Confessions of a 'fat bird'!

[Linzi_C]

Hey...I hope no one minds me using this to offload as such...i just find it real helpful to me to write everything down, but the kids have ruined my diary by writing all over it lol....to be honest i dont even mind if no one reads this as it helps me

I have always been overweight, but i have always owned a 'skinny mirror!' you know the ones that never show you as you really look but always thinner lol. To be honest it has never bothered me been bigger, ive had people comment about my weight all my life and its never bothered me, untill last week!...you see

A year ago today i got an email id been waiting 15 years for, from a guy who i had had a bit of a thing with when i was 15...but he was with someone so as soon as i found out i finished it and told him to come find me when he was single....and he did! He was with this other lass for 17 years and they finished last year and he found me on facebook and messaged me...i fell totally and madly in love and i thought he felt the same, he always said he did. Never before have i felt comfortable enough with anyone to let them see me totally naked...untill him. I was totally at ease and he loved me lumps and bumps and all....then 2 weeks ago i found out he had still been seeing his ex all the time and my heart was well and truely shattered, not just broken but destroyed...still is and during one of the arguments he called me a fat s**g...and them 2 words coming from him hurt me more then anything else has ever in my life...

I stood in front of the mirror and reality hit me with such a force...there really was no wonder he never took me out or wanted us to be public as such...it wasnt cause he was still with is ex....he was ashamed of me! and to be honest there is no wonder...im fat!

There and then i decided i had to change...not for him...well partly to show him what he is missing out on...but for me, ive spent my whole life kidding myself, im not happy with myself, never have been...even when on holiday i cover myself up. My kids ask me to take them swimming and i just cant, they want to run about in the park and i cant keep up with them....the reality is im lazy! Some nights i cant even be bothered to clean up, how pathetic is that! and i just cant carry on like this, its not fair on me and its not fair on my kids!

So 2weeks ago (the day after we split up) i walked into my first sw meeting! |I knew if i didnt go there n then i never would. I knew i wasnt in the right frame of mine just yet...but if id have waited id of made excuses and would never of gone! Everyone was so friendly and welcoming, i never once was made to feel hideous...which is how i was feeling! The first week i only lost a lb, i was a bit gutted, but i knew i hadnt followed the plan properly, id even had a kfc! The 2nd week i lost another lb..again a bit dissapointed, but better then nothing! It's my 3rd weigh in tomorrow (thursday) and i know i wont of lost a great deal again...but 2 days ago i found this site and i ahve to say its amazing! my whole outlook on sw has changed....i feel really confident about it and know that my slimming world journey really starts this week....so im counting friday (after weigh in) as my first week

I have sat down and done a proper meal plan for the week so i know exactly what im eating...there are some fab recipes on this site!!

I will change and be that 'fat bird' no more....my life begins today!! and i guess really i have Mr X to thank...if he hadnt of been like he was towards me id still be in my little bubble....the way he hurt me has made me realise, im worth more!

Sorry its turned into an essay lol...emotionally im not in the best place right now...and i guess i needed to get all that out in the open in order to move on and do this properly

 

[EmmyLou30]

Aw hun that's awful, sorry to hear someone you trusted could destroy your confidence so completely, what an ar*e (can't write what I really think of someone who could do that to another person). Writting it down really does help to vent it doesn't it.

Starting SW when you're so emotionally all over the place is such a brave thing to do so huge congratulations on taking the first step. Don't be disheartened about a pound a week - for some it falls of 'em and others a steady pound a week. A pound a week is 52lb (almost 4 stone) a year don't forget!

Good Luck, we're all here for you

 

[Linzi_C]

Thank you hun, i really appreciate it I never thought of it as a lb a week leading to 4st in a year!! It's just under 4st i want to lose so thinking like that this time next year i could be where i want to be

thank you xx

 

[Bubbles1984]

Awww what a total b*stard!! You poor thing, how awful that a man could make you feel like that. Glad your doing it for yourself tho and hopefully you will find a even better bloke at the end of all this once your confidence is sky high

Ive lost 23lbs in 9/10 weeks and i still have another 2 (and a bit) stone to go so i will be checking in your diary to see how your getting on and see if i can get any inspiration for you!!! Im a single mum and i have decided im not looking for a man until im 100% happy with me xxx

 

[Jane R]

So sorry that you are having such a rough time Linzi but congratulations on joining SW.
You deserve to have a man who will love you whatever weight you are. I admire you for joining SW at a time like this and welcome to minimins.X

 

[Linzi_C]

