Crazy life of Chilli

ladybird777

Silver Member
S: 15st2lb C: 12st9lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 30.4 Loss: 2st7lb(16.51%)
I feel for you with the toothache. I have not had a dentist for years but my teeth are now falling apart. There are no dentists with slots where I live and not even emergency slots so I hope you manage to find one where you are. The chai latte sounds lovely.
 
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AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
Write yourself a big note - that you'll see when you are answering your phone that says "No thanks!"
 

purpleorc

Silver Member
S: 20st11lb C: 15st8lb G: 11st8lb BMI: 33.1 Loss: 5st3lb(25.09%)
Has from one who comes from a caring background (registered mental nurse RMN for short) you have to try and find a happy medium between work and homelife. Else you soon burn yourself out and you are no use to your patients and your family. I know this is easier said than done.

Sorry to hear you have toothache. For emergencies in pain relief I always use clove oil pop on a cottonwool ball and then place on effected area. Horrid stuff but helps numb the incessant pain. Now I had a bad experience at the dentist leaving me a nervous patient to say the least. The dentist got struck off the register and served time for fraud. He was billing the NHS for treatment we were suppose to have had then pocketing the money himself. Now he did a procedure on me without lignacaine or equivilant. Now this was when I was a teenager and wouldn't stand up for myself as I was so painfully shy. Nursing changed all that. But I suggest you look for a dentist that deals with nervous patient as they can give you a mild sedative prior to treatment and let you have treatment at your own pace. I feel much more in control now and less a of a nervous wreck still not my favourite place but who likes going to the dentist.
 

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
Hello sweetie - crikey I'm not surprised your arm has been giving you a bit of grief, you may have forgotten just how much you've been doing!Another action packed week - all good stuff though.

And I absolutely love the work welcome parcel - how thoughtful - and oh my yes do keep the box. I'm a big fan of boxes myself lol, and love it when "Ping!", a fab idea to reuse a box or container jumps into my brain :).

Sorry about the toothache, that's not good - I second the clove oil, or you can boil up some cloves in water and gargle that. I'm also a really nervous patient and have found the best dentist who gives me a liquid sedative beforehand, and he almost makes me look forward to going (yeah right, who am I kidding! LOLOL).
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I'm ok if they call me at home, I go straight to my calendar and look at it, it's when they call me and I'm out and about.

Sounds like a good reason to make myself a new bag big enough for my planner and always bring it, but it's a bit big. I'll probably get a little diary to note down work shifts, general plans and when my son is home/away. If I always have that to hand I'd be less caught on the hop. Off course I typically don't really bring a bag, so I'd need a new habit as well 🤣 but it's a good excuse to experiment and make new bag designs.

Anyhoo. Last night at the last minute I nodded off doing my click and collect order, which means I now haven't got a click and collect lol. I can't decide between getting enough for tomorrows lunches from the local shop and getting a click and collect tomorrow instead OR just going actual shopping, but I hate wandering around tesco :rolleyes: however at least it would be done. I dunno. Not sure I've the energy to go shopping really.

I've lots of tidying up I want to get done today, but I am really struggling with procrastination lately. A mix of tiredness and being ill/having toothache but also just... not getting it done. With food, walking, crafting, everything. I guess it's just a wee slump and I'll bounce back soon.

This next week should be better as I haven't overplanned work. I have around 15 hours of care work, including a sleepover shift. So that should be easy enough. I also start my home based art journal group on Tuesday, which has grown to the max of 6 people, I'd not have more in my craft room. If this works well it will give me some regular income as I'm charging in 4 week blocks at £20/person. I did do it ad-hoc in the past but then when people didn't come obviously I didn't get paid. 4 week blocks isn't a huge commitment to ask of people. It won't be straight profit as I provide tea and snacks as well, and all the art supplies, but still, should be around £100/month to add to my self employed account.

I may advertise for a craft or sewing group too, not quite sure how to format it though. I could maybe have 4 people in for a craft group, I think max 3 for sewing to make sure space and attention is available. Not sure what to charge either... hmmm.

Right, enough thinking I best go DO something! Anyone dropping by send a kick lol
 

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
Oh gosh no kicks from me, I can procrastinate for England! :D And you've not been feeling great, so just relax, some you time is called for.

