Crazy life of Chilli

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
Hello my lovely - have caught up on your very busy life, brilliant weight loss and exciting plans!

I love the way you share your thoughts here, it really makes it so exciting for me to follow your journey as things unfold - the agency work, for example. So sorry to hear you're having to self isolate though, and that it disrupted your holiday - but there will be other holidays and as you say, you got to see the people who count.

Love that dress too, you are so talented! But you will be proud of me, I'm joining a local knitting group tomorrow! :). they are going to remind me about all the casting on stuff, etc, and anything we produce goes to charity, so it's really about a bit of chit chat and getting to meet some local women.

And I also loved the way you exorcised some past memories on the chimera - that is so my thing. We create our own futures, and i firmly believe in going for what you want - which you are! xxx
 
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ChilliQueen

Silver Member
welcome back @ladyfelsham :) thankyou for your words and well done for going through it all, when I'm around I realise I post LONG rambles lol.

This one may be the longest yet... be pre-warned haha

I love the energy of new moon, and doing my little fire ceremonies, so much so I have decided that going forwards I am going to NOT WORK on new moon night and take it as my own special time. I may be doing less night work generally anyway so I could still work in the days of new moon. I'm not as excited by the full moon strangely, I like it but I'm a 'new moon' chick.

So it's time for me to properly get started. I finished my last run of 5 rota nightshifts at old job yesterday morning. I was given a good luck card, lots of flowers, some candles, some hugs and LOTS of good wishes from my co-workers, even though I hope to be back now and then for bank shifts. I'm so grateful to have been allowed to leave with such good feelings and links in place.

2.5 years I have worked there, everything I know about care work they taught me, made some lovely friends and been helped through the trauma of losing my marriage.

Yesterday I found myself just filled with such relaxation and gratitude. I have absolutely no doubts about my future. I feel so secure in myself, I've turned corner after corner over the past couple of years. I've gone from feeling a real victim - I felt that my life was the consequence of nothing I'd chosen. My money worries, my heartbreak and lack of creativity all down to the choices my HUSBAND made. I had no choices, I was just left in the aftermath to deal with it all. Much as those feelings are all justified, I'm not trivialising the trauma or excusing my husbands behaviour - it was always MY choice, to forge my own path forwards.

It took some time, and I have forged that path. And oh my goodness I've changed so much. In the past each big change, each chance taken, etc was always filled with questions, anxiety, worry and panic, so much so that I often didn't bother to make the changes or take the chances in the first place. This set of changes - I feel nothing like that. I feel calm, relaxed, excited, in control.

I feel, finally, like my life is my own. My life is full of things and circumstances I've chosen for myself. I walk into my home and I instantly feel blessed. I'm surrounded by colours, furniture, arrangements that I have created and chosen myself. I am surrounded by an atmosphere I have created for myself. my relationship with my children that is all mine. My adoration for my dog, all mine (I wouldn't even have a dog if he hadn't left lol) My freedom to create, be around for my kids, to walk the dog, to work and play when I choose - all mine.

I don't think I have ever felt this content.

Workwise, things have taken an unexpected twist, I was offered extra training to be part of a complex care team looking after a family locally, this is all with the same new employer. Originally I didn't think I could, as I only want to work when son is at his Dads, but they have more flexibility than I thought. I told them when I could work over the next two weeks and they snapped up my hours. Each week I will offer them the hours first and if they are already taken by others in the team, I'll just go through the other channel and pick up care home shifts instead. Eventually they will probably establish a devoted regular team and there will be less room for me, but as I will by then be familiar with the family, I can step in when it works out to cover sickness and holidays. The extra training they gave me means I can do other complex care jobs as well, so all in all I've given myself another string to my bow as it were.

The shifts I'm doing over the next 2 weeks aren't nightshifts either. They are 1700-2230 but 2 of those most weeks would be enough for me. I'll always offer the complex care team my availability first, and if they've no hours that suit I'll just jump on the list of shifts for care homes and pick one up. It feels so free and flexible! I've kept an eye on the app and the shifts available over the past month, I had thought I'd need to book in advance to get shifts that suited me, but actually short notice there are always plenty. So I'll book complex care 3 weeks ahead but every thing else short notice.

