Cheerio fat girl, hello real me!

That's 4 weeks on plan completed and today I was another 4lbs down and that's me at 17stone, woo :) I'm pretty pleased with that. Although, I'm unsure if that's still the case as I've overeaten a wee bit today. I was feeling weak all day today and even went for an afternoon nap and when I woke up I felt just as exhausted as I did before I napped and incredibly weak too. I decided some real food was in order so I cooked a chicken breast in the george foreman along with some mushrooms then sprayed with some of the bbq frylight and then followed it with a praline bar. I've added it all to the meal planner for today and I'm still within calories and ketosis safe but it was a lot in one go and my tummy feels full for the first time in weeks and it's a little uncomfortable. My energy appears to have returned a bit though so this is good as I could barely stand up straight earlier :( I also think I'm probably anaemic again which means I should probably go back on the iron tablets. My constant period just got a heck of a lot heavier so that can't be helping matters either. I've also been having lots of dreams about eating food lately and I'm not hungry but they are making me tempted. I dunno, maybe these dreams are helpful in processing temptations so I don't actually do it in real life. I hope my dreams find a different topic soon.

In other news, G was over this weekend and we had a nice time together. He's incredibly understanding of my diet which is good. Of course, he offered to make his own dinner last night but I was all "oh no, it's fine, I'll have my meal pack whilst you eat yours so it's ok if I'm having something, I'll make it". It was just heating up some of my own pasta sauce from the freezer and mixing it with pasta but oh my, it was hard to do. Things that would be second nature like - getting a splatter of sauce whilst stirring it on my hand and not licking it off and not licking the spoon was so hard. Unthinking, I went to bite into a bit of pasta to see if it was ready and had to stop myself. Then, when it was on the plate his looked so good compared with my little mound of spaghetti bolognese meal replacement with added mushrooms in a bowl. Waah, I'm not preparing food for people again on this diet! He apologised when he didn't have to at all as I offered but we're in agreement he'll do his own food in the future. Due to me feeling like I had no energy to speak of, I didn't really get around to having the epic conversation we'd planned on but we'll talk on skype tonight in a few hours so maybe we'll have it then.

Anyway, week 5 and this week should be mostly ok. It being easter there's going to be chocolate and cakes around in work for the next few weeks but I'm ok with that. This week and the following week I'm out working in school most of the time, except Mondays, and there I'm in my own wee office with no distractions so that will be fine. Next weekend I'm visiting the family down near Glasgow for Easter. I have S&S chocolate wafers to for easter sunday just so I don't feel left out on the chocolate front around the family. (I'm actually quite proud of the fact I've been able to keep them in the cupboard and not eat them so far :) ). I also have Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday following Easter off so that'll be good. I'm going to visit my best friend and her new baby so I'll need to pick up a present for him this week too :) I think this week is entirely doable, so long as the weakness part goes away I'll be fine.
 
Well last night was a shambles. Went off plan, ate stuff I shouldn't have and have a sore tummy today :( definitely out of ketosis. Back on S&S today.

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Getting straight back on is brilliant, well done!

When you're feeling a bit stronger, have a think about the reasons you ate the wrong thing. If you can really understand what went wrong, you can put measures into place to avoid it happening again.
 
Great for getting back on. Treat it like the first time you did it and you will soon be back. And FF is right once your head is clearer then have a think about the reasons - my money is on the emotional conversation you did or didn't have and the fact you had been around food and resisted all weekend. It's not the relapses that count but how quickly we get back to our plan without recriminations.

Good luck and have a brilliant day :)
 
Well I didn't go back on it yesterday as when I posted that I had already eaten some real food so decided I'd be better with another day off and have a clean slate today. So yesterday I went for lunch with my friend from work to a new Lebanese restaurant in Dundee. I had chicken with salad and rice and pitta but didn't eat much of the rice and only one bit of pitta and oh my, that was me stuffed for the rest of the day! So last night I nibbled on a bit of chocolate and drank some diet lemonade (I preferred being able to drink this over being able to eat chocolate lol) and today I woke up and had a shake. So I'm now back on it.

