Child abuse?

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by ruthiebusybee, 9 July 2011 Social URL.

  1. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    Maybe that seems like a rather strong heading, but I think this is...............

    Went for a family meal today, BIL is a complete knob-head anyway, but is divorced and his daughter came with us.

    I was VERY good with what I chose to have.

    Starter options - Chicken pate with toast, deep fried mushrroms stuffed with cheese or leek and potato soup. I went without as it was only 12.30 and didn't want too much, and also without knowing if they put cream etc in the soup decided none of the options were good enough to go flexi on.

    Niece had mushrooms.

    Main - mostly deep-fried options. I went with a homecooked ham ploughmans, which was a massive salad with a crusty roll (didn't even eat the butter!).

    Niece had the same as her dad - Aberdeen Angus Burger in a crusty roll, with added cheese and bacon, served with chips. Plus her Dad ordered her an extra slice of bread, which he went on to eat.

    Dessert - all bought-in rubbish and uninspiring, so had a black coffee.

    Niece had a huge portion of choc fudge cake with cream and ate the lot.

    Drinks - I had sparkling water and a diet coke.

    Niece had 3 (yes, no typo, three!) J20s.

    That might not sound too bad if Niece was 20 or something, considering all her portions were off the main menu, not the child menu.

    Want to know how old she is? She's only 10.

    Might not be too bad if that happened once in a blue moon, but it's every other weekend at least. They eat take-out at least 2 times over the weekend, sometimes twice in one day.

    They often go to Frankie & Benny's, where she is also allowed/encouraged to have 3 courses from the adult menu, and had eaten all of it (including a full pizza for main), and has been cryingin the car on the way home because she was so full. - Needless to say, I wasn't there on this occasion or I would have gone mental!

    She's already overweight and being picked on in school to the point she was crying about it recently.

    We have tried speaking to her Grandmother, who her Dad lives with (saddo!), but they won't hear of it, because she hasn't discussed it with them. Her Grandmother said " but she always wants to have it from the adult menu, you can't stop her", I said "yes you can, she's only 10 years old!!!"

    Her mum isn't particularly health conscious, so it's not like she's eating healthily at home in between times.

    She'll be going to top school in Sept 2012. It worries how much more weight she'll gain in a year.

    Breaks my heart. And makes me so angry. :mad:
     
    Last edited: 9 July 2011
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  3. Snakes and ladders

    Snakes and ladders Silver Member

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    Hey Ruth,

    I can see your point, I agree that it is child abuse! At 10 a kid doesn't know how to control their impulses as well and they really need an adult to help. And if she's already unhappy and has low self-esteem, it might make it easier for her to seek refuge in food.

    It doesn't sound like the dad or the mum have that much insight. How well do you get on with your niece? You could explain to her about how if you eat more than you use, you get bigger, and that she CAN control that...you could maybe start a healthy eating competition with her?

    But that really depends on your relationship, as it could also backfire terribly and make her even more upset :(

    It makes me so sad to hear/see things like that :(

    SL xxx
     
  4. traymanda

    traymanda Full Member

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    Hi,
    my cousin is exactly the same, she has a son, he is just 15 now, he isnt very tall and tops the scales at 16 stone now, they eat out minimum 3 times a week and also have home deliveries, I have no room to talk but everytime its mentioned she says its "baby fat" and will fall of in a few years... :eek:(....xx
     
  5. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    What we do to OURSELVES is one thing, but it's being done TO the children.

    It's so hard to say anything, especially when it's not greeted with open-mind. We have to be careful how much we say, otherwise, it'll end up that we'll never see her (it has been threatened!) and not be able to offer any support at all.
     
  6. traymanda

    traymanda Full Member

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    Yes I know that feeling, I have been told in a roundabout way to concentrate on my own weight and not to stick my nose in ....xx
     
  7. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    We've been there when she's chosen a baguette with a salad garnish (not great, but a start) and her dad said "that doesn't come with anything, why don't you have chicken nuggets and chips instead?" So she did.

    I kid you not.

    He is a man mountain to say the least.
     
  8. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    Charming!
     
  9. Katesands8

    Katesands8 Silver Member

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    That is such a shame and yes in a way is bordering on a form of child abuse.
    I think when the boys were 10 (nearly 7 yrs ago now!) they chose off the childrens menu unless it didn't have anything they fancied, but if they had the adult size they didn't finish it, and would rarely have dessert.
    I think at that age they would still have had a happy meal at McD's.
    Now at almost 17 they might choose a starter and a main but rarely will they have dessert, it's their choice, if they don't we don't, because they're ready to go home.
    They're both 6ft + and weigh under 10st.
    Number 2 eats more than Number 1 but that's just the way they are.
    If a baguette was their 1st choice after a quick you sure that's what you fancy? That would have been it!
    If she's already unhappy it really doesn't bode well which is a shame as she's ony 10.
    The boys were quite happy to eat of the childrens menu until they were too old cos then they felt grown up. But even after that if Number 1 (picky eater!) couldn't find anything on the full menu we would ask if he was allowed the childrens (most places were very kind and said yes they were getting 3 adult meals anyway!)
    Can you not have a quiet word with her mum and say look she's not happy with her body why don't you all try eating a bit more healthily?
    Or are they the type that would take offence? Shame if they are, as they're leading her down a very bad, long and painful path as we all know!
     