Anyway, you always achieve LOADS! I just love how entrepreneurial you are (in an extremely good way) to use your skills and the things you love doing too - and £20 for 4 weeks seems very cheap to me!
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
Procrastinators anonymous group? lol

the £20/ 4 weeks is a 2 hour weekly group so I hope it's not asking too much. I am trying to value my time and materials appropriately but it's also an ongoing battle!

I'd pay £5 to go do art for a couple hours with tea and biscuits and supplies included so I figure it's ok.

Well, Good Morning on Monday - chucking it down with rain here today! I already DID NOT get up early as planned despite my early night last night and a good sleep, I suspect I may need a number of good sleeps really. A couple of years of nightshift through my tumultuous time I guess have taken their toll. Now it's time - I have accepted - to rest up a little.

I'm not sure why I didn't see it, it's easier to diagnose in others, easier to say to others - I truly believe we need to honour our own rhythms and cycles in life. So I went through several years of craziness trying to hold my marriage together followed by a year or so of heartache and another year or so of simply surviving and holding it together. Life have moved on for me, I'm no longer in that crazied up survival mode and my body is simply demanding a period of calm, rest and self care. Realistically looking back I've been in a state of a mix of the following for around 7-8 years - anxiety, adrenaline, fear, heartache, lack of sleep, panic, pain, disillusion, sadness, depression, money worries, hopelessness. Probably sometimes all at once. It's only natural that to have come through that and 'survived' that it will require some time to also properly recover. I've done well - I'm giving myself some credit. Lots, in fact

I have been responding to my inner self in many ways, largely when I'm 'free' I do what I want. If I want to doze I do etc... But I've done it with a feeling of guilt. Procrastinating is usually a symptom rather than a normal state of being. People who procrastinate may have all kinds of things holding them back, including fear, uncertainty etc but also - in my case I think, plain old need for recuperation.

So I have decided that for this Autumn and Winter wherever possible I am going to live on my own terms. I WILL say no to more work than I need. I've had people offering me spaces in local christmas fayres to sell my stuff which would be good but a lot of pressure to make enough to sell so I've decided for this year a definite no. I will work on my home business, but at my own pace. I do not need nor desire a high adrenaline lifestyle.

What would be the point of removing the pressures of the world, only to replace it with pressure from the self? nah.

Instead of a winter of 'discontent' I am aiming for some seasons of content :)

I have learned many lessons and turned many corners in my life. I guess I just did it again. A new corner and a new leg of my journey.

Have a lovely start to the week miniminners.

PS (in other more anxiety provoking news I have emailed the 2 local dentists that may be taking on new patients, sometimes self care isn't pretty...)
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
What a wonderful post, Queen. I too have been buffeted by lots of pressures - so it really struck home with me. Well done on getting in touch with dentists. We just got onto an NHS dentist last year. lt's a relief as l could no longer afford private dentists.

So very good luck with this next part of yr journey.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
@AliGal it's much easier to prescribe self care to others than it is to take our own prescription!

Both the dentists have replied saying they're not taking on at the moment, the 3rd had it on their website that they're not taking on at the moment, so I'll keep an eye out and try again in a couple of months, unless I need to seek emergency treatment.

I potentially could pay for some private treatment, but ashamedly I know it's going to take a lot to get my mouth back to healthy, and I'm eligible for free treatment so it does make sense to take it. I could look a bit further afield but not sure if I will yet.
 

AliGal

Eating Like A Bear plus!
S: 22st10.6lb C: 19st3.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 43.5 Loss: 3st6.8lb(15.32%)
Twice, I rang round the dentists within an hour's drive, asking to go on their waiting lists. The second time, one just 14 miles away said they'd put us on their list - and 10 months later they rang me up. We have the lowest provision of NHS dentists made worse by several practices closing.

So l felt very lucky.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I called a few a little further away and have been added to a waiting list. They said they've a dentist on maternity leave and hoping to be taking on patients by end of year.
 

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
@ChilliQueen I ditto Ali's comment - your post just lifted me right up!