I was chatting to my daughter about it the other day. I only really need 5 shifts per month to get by, so if I regularly do 2 in a week, I can often take a week off altogether, new moon week for example as mentioned at the start. I don't have to work that night. I can choose. In the winter I'll probably stockpile my shifts when I can, so that when the weather is bad I can choose not to work those weeks, or pick up bank shifts from the care home I just left which is walking distance, so I don't need to worry about car journeys over distance in bad weather. The complex care families are kept local too. In the run up to christmas when I may have lots of craft orders, I can take time off care work then too, to make sure I can stay on top of my orders.

I can pick and choose every aspect of this. I can decide I don't want to work with a particular family, or a particular care home if I don't like how they are, I can choose to offer more time to people I want to work with. I can choose to do whatever I want.

Home business is going well, I put out an advert just on my own pages on Facebook offering an art journal group and now have a group of 5 (which is as big a group as I wanted) lined up ready to start a week on Tuesday. It will run weekly 2 hours, paid in blocks of 4. I'm pondering starting other small groups, perhaps a craft one, and a sewing one. I'll see how it goes, I can try all these things out, some things will work out and some won't, that's ok.

I have had a fairly steady flow of orders just a few at a time but that's ok, it will take time to grow. I've started and that's all that matters.

Food wise, I've been BAD. But I am out of excuses now. I've finished my last long run of nightshifts. So I'm not going to say I'll start on Monday, I'm starting today. I've not weighed in yet and may not. Even on Monday I'm not sure I want to know haha. Having said that, I've still been wearing my smaller work clothes so it might not be too bad. I do notice that when I'm eating crap I feel so much more tired. I need to stop that sabotage. If I want to succeed in this new life I'm creating for myself, I need that energy and good health that eating well will bring.

On the 'restart' note. I plan to be smaller by next summer, and have my 2 maxi dresses that I made and love. I know it sounds counter intuitive but I feel like maxi dresses are really a summer thing. I don't much like my legs, but I wondered about cutting them down to either just above or just below the knee and wearing them with tights and boots for winter? I could cut one just below the knee to look, then pin it up higher to look again and decide before cutting further. Tights and boots would cover most of what I don't like to see. What do you guys think looks good on people like us? I don't have very shapely legs and do have chunky knees. It just seems a shame to otherwise end up losing them really. I could make a cosy shrug or two, to wear with them and other things.

Finally, I'd like to share this piece I wrote recently. May it serve to inspire any who read it. It isn't poetry in the manner I usually write, more a story of thoughts I guess, but it does have a rhythm to it.

A love story

I love you. Partly it was by accident but then… I didn’t know I’d love you
It started off as plain survival, finding ways to make it through a day
finding ways to believe there was a future with happiness in it.

I was partly forced into having you, no choice in being immersed in you
A life of disarray, discontent, confusion, with unknowns in every corner
but somehow, you brought me back to life.

Not the life of ‘before’ it was a sad imitation at times I just didn’t realise it!
I’d accepted ‘half happy’ or even a quarter or less for far too long.
I’d accepted far too much, which was really far too little.

Slowly, in the midst of my forced journey of confusion, I found moments of peace
dipping my toe, realising I liked not knowing what was happening later
slowly, I remembered who I really was.

Do you remember being a child? how every day was a voyage of discovery?
Wandering off into your imagination creating limitless realities?
finding new places you’d never been, corners of your world you’d never seen?

Do you remember how that felt? the magic, the mystery, the joy?
perhaps it’s true we need to become more like children to find our way
Adults are far too rigid, far too steeped in expectation.

As an adult I was doing well on the outside. All responsible. But all stuck and all mushed up
in the world and peoples expectations of me.
I wasn’t happy, not really, not in the way I could be.

