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Confessing...

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#1
I ended up face down in the biscuit tin last night. And that wasn't even the worst of it. The train pulled into Binge Central and I ate until I felt sick :(

To be fair, I kind of saw it coming - so I should've been able to stop it. But a bit of me didn't want to. A bit of me wanted to wallow in the failure, just to make myself feel doubly miserable. Does that make sense to anyone but me? :eek:

I'm posting cos I want to acknowledge to myself what I did and why I did it. The truth is, I'm exhausted. I'm sitting at work right now on the verge of bursting into tears, kind of scared I'm about to lose it big time, actually. Which would be incredibly embarrassing, considering I'm 40 years old and supposedly in a position of authority.

I've finally accepted (well, please God, I hope I have) that I can't keep doing what I've been doing. It didn't seem as though it should have been too much, going for a lunchtime walk every day with a colleague. It's only walking, for heaven's sake, and I even upped the plan to 810, thinking that ought to do it. But it's still too much. All I'm fit for when I get home from work is falling asleep on the settee (with an occasional post to Minimins during the awake bits :)). So much for getting fitter, huh? :rolleyes:

I don't want to let my colleague down - but I really want to lose some weight, to at least get back to seeing 13 on the scales. To be honest, I want to go back on sole source and get shot of a stone, fast. I'm so sick of feeling the way I do right now.

I know that she'll understand that I need to cut back on the walking - maybe if we just went every other day, I'd be okay? But I still hate that I've got to do it. And I don't even know why I'm struggling with all this, cos usually I avoid exercise like the plague, LOL.

Okay, maybe I do know why. It's because it's been nice, spending an hour with her everyday, talking about everything and nothing. After 3 years of not being particularly close to anyone here at work, it's been nice to cultivate a friendship. And I guess I'm scared of losing that.

LOL, I'm a mess, aren't I? Sorry to come on here and spout rubbish... :eek:

But it does at least feel better to have admitted all this stuff to myself. Am I the only one who wonders if she's ever going to grow up? :confused:
 
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S: 18st7lb C: 17st7lb G: 11st6lb BMI: 34.2 Loss: 1st0lb(5.41%)
#2
Aww Lily, pease dont beat yourself up. What a brave and honest post - you've really moved me and I have a wee tear in my eye too now.

Draw a line under yesterday, you cant change what you've done and you recognised you were actually doing it and chose not to stop - you may feel that was out of control but I think if you made the choice not to stop eating then you were completely in control. I think we all have days when we eat like that - thats why we're here.

I dont do much exercise in general but I know for a fact that I just couldnt physically do it right now, I just dont have the energy and to be honest, losing the weight is the most important bit for me right now, the fitness aspect can follow. Does you work friend know about you doing Cambridge? If so, why not explain the whole tiredness side of it and ask if maybe you can cut down the walks to every other day and see how that goes and maybe the other days in between you and her can go find a quiet space at work, have a cuppa and a blether instead? I'm sure she's as glad to have your company as you are to have hers and will be happy to just have that time for a blether, regardless of whether you're walking or sitting chatting.

You're absolutely NOT a mess - you are one of the most supportive and honest people I've come across on here - I've seen the comments others have made about your posts and the help that you offer them so methinks you're a pretty special lady.

Not sure I've said anything of any help or sense for that matter but please dont feel blue - you're doing amazingly well and maybe just having a wee bad patch - am waiting for mine to come and I'll be begging for advice from all of you on here and I know I'll get it cos we're all in this together.
 

Beccubug

Silver Member
S: 17st2lb C: 14st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 34.2 Loss: 2st13lb(17.08%)
#3
Don't be so hard on yourself. This diet does not go with excercise at the early stages, it is no wonder you are exhausted. It is totally understandable what you are going through and you need to give yourself a break. I understand what it is like not being close to anyone at work and that you would want to keep the friendship, maybe you should come up with some other suggestions that the two of you could do at lunch times, she obviously enjoys your company too or she wouldn't be going on walks with you everyday, maybe you could walk one day and have a coffee together the next. Like I said please give yourself a break. I think this diet drives us all close to insanity at times but you will come out the other end and feel a lot stronger for it.
 

emmapetty

Going for Goal!
G: 13st0lb
#4
lol Lily :D Of course you aren't the only one who wonders when we are going to grow up!

:hug99: Don't beat yourself up about the biscuit tin and 'binge central' - only 2 weeks ago I went to the shop and bought a pack of biscuits, haribo sweets and a pack of quavers and sat in the bathroom (hiding from hubby) and scoffed the lot. (You're confessing, so why not join you?!)

You are doing so brilliantly angel, and when you are back on ss that stone will shift in no time at all :)

The hard bit is getting back into ketosis and getting your head in the right place. I managed it after 2 weeks of excuses and lots of self loathing. Rest assured that we are all here to support you in getting back onto the CD wagon - you are welcome to PM me anytime ;)

I understand how you feel re: work colleague friend too. I work with people who are all much older than me, so I don't regard them as 'friends' really. It does get me down that I have been in Bristol 2 years now and don't really have many 'friends' :( I would be the same as you if I found someone through work that I could see myself being friends with. If I was you as part of the 'getting to know a new friend' process, I would tell her about the diet, and maybe show her pics of where you have come from weight wise. I'm sure she would understand completely and support you as all good friends should. Sometimes, being honest about these things with new friends can earn you that bit of trust and respect in your new blooming friendship :D

:hug99: You WILL get back on the CD train hun, jump on board next to me - I have saved you a seat ;)

Hugs x x x
 
S: 13st12lb
#5
Forget about it and start afresh. Join me today and we can help each other back on the wagon:hug99:

