Choc's JUDDD diary - Some background - a bit long

Discussion in 'JUDDD / Intermittent Fasting' started by ChocVelvet, 29 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. ChocVelvet

    ChocVelvet Full Member

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    I'm starting an online diary to chart my progress on JUDDD and using the techniques in the Beck Diet Solution. I've been SS'ing off/on (more off) since Nov and in total managed to lose 2st 7lbs to 11st 7lb - my lowest weight. But gained back 9lbs - and in danger of gaining back every lb. I decided enough was enough - I'm so sick of this cycle.
    Feb became my really low point in that I was made redundant in Feb, my ex who finally left me last Jan - and his fiancee of 1yr gave birth to a boy. (Complicated story but not ready to give full deatils yet) They are also planning to get married this coming August. I've been in an eat/binge cycle since Feb. For the last month I've been reading a book called Shrink yourself - Break free from emotional eating forever by Roger Gould and the Beck Diet Solution (train your brain to think like a thin person' by Judith Beck. Both books are helping me come to terms with my emotional eating. To be honest - I've been in a state of limbo since Feb - and part of me felt I was going to eat my way through my problems til August - anything but admit that I'm still upset by what's happened.
    I guess last week - was a bit of a light bulb moment when I decided that I'm sick of being/playing the victim. I can't change the events that led upto the breakup with my ex. I can't change what's happening in his new life. But I can change what happens to me. So I've started the process of 'tieying (tying?) loose ends and getting on with my life.
    However, I must add that many good things has come out of this. I got another job contracting (I work in IT) - it was something I always wanted to do - but was worried about doing - love the freedom of it. Realised how much I hated my last job and how much stress it was causing (not to mention, how it contributed to the breakdown of my relationship!). Realising that I've got a great support circle - my family & friends that I didn't make the most of. Also finally being able to admit that I can't get through this alone - that I need all the support and help I can get.
    I had also planned to get on the SS wagon, but now must admit that SS hasn't helped with my all-or-nothing thinking as far dieting is concerned. I can't do the Paul McKenna way or any or the methods for intuitive eating - because I need some structure. So I hope that this - JUDDD, CBT and posting on this online diary will go some way to getting me there. I'm hoping that I can be honest enough to admit when things are going wrong and continue to post.
     
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  3. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Gosh Choc, you have been through an awful lot, but you definately sound like you are coming out the right side of it. Coming on here and sharing your ups and downs(quite literally come to think of it!) is the best thing you can do. we will all be comparing notes, encouraging each other and supporting anyone who needs it. I love this whole group thing, I am really enjoying catching up with how otehrs are doing on the same plan. It's just that much more sociable I suppose!
    My 19yr old daughter, Rachel, is also juddding, she has her week one weigh in tomorrow and although she does not have a huge amount to lose, she is very excited. She has a size 8 sister, whilst she is around 14-16. Not easy, got the same thing with my sister!

    Anyway, good luck to you and all the other juddders and lets all give this everything we've got!!!!
     
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  4. ChocVelvet

    ChocVelvet Full Member

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    Anyway - the plan is to SS on my DDs. I'm keeping off the sugar for a bit until I get use to eating this way. Because I've been trying to SS - I haven't been keeping the foods I would normally eat at home. So when things went wrong, would go out and buy foods such as biscuits, sweets, fast food or raid the vending machine.
    This morning I weighed 12st 7lbs (was 12st 5lbs yesterday - but went a bit crazy yesterday because I knew I would be SSing today (this has become my usual pattern). Has also planned a day of housework today - but spent most of today reading up on this site (oh well!!). Today has gone well so far - but then again never had any problems with SS on day 1! So far, I've had 2 tetras - will be having a CD soup later - and 2 ltrs of water so far. Must admit I struggle to drink more than 2 ltrs if I've had a late start. And I can have tea with milk again - yeah!
    I'm off to the shops in a min to get some food for my UDs. Can't wait - olives, avocados, brazil nuts, salmon all back on the menu again. Plus berries - can't believe I'm drooling over this and tomotoes - I've really missed eating these foods. Also going to get some other salad stuff - believe or not I like salad - but will get some other stuff as well - apples, crispbreads. I'm not ready to introduce other carbs such as bread or grains just yet, but work them into my plans once the novelty of eating this way has worn off/
     
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  5. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    A sincere and honest post Choc. Like you, I've been on a binge/starve cycle since Feb and managed to 'SS' my way to a 3st gain in that time.