I stayed too long in jobs I wasn’t happy with, in roles no longer authentic to my soul
I gave far too much to a relationship in which the other, well…
let’s just say I gave so much I faded. I wasn’t really here…

I was barely a whisper, became so quiet and lost that only a few could still hear me,
perhaps even see me.
was I even invisible? perhaps only to me?

Those who could still hear me, those who could still see me
when I was barely a shadow… you people are my tribe, my proven soldiers
I love you all, may I always hear and see you too.

But this journey was never really about the others, or the things.
It was always about the self and the within
who knew what lurked beneath my own illusions?

Then I truly found you. I fought so hard against being with you, I hated the idea…
you were so crazy, so dark, so unfathomable, so unreliable…
and yet you are all and none of those things.

The unknown. You keep coming up in my words because I feared you so much
perhaps I feared what I would find with you
perhaps I feared myself,

Regardless it was all fear, all helplessness, all mistrust and darkness
but it was all illusion and not real at all
really, with the unknown, I found everything.

I found me. I found my strength, and really the best thing was the trust in myself.
Knowing stuff doesn’t matter any more, because I know me.
I know I can, I know I will.

I don’t care who hears me anymore, I don’t care who sees me…
Now I hear and see myself.
it’s like a long lost reunion with an old friend.

No longer will she be denied, that inner child of mine is free
she’s taking me places I didn’t know I needed to go
finding joy in the playfulness of life, she was always at home in the unknown.

Enough of my adult can stay to keep our bills paid, but she’s such a small part of me now
we allow her rationality, we let her look after our mundane.
she is a part of us after all.

but the rest of us, well we’re all about being alive, and being happy, finding our joy and peace.
we want a nap? we’ll have one. we want a walk at the beach? we’re having one
we want to paint… we’re painting.

So here’s to the unknown. My loyal one. The most honest and pure partner in crime I could wish for.
My killer of illusions and finder of self.
The unstable place where I find I am most stable…

The fight against you is long over, I have learned to sit comfortably within you
you knew my strength when I did not
So now I invite you, to walk with me, into the next adventure.

No longer by accident, but by design, a chosen path of the unquantifiable
a path chosen by my childlike soul.
My dearest Unknown, I no longer fear you, I crave you, I love you.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
Hello miniminners :)

Well I had a lovely day yesterday I caught up with LOADS of tidying and cleaning in the morning, and spent the afternoon having a long overdue catchup with an old friend which was lovely, but did consist of lots of stuff I should not be eating lol.

I am realising that really, I don't see enough of my friends. Something I plan to change. I am so incredibly lucky to have so many loyal ones.

Also yesterday, arriving unexpectedly in the mail was the most wonderful welcome gift pack from my new employer. I knew to expect a uniform in the mail and welcome pack, but I though the welcome pack meant like... a handbook, and that type of mundane thing. The pack first up has a great box - yes I'm a geek and appreciate the box, I'm wondering what I can put in it to justify keeping it 🤣 It contained an ID card and lanyard, an insulated water bottle, a pen, a portable device charger, a bottle of hand sanitiser, a chocolate (because no gift is complete without chocolate) and a little pack of seed pods (watch these grow, symbolic of our new journey together committed to growth) and lastly, my new uniform. What a lovely thoughtful package I thought. They comment also about their business aims and commitment to being green (most of it is recyclable). Considering I haven't even worked a shift yet, they're certainly making me feel valued. Let's hope it continues!

In other news... the uniform is a bit snug :rolleyes: which is the perfect incentive for me to get properly back on track. On a positive note theres no way it would have fitted in Feb. It IS wearable at least.

We're being quite chilled and lazy today, I've shopping to pick up later though and I've planned dinners for the week so I should have a better time of staying on track. I'll make a batch of keto naan's and chaffles as well. 8 of each will last at least 2 weeks. I'm also trying a keto bread recipe, it's currently in the oven, so I'll report back later! This is the recipe... same place my fav naan recipe came from.


Also I've thought more about my maxi dresses. I'm going to go ahead and cut one to length, see what it looks like. If I don't like the shorter dress length on me, I'll go ahead and cut them to tunic length and wear with leggings or jeans. Hopefully by next year when I make new clothes again I'll be able to keep them for the year after, but mind you, I've lots of weight still to lose. perhaps it will take a few years, but that's really ok.