I think the reasons for my blip were down to me feeling so weak and exhausted over the weekend. I think im anaemic again which is probably causubg the exhaustion. My constant period also messes with my moods big time. Also resisting food whilst G was over was harder than anticipated. After he left on Sunday just nothing seemed to satisfy me. I had my protein and veg and then a bar and then another bar and then my easter wafers and by then I knew I'd blown it so just had a big "f*ck it" moment and ordered myself a take away as there was nothing to eat in the house. I think a bit of loneliness had something to do with it too as that's something I struggle with living in Dundee. I think G going home made me feel that bit lonelier and that's what led to the feeling of not caring about my diet. Well, I gotta say the food didn't make me feel any better at all and it tasted really salty. I then got too full, got a sore tummy and half of it got binned anyway. I kept the dessert and that's what I ate the next morning.

So yeah, that's what happened and I'm not beating myself up over it and I'm back on it today. Hopefully getting back into ketosis won't be that bad.

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Well that's me been back on plan for 2 full days, been a bit headachey but otherwise ok. I stood on the scales this morning and I was 4lbs heavier than on my Sunday weigh in but I'll see the proper result at the weekend. I'm pleased at getting back on it so quickly. In other news, all my trousers are falling off me, even with a belt on I'm constantly pulling them up. I've got a couple of pairs a size down so those will do me but methinks I'll need to get some new work trousers soon. Also, it was only this week that I felt it was time to stop wearing my winter coat (which has been getting a lot baggier on me). I tried on a black mac which fit me 2 years ago but was too small last year, there was about a 6 inch gap between it closing and it now fits again. I'm pretty pleased about that as it means I don't need to buy a new coat for spring/summer this year :)
 
Well I decided to weigh in today as I'm driving down to my parents this afternoon and their scale weighs me slightly lighter than my own scale. I could take my own scales with me but that'd be a bit much lol. Anyway, I lost 1lb this week. Last weigh in I was at 17 stone but following my "blip" on Sunday/Monday I went up to 17st 4lbs. Today I'm 16st 13lbs. So I'm pretty pleased to be under the 17 stone mark :) It also means going down from 5 to 4 meal replacements a day. I wasn't having 5 every day but it's definitely going to make we think about waiting longer to have some things. Prior to this week I used to have a shake in the morning, one at lunch and a bar in the afternoon. I've stopped having the bar in the afternoon now and just been waiting until I get home to eat something. So doing that will help me with spacing things out and I've broken the habit of expecting a bar in the afternoon now. I'm preferring having it at night or sometimes first thing in the morning as breakfast. This week was pretty bad for headaches for getting back into ketosis. The headache started whilst I was eating food on the Sunday night and it continued pretty much until Thursday but I seem to be clear of them now, thank goodness. A week long hangover certainly aint fun!

The experience has made me think about what will happen when I do have breaks from the diet. I have a week off in June, which coincides with it being week 13 since I started the diet so it's as good a time to have a break from the diet as any. That week, G and I have been talking about possibly going on holiday together for a week which means I'll probably not do the recommended week 13 food but I don't want to go crazy on it either. Maybe if we book self catering it will be easier. Even if we don't go away then, I've got fun stuff that I could do here too so I'll be eating real food. I'm thinking if I aim for it to be healthy with high protein / low carb, lots of salads and when I do go off track, it has to be for something planned and kind of special if that makes sense? That week I'll also decide if I wish to continue with the diet or if I want to try a different diet but I'm thinking I'll continue with the S&S diet at the moment. My next break from it would be a week in August and then I've got a fortnight in September/October where my mum and I are thinking about going on holiday for a week. At least I can plan for these things and have a plan in place for restarts. Also, hopefully by then I'll be at a lighter and more comfortable weight anyway.

Right, I better get my ass in gear and hit the road if I want to get home. Happy Easter folks! :)
 
Bah I'm rather wishing I'd brought my scales with me now! I stood on my mum's scales and they are showing me at 16st 8.8lbs - I know her scales weigh me slightly lighter than my own but it's probably means I'm around 16st 10 or 11 on my own scales which mean another few pounds off for this week. Ah well, I suppose I'll see next week when I'm back home. I'm viewing yesterday as my "official" weigh in which saw me at 16st 13lbs. Which means my big goal for next weigh in is to lose at least 4lbs as that will take me down to a 2 stone loss in 6 weeks. A 5lbs loss would mean I'd have completed the April Challenge too but 4lbs is my main goal. *feeling determined* :)
 
