CharleyBarley - my new 2014 diary with pics

[La Parisienne]

I am so scared to say my number that I can't put it on my stats, I have added it a few times, only to take it off out of total shame. The thing is I don't think I look my weight necessarily, so I feel even more ashamed to say the figure. Mick doesn't know it either, he would be floored if he knew my true weight. He goes on about his own weight and the number and says how bad and shameful it is and I think to myself "oh boy, if only you knew I weighed a bit more than you, Mr 6 foot, built like a brick sh!t house compared to 5 foot 3 me" - I used to have the naked body hang up with him too, but that has all but disappeared now.

Charley! I feel you pain! My husband is aaaaalways going on about how heavy he is and he is lighter than me (and 6ft5!) I wouldn't dare tell him how much I weigh but every time he talks about his weight I cringe! I don't mind putting my weight on my stats because I feel like everyone is in the same boat, no-one is judging but I'm always scared to death I'll forget to close the page and my OH will see!

x

 

[Charleybarley]

I forgot to post foods for Tuesday:

B - All Bran, milk and honey

L - Falafel, Hummus, greek salad and Warbuton thin





Snack - Greek Yogurt and Honey with cinnamon

D - Cottage Pie and veg





Snacks - grapes and 2 shortbread biscuits!! ?

 

[Charleybarley]

Double post

 

[Charleybarley]

Ahh charley and Stacey, your stories from school make me feel sad! I can't remember if we ever had to weigh ourselves. Actually, that's a lie! Yes I do! I was best friends with the skinniest girl alive (although to be honest I wasn't a big kid because I did so much sport) and we had to weigh ourself in kg and I remember being really panicked about mine and my friend said 'but why? That's the same weight as her' and pointed to a classmate who was really slim! Probably the nicest thing that girl ever said to me, haha! So that wasn't too traumatising, but that was pre-porker!

Well from your pic Charley I think you look like you're totally gorgeous, so I bet you can rock whatever weight! I too don't think I looked 16 and a half stone - but to be honest I'm two stone down and there's hardly any difference so I guess it makes sense I didn't look that big. I have the world's biggest boobs though and all my weight so far has come from them and my tum which I like to tuck behind high rise leggings anyway!

I think ink you should heed your own advice Charley, it's about who you are, not your number!

Ah thanks Sarah, thats really sweet thing to say. When I stand up and look full on in a mirror I dont think I look too bad, but when I see pictures of myself and a massive second chin, and if I am sitting down in the picture, I look huge!! I guess you are right, I think I probably look the same now as I did a couple of stone ago, the only difference is feeling less comfy in clothes, jeans especially - I have them in sizes 18 - 22! At the minute I have the 22, but they are loose, so onto the 20s soon!

You are right I should take my own advice = numbers and figures aren't important. But health is important and I wanna be healthier.

xx

Ah charley I tried reading, but got a bit lost as to where i got!

I read about you a bit, and eating healthy. Read bits about Mick, and that's about it!

Anything I desperately need to know? xx

Oh don't bother Mrs S! Its not that exciting anyway. Nothing else you need to know other than I am a lardy and I am trying to lose weight. I have a cruise coming up at the end of the year and I want to lose 3 - 4 stone. But I am not putting too much pressure on.

I have a tendency to exercise and then subsequenly injure myself! I am currently not exercising due to a bad hip. I also have an ongoing bad foot.

THE END really!

OMG I remember the weighing thing in PE too, it was pretty much fat girl torture. I remember at aged 11 all the other kids were 5/6 stone and I was 11 stone, and they shouted out the weights to the whole class, bloody mortifying! Oh and then there was the naked communal shower they made us get in after the PE lesson, I do NOT miss those days!! I seriously hope things have changed for big kids these days, shaming and embarrassing someone into losing weight just doesn't work. If anything I think it drove me to food for comfort even more. It doesn't make me sad now, just incredibly angry. It's basically a form of bullying and there should be no place for that in school.