Tortoises win in the end!

back later with pics of bread, whether good or bad!
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I might try it again. The recipe did say room temp eggs but I took mine out of the fridge. Mine didn't rise much so I'm wondering if it was because I made it too cold. Having said that the taste wasn't great either so I might not bother... I tried it plain, toasted and with my soup. Not great. Not awful but not great.
 

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tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 78.2kg G: 68kg BMI: 34.3 Loss: 10.5kg(11.86%)
It looks quite dense. I read the recipe and it calls for almond flour not ground almonds as this would make it dense. I have never actually deen almond flour. Did you manage to get some?
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
yes I have almond flour, I bought it online, probably amazon. It's quite expensive but usually I'm just using 2x tablespoons in a chaffle or a cup or two in the naan bread recipe so it lasts a while.

I may give up on 'bread' and just stick with the naan and chaffles, but typically now and then I can't help but try 🤣 :rolleyes:

Ah well. I decided to weigh in, best to know where I'm at. I'm 9lb's up in total, so almost half what I lost. In fairness I've really not focussed for a few months, but I want my new work tunic to fit better in a matter of weeks that's my current 'target'

Yesterday for dinner I had butternut squash baked and stuffed with bolognese, which was yummy.

Tonight we have lorne sausage in buns for the kids, I'll have it with an egg on a chaffle probably. It's basically like a beef sausage square pattie for those that don't know, I think it might be a scottish thing. Not sure.

I've ordered some new shelving and a workbench for my work room :) I'm all excited about everything.

Anyhoo, I need to get a move on and get some stuff done today, catch you all later.
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
lnspirational Queen! l am so happy for you.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
So I need to know ladies. Why my brain works this way? Usually I can analyse the silly away.

In advance of cutting my maxi dresses, I remembered I have this shorter one. I usually wear it with leggings. Now WHY does it seem so different to jump to wearing thick black tights and boots? It's realistically not very different right? But my comfort zone says no.

Off course, being me, and having decided I'm no slave to a comfort zone anymore I'm going out like this, to pick up my son, and to my meditation group later.

But does it look OK? You can't see it in pic as hairs still wet, but the purple in my hair blends with the purple in the dress. The boots are a dark navy with red stitching and coloured buttons up the back. They're Joe browns I bought them a few years back and have hardly worn them.
 

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tipperary

Gold Member
S: 88.7kg C: 78.2kg G: 68kg BMI: 34.3 Loss: 10.5kg(11.86%)
I think it looks perfect and i love those boots.For me the leggings V tights question is about length. A bit of thigh showing and its leggings not tights. Or do the bend over test and how high dors the dress ride up. That length on you is perfectly modest. Im trying so hard to het the last out of my summer dresses before i move to tights snd boots. It was raining yesterday when i came home in a short dress and bare legs.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
Thanks @tipperary yeah if it was a bit shorter I would definitely call it a top and need leggings lol. I've decided this is ok, I shared the pic with a few of my other friends too and they all said yeah it's definitely suitable to be seen in public. Although today I have tai chi class, so I'll wear something else lol. arms raised in the air could make it a bit less decent. I'll go ahead and cut down my 2 maxi's I think.

So yesterday I ended up in a rush so I just had the sausage with some sauce for dinner, still better than eating the bun. I also had macademia nuts. Lunch yesterday was lovely I had 2 boiled eggs, grated cheese, tomato, lettuce, cucumber all with some salad creme it was really yummy. I don't usually reach for a salad but it was great. I ate earlier in the day than I used to, because I'm nowhere near ketosis and was hungry. I haven't worried yet about intermittent fasting, I thought if I just get back onto less carbs this week at least it's an actual start. So far so good and I'm already less hungry than yesterday.

I've been really tired. In fairness I have a sore throat so something may be hanging around, there's loads of colds around. I'm testing weekly still for covid for work anyway so I know it's not that.