    Also like you, I decided that enough was enough ... I just could not continue like that as I was playing into the hands of my emotions and developing what was rapidly turning into an eating disorder (IMO).

    I've been on the JUDDD plan for just over a week and already I feel much more relaxed about the whole issue of eating. I was feeling imprisoned by my own issues around food and I think this might just be my way out ... here's hoping.

    I hope it offers you the same glimmer of hope as me in that, at last, we can learn not to be victims of our own emotions - eating in response to our feelings then thrashing ourselves for doing so.
    Hope it works out for you Choc :)
     
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  6. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Remember Choc, this only works if you have the right number of cals on both days! if you effectively diet on an UD you will not lose weight! So definately have the yummy fruit and salad but be sure you are getting in the right foods to make the cals add up! Shouldn't be too much of a hardship! LOL!
     
  7. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    OH RD, we are at it again!
     
  8. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    DOH!! LOL :D
     
  9. ChocVelvet

    ChocVelvet Full Member

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    Hi Barb - thanks for the words of encouragement. Looking back at what I've written, I can admit now that I've been through a lot, but it's always been hard to admit when things are tough or going wrong. I'm used to either burying my head in the sand or eating my way through it - on of the reasons why I've been on/off dieting for nearly 30 yrs. But I've been inspired by your thread and Russian Doll's and I decided enough is enough, time to try something different. Best of luck to your daughter for her weigh-in, I'm sure she'll do well.
     
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  10. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Well I know RD will be as pleased as I am to have inspired you into joining the Juddders! You sound like you are in a very positive place and it's great to hear. I will pass on your good wishes to Rachel and let you know tomorrow how she has got on!
     
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  11. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Wishing you all the luck in the world Choc - sounds like you have been through some major sh!t this year and deserve a U-turn :)
     
  12. alipally

    alipally Serial Dieter!

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    I see exactly where you're coming from!

    Hello!

    Nice to see/hear that others feel the same way that I'd been feeling about food following SS.
    I fought my own personal demons regarding the binge/SS wagon over the past year and managed to successfully regain every single kg I lost the year before :eek:
    I kept deciding that I could lose it all again on SS and failed miserably to put it into action!
    39 days ago I started the Body for life challenge and have faithfully attended the gym 6 days a week the eating thing has been much better, but it could be improved upon.
    I, too have read the JUDDD threads with interest and I think that it could be a really good solution for people like us who fall into the emotional eating/SS'ing/Binging cycle.
    (Dunno about you but I would eat to comfort myself, feel guilty and SS for a couple of days then binge! Sound familiar???)
    Good luck with your new path on the road to permanent weight control.
     
  13. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    OHHHH that's definitely me over the past few months. I tried narrowing my food groups down - no carbs etc to minimise the damage. In the end, I was eating only ONE food ... (wait for it) cottage cheese!! But I'd binge on it and when I say binged ... I could get through a couple of kilos in a day. I think I was on a very narrow track to an eating disorder.
    I just hope JUDDD will address this twisted way of thinking for all of us :)
     
  14. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    I think it will - you take all the tension out of food and it becomes normal friend not sought after foe! For me that is so comforting. I am an all or nothing girl. I am either dieting = starving or eating = nibbling on all the things I won't be allowed to have on my next diet! That can't be healthy.

    I mentioned on my diary thread the other day that I had enjoyed an apple yum yum. Enjoyed being the operative word; in the past i would have checked the cals, been horrified, eaten it quickly, barely noticing how it tasted and then beaten myself up for being a pig and eating cake. Not this time. I really tasted it, enjoyed it and when it was gone I was satisfied, no guilt or negative feelings, just happy accpetance that normal behaviour is to have a cke when you fancy one.
    Total revelation.

    Love
     
  15. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    LOL Barb .... when I first read that on your diary thread, I thought you meant you'd eaten an apple .. 'Yum yum' - not an apple yum-yum cake! Good for you!! :)
     
  16. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Oh RD, now you won't think how saintly I am, Damn!!!!
     
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  17. ChocVelvet

    ChocVelvet Full Member

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    Sorry - another long post

    Hi RD, Barb , DQ, Alipally - Thanks for your support and comments. Alipally - know exactly what you mean - that's been me for the last few months.

    I tried to post nearly 3 yrs on my events for today - but I must have hit the quick reply and lost my original post:mad:

    So I'm going to try to recreate my earlier mood.........