As for being ashamed of your weight, I know exactly how that feels too. At my biggest I was 24st 10lbs, I was too heavy for my old scale so pretended it had broken as an excuse to buy another one (I was too ashamed to weigh in somewhere like Boots). Then when I saw my weight I was too scared to join Slimming World as I thought I'd be too fat for the scales (!!), so I struggled for 6 months trying to lose weight on my own, something which just doesn't work for me. As for telling Chris, I only did that very recently, after losing around 4.5 stone. Even then it was a huuuuge deal for me because I still weighed 4 stone more than him!! Don't feel compelled to tell anyone your weight or put your stats up, just do it when you're good and ready.

I've noticed a huge difference in the way I feel about myself since losing weight. Rather than my weight being a shameful secret that I hide away, I've accepted it's just a number. Something I'm working to improve for a healthier future, but not a shameful secret to beat myself up with. Like you I'm lucky in that I've never looked as big as I weigh, but it's a double edged sword in a way because it just makes it more shocking when you tell people!

xxx

Ah Bev that has really made me sad. I never in the end had to share my weight publically at school, nor were we made to shower thank god, but your post made me realise how difficult school times can be if you are not "the norm". My parents made me feel ashamed about the way I looked and I think that was the catalyst for my secret binging and subsequently when I left home, I just pigged out for years. It was a rebellious thing I think. Everyone has history and weight problems do tend to stem from childhood issues. My weight problems are more mental than anything else. I have a switch off button, which tends to stay off for ages until I manage to switch myself back on again. But when that button is off, there are no holds barred I go for it, with no guilt. I used to call it my "Kracken"! It is a monster in my head that sits dormant, but once its released, all hell breaks loose! I used to find it very hard to have will power. The need for food overtook my need to lose weight, always.

At the minute I am focussed, but I have been focussed for short spells many times in the past and I just ruin it for myself. I do keep thinking of those bikinis though!!!!!

One of the reasons I stopped going to SW was because I felt so uncomfortable sharing my weight with the weigher and the consultant! I used to hate it when people veered over to where you weighed in case they saw my number. I hated it and used to get worked up over it.

Charley! I feel you pain! My husband is aaaaalways going on about how heavy he is and he is lighter than me (and 6ft5!) I wouldn't dare tell him how much I weigh but every time he talks about his weight I cringe! I don't mind putting my weight on my stats because I feel like everyone is in the same boat, no-one is judging but I'm always scared to death I'll forget to close the page and my OH will see!

x

Its funny, because I am scared that the scales will freeze and not turn off and he will see my number! Its silly I know, but it is just an unacceptable number for him to understand at the minute!

 

[Sharry]

Hey gorgeous! Just dropping by to say I am still here but I have had so much going on. Sitting on public transport heading home from Edinburgh city centre and thought I had better log in.... Given me something to do whilst commuting! Will catch up with you and my diary hopefully this evening.

Much love,
Sharry
Xxx

 

[Charleybarley]

Hey gorgeous! Just dropping by to say I am still here but I have had so much going on. Sitting on public transport heading home from Edinburgh city centre and thought I had better log in.... Given me something to do whilst commuting! Will catch up with you and my diary hopefully this evening. Much love, Sharry Xxx

Coo-ee Sharry, nice to hear from you. I hope you are well. Xx

 

[Charleybarley]

Wednesday 19th February

B1 - 1 boiled egg

B2 - Greek Yog with honey and tsp of almond butter and a banana - this was so tasty I quietly got my finger in there to get the last of the yummyness out - sometimes I wonder what age I am supposed to be!










L - Sausage and veg pasta with cheese





D - Turkey and Prawn Stir Fry and Noodles - this was fit!!!





I just wanted to take a pic of Mick's tea too, check out the difference - don't get me wrong I would love to eat his meal, but the difference in colour between mine and his is massive.





