Lily
Gold Member
I ended up face down in the biscuit tin last night. And that wasn't even the worst of it. The train pulled into Binge Central and I ate until I felt sick
To be fair, I kind of saw it coming - so I should've been able to stop it. But a bit of me didn't want to. A bit of me wanted to wallow in the failure, just to make myself feel doubly miserable. Does that make sense to anyone but me?
I'm posting cos I want to acknowledge to myself what I did and why I did it. The truth is, I'm exhausted. I'm sitting at work right now on the verge of bursting into tears, kind of scared I'm about to lose it big time, actually. Which would be incredibly embarrassing, considering I'm 40 years old and supposedly in a position of authority.
I've finally accepted (well, please God, I hope I have) that I can't keep doing what I've been doing. It didn't seem as though it should have been too much, going for a lunchtime walk every day with a colleague. It's only walking, for heaven's sake, and I even upped the plan to 810, thinking that ought to do it. But it's still too much. All I'm fit for when I get home from work is falling asleep on the settee (with an occasional post to Minimins during the awake bits ). So much for getting fitter, huh?
I don't want to let my colleague down - but I really want to lose some weight, to at least get back to seeing 13 on the scales. To be honest, I want to go back on sole source and get shot of a stone, fast. I'm so sick of feeling the way I do right now.
I know that she'll understand that I need to cut back on the walking - maybe if we just went every other day, I'd be okay? But I still hate that I've got to do it. And I don't even know why I'm struggling with all this, cos usually I avoid exercise like the plague, LOL.
Okay, maybe I do know why. It's because it's been nice, spending an hour with her everyday, talking about everything and nothing. After 3 years of not being particularly close to anyone here at work, it's been nice to cultivate a friendship. And I guess I'm scared of losing that.
LOL, I'm a mess, aren't I? Sorry to come on here and spout rubbish...
But it does at least feel better to have admitted all this stuff to myself. Am I the only one who wonders if she's ever going to grow up?
To be fair, I kind of saw it coming - so I should've been able to stop it. But a bit of me didn't want to. A bit of me wanted to wallow in the failure, just to make myself feel doubly miserable. Does that make sense to anyone but me?
I'm posting cos I want to acknowledge to myself what I did and why I did it. The truth is, I'm exhausted. I'm sitting at work right now on the verge of bursting into tears, kind of scared I'm about to lose it big time, actually. Which would be incredibly embarrassing, considering I'm 40 years old and supposedly in a position of authority.
I've finally accepted (well, please God, I hope I have) that I can't keep doing what I've been doing. It didn't seem as though it should have been too much, going for a lunchtime walk every day with a colleague. It's only walking, for heaven's sake, and I even upped the plan to 810, thinking that ought to do it. But it's still too much. All I'm fit for when I get home from work is falling asleep on the settee (with an occasional post to Minimins during the awake bits ). So much for getting fitter, huh?
I don't want to let my colleague down - but I really want to lose some weight, to at least get back to seeing 13 on the scales. To be honest, I want to go back on sole source and get shot of a stone, fast. I'm so sick of feeling the way I do right now.
I know that she'll understand that I need to cut back on the walking - maybe if we just went every other day, I'd be okay? But I still hate that I've got to do it. And I don't even know why I'm struggling with all this, cos usually I avoid exercise like the plague, LOL.
Okay, maybe I do know why. It's because it's been nice, spending an hour with her everyday, talking about everything and nothing. After 3 years of not being particularly close to anyone here at work, it's been nice to cultivate a friendship. And I guess I'm scared of losing that.
LOL, I'm a mess, aren't I? Sorry to come on here and spout rubbish...
But it does at least feel better to have admitted all this stuff to myself. Am I the only one who wonders if she's ever going to grow up?