Great advice too from everyone else
 
Last edited:

Stinkybreath

Size 14 here i come!
S: 14st7lb C: 12st1lb G: 11st7lb Loss: 2st6lb(16.75%)
#6
Ok first of all, forget growing up, NEVER i will never give in!lol
And do you know you were the first person to answer a post to me on CD and i have never forgotten that. It's scary that first post as it's like trying to get into a new gang,lol
But you were lovely and made me feel like not only could i swap over but that i was welcome too!
Please don't be too hard on yourself, we are only human after all and we all make mistakes hun. I hope you are feeling a bit happier Lily!
 

fed-up-and-fat

hoping for a good loss
S: 18st4lb C: 13st7lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 4st11lb(26.17%)
#7
Oh Lily, massive hugs to you my friend. You are not alone in visiting binge central hunni, I think most of us have been there and it is a horrible place to go to.

Get back to it hun, you can do it. You know you can.

As for the exercise thing, well I can't stand the stuff. Is worst than swearing to me lol so I really admire you for doing the amount of walking you are doing. I am sure your colleague will totally understand hun if you cut down a little and I am sure that the friendship will continue.

Love and hugs hun and well done for confessing - it really helped me yesterday and I feel so much more positive about things today

Charlie xx
 
#8
Aw lily hun ~hugs~ What a horrible time your having of late. Try not to let it get you down and upset. I know this diet is hard but we are all doing it for reasons just try think of when you get to goal hun. As for eating last night just draw a line under it and start a fresh as from now. What else can you do... dont get upset about it hun. Sending you some happy vibes to cheer you up today (((((HappyVibes)))) xxx
 

Madferret

Mad as a Hatter
S: 12st10lb C: 12st10lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.9 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#9
Ah Lily

Can't add any more than what the others have already said, but the next time you feel like diving into that tin - get on here and we will talk you out it

Here's to today !

Tracy
 

sasha63

I ♥ CD !!
S: 14st10lb C: 14st10lb G: 10st2lb BMI: 40.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#10
awww poor you dont beat yourself up about it l've had a few days of misery myself l know how you feel draw a line under blip and back on wagon your a great support to everyone lol
 

vj

Regular Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st11lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 30.7 Loss: 1st3lb(8.67%)
#11
I think that's the problem for us. We are used to turning to food for comfort and now we can't so what are we supposed to do? I think many of us on the forum can truely sympathise with you and all wear the GUILTY AS CHARGED tshirts.
Hope you can get back fast.
 

redhead66

This will be my year
S: 19st9lb C: 19st1.5lb G: 11st7lb BMI: 39.5 Loss: 0st7.5lb(2.73%)
#12
Lily hun, don't beat yourself up... OK your route has just taken a slight detour via Binge Central, but it's not the end of the line, merely part of the journey to Slim Central :D

If you're finding the walking too much, can you suggest to your colleague that you maybe do half the distance every day and then spend the rest of your lunchbreak chatting with a coffee? That way you'll still be getting your daily exercise and enjoyment chatting to your colleague, but hopefully you'll be less tired after work and more able to cope when the Binge Monster bites.

Vicki x
 

trisha

likes to post
#13
Lily I did pretty much the same yesterday as well! I know I should have stopped myself even kept saying to myself " why are you eating this" but just kept on. Even been "picking" today :cry:

But like others have said we just have to draw a line under it and start afresh, and get back on track. Come on we can do this
 
S: 17st7lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 29.6 Loss: 6st1lb(34.69%)
#14
Lily if you're a mess can I please be a mess like you? I think you're wonderful - you've faced up to things that really you don't want to have to face up to, been a realist and tried to find alternative ways in which you can keep doing something that you want to continue.

On top of that, you have a blip and what do you do - come on here, admit to it and then be open with your feelings as to whether you want to do SS ---- I have 1 blip and what do I do ..... disappear feeling like a failure until I finally decide to face reality 6 stone later!!!

Please let me one day have your assertion and stamina...... and on top of that you're always there with kind, thoughtful and thoroughly good advice --- so please pick yourself up and see you for the real you, which is the way that everyone else sees and respects you - one blip does not a diet break!

xx
 

scooterchick

She's me in a few months
S: 19st2lb C: 17st4lb G: 16st0lb BMI: 40.3 Loss: 1st12lb(9.7%)
#15
Lily,

Just wanted to send you a bog hug, everyone else has prety much covered everything, don't beat yourself, it's done now and you've listened to your body.

Don't feel bad, your friend will understand. xxx
 

fed-up-and-fat

hoping for a good loss
S: 18st4lb C: 13st7lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 4st11lb(26.17%)
#16

scooterchick

She's me in a few months
S: 19st2lb C: 17st4lb G: 16st0lb BMI: 40.3 Loss: 1st12lb(9.7%)
#17

fed-up-and-fat

hoping for a good loss
S: 18st4lb C: 13st7lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 4st11lb(26.17%)
#18
waterproofs needed I feel pmsl
 

scooterchick

She's me in a few months
S: 19st2lb C: 17st4lb G: 16st0lb BMI: 40.3 Loss: 1st12lb(9.7%)
#19
Lily,

On behalf of Charlie and myself I would like to apologise for dragging your thread into the gutter (but hopefully it'll make you smile :D).

Ok, where's the waterproofs..............
 

fed-up-and-fat

hoping for a good loss
S: 18st4lb C: 13st7lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 4st11lb(26.17%)
#20
at least gutters are cleaner than your bog Anna.

Lily, hope your day has been ok. Be strong and have a good weekend.

Charlie xx
 


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