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Can you help me - compromise pending

#1
It's our 25th wedding anniversary next year & I WANT a party; OH doesn't.

Now we did chat about this a few weeks ago & I thought we had agreed I would sort it all out & all he needed to do would be there on the night.

Ok, a bit about our marriage, the only other time we have celebrated our anniversary was year 1 & this is how we like it, neither of us is romantic & we don't celebrate valentines day, we just don't feel the need.

I want a party because I'm happy we've been married so long & I want to celebrate the fact with all my friends & family OH said he 'doesn't like things like that' & isn't interested.

I thought the reason he doesn't like 'do's' is because people go & sit around a table drinking & can be boring.

So I'm having a party, there will be games such as musical chairs, pass the parcel, egg & spoon race etc, there may well be a chocolate fountain & candy floss, supper is going to be pie & peas with jelly & ice cream for afters, there won't be a anniversary cake.

Last night we had a bit of a heated discussion were OH quite firmly said he won't be there he will be on holiday or doing something else.

He has in the past said we can go away to celebrate, but to be honest where is he going to take me, we've been to India this year, I want to go again, I also want to go to Tibet, Vietnam....... which I feel we can afford to do anyhow, and will be going in the near future, so to me these places don't warrant a special occassion.

I'm a happy positive person & really don't want to upset OH but I do want to celebrate.

CAN YOU HELP ME WITH A COMPROMISE:D:D:D:D
 
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#2
sounds like my hubs ..only my hubs grumbles about holidays to

sit him down at a calm moment and disscuss what it is you would like and what his fears over having it are..
perhaps have a guys area at the party, a chill out room for your hubs and his friends

good luck
 

Mrs.S.

Gold Member
#4
Mum and dad were married for 25 years last year.

They didn't have a party.

They often travel to luxurious locations. Basically if they want to go somewhere, they go. Last year they did sort of a holiday of a lifetime.

3 weeks Australia & travelling through new Zealand. Also via Malaysia and Singapore.

Something a but more than the norm?!

Can you have a party and a fab holiday? xx
 
#5
Yes party & fab holiday would be brill, it's the party I'm struggling with right now:rolleyes:

I really, really, really want to go to Tibet, well I want to get on the train in Bejing to Tibet & then stay in Tibet for a while, then get the train back, but I know we don't need a special occassion to do that trip.

I'm just wondering right now, I could find out where OH would LOVE to go to on hols & then we can do that & we'll both be happy. Normally I decide where we go on hols & sort it all out, fortunately we have the same taste in holidays & like doing the same thing. I could take a look at where the cricket is next year, or wait until the football fixtures come out.

Ok we're getting somewhere, thank you:D
 

Mrs.S.

Gold Member
#6
Other idea.

Have the party. Carry on as normal.

Surely he will turn up and not embarrass himself in front of family & friends???

You know H better than anyone and know whether this would be likely to work or would cause a huge rift between the 2 of you? xx
 
#7
Other idea.

Have the party. Carry on as normal.

Surely he will turn up and not embarrass himself in front of family & friends???

- - -

Yes, that's what I would do. You have already talked about it, so no further discussions, there's no point, just get on with your organising and inviting. Just carry on as if there were no problem.

You have every right to have a party if you want to.

Nearer the time you could hand him a list of those people who have said they are coming and tell him that if he doesn't want to be there then that's fine, but you won't be explaining why, he will have to do that himself!
 
#8
I was thinking of having the party anyway & it's up to him if he turns up, which I'm 99% sure he will, but I also know he could book himself a week away at the same time, it's the uncertainty I don't like.

I want to KNOW if he is going to turn up(and his agreement) as he needs to give his football mates invites:D

BTW it's not unusual for him to go to Fuert on his own for a week.
 

Ali*

Gold Member
#9
You say that going on holiday isn't a suitable celebration because you can afford it and would be doing it anyway ... but it's 25 years of happy marriage which has enabled you to be in the very fortunate position of being able to do it ... which IMHO is worth celebrating :)

I don't know much about Tibet or Beijing but I do know it's a special place to visit and there's always 'something' on these types of holidays which will be the 'icing on the cake' ... you think hard enough and you'll find it, I'm sure.

Maybe a little detour to watch a cricket match in India? What a pity the Olympics are in London!
 

LittleFlutterby

Fluffy lil flutterby :)
#11
i read this out to my mum- her response

"have a party- don't invite him, sorted"

lol

sorry i can't offer advice- but i thought she was funny :p
 
#13
honestly hon i would not do a party, what about a nice meal with your friends, i would not 'embarras' someone into coming to a party. my oh is very similar and i would rather do something he would enjoy as opposed to have somehting that he is uncomfortable bein at
 
#14
Are you sure he's not planning a holiday for you as a surprise and he's trying to drop hints not to book a party as you might not be there either?
I know he's not planning a holiday as a surprise he's not that type of guy.

i read this out to my mum- her response

"have a party- don't invite him, sorted"

lol

sorry i can't offer advice- but i thought she was funny :p
:D

honestly hon i would not do a party, what about a nice meal with your friends, i would not 'embarras' someone into coming to a party. my oh is very similar and i would rather do something he would enjoy as opposed to have somehting that he is uncomfortable bein at
I have considered this, but I've said he can just stay at the bar & not do anything other than be there; that's why there is no cake as he wouldn't like the embarassment; and this is why I want a compromise because I'd enjoy it :confused:
 
#15
honestly hon i would not do a party, what about a nice meal with your friends, i would not 'embarras' someone into coming to a party. my oh is very similar and i would rather do something he would enjoy as opposed to have somehting that he is uncomfortable bein at
Id agree with that... last thing you want is him coming under duress and it being very obvious he doesnt want to be there.

What about a smaller party, something at home, with closer friends

Is there a different style of party hed like maybe that could be a bit of a compromise. I dont want to sound rude but quite honestly if I was going to a party I can think of nothing worse than there being kids party games etc at it. Id find that more awkward and embarassing than a cake.

I think though if he really feels that strongly about it you definitely need to sit down and see what his 'ideal' celebration would be and take it from there. Its going to look incredibly odd if you have a party to celebrate your anniversary and hes not there
 
#18
Have a party invite only wives/women and slag them all off all night!

I've resigned myself to having a social life as a single married person because my husband couldn't care less what I want as long as he has Top Gear, F1 and every ****ing sport known to man!
 
#20
Sounds like a non starter to me and just not worth the hassle.

If holidays float his boat then do that. I am sure you can find a destination that would be brilliant for you both............have you been to Brunei.

You are very fortunate to have been to so many places that you feel you have so few choices left. You work very, very hard for your holidays and I know from what you post here that you make lots of economies to do it and never ever squander your pennies.

I admire what you do tremendously and would love to have the solution for you.

Brunei is a safe haven for wildlife, rain-forest and reefs. Brunei is also a safe haven for wildlife lovers, adventure travellers, ecotourism, wilderness travellers, divers, sailors and exploring. Luxury hotels, jungle chalets, traditional longhouses and campsites cater to all tastes and budgets. The Ulu Temburong National Park draws thousands of visitors, scientists and school students each year.


My late brother loved it there.

 


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