I think that lately it's just been about 'making it through' to finishing old job, and now I'm finally here my body just said ahhhh. no, we're not going crazy this week for your business, nope. we're having a break. Stop it now... don't fight it. Just take a wee break...

Many things decided in recent times, like I don't see my friends enough. I've now seen 2 friends in 3 days, so my sociability is expanding. I discovered my old tai chi classes have restarted, they closed down over covid. I am a beginner just around the 17 move mark - but I loved going to tai chi! I'll be a bit behind as I didn't know they'd re-started but that's ok. I'm going today :) I guess this next period of time is about finding the right balance (physically at tai chi lol) between work, relaxation and play. I did spend a few hours yesterday working on my craft orders.

One of the commitments I've tried to keep to myself is getting up a bit earlier to do morning pages and walk the dog 2 days a week (I still do both but different times rest of week), I managed it yesterday. Today I was so tired when the alarm went off, I got up anyway as had to pee :rolleyes: and took a cuppa to bed (tea geek I have a kettle in bedroom lol) and expected to wake up. My tennis elbow in my arm is playing up and was so sore, the tea didn't wake me at all and I ended up just sliding back down for another hours kip. It was such a struggle to get up. So I have decided that today I am going to tai chi class, then nipping to argos to pick up boxes I ordered and then I'm going to do whatever I feel like. If I feel like making stuff I will, but if I don't I won't. Son is at after school club today so I don't need to worry about him until 6.

I have no care shifts until the weekend, tomorrow I have 2 training webinars and will be visiting my family. Thursday and friday I think I'll just do what I want as well. Just make sure I post some things on my pages as I need to build that audience. I think I've well earned a bit of a break. Next week my son is at his Dads all week, and I have 3 care shifts booked, but they aren't long, or nights. They are all 5pm-2230 so I should be able to get plenty done next week, I'll also have got my new shelves and workbench by then, and will get my space properly organised.

I may make another cheese and egg salad for lunch, not decided yet. Dinner plans are chicken curry, and I need to get a batch of naans made for that, which will be good as then they'll be in the freezer for my convenience over the next few weeks. I'll make a batch of chaffles at the same time as I'll have all the main ingredients out anyway. Setting myself up for success! I also froze the bread that I knew we wouldn't use this week, as it's much less of a temptation to make toast when it isn't in the bread bin.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
well lets see yesterdays tai chi class was really good, very pleased to be jumping back in, then I made a lunch of cauli hash browns, bacon, fried egg and fried onions and tomatoes. It was really yummy.

but then I was so wiped out I just sat about, kids ended up having pizza for dinner, I had a little but not much. I went to bed at 9pm!

This morning felt a bit better, still have a slightly sore throat and did a lateral flow test as I knew I'm seeing people today (negative) my tennis elbow has been disturbing my sleep, but I've been trying to prop arm on a pillow and it did help a bit last night. I might try getting some ibuprofen gel just for the night time, it's totally manageable in the day. I'm hoping perhaps the tai chi exercises may come to help it too.

I spent this morning online doing behaviour de-escalation training, part 2 next week. It went ok so that's all good, then for lunch I had some lentil soup and a chaffle, then I attended the property of the family I'm booked to help over the next 2 weeks. He's got one of the fancy track hoists installed that is fixed in place, so we were being shown how to use it.

The others there were all established, knew the client and his needs and the existing equipment and routines very well so I felt a bit out of my depth, but I'm sure after a few shifts It will all be great. I just need to find my feet. I was the new person in care home and managed to get the hang of that, I'm sure this will work out fine too.

Dinner is going to be Macdonalds as we're heading off to visit my parents shortly.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
well it seems only fair, if one hopes to inspire when on top of everything - to admit when things don't feel so great. I've tried to stay upbeat this week but honestly it's become a struggle.

