I really don't know where to start..... the sad thing is I made a bullet point list so I don't miss anything out!!
 
* Fall  - my trousers at work fall down (but the 24 still wont fit!!)  and today the slid down, tangled around my shoe and I went over on my  ankle falling onto all fours - sore ankle, sore knees ... stuff going  flying everywhere and humiliation - the district judge was on the bench  and the Court was packed.... and my big fat arse was stuck in the air  probably showing a fair bit of knicker as my trousers fall down!!! just  felt so embarassed and burst into tears... quickly composed myself and  had to go to the police station..... 
 
* Future work - after a long day I ended up talking to the practice  manager... obviously work doesnt kno about teaching.... and basically  they plan for me to entirely take over the Crown Court department by  June next year (for no extra pay I hasten to add!!) - I just don't feel  like I can do it.... and most of all I feel so guilty - they hired me to  replace 2 people who retire next year..... what the hell am I gonna  do?! 
 
* Friend - well I was meant to be going to Preston tonight.... didn't  finish work till 7 (as usual! - was 8.50 yest!) and so when I got home  my annoying friend had text asking if/when I was coming... I said I  would eat and probs by arriving at 10-11ish... she then told me she was  going to bed at 11... but she wanted me to come?! I was just so stressed  after a long day and did not want to be rushed... I know most people  have 9-5 jobs but mine just isn't - she is the one who talks about me  behind my back... but we have been friends for a few years ....  anyways  I am rambling but basically she normally never goes to bed before 2am  but she has had a job for 2 weeks and now is exhausted all the time....  SHE DOES NOTHING COMPARED TO ME.... argh!!!!! anyways... sorry she is  just one of those people who always annoys me... the sad thing is I am  not sure I have a friends who doesn't take advantage of me or let me  down...... I need to stand up for myself... so after that she sent a  stroppy text saying I better be there by 12 so she can go to trafford  centre... I want a blooming lie in on Sat hence why I was going  tonight.... grrr.. I  don't even want to go to Trafford Centre - I have  no money, find shopping depressing at mo etc... but what does my opinion  count?!.... so me being the usual walkover said I would be there at  12...
 
* Catalogues - Just after getting off the phone with my friend I went to  my mum's room and she had a Next catalogue... which I picked up to look  through... got two pages in and burst into tears... partially upset by  friend etc... but partially because all of the models looked so lovely  in the clothes and I know it is long way off me even being able to go  into a normal shop let alone being able to try on anything and know it  will at least fit.... I just feel so sad today.... All I have ever  wanted is to wear size 10 clothes.... and I got there when I was 18 and  it lasted a year... and I still felt fat... and then my boyfriend broke  my heart and since then I have just been on a diet lost 2 stone and then  put on 4.... I really want to break this cycle... but I just keep  screwing it up... 
 
* Food - I am only on the 3rd day of this week and am already 40pp over  my weeklies.. and I am drinking and having a buffet tomorrow.... I plan  to eat just a bit of buffet within my dailies and have 20pp of vodka...  honestly I am just so disappointed in myself... please don't tell me off  or lecture me right now... I just feel like climbing into bed and  staying there.... I don't want to fail! Even if I do lose weight I can't  afford clothes.... I just feel like utter crap and don't know what I  want.....
 
I think I might restart the shred tomorrow - do it before I set off....  and then do it when I get back Sunday and try to do it everyday (except  those that I go to the gym for body pump - which ideally will be Tues,  Thurs and Sunday depending on work and other plans....)
 
Well if you made it this far - thank you very much for reading 

 u really are very good people and lovely friends xxx
 
 
xxxx