so far.

Anyway, enough rambling, I have to sleep, have to be up in a few hours

 

[SandraB]

Well done on the loss Ella but I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Obviously doing the diet pales into insignificance ......what you said about being in hospital was interesting though, how much of our weight problem was acquired simply through habits? Bad habits at that! I reckon we all need to look at our day to day routines when we come off of this........

 

[Ella Belle]

Well, it's been an absolute week from hell but even though every fibre of my being wanted me to just grab a sandwich or a burger or (what I've been craving most) a bag of vinegary chips I didn't and have stuck to the diet, despite all the disapproving looks from the nurses when I mix my shake by my Mam's bed. I nearly rose my beaker in a 'cheers' gesture to one the other day she was doing so much looking! Anyway, things with my Mam are both better and worse, if that's makes any sense. it's a much more serious situation than I thought, but she is doing much better than a few days ago . The whole thing all week has totally consumed me and tbh what I really need to do is cry a lot but I'm not able, I keep having mini-breakdowns that last for 5 seconds and then I get all tense and hard again. Anyway, it's a good thing I'm on this diet cus otherwise I would be halfway into a case of wine bottles at this stage I'm fairly sure.
So my wi this week is not going to be great as I haven't done any exercise at all and the last 3 weeks i lost so much I'm sure it's going to plateau a bit this week. It's okay though as long as I don't put any on!!!
So, sitting here now having my first cup of mint tea all week, about to get into the bath to try to relax and hoping that things just get better from here :cross: xxx

 

[SlimmerSu]

Cheer up hun... Your loss this week was brilliant.. Don't be too hard on yourself.. You have a lot to cope with, and you are doing brilliantly!! x x x

 

[SandraB]

My heart goes out to you....I lost my mum 12 years ago tomorrow and miss her every day still. She was a nutter......

 

[Ella Belle]

Measurements

Measurements 4 wks ago: Neck: 12.5", Arm: 12.25", Chest: 41", Waist: 36.5", Hips: 43.5", Thigh: 26.5", Calf: 15.5"

Measurements today: Neck: 12.5", Arm: 11.25", Chest: 38.5", Waist: 32.5', Hips: 41", Thigh: 24.25, Calf: 14.25"

Total inch loss in 4 wks: 13.5" - don't know if that's good or bad but it's all I got!!!!

 

[Ella Belle]

Three weeks and three days left until re-feed...I was 156.5lbs last wi....I really really really want to get to 140lbs by re-feed. It's just a pipe dream but I would so love to get there. I would have to lose 4lbs at three weigh-in's and 4.5lbs at one of them. Really really really really would love if I could do it. It would make it a 3stone loss in 9wks - I know I know that's a lot and very improbable...especially since this week it looks like I've only lost a lb so far and I'm at the end of Day5..oh well just wanted to write it down somewhere...so I can look at the idea in print and day-dream

 

[SandraB]

You never know Ella but I would guess that another 10-12 lbs is more likely, but hey wont that be brilliant? You've done amazingly well x

 

[SlimmerSu]

Three weeks and three days left until re-feed...I was 156.5lbs last wi....I really really really want to get to 140lbs by re-feed. It's just a pipe dream but I would so love to get there. I would have to lose 4lbs at three weigh-in's and 4.5lbs at one of them. Really really really really would love if I could do it. It would make it a 3stone loss in 9wks - I know I know that's a lot and very improbable...especially since this week it looks like I've only lost a lb so far and I'm at the end of Day5..oh well just wanted to write it down somewhere...so I can look at the idea in print and day-dream

It certainly is possible.. I had lost 41 pounds (1lb under 3 stone) at my last weigh in on Monday.. I went back to the pharmacy the following day (i think) and i had lost that extra pound.. So you CAN do it hun x x x

Loads and loads of luck x x x

 

[Ella Belle]

Thanks Girls, that weight loss is I'm sure just a dream but it's good to dream isn't it??

Anyway, my weigh-in is just after 2pm and it's now 11am. I am gutted. I felt the weekend went really well and the scales were finally showing a few pounds of a loss but I am now completely bunged up and I just know this will affect me today. I usually drink a lot of water all the time and it passes through me (sorry tmi!!) fairly quickly however today even that is getting trapped somewhere inside :cry:

I feel a lot heavier than I felt even this morning, owing I'm sure to the senakot that I took...on top of the ones that didn't work for me over the weekend. Senakot has always been my friend before and never failed to help me but it's been about 5 days now..not good!!

Just wanted to get all this off my chest...prepare myself for disappointment this afternoon, then if it's even a couple of pounds I should be happier than if expecting 4!