I took an ibuprofen before bed last night and honestly that did seem to help, I still have a sore throat and it helped my tennis elbow, I definitely slept better, and I got a fair bit done today. There was an ikea day bed and the dog crate I wanted out of my craft room, so I spent ages today dismantling and moving it and have started assembling the shelving and workbench I bought. That part of things is going ok. I do however feel that there has always been one more thing to do and then another thing to do and then another just one more thing... before I can be properly productive. I'm hoping this is the last hurdle. I hadn't planned on clearing that space and getting the shelving until next year, but then I just decided I should continue to invest in myself and really get the space right. It's been a lot of extra work tho, albeit not that expensive.

I bought a smaller dog crate to fit in a different space but it's a bit too small for the dog :( so I'm going to chance leaving her without it. She's got a history of being destructive, but I was thinking - I have new furniture now for 8 weeks, new flooring since december last year, new door mats, all stuff she's gone for before and she hasn't touched for a long time now. She'll still grab a jumper or a cushion, but none of the fixed things. We just need to be careful what we leave lying about is all. I'll try it and see, it may or may not work out... I'll not bin the crate until we know. Tonight will be the first night... wish us luck!

So generally I think I'm just feeling a bit under the weather, a bit in pain with my elbow and a bit overwhelmed at the new job. It will all pass I know this. I'm pretty upbeat these days most of the time it's ok to have a few days feeling a bit lower.

Hopefully once I finish getting my room all sorted and have a few of my first shifts under my belt I'll feel better. And this sore throat will hopefully get lost as well. It's deffo not covid I tested PCR on tuesday and lateral flow wednesday. All negative.
 

purpleorc

Silver Member
S: 20st11lb C: 15st8lb G: 11st8lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 5st3lb(25.09%)
well it seems only fair, if one hopes to inspire when on top of everything - to admit when things don't feel so great. I've tried to stay upbeat this week but honestly it's become a struggle.

I took an ibuprofen before bed last night and honestly that did seem to help, I still have a sore throat and it helped my tennis elbow, I definitely slept better, and I got a fair bit done today. There was an ikea day bed and the dog crate I wanted out of my craft room, so I spent ages today dismantling and moving it and have started assembling the shelving and workbench I bought. That part of things is going ok. I do however feel that there has always been one more thing to do and then another thing to do and then another just one more thing... before I can be properly productive. I'm hoping this is the last hurdle. I hadn't planned on clearing that space and getting the shelving until next year, but then I just decided I should continue to invest in myself and really get the space right. It's been a lot of extra work tho, albeit not that expensive.

I bought a smaller dog crate to fit in a different space but it's a bit too small for the dog :( so I'm going to chance leaving her without it. She's got a history of being destructive, but I was thinking - I have new furniture now for 8 weeks, new flooring since december last year, new door mats, all stuff she's gone for before and she hasn't touched for a long time now. She'll still grab a jumper or a cushion, but none of the fixed things. We just need to be careful what we leave lying about is all. I'll try it and see, it may or may not work out... I'll not bin the crate until we know. Tonight will be the first night... wish us luck!

So generally I think I'm just feeling a bit under the weather, a bit in pain with my elbow and a bit overwhelmed at the new job. It will all pass I know this. I'm pretty upbeat these days most of the time it's ok to have a few days feeling a bit lower.

Hopefully once I finish getting my room all sorted and have a few of my first shifts under my belt I'll feel better. And this sore throat will hopefully get lost as well. It's deffo not covid I tested PCR on tuesday and lateral flow wednesday. All negative.
I am sorry hear your generally under the weather. It is tough when we hurt or are in pain. Ibrufen is the perfect thing for your elbow, just ensure you do not take it on a empty tummy as it can be a little harsh on the digestive system. But it will should bring any inflammation down from the tennis elbow. I hope you feel better soon.