  10. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    I know not saying anything is the easy way out, but they just wouldn't listen if I did. They're both overweight, and occasionally they used to go on diets, but they were always fad diets and they didn't take it seriously.

    Very hard to make them understand when they aren't ready to.

    Pretty much like me until I decided to do something about my weight.

    Denial.
     
  11. Katesands8

    Katesands8 Silver Member

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    It's a shame though because they're taking her along with them.
     
  12. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    Yep. Understandably, they're very defensive of their daughter (now as much seperately as when they were together), but they need to wake up.

    In my view, they don't need to make a huge song and dance over it, just make sure what they both feed her is as healthy as it can be, then whatever she has outside of their control won't have an adverse affect.

    Easy for me to say I guess.
     
  13. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Hard to witness and not be able to do anything about it! You probably are doing the best you can though by trying not to risk not being allowed to have contact with your neice. At least you can maybe some good influence upon her.
    When I was growing up thev people around me wee not good influences where food was concerned (amongst other things) and didn't teach me how to have a good relationship with food so really feel for your neice and many other kids. Hopefully your neice will realise at an earlier stage than I did and you will be ble to help her x
     
  14. bunnylovesalan

    bunnylovesalan Proud Mama :)

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    Sad case of affairs and they estimate that 1 in 5 children are obese :( Definately think food habits start at a young age, or they did for me and now I suffer. I shall be working hard to make sure that my child has a healthy and relasitic view on food :)
     
  15. Sarahlou89

    Sarahlou89 Full Member

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    Very sad, it is very easy to pick up habits of parents though. I was never fed an unhealthy diet really but still picked up my mums bad habits of not eating.
    Does amaze me what some parents feed their children though, I work in Mcdonalds and the amount of people who are feeding their 6 month old baby milkshakes and happy meals is unreal. And also the amount of 4-5 year olds who ask for nuggets and chips..I assume they mean an happy meal but it isn't and then they will go large too.
    Very touchy subject though and would be hard to bring up too :(
     
  16. ruthiebusybee

    ruthiebusybee Full Member

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    Oh my God.

    And people say Jamie Oliver is exploiting his fame by trying to educate children from school age. Whatever his motivation, it would appear to be essential.

    I worked for a child obesity charity for a short while, and one of the stories that had been fed back from a health visitor was that one family had taken the "puree what you normally eat and let baby have what you're eating" to it's word and they'd actually pureed a hamburger and were feeding it to baby through a beaker....................
     
  17. chiefbridesmaid

    chiefbridesmaid Silver Member

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    Oh.my.god!! This thread has just shocked me but hamburgers through a beaker! What the hell is wrong with parents, this really makes me so so mad! It is child abuse and I think most parents do this because they feel guilty for eating it themselves so they justify it by giving it to the child too. I know a couple who had a baby a year ago and they are giving the baby a full bottle of formula every hour & feeding him food as apparently he's hungry & cries alot! this has happened since birth and he is HUGE the poor chap won't be able to walk for a long time I'd say because his legs won't be able to support his body weight.. If that's not cruelty then I don't know what is!!

    If we over-fed an animal to the point of obesity then we would be in trouble for animal cruelty but apparently it doesn't matter for a child!
     
  18. ginlin

    ginlin Better to Drink your Syns

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    Good grief, I can't believe some of the posts on this thread, parents can be so dull!

    Personally, I can't agree with children eating off a children's menu, but that's because neither of mine did from a young age, and no they are not overweight, but because the vast majority of children's menu consist of nuggetts, burgers, pizza and sausage, all of which my children rarely ate at home, so wouldn't think of choosing as their first choice, and tended to opt for either chicken or steak.
     
  19. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I would love to be able to do something to help children/families with weiight/healthy eating issues....wonder what qualifications etc would be needed for it?
     
  20. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Personally I am loath to call this child abuse, misguided and ill informed yes.
    We live in a society where the child has become king, resulting in a generation of children being raised with minimal discipline, scant manners and the idea that to deny them(or themselves) anything is wrong.
    I've lost count of the times I've heard parents tell their children that they won't be getting sweets or whatever because they're naughty only to capitulate at the last minute. It's this liberal attitude that is wrong. Children need boundaries to feel safe, they are not born polite, they are not born wanting to eat vegetables, they need to be taught that if they do not eat the food placed in front of them then they do not eat!


    I used to have a member of staff working for me that had a young child and told me she couldn't afford to cook roast dinners, and it was cheaper to get a happy meal!
     
  21. now-or-never

    now-or-never Full Member

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    We have been set this topic at uni for an assignment - childhood obesity where does the problem lie. We have 2 camps we can set up in
    1 - the government for advertising, food prices, lack of support/advice etc
    2 - the parents - bad parenting, lack of knowledge etc

    then we have to answer whether we think it is a child protection issue

    Personally i believe its a mixture, the government have to take some responsibility and make steps towards helping with obesity. Its ok having 5 a day etc but they cant make people follow the advice and lets face it the advice changes every week. One week red wine is good for the heart the next it causes heart attacks. But the parents need to tackle the issue too. My little one is not a great eater in the fact he likes no sauces gravies etc so his meals often look like snacks than meals HOWEVER he will eat any fruit or veg put infront of him.

    Child protection is a massive debate and yes to some extent it should be under neglect but think of all the children in this country that are already suffering with physical emotional or sexual abuse that are currently being missed because there are not enough resources to cope. If we throw obesity into this then all the abuse that can be easliy hidden will be even harder to locate
     
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