Couldn't get to LL group tonight and have v bad day tomorrow

Discussion in 'Very Low Calorie Diets' started by IslandBreeze, 18 January 2007 Social URL.

  1. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    Hi
    Just feeling a bit nervous. Because of the windy weather, I couldn't get to my LL group tonight - there were no buses at all in my part of town. I have spare packs so I'm OK for that.
    But tomorrow I have my annual appraisal at work and I'm really dreading. I've been working so hard - we're understaffed and I'm constantly doing unpaid overtime. But my boss keeps telling me I should work even harder so I think my appraisal will be awful. For example - I've been doing 12 hours a day for weeks and recently they asked me to do an extra task and I refused, saying that I wouldn't stay in the office past ten o'clock. He told me that if it took me " til the small hours" then that was just tough luck. I still left at ten and just didn't do it. But I bet they punish me for that in the appraisal.:(
    Anyway, my (rambling) point is that I'm really scared that if the appraisal goes badly tomorrow, I'm going to just rush out and stuff my face with a million comforting carbs. I was planning on getting some strength from my LL class tonight but now I've missed class..... so please help me!!!
    Whatever happens tomorrow, I really want to stay on the packs but I'm scared I'm not strong enough. Especially as work-stress is my trigger for bingeing.
     
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  3. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Fallen Angel, please don't stress! You can be strong, honestly. I know that you wanted to see your group tonight, but I'm glad you came on here instead. I did LL last year and my group were my rock. It all fell apart when I moved and I left my group, but now Minimins is my group.

    Your boss sounds as if they are taking advantage of your good nature and I can't predict what will happen at your appraisal tomorrow, but I can predict how you will feel if it goes badly and you cave and eat. Even worse than you do now. Is there any way you can counteract what may possibly happen, by being more prepared for your appraisal with examples of how hard you've worked. Perhaps you should be looking for a new job, one where you are appreciated for the good job you do. I know this might seem hard at the minute, perhaps you are lacking in confidence? But having the strength to get through tomorrow without food will only be a testiment to your strength and will prove you can do what you set your mind to.

    Hope it goes OK and I'll be thinking of you.
     
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  4. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    Thanks Westie. I think you're right - my employer is exploiting me and I do need to leave. I can't leave right now though. I need to wait a little until a few other things in my life are in place.
    I hate it when you work hard and are treated badly for it. And although I know I shouldn't take things personally, it's really hard not to when people criticise you. But you're right, eating won't change it and won't really make me feel better. But it's so tempting when you're down, isn't it?
    Thanks for your support.
     
  5. nadhak

    nadhak LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE

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    fallenangel
    you are being taken advantage of - think of yourself for once and start looking for a new job!
    To work until 10pm is unreasonable and is putting you under pressure!
    Your appraisal should be amazing based on the commitment that you show.
    Give your counsellor a ring tomorrow for a top up of confidence...
    I am sure you will keep to your packs
    xx
     
  6. nce1

    nce1 is a reader not a poster

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    Hi Fallen Angel,

    Theres no appreciation for all the hard work that you do. You should probably speak to ACAS even before you leave as they can help and support as no one should be put under that much pressure.

    Take care of yourself in the meantime
     
  7. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    I was made to feel soooo unhelpful for refusing to work later than ten. And I have done weekends and bank holidays far too often. These people just want blood.:mad:
     
  8. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    You are working as hard as you can and you should not feel guilty. All appraisals are worrying but don't resort to eating as you will regret it.
    Irene xx
     
  9. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    Thank you all. You're all right, I shouldn't feel guilty. I probably will though!!
    The strange thing is that I feel part of their lack of appreciation of what I do is because I've lost weight. The other people I know on LL feel that as they get slimmer they are getting more respect at work. I feel the opposite. As I get slimmer I seem to get less and less respect from my bosses. It's like they think my brain is disappearing along with the weight!! I really hope I can handle myself with dignity tomorrow. I'm a bit worried that I might cry if it's really aggressive and I'd be so embarrassed if that happens. Must not eat, must not eat, must not eat.....
     
  10. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Speaking from a managers point of view, an appraisal should not make you feel the way you do hun, it makes me so cross that people are making you feel that way, lead me to them matey, Ill get em for you!!

    An appraisal should include the following

    "Appraisals help develop individuals,
    When designing or planning and conducting appraisals, seek to help the 'whole-person' to grow in whatever direction they want, not just to identify obviously relevant work skills training. Increasingly, the best employers recognise that growing the 'whole person' promotes positive attitudes, advancement, motivation, and also develops lots of new skills that can be surprisingly relevant to working productively and effectively in any sort of organisation"

    I know Im on a waffle again, Im sure that you know its nothing new for me to do that!!!

    Few things that might help, are you part of a Union?? Im a firm believer in this if you can, it is a couple of quid a month but the piece of mind is worth so much more. ALso someone has suggested ACAS, the website has many tips on dealing with employers.

    I am keeping my fingers crossed for you for tomorrow, I, like you have had horrific managers too, but dont let them bully you.

    You will be strong with your food, I know coz you will show them, and you wont let them get you down, keep us updated, and if I can help in any way please let me know x
     
  11. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Hi FallenAngel, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today and please let us know how you get on. Please don't eat though. Fingers crossed it's gone well but if it hasn't please come on here and have a rant instead. Hopefully that will make you feel better.

