Controversial question for you....!

[claireweenie]

So, I was reading a magazine article over the weekend about a woman who had lost 8 stone on weight watchers. She said that before the weight loss she was only kidding herself that she was happy and that any fuller bodied person who says they are happy at their current size is lying.

Whats your thought's?

 

[Lady_in_London]

I think it depends how overweight a person is and how much it impacts on their life. I have read posts on another section of minimins where women have had to ask their husbands to wipe them after a toilet visit as they weren't able to do it themselves due to not being able to reach because of the fat, and I am talking about someone who was 25 stone which is quite a common weight on minimins. Other posts where the person can't get in a bath to wash. I personally would fail to see how a person could be happy in that condition day in and day out. Especially with the fungus and stuff that gets congealed in skin folds. Especially if they are in constant pain etc etc, I don't have to say more. However, if just say 5 stone overweight then it can probably be manageable and doesn't affect day to day mobility. I visit the weight loss surgery forum on minimins to keep me on the straight and narrow with my calorie counting, because if I don't then weight loss surgery would be the only option and that is not the route I want to go down.

 

[Miss Demeanour]

Ooooh, what a load of cobblers! (the comment in the original post - not the subsequent response )

First of all, I blame Trisha for this whole nonsense about being 'happy with yourself'. 'As long as you're happ with yourself...' I've heard regularly in the past. But is anyone truly happy? If you are, then that's marvellous. But who says you have to be 'happy'? I take comfort in the thought that I'm 'at peace' with what I've been given. Course there are things I'd change (annoying hair, short sighted, scars, arse with own postcode), but does any of that make me unhappy? hell no! I've got far more important things to be unhappy about that! lol (try buying a house grrr...)

I've met people half my size with worse self-esteem than I have. They've looked at me and assumed I must be 'happy' with my lot. I'm not exactly jumping about about it all, but I'm at peace with it, and comfortable in my own skin. I know what I am, I know what I'm not. (I could also have been said to be 8 stone overweight, but have never needed assistance in washing or wiping! lol) There are aspects of myself that I'm exceptionally proud of and worked hard for, so I won't have anyone suggesting I have a lesser right to walk this earth just because I'm carrying some pounds - I also won't believe that of myself. We all have vices, bad habits and less celebratory aspects of our character - it only happens that mine are visible on the outside.

I'm trying to lose weight because I like myself and believe I'm worth the effort.

I'm sorry it's all been 'me me me' so far, but such sweeping statements make me so angry, and only seek to reinforce some people's unhappiness, and encourage bullying and ridicule. Self-esteem does not depend on the size of your trousers, but the the size of your self-worth. And if you believe you're worth less because of your outward appearance, that diminishes all of the other many and varied aspects that make up you as a wonderful, diverse, interesting and unique person. If you're not happy about an aspect of your life (any aspect - not just your weight) then do something about it! But don't assume we're all wallowing in a pit of misery...

 

[Surfhunny]

I totally agree, it's all about your own self esteem and self worth!! I'm NOT happy with my weight, but rather than sitting at home wallowing about it I got out and looked for ways to fix the problem. I tried various diets until I found one that worked, and worked fast, now although still not happy with my weight, I have a lot more self esteem and self worth. I no longer think I'm a big fat waste of space and the last bit of fine tuning (is taking it's time) is happening because like Miss Demeanour, I actually like myself and I'm worth the effort!!!

I don't know if any big people are truely happy, it depends on how they themselves define happy I guess. I define it as having good family & friends, comfortable life and good self esteem!! I have those things...so yeah I'm happy (but remember I'm not happy with my weight - subtle difference)!!!

 

[Miss Demeanour]

The problem is - what makes a person 'truly happy?' Is a fat person truly happy? Probably not, but then nether is a short person, a mousey blonde person, a scarred person, a lonely person, a short-sighted person, an unemployed/redundant person, a homeowner in negative equity - you see where I'm going here - I find it quite offensive at the suggestion that being overweight is a singular source of unhappiness - there are MANY sources of unhappiness, this *might* be but one, and it's for the individual to decide, and not a random person to 'assume' how we're feeling. On the one hand you may be overweight, on the other hand you may be blessed in so many ways - but the general assumption is 'you must still be unhappy because you're fat'. That's actually quite belittling.

Ask a thin person if they're 'truly happy'. They're probably not either! They'll have found something else to 'hang' their unhappiness on. Thinness is no guarantee of happiness, nor is fatness diagnostic of general unhappiness. You'll find if it's not the weight that's the problem, it's something else. No-one's ever happy with what they've got - otherwise there wouldn't be considerable profit in plastic surgery, alternative therapy or being a GHD retailer.

 

[Miss Demeanour]

(but remember I'm not happy with my weight - subtle difference)!!!

Exactly! Any person can be dissatisfied with an individual aspect of their personal being - be it weight, career, domestic circumstances, hairdo, whatever - but it doesn't necessarily mean we're all wandering around being singularly miserable about it, all the time.

