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Calling BL.....

Hi Katie

I'm here. I'm 'ok'. Just really struggling with my neck at the moment. It's been really emotional, and I just feel like all I do is moan. I have not taken my diagnosis well at all. But its so bloooody painful - and I actually have a very high tolerance for pain - but this is really getting me. It's more a mental trip I think, because now that I know I can't be 'cured', and they can't fix it - the pain seems much more intolerable then it has for the past 11 months. Every time I move my neck at all, all I hear is crunching and grinding in my neck, and I just keep seeing my xray, and know that its my bones crushing my nerves and wearing away. Its a horrible sound, and I can't get away from it, or block it out. Its just "right there". I have just found this all terribly depressing, if I am honest. I'm struggling with the pain meds. They are quite strong on an almost empty stomach. I am waiting with baited breath for a physio referal as I am sure that will bring some relief. But now, I just cannot find any relief. At all. And I am tired of hurting. :cry:And I am pissed that is been making me cry. Grrrr. That's how I know I am at the end of my tether.

I think what it amounts too, is for the past 11 months I have used mental power to get through it - always believing it would be sorted. I am also using massive amount of mental power to stay focused on the diet and get through it. I think I have just run out of mental strength and the pain has finally won through.

It's just really got me down. And I feel like all I do is moan, so best not to open mouth or people will get sick of hearing me. :( I know I will snap out of this, I am resilient - but for now, it appears to have won this round of the battle.

I'm home again today - might be off and on, though will probably be spending a good deal of time in a hot bath or laying down. But I'm around, lurking if nothing else.

Thanks Katie. Appreciate your looking out for me. <hugs>


Hope you too are feeling better and less sore today then yesterday.

Hiya, not sure what is wrong - but read the post and it seems pretty bad BL....Nothing worse than being in pain, sending lots of positive vibes your way xx
Really horrid to know that you're suffering like that - really do wish there was something they could do that would instantly relieve you of it. You come on here and tell us about it whenever you want - you're not moaning, you're being honest xx

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