Snacks - Orange

 

[hendopig]

Just popping in to say hi your stir fry looked yum xx

 

[Charleybarley]

Just popping in to say hi your stir fry looked yum xx

Thanks, it really was - I was really good last night, in my effort to lessen my portion, I only had one nest of noodles. It may be totes normal for everyone else to have 1 nest of noodles, but because I am a greedy grunt, I would always go for two, or 1.5 nests in the past. I had loads of veg, turkey breast and prawns and it was delish, if a little on the " I am not really full" side of things. I have come up with a delish sauce for this too - 1tbps chilli sauce, 1 tbsp oyster sauce, 2 tbsps soy sauce and 2 tsp of curry powder and 1 tsp of sesame oil, mix that shiz up and pour it on at the end just before you serve! Yumtown.

 

[hendopig]

I really struggle with sauces on stirfry so I've taken a screen shot. I read lots of people have just soy sauce but I'd die of bland boredom!

I would do 3 nests of noodles between 2 people. Actually I normally cheat and buy the fresh ones it's easier. I prefer rice noodles too and can't always get dried ones x

 

[Charleybarley]

I really struggle with sauces on stirfry so I've taken a screen shot. I read lots of people have just soy sauce but I'd die of bland boredom!

I would do 3 nests of noodles between 2 people. Actually I normally cheat and buy the fresh ones it's easier. I prefer rice noodles too and can't always get dried ones x

I know - I did miss that extra half a nest! I like the medium dried egg noodles the best. Usually found by the soy sauce area. Yes, the idea came from all these fresh sauces you can get by the stir fry sections when I was doing SW they were quite synful, so I developed this one, which is 1 syn for the chilli and oyster each and 2 for the sesame, but you don't really need the sesame tbh, I just love that flavour, and its always best to put it on at the end rather than cook with it, using it more as a seasoning than an oil. Curry powder is pretty much my staple for most of my meals these days! It goes in everything, bolognese, chilli, gravy, shepherds pie - everything, except indian curry funnily enough! I have a whole 2 drawers of herbs and spices - it adds zing! I just wished I had a garden for fresh herbs, I tend to kill the little potted plants that you get in the supermarkets!

 

[Charleybarley]

p.s. this, in my opinion, is the best chilli sauce there ever is was and will be:

 

[Charleybarley]

I didn't mean for it to come out as tall as me, but I didn't know how to stop it!!!!

 

[hendopig]

Curry powder in everything!? Wow. I love curry but I don't make them anymore because I can't make them anything like the restaurants. I'm guessing it's the ghee.

I love hot sauce though. And sweet chilli dipping sauce

 

[Charleybarley]

Thursdays food


B - Greek Yogurt, Honey, Banana and almond butter - my new fave breakfast!





L - Sausage and veg pasta with cheese





D - Chicken Thighs and Cauliflower Mash, with sweetcorn and a little rice





Snacks - Orange

 

[xmisskx]

your food's been great this week missy...i'm looking forward to your WI! lol x

Sent from my iPhone using Minimins

 

[Charleybarley]

your food's been great this week missy...i'm looking forward to your WI! lol x Sent from my iPhone using Minimins

So am I!!! I have been really good this week. Tomorrow's WI will tell !

Xx

 

[xmisskx]

So am I!!! I have been really good this week. Tomorrow's WI will tell ! Xx

Do you think you've been trying super hard...ot just happy with what you've had and not felt the pressure which can make us go AWOL? x

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[Mrs.S.]

Ooh do you wi at home charley?

Good luck! xx

 

[Charleybarley]

Do you think you've been trying super hard...ot just happy with what you've had and not felt the pressure which can make us go AWOL? x Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

No it's not been hard really, I just had a plan and more or less stuck to it. I have consciously tried to lessen my portions but had lovely food throughout the week and enjoyed what I have had. Mind you, apart from V Day last Friday, it's been no -eventful socially speaking, and when I am out and about, that's my weakness. we are out tomorrow night and Saturday night and it will be food and drink led, but that's ok, I plan to enjoy myself but be mindful of things I stuff In my gob rather than think 'f@ck it' and have a blow out....we shall see.