 

[Surfhunny]

Exactly, after I posted my post I thought a bit more and you can even THINK yourself unhappy....I'm single....that makes me unhappy tonight, while I'm sitting here alone with only my tv and computer for company... HOWEVER, when I want to do my own thing with out having to tell anyone what I'm doing or where I'm going...being single makes me happy.

The feeling of happiness for me changes constantly. And it's a completely random thing. Show me a person who is truely happy all the time and I'd question that.... and ask them what the magic secret is!!

 

[Miss Demeanour]

Show me a person who is truely happy all the time and I'd question that.... and ask them what the magic secret is!!

Pharmaceuticals

 

[Surfhunny]

Totally!!!

 

[Lady_in_London]

A lot of very overweight women have developed an over the top personality to compensate for feelings of inadequacy, but it is not hard to see that they really are very miserable. Obesity (and I have been up to 30 stone in the past) has never affected my self-esteem as I don't judge myself on my appearance, but it has held me back from socialising in the past purely and simply due to mobility or lack of mobility.

 

[claireweenie]

I'm glad it's not just me who it annoyed!!!
It's like she lost the weight and then thought she could bully the 'fat kids' because she was now in the 'cool crowd'!
I completely agree that there is a point where excess weight can turn from just being 'cuddlier' to a medical issue and maybe (but only maybe!) you can guess that they are not happy.
However, I was six stone overweight and as far as I am aware it hasn't stopped me doing anything I wanted too!
My partner and I have our own house and we are planning our wedding for next year, I have the job I've always wanted and fantastic family and friends - how can I NOT be happy!!!
My weight affects none of those things, in fact my man proposed when I was at my biggest (no he's not a feeder!) which just shows the only one bothered by my weight is me! Sure I have times when I wish I was slimmer but I also have times when I wish I'd won the lottery or was marrying Brad Pitt. It doesn't mean I won't be happy until I get those things does it!?!

Sorry, I'm off my soap box now. I'm just annoyed that someone who's been in our position could make such a sweeping statement without thinking about it. Maybe she was unhappy when she was bigger, but thats her experience not everyone else's!

 

[MaxieP]

Any general statements like she has made are ridiculous. She doesn't know how other people think, so how can she comment on their behalf?!

I must say that I am unhappy being overweight. It makes a huge difference to me (especially as I haven't always been)and I tend to avoid social situations and don't want to draw attention to myself. This impacts on every day behaviour and at work, where I keep my opinions quiet.

Having lost 5 stone previously on Cambridge I felt my true personality coming back, and realised that I had been dressing differently and acting differently because of my weight.

However, sadly I have regained the weight and can now see how my personality has changed again. I'm not necessarily happy when I am slim because I am a bullimic and that is not what makes me happy. But I am unhappy when I am overweight because it is not what I want and makes me behave in a way I don't like. But for her to make comments on other people is very dismissive and judgemental. I feel the way I feel, that's it! Why you would presume other people feel the same as you is beyond me!!

 

[bucksfizz]

Good Post Claire!

Personally i think some people are happier being overweight, but this is possibly because they have never experienced what it is like to loose weight, how they would feel if it would be any different or easier.

I think we are always unhapppy, even the skinniest person will be unhappy about something, i dont think anyone will ever truly think they are perfect as we always manage to pick faults.

So if people do say they are happy being overweight, then i really do think its because the havent had the chance to see what its like being within normal weight range.

I must admit i have never been slim and dont know what its like, i was always chunky as a child and have never lost the puppy fat that was supposed to drop off in my teens....

 

[claireweenie]

Hi again Bucks fizz!
I'm not convinced with the bit:
"So if people do say they are happy being overweight, then i really do think its because the havent had the chance to see what its like being within normal weight range."

I too didn't lose my puppy fat and then I did weight watchers 5 years ago and lost 2 stone - this put me in a healthy weight range. I then put the weight, and more, back on and I can genuinely say it hasn't affected my mood. Granted things like clothes shopping was easier and I didn't mind communal showers as much as I do know but thats just my own hang ups and not unhappiness! I personally don't think I would lose any weight if I was genuinely unhappy because I'd return to my old ways of comfort eating.

Still...each to there own, eh!?! x

 

[Miss Demeanour]

I've got a friend who lose weight (9 stone in total, as it happens) for health reasons. She wanted to avoid the family disease heritage. Fair enough.

Was she unhappy being fat? Hell no. I've never known someone so comfortable in their own skin. Is she any happier now? Um, actually, no. She is less comfortable about her body now than she ever was However She did it for her long-term future, so on that front, so mission accomplished, she'll live longer. She was changing her situation now only to prevent what may occur in the future.

i think it often depends on what your motivations for losing weight were. If it's to improve appearance, then you're bound to be happier when, in your opinion, your appearance improves. If you set out to complete any task and actually achieve it, it's bound to increase your happiness quotient*. If however, you're losing weight for other reasons than the usual, you won't be 'made happier' by the same things as the next person.

Personally I find shopping for new clothes a raging pain in the arse, not a cause for celebration! but it's horses for courses, I suppose...

*on that note, I'm off to clean the bathroom.