    Yesterday was DD - had 700 cals instead of under 500. Was doing fine until 11pm - but had some mini pringles ( 2 pkts) - should have really gone to bed but was feeling a bit agitated having done a couple of the exercises from my book Shrink yourself -

    I'd done the following exercises

    confirming you're an emotional eater - apparently there are 10 symptoms - I identified with 8 of them.

    10 Healty Eating Habits you should adopt - I've listed below

    Habit 1: Listen to your body - stop eating when full only eat when hungry
    Habit 2: Manage your Hunger - eat properly through the day so's not to lose control
    Habit 3: Bounce Back - not using poor food choices as an excuse to eat everything in site
    Habit 4: Keep your weight in mind when making food choices
    Habit 5: Avoid junk food
    Habit 6: Exercise enough
    Habit 7: Control Your Portions
    Habit 8: Prevent binges - knowing when you're about to binge and stopping before it happens
    Habit 9: Savour your food - eating good in a slow way to be able to enjoy it
    Habit 10: Choose a Balanced diet - one that keeps you feeling good both physically and mentally

    When I'm dieting - I practice 6 but recently I haven't been practising any!

    Apparently not practising the above habits can led to weight gain, not being able to lose weight or a struggle to maintain weight

    Then I did the exercise on unrelistic expectations - of the 16 most commonly listed - I had 3 on my list.

    So mixed feelings :sigh:and before I knew it - eating pringles. At that point I had to really had to talk myself out of inhaling the packet of shortbread biccies. Mini binge diverted.

    Today is my UD. The day started well - even though I woke up tired. But I'm struggling with UD. I had muesli, blueberries & raspberries, yogurt for breakfast - really enjoyed that. For a snack - an apple & some (6) brazil nuts which I'd missed eating. Ham, mixed bean salad, olives, avocado + some crunchy veg - (detecting a theme here). Then the problem started - brought rhubarb&custard sweets & some crisps - but the sweets and crisps have been triggering guilty feelings. I felt as if I was cheating. I knew I wasn't, but it was hard work to stop the knee jerk re-action of wanting to eat even more.
    Also, I'm coming to realise I don't remember it's like to eat 'normally' - too many years on the diet/binge road - I need to work out what normal eating means to me.
    I guess that explains why I've wanting to jump off this plan and straight back to SS - I so want the familiarity and structure of SS - weird!!!

    So today has been an eye-opener - thought I'd welcolm UD with open arms - freedom at last - but it's such hard work and I'm racked with doubts as to whether I should be on JUDDD now.
    I hadn't mentioned before but I stopped smoking 7 days ago - I'm proud of this and want to keep going - but I felt more urges to smoke today than when I was on SS. But I also want to crack my emotional eating - I know I'm not going to succeed at losing weight/keeping it off unless I do this - and I think UDs will help me crack this. I feel as if I'm in a state of conflict with none of my usual crutches (overeating & ciggies).
     
  18. ChocVelvet

    ChocVelvet Full Member

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    OK - just read Barb's diary and some comments from Russian Doll on JUDDD - RD - would love to read your diary but can't find it - voice of sanity restored (temporarily at least!).
    So just had 3 crispbreads, cheese & the rest of the ham plus some ice cream. If this plan is going to work for me, I need to put some structure in place. Things I need to remember for now - I need to eat protein, fruits or veg at every meal. Sugar after meals - less cravings. Need to push through with my work on emotional eating - making me feel very uncomfortable but at least I'm gaining some insight. Off to get some tea. Never thought I'd say this - but thankgod it's DD tomorrow.
     
  19. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Sounds good Choc, you are emotional about eating and this is how Juddd is going to help you because you are going to realise that it is perfectly normal to have sweets, cake, crisps, just not all the time. That is how slim people stay slim, I think a lot of them , probably without realising it, Juddd naturally. You can do this Choc, give yourself time to adapt and be kind to yourself, on this plan everyday is a fresh start!

    Love
     
  20. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Hi Choc
    Eating without guilt is NOT something we emotional eaters are going to be able to do overnight. It's something we need to practice, practice, practice. For so long, we've used food as an emotional crutch after which, we use the experience to beat ourselves over the head.

    I NEVER hear my husband say 'I ate a packet of crisps and a mnars bar today - I feel terrible about it.'
    With time, gentle determination and the safety-net of the DDs, we CAN learn to be less harsh on ourselves and use food for what it is ... food!
     
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