Couple of things playing on my mind!!

[Poppysparkle]

I need some help with perspective I think!

I'm very, very near my original goal weight of 10 stone. When I first went to LL weighing 15 stone 13lb, I wanted to be 10 stone on my scales, and as of this morning I weighted 10st 2lb. Obviously, this isn't official, and I will be getting down to the magic 10 stone on LL scales, which is a 3-4lb different to my home ones.

Now, I have a few issues going on in my head!

I'm finding it very scary the thought of eating. I look at food still and know that I still have those addictive eating instincts and that I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep control. I'm okay while I'm doing abstinence, and I'm very tempted to now go down to 9 and a half stone on LL scales, just to stay on abstinence - 1) because I'm so worried about eating again, and 2) because I don't think I'm quite slim enough yet, even though I'm a smaller size than I ever hoped to be, having just bought a size 10 pair of skinny jeans and having fitted into a fitted size 12 dress in Warehouse - I even caught sight of myself in the mirror in Warehouse and was shocked because I realised that I'm pretty slim now! My profile pics were taken four weeks ago, and I've probably lost another stone since then, but I still look at myself and think I need to just get rid of the tummy a bit more, or some more flab on the top of my back and on my arms, although I'm not sure if this is flab or loose skin (my BMI is probably around 23 now).

Someone said to me today that of all the people in work that have done LL, she thinks I will be the most affected and will have the most issues making sure I keep it off. I asked why, and she didn't really explain properly. We know two or three people who have done it, and they are all struggling to some extent and reusing the packs regularly. I agree with her to some extent because I feel so different now and it's so important to me, but then I am also wondering if I can remember this all the time to stop me putting on weight. She thinks I'm going to get obsessed and paranoid about weighing myself and eating.

I'm feeling very nervous and am sure that this is all natural. I just feel like with all the messing about with our LLC going off sick and having one locum after another that we haven't really done the full CBT/TA stuff and I don't know enough and I feel so unprepared to start eating again. Then I tell myself that it's all my CHOICE and only I can put food into my mouth.

Oh dear, this is terrifying!!

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hi hon

Its OK to be scared. I was. And still am a lot of the time.

You need to take a leap of faith, and trust and believe that you did learn, and that you have changed and that you will protect the new you at all costs.

You love youself now, right? SO you won;t hurt yourself now. Now you will look after yourself.

It is scary - but it is so much different then you might imagine. I still fight addictive tendancies. And accfept I probably always will. But what we choose to have makes ALL the difference in the world. And you WILL make wise choices. You are NEW. It will not be the old you goign into this, so don;t place too much thought on how you would have dealth with this back then.

Be careful about going to low - as I did find there was a lot of lose skin at then end and that I had lost some muscle mass. Loose skin is better then fat - but not a whole lot!! (but this too can be taken care of one way or another).

Good luck with your decision. It has to be your decision for your reason. Not anyone elses.

XX

 

[slendablenda]

Oh Poppy!!

I can so relate to what you are saying. I have felt the same, terrified since I reached my goal weight that I would sabotage myself and start putting the weight on again. I know a couple of people through work who did LL before I arrived at their office, both have regained the weight they lost and can't seem to get back on track. But I now know they both lapsed during their diet and never really tried to change their long term eating habits.
I have just come to the end of RTM. Put on 2lbs this week, painc on my face. LLC pointed out I lost 2kg last week, put on 1 the week before, lost 3 the week before etc,etc, We went back to mid December which is when I got to my goal of 9st.12. I just wanted to get below 10st. I have fluctuated within a few lbs since then, always below 10st.
HAPPY BUNNY !!!
LLC says - that's maintenance. That's what real people do !!!
If I can do it, BL can do it , then I'm sure you can.
The trick seems to be to stick to RTM guidance and don't get too stressed by it.
Today I bought a Size 8 Next dress which I love. It's things like that which keep me on track. I'm determined NEVER to go back to how I was before.
Must go to bed now. Off to London as part of my new job tomorrow, loving it.
Good luck with yours.
Enjoy the changes in your life. xxx

 

[Huseyin]

Its perfectly normal, i had the same thing as the above ladies. In Fact i started to question whether i was put off food all together.

Let assure you though that once you start eating and especially after week 1 on RTm you realise its not that bad and its all in the head. I actually lost 6lbs in week one and it boosts the confidence. You will too so dont worry and dont think you are the odd on out

 

[Foxtrot]

Hugs Poppy!!

You are far more stronger than I was first time around but I'm learning! The hard way too!!

Take one day at a time and give yourself a decent window like SB said. Easier said than done I know.

Hugs again though.

 

[Tange]

Poppy as with abstinence if you follow RTM to the letter you will be just fine.