I hope your pooch behaves herself now she is not in a crate. We have to crate ours as she can be destructive if left on her own. The little toe rag has taken to digging up the garden and finding holes in the lawn now. She is definitely head of the escape committee :rotflmao:
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
So sorry you are achey and sore. Life is a rhythm and sometimes it's downbeat. Change at work is hard. l think we forget how capable we are n the familarity of old jobs. It's also exhausting for the brain learning everything new that we need for new jobs. Hope you feel better as the next few days (and shifts) go by.
 

purpleorc

Silver Member
S: 20st11lb C: 15st8lb G: 11st8lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 5st3lb(25.09%)
So sorry you are achey and sore. Life is a rhythm and sometimes it's downbeat. Change at work is hard. l think we forget how capable we are n the familarity of old jobs. It's also exhausting for the brain learning everything new that we need for new jobs. Hope you feel better as the next few days (and shifts) go by.
Those are wise words so true picking up new skills is hard work either mentally or physically. but I am sure as @AliGal says as the shifts go by little by little it will get easier as the new tasks become second nature.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I think I've just ran a bit on adrenaline lately, and then a lot of the time I should have had spare has been spent training for new job. That and having a cold or whatever it is I have, and my wonky elbow!

I've accidentally overcommitted myself and have work planned for 6/7 of the next 7 days lol, but now I know what I'm doing I won't do that again. After this next week I'll be off for at least 5 before doing only 1 or 2 shifts. Not all of the shifts are long though in fairness. But it will quickly get me used to this new family I'm going to be helping, I hope. Bearing in mind the first 2 shifts are THIS week, then NEXT week I have Monday off, tues, wed and fri at new job, and am helping my friend looking after her mum for most of thursday. My shifts at new job are only 5pm-2230 tho so it should be ok really, and my son is with his Dad all week so I don't need to work around him at all.

The dog has been great by NOT eating the house last night, however she barked several times so my sleep has been broken. I'm hoping she settles as ordinarily in her crate she only barked now and then, I'm grateful that she hasn't destroyed anything though. After coming down to her twice during bouts of barking I realised if I 'drop in' on the alexa, she does respond to me telling her thru that to shhh lol so I'll try that tonight and also going to baricade the back door as if she can't see out (or her reflection) that might also help.

I've already been busy this morning and assembled my 2nd shelving unit in my craft room and I've just had lunch (bacon, egg, beans and tomato. Now I'm having a little chill before going to do some organising as the whole craft room now looks like a bomb hit it :(

It will be well worth the effort though, I'm sure once I get it all sorted. And all the life changes will be worth it too. I just need to get through the first few shifts and I'm sure it will all be fine again.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
my first shifts have gone well, but I'm not my best yet. I was awake most of last night with a sore jaw - I think this is a symptom I sometimes have when I'm anxious, I don't realise I'm doing it but I clamp my teeth together. Hopefully now that the first shifts are passed I'll not do it again lol.

Today I was supposed to be working till 2, but wasn't needed. Daughter was upset about some stuff so it was good I was here, then we went to pick up my shopping together. Then early evening I was seized by pains in my abdomen - they were really like the gallbladder pain I had years ago. But I don't have a gallbladder... so I don't know. It certainly passed faster, gallbladder pain went on for hours, this was only about 30 mins. I don't know if it was something I'd eaten or if it was because I'd taken ibuprofen a bit too long after food, or if it was just a random thing. No idea.

I'm not chancing eating until after my hour at work. I weighed this morning and STS. I'll try to start IF from tomorrow.
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
Hope the sharp pain is done & gone, and the jaw pain eases too. I prescribe more self care, and some gentle jaw self massage.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
thanks @AliGal, yes I'm chilling today.

Thankfully no more pain, I got in after my shift last night and had sausage curry and cauli hash browns, stayed up for an hour or so then slept all night.

Even my tennis elbow isn't bothering me last night or today :)

Positives - the first night of being out of her crate, the doggo barked quite a bit, the second night she barked a little, now she doesn't bark at all. I barricade the back door as it's glazed so she can't see out or bark at her own reflection, and I tell Alexa to play radio, so that cuts down her hearing any distant noises. It's all working great, she doesn't even mind my daughter disturbing her coming into kitchen in morning for her lunch and then heading for work, she just stays settled after a wee rub. And she hasn't eaten the house lol. Top marks for the pup. It wasn't how I planned things but as usual - everything worked out well. Life lesson 48379798754, things usually do work out fine one way or another.