    Much love xxx
     
  12. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Let us know hun x
     
  13. mustdoit

    mustdoit susan

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  14. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    OK. Well, here's the update!
    As I expected, it was pretty horrible. And they didn't play by the rules. It lasted THREE hours. It's meant to be done by one person - I had two of them facing me. They're meant to ask 3 of your colleagues to provide feedback on you (from a list of people you provide). They in fact asked 11 - and most of them didn't come from my list. they basically were looking to find dirt and scraped around until they got it. Also the feedback is supposed to be anonymous - instead they read out every vaguely critical comment and told me exactly who'd said it so now of course now when i see colleagues I'm thinking about what they said about me. (on the plus side, the managers of the company gave me an average grade that was fanastic -but my boss is ignoring that in favour of focusing on the few crappy bits he managed to dig up.)
    Anyway, the worst bit of all is that one of my team - I manage 6 people - completely slated me. This is someone I socialise with, someone I have lunch with, we buy each other Xmas and birthday gifts, we chat about Big Brother. I've just negotiated her a contract extension and a pay rise. And she wrote the most evil comments about me. She said in very clear language that I'm incompetent at my job, a lousy manager, that I terrorise my staff, that I shout at them all the time, that no-one is ever allowed to voice an opinion - it just went on and on and on. According to her I have no good qualities at all, I'm 100% grade A *****. This is NOT true. But apart from it being a pack of lies, what really gets me is that she says such nice things to my face, all the time. We have a good working relationship you would think. So clearly I've entirely misread her. She's a two-faced, lying hypocrite. I feel hugely hurt and betrayed. And it's not over yet. My boss is definitely out to cause trouble for me so he's following up on this and is going to talk to her, and then to me again and it's going to go on and on and on. None of it makes sense - if I was such a nightmare to work for, why is she so keen to extend her contract with me?
    She is lying - but why - what does she get out of this? Does she want my job? Is she jealous that I earn more than her? She's very bitter about being divorced - she's yet to move on from it emotionally and I''m very happily newly wed and looking forward to trying for kids. I don't understand why she has lied and why she acts pleasant to me when she clearly hates me. I'm very hurt and betrayed. And I have to sit next to her all day and act normal. She doesn't know that I know at the moment. She wrote this believing that it was anonymous and obviously she never realised my boss would break all the rules and read every word out to me and name her.
    I did actually break the diet on Friday but am back on now. I was ok for most of Friday - too upset to eat to be honest. But I told some workfriends about it over coffee (I do have friends at work - despite what she says about me!!) and they were so shocked and upset for me and they were worried about me so they invited me over for the evening and I drank lots of wine and ate some pizza. but I'm not beating myself up over that. It was a very emotional day and what's done is done. I'm now firmly back on the packs.
    I take pride in the fact that I was calm and constructive throughout the appraisal and that I'm handling having to sit next to the ***** but god, it hurt.
    Sorry for not coming back on here sooner to report but spent most of yesterday crying and sheltering under the support of hubby, bless him. Still gutted. Apologies for the long ramble. All advice welcome - and I PROMISE you that I am not the person she claims!:(
     
  15. mustdoit

    mustdoit susan

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    hugs xx
     
  16. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

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    I've no advice hun. just wanted to say sorry it has gone so awful

    As for the 2 faced ahem, person, I definately think you should speak to her and tell her that you are hurt she chose to say those things and would have appreciated it if she could have said it to you personally rather than in the sly devious way she has done. I would make a point of telling her that if she has a problem with you, you should be given a chance before she went to your boss about it
     
  17. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    I'm under instructions not to say anything but to leave my boss to "deal with it". god knows what he'll actually do. I think she'll get a huge shock when she realises he told me it all though. It's pretty bad of him to do that. I'm still very very puzzled as to what kind of game she thinks she's playing. Thank you all for your support - I really need it this week! The boss has booked me in for a follow-up meeting this Friday - this "appraisal" is never going to end at this rate!!:eek:
     
  18. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

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    Thats so bad...why cant you approach her? TBH I dont understand why you arent allowed to try get to the bottom of the problem.....I wonder how your boss is going to 'deal with it'. Cant you have a generic meeting with your team and point out that some issues seem to have come to light, and not pin point anyone but just tell them all that you would appreciate if people would talk to your first before they go to your boss?

    In your follow up meeting you should ask him exactly why you are not alowed approach this person, and even ask him to call her into the meeting if needs be so you can answer what she has said....the whole thing stinks hun
     
  19. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    You said it kazz!!! I've talked with friends at work and some of them have worked there for years - they reckon that they've seen this done to people before and that it's what they do when they want to get someone out. There are some big changes coming up for my department and it's possible they won't need me soon but then they should just make me redundant rather than bully and victimise me. (i've been there less than two years, so redundancy would cost them nothing). As it happens I have every intention of leaving in a few months but it suits me not to tell them that yet. I actually have much better and brighter prospects coming into my life so in a few months these so-and -sos will be history. But for the moment I just have to get through it with my pride and dignity intact! My rule in life - never let the b88tards see you cry!!
     
  20. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    Hi FallenAngel

    I'm glad you came back on and gave us an update! I've been looking out for you on this thread because I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are. I'm sorry it all went so horribly. I really can't offer any constructive advise because I've never been in this situation myself. I'm glad you didn't beat yourself up over eating on Friday and well done on getting back on the packs immediately. Hubby sounds lovely - just when you needed the support.

    All I can do is send you ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) and say, keep posting and we will all be here for you!

    Much love
     
  21. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    Thanks Westie. I'm trying not to let it get to me. But it was terribly hard to share an office with her today. I want to say something but am staying calm and dignified and professional. on the plus side, I had a pop-in tonight to make up for the class I missed - and I've lost 3lbs, despite the wine and food. And I'm back in ketosis already so am pretty pleased with that (freezing though!) Really appreciate the support.
    x
     
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