Today, the mater and I went to Braehead Shopping Centre for a wander. We got presents for my best friends new baby boy (I got him 2 teeny tshirts; a buzz lightyear one and a spiderman one, so cute!). Then I went to Evans to buy a new bra as I need one and my band size has went down so now I at least have a bra that fits properly. We went to M&S for a cup of tea and usually when we do this I'd be getting my favourite carrot cake (over 900 calories!) plus a latte or a mocha at probably more than 300 cals and have considered it an afternoon snack. However, today it was a pot of tea and a vanilla and almond bar and that was fine for me. My mum is on a diet too so she just had fruit....to be honest I seem to be more tempted by fruit than cake at the moment! That was fine and then I got my gran a new handbag for her birthday tomorrow, same day as the queen but my gran is a year younger :)

After shopping I came home and just read for a while in the back garden as it was a lovely sunny day out. That's something I really miss, now that I live in a flat in Dundee, having a back garden to sit out in so it's always a pleasure to come home and be able to do it on a nice day :)

Tonight my mum and I had spoken about going to the cinema but she wasn't feeling too well. Instead, I watched documentaries with my brother and had a really good chat with him about food and nutrition and health in general. My brother is a vegan, super healthy and fit. He thinks my diet is really good and he was very encouraging. It was nice as I haven't had a decent sit down chat with my bro since I was here at Christmas :)

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my gran and bring her back here for her lunch and present giving and cake. I won't be eating any cake though :) After that I'm going to see G tomorrow. Not sure what we're doing yet. If it's nice we might go a drive and a walk but if not, we might just stay in. We've got 2 episodes of Game of Thrones to watch too :) gonna have more of a heart to heart with him tomorrow too but feeling pretty positive about he and I trying again :)

Oh in other news, tried slim rice again tonight and it wasn't as bad as last time, I liked the full feeling it gave me as I was feeling kinda hungry today but now I've got a bit of a grumbly tummy. Not sure if it's the rice or the chilli pack I had with it as it doesn't always agree with me.

Anyway my mum just made some tea so I'm off to sit with the parentals for a bit :)



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I'm finding that I'm a lot more hungry the past few days. Not sure if this is due to me going from 5 to 4 packs and real hunger or it might be psychological or maybe being around more food smells than usual at the parentals. Either way, it's getting harder :(

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Well, despite the hunger, I'm still resisting. Tonight I'm hungry but had a pint of Ribena plus, a cup of tea, a glass of water and I've taken water up to my bedroom with me for throughout the night. I'm just telling myself that whenever I'm hungry my body is likely to be using up the fat lol I have no idea if that's what's happening but it at least provides a bit of motivation! Tomorrow I'm going to have a lifestyle day and I've bought things so I can make a stir fry along with the slim noodles. I really can't wait for it!! I'm wondering if the hunger has anything to do with any medication I'm taking as the doc just prescribed me norethisterone for my heavy periods to get a bit of relief from them, they have finally stopped! However, one of the side effects on it does say changes in appetite. Hmm, I think I'm just going to put up with it and hope it goes away. I might be out of ketosis but I've not eaten or drank anything other than the medications which could cause it. I've also just started taking anti histamines as my hayfever is going mental this year so the doc says just to take one a day. Talking of the doctors, I received a letter the other day saying that the scan I had of my internal bits looked fine - I don't have pcos or fibroids (yay) but the letter says my coil is sitting lower than it should so I need to go back and get it removed and another one put in. What an utter faff! Who'd be a woman?

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting my friend Lucy and I have no idea what we're doing yet. I text suggesting shopping or bowling or cinema but she hasn't responded yet, hopefully something fun rather than sitting in cafes being tempted by cake which is what we did the last time I saw her. On Wednesday I'm going to visit my best friend and her new baby, I can't wait to see them and her 5 year old son too :) After that I'm back to Dundee, is it sad that I'm dying to get back so I can see what I am on the scales on Thursday morning? lol It'll be short week with 2 days in school then I'm driving back down here on Friday night as I'm getting a tarot reading on Saturday! So I'm looking forward to that :)
 
Well I ended up not going out with my pal today but I'm a tad relieved about this as I'm utterly exhausted today. Not sure if it's the diet or what but I'm so sleepy and lacking in energy so I'm just chilling out today instead.

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I go through phases where I'm devoid of energy, I think it's normal.
 