More positives - the family I've been planned in to help over the next few weeks are really great people. I can't say much here for privacy reasons, but they are great to work with and I'm happy to be a part of their rota whenever possible. I do, however need to remember to say no, sometimes, and remember why I made these changes. It's great to help them... but I need to also help myself.

Negatives - we're all, as in the client, the experienced carer who came in to help us sunday morning and the two off us who were officially on duty - all going to email our manager. They put two of us on together to help a man with complex needs with both his nighttime and morning routine, both of us our first shifts with him. Surely for situations like this any new staff should only be paired with experienced staff to learn the routine? but that's the only negative.

I'm happy that the weekend was in a way a 'baptism of fire' and now I know both of his routines for both times of day so am much more comfortable for next week.

This week I have 3x evening shifts with this family, and 1x day shift with friends mum, the following week I've 2x 2hrs with friends mum and 1x sleepover shift with the aforementioned family. I've decided that the next week I'm taking a break and only doing the 2x 2hrs with friends mum. I've more than the hours needed for my month, and also I'll still have a half wage from my old job plus holiday pay coming, so I can afford a week off. I think I shall regularly plan one when I can.

Ok, so that's you all up to date with 'life' haha

I'm deliberately sat here doing this update now, because I'm hungry and want to eat, but I want to gently push back into IF properly today. I'm going to do 16/8 for this week. It's only another 30 mins until 12pm, and I'm going with 12-8pm for my window this week. On an extra positive note I weighed this morning and have actually lost 1lb, so that's a win. I've decided to move my weigh day to monday, because I won't be typically working other than from home on Mondays now, whereas before every 2nd monday I was in the middle of nightshifts and Fridays were better, but now I'm more likely to be working on a friday.

As my son is at his Dads all week (this was supposed to be my 'week off' but instead it's been my week of getting used to new job lol) I don't have him to worry about so it makes this week easy. I've made sure the house has plenty for daughter to help herself to, as in most cases this week I'll be leaving for my shift before she gets home from hers. I already batch cooked sausage curry, there are 2 portions left in fridge but I will likely freeze them for later in the week. I'm going to split a pack of mince and make chilli and bolognese, and my usual couple of pots of soup. That should do me for the week, along with perhaps some salad, eggs, bacon etc.

it's now 1148, so I'm going to pop on some eggs to boil and make an egg and cheese salad for my lunch.

After that I think I'll have another hours chilling to let my lunch settle then do a couple of hours stuff in the house, a nice dog walk, then more stuff in the house... I have my meditation group tonight hopefully.

have a great week everyone x
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
hey there. struggling low carber checking in again haha.

This week has just been a big struggle, I definitely committed to too much work, but going forwards that's a relatively easy fix. I find it hard to say no when they keep calling asking for cover, but I'm practising! They call A LOT. The actual shifts have all gone well and I'm 100% sure as before that this is definitely the right path for me.

The home care side was accidental but I really enjoy it, and on the weeks those shifts don't work out I can pick up care home ones. I just need to stay strong and ONLY work the hours I want to.

My toothache kept coming and going all week so it's been miserable off and on, and I know I really do need to find a dentist soon, that's springing up all kinds of anxieties :(

Anyhoo. Last proper shift this week starts at 5pm and I'm in for 1 hr tomorrow night (yeah yeah I said yes to that one lol small steps)

I've been introduced to the lushness of a chai latte... which my friend gave me on Monday made in her fancy coffee pod thingummy. I can't justify buying such a gadget, we don't drink coffee so it would be only used for hot choc and chai latte, really superfluous... so I've been experimenting. Today I put a vanilla chai tea bag in a mug with a little hot water, and warmed up a mix of 50/50 milk and cream, once hot I whisked it up to make it frothy and poured it in the mug with a sweetner. Lush. I don't want to go back to using sweetners routinely, I don't have them anymore in normal tea, but I'm thinking a once a week chai latte would be a nice treat and I may start to make hot choc that way too. I know it's using sweetner but having the 50/50 cream and milk actually makes it filling as well.

Anyways, I need to go get a shower and some stuff sorted. toodles.
 




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