can I ask for some support please :(

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by CheeseGirl, 18 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. CheeseGirl

    CheeseGirl Gold Member

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    Hey everyone, I've been lurking and adding my comments here for a few months but I feel I really need help now. I am in a relationship that needs to end and I'm so stupid that I can't make it stop! It is not physically abusive but psychologically in that he just makes me feel like I'm a total moron. Even with his brother and wife, who were here this weekend, he called me about 10 times an hour and said I was an embarassment to the whole town (?) and that I made his brother all upset (which the brother does not confirm, he says he has no idea what is going on). Well the flat is mine, I want to make him leave, but he refuses and I just don't know what to do. He uses arguments such as - I have no place to go- how can you toss out 12 years - you will be sorry - and I feel this complete responsibility for him, and that I'll be tossing him out with no place to go. I know it's stupid for me to feel this way when he has treated me so poorly. Please give me the strength to get rid of him somehow! I've got support from my sister and friends but I can't seem to do it!
     
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  3. Majella

    Majella Full Member

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    Aww Chessegirl I'm so sorry to hear your in such a situation. My sister was in a similar situation and got my brothers to come over and help her out. Could you get some people over to help you get him out and then have a locksmith come by and change the locks?

    Hope you get it sorted soon

    Majella
     
  4. CheeseGirl

    CheeseGirl Gold Member

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    Thanks sweets, I hope he will be reasonable about it but if not then I'm not certain what I'll do. I think it really helps to just get some support from people, it gives me the strength to deal with it! I will defo have the locksmith out but in the meanwhile he thinks I'm going 'through a phase' and actually hung up on me so I can't wait til he gets home :(
     
  5. spangles

    spangles Bouncy Castle

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    oh my darling. you don't - absolutely don't need or deserve to be abused by the person who should love you the most, who should be kinder to you than anyone else is.

    right so - you know what you need to do, but it's in his nature that he will make it hard, make you unsure and doubt your resolve. that's what abusers do. so you need to be really prepared. I want you to pone the people at women's aid 0808 2000 247. Don't think you'd be wasting their time. you are exactly who they are there to help. you could also look at their website, but i really want you to phone them. it's more proactive and will make you feel like you've taken another concrete step (posting here was one, too - so well done!)

    and keep talking to us. no judgements of you here.:)
     
  6. sapphirestara

    sapphirestara Gold Member

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    And we'll all come round and help him move his stuff out into the rain! :D

    Seriously, we'll all support you. Spangles is right..... give them a call! You've taken the right first step!! Theres a problem, you want out and you want to stay in your flat. It is all doable. I promise. You are NOT a moron. You're a lovely, amazing, strong gorgeous woman, and you CAN DO THIS. Whatever you choose. x


    Well done on having the strength to ask for help. Thats the hardest part. Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. andju

    andju I lurve lurve lurve bars

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    Cant really say any more than this hope youre ok x
     
  8. MaryMZ

    MaryMZ Full Member

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    Really sorry Cheesegirl you are going through this. If you've definitely decided to end the relationship, you could try phoning up the Citizen's Advice bureau for their advice on how to proceed if he's being really difficult. They're quite helpful I think. Sometimes you do have to wait if there is nobody available at the specific time you phone and only a receptionist. But it is worth trying I think. Why should you put up with being talked down to. I just read the other posts about women's aid they sound good for advice too.
     
  9. sapphirestara

    sapphirestara Gold Member

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    Change the locks definitely! And dont worry about calling the police if you are ever scared or worried!!

    It will be ok x
     
  10. Sapphireblue

    Sapphireblue Full Member

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    i think just deciding that you need to do this is a big step. i would suggest giving him a reasonable deadline to move out (between 2wks and a month, with him in spare room/on sofa until that point) and remaining firm and if he doesn't do that then do the whole belongings in bin liners on the pavement/locks changed route. plus if he starts making your life (even more of) a misery in the meantime don't hesitate in bringing that deadline forward dramatically.

    you deserve better. just think of the advice you'd give to a friend if they were in your situation. x
     
  11. loubie84

    loubie84 Full Member

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    I agree to all of the above, no one should be made to feel like this. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship about 6 years ago and it brought on all sorts of stress-related illnesses - don't let him do it to you honey, no one will think any less of you for asking for help and if you are frightened, don't think twice about calling your local police station for help & advice

    Lou x
     
  12. Illa

    Illa Silver Member

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    hi CG sorry to hear about all this, but also very proud of you for having taken all these steps forward. Life is too short for you to have to deal with such toxic persons. Just BE ASSERTIVE. Assertiveness works better than any other emotion on people (even this kind) because they feel the strength, courage, self esteem behind it. I would just talk to him about him moving out, giving him a reasonnable delay to find a place to live, and ending the relationship. Believe in yourself ! You can do it.
     
  13. lauren-1986

    lauren-1986 Feeling Motivated

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    Cheesegirl, I am sorry that you have been having such a rough time.

    From experience with one of my friends, we made sure that after she asked her OH to leave, we went to her house ASAP so that he couldn't 'kick off' or try to emotionally blackmail her into changing her mind. It may help if you have someone with you that you trust as a back up if you are worried.

    You have made a massive decision in the right direction and its going to be hard but make sure you stand by what you say and don't let him bully you into letting him stay.

    You always have us here for support.

    x
     
  14. CheeseGirl

    CheeseGirl Gold Member

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    Thank you all so very much for your support and advice, I cried reading your responses and it's such a comfort to know that I really am not alone. My sister told me that there's no reason I should be afraid of getting rid of him and living alone because I'm more or less already alone. Her thoughts were that he's turned me into a recluse who has shunned her friends in favour of staying at home and being afraid to go anywhere, as he makes me feel so unworthy of anything.

    I hope I find the courage to see this through and make him leave. I do realise that he is totally abusing me and taking advantage of me and he knows exactly the right buttons to push with his emotional blackmail. It's so hard to learn to say NO.

    Thank you all, I'm so glad I posted on here about this. I will let you know how it turns out, I am trying to build up the courage and strength. Thank you
     
  15. SurreySuperTrooper

    SurreySuperTrooper Full Member

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    Hi

    Can't really add anymore to what's already been said. I think you should end it, change the locks and maybe have someone else there when he moves out? It's be good to have some moral support x
     
  16. Illa

    Illa Silver Member

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    Take care CG we are here with you. You are a very kind, nice and lovable person from what I know. Good luck on your decison.
     
  17. girlygirl1

    girlygirl1 Banned

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    I am so sorry to hear this, CG. As you say, you are already alone and worse he is making the little bit of life you do have utterly miserable.

    This is a very damaging and abusive relationship and yes, you must break free. He is harming you every single day and eating away at what is left of your self-confidence.

    Gather family and friends around you and get shot of him, asap. You need to be strong, because enough is enough.

    All the very best x
     
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  19. Illa

    Illa Silver Member

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    hello CG how are you doing ?
     
  20. Nette

    Nette Full Member

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    Hi Cheesegirl, totally agree with what everyone has said. You know it's wrong and want to make a change and that is a big step. You so deserve much more than this!!!! Stick to your guns and stay strong xxx
     
  21. Illa

    Illa Silver Member

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    thinking of you CG ;) take care
     
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