Good luck honey, I think your weightloss is amazing.

 

[pete10141748]

Poppy, I have every confidence that you are going to be more than fine with it

but, I think that just like finding the routine with the packs that works for you, RTM and maintaining will be the same. You have to find a way that works for you. For me, I think it is what I have been doing while in foundation - I keep my most recent before/current picture in my wallet. Every time I want something to eat, I look at it and force myself to remember that, if I eat what I want, I will be that big again. When maintaining, I'll do the same every time I want something, and force myself to really think about what I am eating.

Ok, so it's fear/scare tactics (albiet self-imposed) but it works for me.
And I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to not think about what I am eating, it's going to be a day to day thing.

But it's better than the alternative. Stay strong, I know you can

 

[Minerva]

Don't be scared... Go on RTM whenever you are ready, no one is pushing you! Do it at your own comfortable pace.
As for the counselling and therapy, it almost has to come from within yourself as well. Remember what your LLC told you AS you go into RTM. I remember that I learnt my lessons not on LL Foundation or Developers... I learnt all of them in RTM because I had to put the things I'd learnt into practice!
It's a learning curve, don't be scared... I remember on the week some grapes were introduced, I binged on grapes that day! Then I learnt to stay away from them for quite a while. It's the little things you catch yourself on...

Abstinence gives you the tools, RTM makes you use them.

 

[PurpleButterfly]

I know this may not be PC on this board, but did you ever read, or consider reading one of the popular self help books on losing weight? Like Paul Mckenna (the one I feel helps the most for me) or Gillian Riley.
For me PMcK really made sense and made me feel confident about being able to maintain weight, just common sense stuff really but then I think considering where I've come from (with being overweight before) it was good for me to have it spelled out in print. Although it is about losing weight, the principles are the same for managing weight as losing it with that..

Anyway it's just a suggestion cos it has helped me and might help you too.

 

[Minerva]

PB - what is the book called by PMcK? I may have a go and look into it!

 

[slendablenda]

Hey Ellie,

Love the new avatar photo. Looking good girl ! xx:wave_cry:

 

[slendablenda]

Funny Minerva

I OD'd ON GRAPES TOO!!!!
They were just so sweet and juicy, couldn't stop popping them in my mouth.
Had to stop buying them for a while.
I still have that voice in my head some days which says "what can I have now".It's an ongoing battle, but so far I'm winning!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Hehe thanks guys!!

Minerva, the book is called 'I can make you thin'.. In a nutshell, the principles are to eat what you/your body wants but only when you're genuinely hungry (not emotional or thirst hunger), eat slowly to give your body time to register it's had enough, and stop when you feel full. Sounds like common sense right? Last year, although I hadn't heard of PMcK I did this, and lost about 1 stone without intending to really. And it's so easy to follow because you don't restrict any foods at all..

 

[Minerva]

GRAPES ARE EVIL Splenda aren't they!
Well, I've learned to buy a fruit salad with them in, that way I can't just keep popping them in my mouth because there's only so many given in a little tub!

I know I also have a problem with open packets of things and have a hard time 'measuring' a portion and putting the rest back for another day... having identified this I buy sealed small portions (may be a little more expensive this way - but better for myself in the long run).
It's just something we discover along the way and it's definitely highlighted with the slow reintroduction of food over the 12 week period. I still think it was the most important part of LL by far.


And thank you PB! I will have a look into it, I do eat my meals very slowly as it is, sometimes I do throw away some when I know I'm full. And beautiful new avatar for sure... Wish I was as pretty as you!

 

[jcjazzy]

Hi Poppy, I can't add anything constructive, but just want to say you are a real inspiration for a beginner like me.It sounds like this is quite a normal response though!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Minerva! shame on you, you are really pretty as it is!

Oh just remembered the other PM principle is leaving food (even a mouthful) on your plate at each mealtime, reinforces the mental thing that you're in control of your eating. Or if you can't do that, serve out a full portion then take off a bit and chuck it out/give it to someone etc..

Poppy I suppose you have to look on this as an exploration and a learning exercise/experiment into what works and what doesn't. That way if you trip up with food, it won't matter too much cos you can just learn from it and know how to manage it?

 

[Poppysparkle]

Just wanted to say a quick thanks to all of you who offered advice and the wisest words as usual!! I will read again and ingest regularly! I'm sure that it's going to be tough and I can't expect a miracle to have happened in my head over the past five months, or whatever it is! I do know, however, that I have the most amazing self control, which I am stunned by and the reality makes me proud of myself!

I'll definitely keep fat Poppy in check I'm sure, because I'm enjoying being this size FAR more than the feeling food could every provide me with!!