Here's hoping for a clearout before 2pm :cross: x

 

[SlimmerSu]

Good luck hun x x

 

[Ella Belle]

Well I had my weigh-in and I'm down 3.5lbs. I know that's good, I'm just pis*ed off that I didn't make it to 4lbs. I know, I know, I am never satisfied. I am happy with that loss, I'm sure it would have been more if not for the plumbing issue so hopefully next weeks loss will reflect that. I feel incredibly fat today and down for some reason. I thought that with only 3 weeks to go now I would feel elated but instead I feel that 3 weeks is forever and that I will not be anywhere close to where I want to be by then

Right, time to have a little chat to myself....I have lost/gotten rid of 30 pounds in 6 weeks, that's an average of 5lbs per week which would be unheard of if I'd stuck with WW. I have achieved 50% of what I set out to do with 2stones now gone (forever). All my 14's fit me now. I bought work trousers in size 12 last Thursday. I have (almost) completed 42 days of tfr100% with no blips, cheats or even near lapses in will power. I will be able to do 21 more days and by then I will have gotten rid of at least another 7lbs and I will fit into my size 12 River Island jeans (The Holy Grail of clothes I want to fit into to - long story!!). I feel better when I look at myself in the mirror and I see that I have improved (this is an incredibly difficult thing for me to type as in the past I have been wholly unable to say anything positive about myself or aknowledge that I ever looked even remotely good).

Now. I am going to be more positive, I have achieved a lot. This is a positive experience :vibes:...good vibes for me and everyone else who needs them xx

P.s. - I am getting so insanely excited about Christmas which is something that never really happens me....I'm taking out the decorations tonight..bit early maybe but feck it..why not!!! :Christmas02r::109::dancing_snowman:

 

[SandraB]

Well I had my weigh-in and I'm down 3.5lbs. I know that's good, I'm just pis*ed off that I didn't make it to 4lbs. I know, I know, I am never satisfied. I am happy with that loss, I'm sure it would have been more if not for the plumbing issue so hopefully next weeks loss will reflect that. I feel incredibly fat today and down for some reason. I thought that with only 3 weeks to go now I would feel elated but instead I feel that 3 weeks is forever and that I will not be anywhere close to where I want to be by then

Right, time to have a little chat to myself....I have lost/gotten rid of 30 pounds in 6 weeks, that's an average of 5lbs per week which would be unheard of if I'd stuck with WW. I have achieved 50% of what I set out to do with 2stones now gone (forever). All my 14's fit me now. I bought work trousers in size 12 last Thursday. I have (almost) completed 42 days of tfr100% with no blips, cheats or even near lapses in will power. I will be able to do 21 more days and by then I will have gotten rid of at least another 7lbs and I will fit into my size 12 River Island jeans (The Holy Grail of clothes I want to fit into to - long story!!). I feel better when I look at myself in the mirror and I see that I have improved (this is an incredibly difficult thing for me to type as in the past I have been wholly unable to say anything positive about myself or aknowledge that I ever looked even remotely good).

Now. I am going to be more positive, I have achieved a lot. This is a positive experience :vibes:...good vibes for me and everyone else who needs them xx

P.s. - I am getting so insanely excited about Christmas which is something that never really happens me....I'm taking out the decorations tonight..bit early maybe but feck it..why not!!! :Christmas02r::109::dancing_snowman:

What are you like? That's a fanastic loss Seems to me that's there a bit of a common theme going on here.....the thinner that we all get the more dissatisfied we all are? I started out at 13st 12lbs, was totally thrilled to get to 13, then 12, now am totally pi88ed off that I'm 11st 5lbs. I WANT TO BE ELEVEN STONE AND I WANT IT NOW.....mental

 

[SlimmerSu]

That's a great loss Ella, and it takes you to over halfway there, so well done hun x x

I feel the same as you.. I won't be near where i want to be and part of me thinks the time is going really fast, the other part thinks it's taking forever.....

Someone needs to make this magic pill to make me a size 12 overnight...NOW!!! lol

 

[Ella Belle]

I would loooovvveee a magic pill like that Su, that would be amazing!

This evening feels difficult and oddly I feel hungry even though I've had all my shakes and have not felt like this before. It's a bit strange but I'm sure completely psychological.

I do feel happy Sandra but yes, we are all very weird how we would have been delighted to lose 3lbs a while ago and now feels like we're never happy

I've become obsessed with watching the Food Network......love it!

So, I know it may not be of any help to anyone else but it's important for me now to keep my eye on the goal...3 more weeks tfr so I'm going to start a countdown here for myself..

21 days to refeed...whoop whoop!!!

 

[Ella Belle]

15 days to refeed...maybe...begun to get apprehensive about not losing any more weight, I am really not where I wanted to be yet..oh well...I'll wait to see how I feel in 15days

 

[SlimmerSu]

15 days to refeed...maybe...begun to get apprehensive about not losing any more weight, I am really not where I wanted to be yet..oh well...I'll wait to see how I feel in 15days

I am scared to start refeed!! lol
I am starting 2 weeks tomorrow, and am really nervous, about starting to eat again, and about messing it up...
You still have time to lose at least another half a stone Ella.... That would be great.. I have 3 weigh ins before i actually start refeed so i am hoping to lose 9lb to take me to 12 and a half stone which is what i wanted to go into refeed at.. Fingers crossed it works!! lol

Good luck hun.. I am sure you are worrying unnecessarily x x x