Thank you x

Way to go on your loss! Im with you, men are off limits untill im confident in myself! Ive only been single a couple of weeks and already had 2 people ask me out for a drink so i cant be that bad...but i still feel it in myself lol

Altho i now have something else to take up my spare time...this site lol, i can see myself living on here, the amount of info on here and the inspirations in other peoples diarys etc is amazing! If others can do it so can i

 

[Linzi_C]

Thank you jayne x

 

[Bubbles1984]

Thank you x

Way to go on your loss! Im with you, men are off limits untill im confident in myself! Ive only been single a couple of weeks and already had 2 people ask me out for a drink so i cant be that bad...but i still feel it in myself lol

Altho i now have something else to take up my spare time...this site lol, i can see myself living on here, the amount of info on here and the inspirations in other peoples diarys etc is amazing! If others can do it so can i

Of course you wont be "that bad"!! The thing you find with men is that in a fight they will use the one thing they KNOW we are insecure about. Weight. Its textbook. Shame on him...i hope he feels bad for being so petty!!!! My ex used to always go on about how he loved i was curvy, and he didnt mind i had put on weight after my daughter as my body had "created life" and he didnt think i was fat at all and that a size 16/18 wasnt fat...minute we started fighting...out came the fat comments!!!

I live on here too...the people are so lovely and always give advice!! And my diary gets used constantly just so i have somewhere to vent!! xx

 

[JoRoger]

Hi there Linzi, god what a horrible pig that loser is! Really sorry that you have been through such a bad time of it - but it is good that it made you join SW and start living life for yourself and your children. Just take it one day at a time, make sure you are fully planned, and I'm sure you will definitely start to see good results soon. I hope that this time next year when you are at goal you go out somewhere and see that loser and just walk straight past him, he'll be sure to kick himself!

Good luck with your WI.

 

[Pinkie_Caz]

sorry to read that you have had such a rough time Linzi. Good luck with SW and your weight loss journey. I love SW and have now lost nearly 2.5 stone in just over a year. It can be a rollercoaster of a ride but worth every up and down. Good Luck.

 

[Linzi_C]

thank you so much guys i really do appreciate all the support, especially after i dont even know you!! I really am loving been a member on this site already xx

 

[Linzi_C]

Nooooo im gutted been trying real hard to stick to plan today and ive just asked my lad to grab me a can of pepsi max and he shouts, mum you cant have these there normal pepsi.....ive only gone and picked the wrong ones up and i hadnt noticed...ive already had 2 cans today and already had 8 and half syns making it 22 and a half syns today ....bet im not loosing this week after all

 

[kirstabubble]

Not necessarily hun...as long as you have stuck within your syns for the rest of the week, there is still a chance you'll lose.

Although I would try and maybe avoid drinking more than one can of fizzy stuff a day...my losses have slowed recently and I think it's because I've not been drinking enough water and too much diet coke. Just a suggestion though.

And on the man front, what a complete and utter ****- how anyone can treat another person like that is completely beyond me. You and your children deserve better.

xxx

 

[mod-karen79]

your story is awful - i'd like to offer to cut your ex's penis off with a blunt knife. what a *******!

you're right though you deserve better. the fact that you wouldn't treat someone the way he treated you says it all.

good luck with your SW journey. x

 

[Linzi_C]

I think to be honest you might be right there...i dont drink water at all, in fact all i tend to drink is pepsi max! I think i need to change my drinking habits if this is going to work properly. Seen as tho i picked the wrong pepsi up im having to drink water tonight anyhow lol....it just hard going lol

 

[Linzi_C]

your story is awful - i'd like to offer to cut your ex's penis off with a blunt knife. what a *******!

you're right though you deserve better. the fact that you wouldn't treat someone the way he treated you says it all.

good luck with your SW journey. x

haha oh that did make me laugh...thank you x

 

[kirstabubble]

It isn't easy, I'm on my fourth 500ml bottle of water today and I can't even guess how many times I've had to get up for a wee!

No Added Sugar squash is good as well if you need some flavour

xx

 

[Linzi_C]

I think im defiantley going to have to invest in bottled water...i have a water dispencer on my fridge, but i still dont like it lol.

 

[EmmyLou30]

Sugar free squash is the way to go, I can't stand water either!

 

[JoRoger]

Definitely agree with the above, I can't drink water, it has to be sugar free squash or green tea in my house, if I had to drink a pint of water it would take me about an hour whereas in that same hour I would have had two pints of squash, so there's just no contest for me.