clashing with my counsellor

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by maxine69, 6 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. maxine69

    maxine69 New Member

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    hi I'm new to the site, been on lighterlife now for 6 weeks and lost a stone, the problem is my counsellor, last week I called her on the Monday to say i wouldnt be able to come as the hospital had brought my partners op forward on his foot as i dont drive and i work all day and have no family near to me i told her i wouldnt be able to get to a meeting we have our meeting on a wednesday night and i said the earliest i could get to her would be either a friday night or on a sat morning drop in session she told me she dosnt have a friday meeting & the sat drop in session was cancelled, as i couldnt get my packs that week i had to start eating, when i went to my next meeting she charged me for my lost meeting (which is ok as i was expecting that) but she has also given me my 28 packs from last week which i dont know what to do with them !! but when we all sat down to talk about our week she then said in front of all the group what had happened to me last week, why i didnt come etc.. ive got nothing to hide but that was personal when i tried to explain she just said that she gave me options but 'felt that i was giving her excuses'!! i am so angry :mad: and embarresed, if i wanted anyone to know i should say it!! now i dont know what to do i am not in tghe right frame of mind now to do this and am so angry or am i being too sensitive?? sorry its so long!!!:break_diet:
     
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  3. Tarragon

    Tarragon Silver Member

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    Poor you it sounds like she was being very insensitive, and whatever her views on why you didn't come, that was no way to share them. Have you tried sitting down and explaining one to one how she made you feel? She's meant to be a counsellor for goodness sake! Are there any other counsellors nearby you could switch too? Or maybe that's a bit drastic.

    You've got plenty of packs now, so keep them up whilst you consider what to do next. Remember you are losing weight for yourself, and not for her, why should you give up your diet because she was rude. Remember you are in control of your own emotions, so remind yourself that it is not your fault she was rude and you should not waste your energy being upset by her. Hope you figure this out, and keep strong x
     
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  4. maxine69

    maxine69 New Member

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    thanks for the reply, she is quite unaprochable but i will defo try i was going to say something to her and the group when we had our next meeting just to clear the air but not sure.
     
  5. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    What she has done is completely unacceptable. My LLc has never charged me for missed weeks, and even if i dont want all the packs that week, she wont make me take them all.

    Sharing personal information with the group is extremely unacceptable in my opinion and I may go so far as to make a complaint!!

    Nicki is right in that I wouldnt let her change your determination, however, I dont think changing councillors would be drastic as I would not be able to respect someone like that who quite obviously made you feel bad in a group situation!!

    Good Luck xx
     
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  6. artysister

    artysister Member

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    How awful for you, I think this is the only disadvantage of going to a group, I hope you will make a complaint as this is unacceptable, confidentiality and all that!!
    Let us know how you get on x
     
  7. maxine69

    maxine69 New Member

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    thanks for all the messages, i have decided i wont put a complaint in about her as there is nowhere else near to me as i dont drive so she would know who put the complaint in and i do want to keep on going, im not going to let her influence my diet and ill do it for me(just not looking forward to seeing hner every week now !!!!)lol xxx
     
  8. caketiger

    caketiger Member

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    I just wanted to say that the use of the word "counsellor" does not actually mean that the LLC's are trained counsellors... And I'm using the word counsellor here to mean someone fully trained as an emotional counsellor VS someone who is trained any other sort of counsellor. They do have training in offering lighter life and some will have other related courses, sadly in the UK anyone can use the word "counsellor" without having had the relevent training.

    All that said my llc is a fully trained counsellor, which is one of the reasons that I picked her.....

    I would think about changing meetings if you can, i know that my llc would not reveal anything personal about anyone without their prior permission. Failing that you could try and talk to her.
     
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  9. CalicoSoneji

    CalicoSoneji Full Member

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    That sounds terrible, poor you!
    But well done you for not letting it effect the diet!
    That takes some guts =)
     
  10. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Sorry you had a bad experience, your LLC should allow you to decide what you do and don't say in group - ours never pushed and everyone was allowed to give their input if they felt comfortable to do so.

    She should have known better because LLCs are actually "counsellors". They have quite an rigourous and intense training programme before they can practice (I was going to become one but the cost of the franchise was horrendous :eek:). I hope you can get past what has happened to get the most out of the group, which is the main reason I was able to do LL successfully.

    Good luck x
     
  11. caketiger

    caketiger Member

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    Counsellors?

    Although LLC's might go through rigorous training, at the moment in this country it takes about 3-5 years depending on where you study to become a fully trained emotional counsellor, and by that I mean someone who is trained in cbt / person centered counselling / psychodynamic counselling (to illustrate think of the sort of person your doctor might refer you to for some talking therapy. usually someone rigorously trained in more than one discipline, who, has probably undertaken their own counselling/therapy as part of that process). Yep llc's are trained in the llc programme and some have other related qualifications but for me it really makes the difference knowing that they have been through the main stream counselling training. It was important to me to ensure that whoever was guiding me had that experience.

    All that said however, there will be (as there is in any field) very good llc's and not so good llc's and this may be irrespective of wether or not they are trained counsellors as explained above.

    For me it was very important, it something that made me wary of other llc's but thats mainly becuase i have some appreciation of what going through years of training for a proffession can bring to someone.



     
  12. Katie_Dee

    Katie_Dee Member

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    Hi Maxine, is there anyone you can befriend in your group? I have a good relationship with some of the girls in my group and we sometimes lift share or go for a coffee and a natter about the diet (the kind you can't have in the session) after weigh in. These friendships have helped me get through and although my councillor is wonderful its great to have some moral support from those experiencing the same things as you!

    Good luck with it though x
     
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