Well today I was feeling a bit bleh and was ready for cheating on the diet when I saw all the sweets on the table in work but I resisted and then I bumped into my pal and she was like "wow it was only a week ago I last saw you but I'm really noticing the weight loss!" and that really cheered me up and remotivated me :)

In other news, I made a stir fry tonight using quorn steak strips, stir fry vegetables, soy sauce, some chilli flakes and a spot of bouillon powder along with zero noodles. Oh my, it made loads of food! I'm stuffed, not only that but the zero noodles are waaaaaaay much better than the slim rice. It didn't smell as bad as the slim rice, a little smell but once rinsed it was gone. I took the noodles and put them in a bowl and mixed them with a wee drop soy sauce then blasted in microwave for a minute then added them to my wok near the end. The texture wasn't like the slim rice either, a bit more like rice noodles. Definitely edible and I'm definitely buying them again! I feel like I cheated but I haven't, it's all been added to the planner and I'm fine for today. Very pleased with this :)
 
Did my weigh in today as I'm not here tomorrow or Sunday and that's me finally 2 stone down! Very pleased and lots of people are noticing too :) Things have definitely slowed down but I'm going on holiday around the 13th of June. If I could lose a stone or a stone and a half by then I will be very happy.

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I feel like I'm struggling with mental stuff at the moment. I'm not hungry, the diet is going really well and I'm pleased with my weight loss but I feel like all I want to do is run away and eat junk food until I'm full. I know this would not be a good plan but it's a weird craving constantly gnawing away at me of late. Not only that but I'm also craving cigarettes and I haven't smoked in over 5 years! I actually considered going to buy a pack yesterday but didn't. I'm not too sure why this is going on in my head, some weird form of self sabotage is afoot. I know I've just got to keep going and I know it can't get any worse than a craving and it's all in my head. It's just not that much fun :( I'm also worried that when I do come off the plan that I won't be able to control it, that it will feel like I unleashed the monster or something. I know it's all down to me and it's about personal choices and that I need to learn self control to maintain the weight loss. Maybe when I see more results I'll get more motivation from that. After all, I plan to get rid of any clothes that get too big so when I'm smaller sizes I'd have a good indicator if things started going pear shaped, or maybe more apple shaped in my case! I think writing stuff down like this helps me. The craving I started the post with has lessened a wee bit :)

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Oh that's so difficult, I'm sorry.

The only thing I can suggest is getting to the root of your hunger. This is clearly emotional hunger and it feels different to physical hunger. You need to learn to recognise it, and deal with it. You're hungry for comfort, you want something that'll make you feel better. It doesn't have to be food or cigarettes. For Me, a long hot bath does the trick. Or going for a walk with my iPod blaring. Or sometimes doing something productive to tick off my 'to do' list. If I have time, a nap is the ultimate luxury. Painting nails can be good too. It's all the better if you're doing something positive for yourself. It helps to child self esteem and self respect, and that's what'll help you fight it off.

I tackled emotional eating and I'm sure I won. I went 4 years without ever eating bad food because I was sad. I still ate it, but when I wanted to. I maintained my loss during that period.

My boyfriend is a terrible emotional eater, and when we got together he would constantly bring me 'presents' when I was down. Almost always chocolate and crisps. I think I let myself use that as an excuse, rather than saying 'no, I don't need this to him' I encouraged it and put weight back on.

I'm not scared of it happening again. I've told him how it makes me feel when I comfort eat, and now he's less likely to enable me.

Basically, putting emotional eating behind you is totally possible. It just takes building up a bank of other comfort options, and they'll become habit after a while.
 
I agree it's hard. I think the emotional stuff gets easier or we get better at dealing with it. My tricks are walking until it goes away or a hot drink and some trashy telly I've saved up. Something about being warm that is comforting too - it's scientifically proven!!!

Also I had a real struggle at 2-3 weeks. You know you have lost a big chunk of weight but it isn't really starting to show. It's too early to get the real benefits of new clothes and feeling much fitter and healthier but it will come very soon. Once you get a bit further along and are able to start trying on smaller clothes and get regular compliments it all gets a bit easier and the habits of the vlcd will feel a bit more bedded in. Might be a good idea to write all those positive reasons that you are losing weight for then you have something to get out and look at. Also sounds as if putting your thoughts down here is helping. Every time you resist you will get more confident in your ability to keep going.

Have a brilliant day!
 
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