I am so very happy to hear you coming from a starting point of compassion for yourself - hard fought, I know, you've been through the wringer with so much stuff over the last few years - but the beautiful butterfly is emerging and it's a wonderful thing to witness!
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
thank you for the lovely comments :)

yesterday was the worst day yet for toothache, well it wasn't too bad earlier in the day but I visited my parents and had Macdonalds and suffered subsequently for hours. I think it's the chewing? I usually have chicken selects. In any case I took paracetamol AND ibuprofen and still suffered for over 3 hours, then when I was home I did a salt water wash and used a microwavable wheat heat bag which was soothing, took more painkillers and thankfully managed to sleep.

I've decided that for the next few days at least I need to take ibuprofen regularly, and probably avoid chewy foods... I've not taken paracetamol today but took 400mg ibuprofen 1st thing and that's kept it at bay so far. I'll take more at 3pm and more at bedtime and see where I'm at in a few days. The down side of this is that I can't intermittent fast as supposed to eat with them, so this morning I had half a slice of toast. The positive being I don't really feel like eating... I may make some soup.

I've called a few more dentists but still haven't found one taking anyone on, so I'll probably just wait until my turn comes up on the waiting list. There is an emergency service but as I have days when I'm fine I don't think they'd see me and in any case I'd rather wait if I can and see the one dentist for everything.

I realised the other day, when trying to question myself as I do... why was I feeling embarrassed and ashamed about the idea of allowing a dentist to see my mouth, when typically I don't really care what people think of me anyway? and I realised I don't really care what the dentist thinks of me. I simply feel the shame and embarrassment about myself to myself if that makes sense? The negativity is aimed at myself really and not the dentist. Which isn't very kind is it? I'll try to do better.

On a positive note, I stood on the scales today and am down another lb, so I'm happy with that especially as I've been so unsettled.

I had my first art journal group session in my craft room on Tuesday, 6 lovely ladies who all seemed to enjoy it, so fingers crossed I can continue that as a regular source of income. It will bring in approx £100/mth profit, and in a few weeks I may offer a different type of group another day.

My manager at work asked if I'd consider going full time as they have a second complex care family needing staffed now too, and it's nice to be asked only a few weeks in. I know this means the feedback about my work from the family I'm helping has been good. However I am becoming better at saying no. I need to focus on my family and my own hopes and dreams, but I'm still happy to help them around what fits.
 

ladybird777

Silver Member
S: 15st2lb C: 12st9lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 30.4 Loss: 2st7lb(16.51%)
Well done on the llb loss. I don't want to play dental top trumps but I bet your teeth are better then mine. Mine are crumbling all over and where I've had fillings they have cracked in two. Our town was on the bbc news recently for the worst dental care in the country. I had to fight for 2 years to get a dentist 50 miles away to look at my son's wisdom teeth and he is, finally, in November, seeing a dental surgeon at the hospital to have them removed. This is after recurrent very painful infections which make his blood sugars rise. All I know is dentists have seen it all so try not to worry. The current system of having few NHS dentists and private being unaffordable for most has created the problems they are used to seeing. My last dentist was struck off for treating while drunk and my fillings he did while drunk have all fallen out of my mouth. However that was in 2001.
 

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
OMG Ladybird! Bad enough going to the dentist - only to realise that he's drunk!

Chilli - so pleased you had a nice group of ladies, I bet they will all be back for more - do you imagine it might turn into a full time thing for you? Well, full time enough to leave you time for your own projects, that is.

Really sorry the toothache pain continues - I'm lucky in that we have loads of dentists oop here in the NE, so cross fingers you can get on someone's list - have yuou spoken to your surgery about it? Perhaps they are able to get you in to see someone a bit quicker?
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I hope you're not in too much pain @ladybird777 is there not an emergency dentist there? We do have one here but they'll really only take you if you're in so much pain you can't function. I did phone around more places, but other than going much further away I'm going to just have to wait I think. I've also ordered a DIY home filling kit to try... I'll report back.

I've had 2 days with only a little pain, if I keep the ibuprofen topped up it seems to be not too bad, and I've stuck to soft foods and nothing sugary.

Last night I did my first 'sleepover' shift and I have to say this really must be one of the best jobs around. I got paid, for SLEEPING.

Off course I'm not really being paid for sleep, I'm being paid to be instantly available should anything happen and I recognise the value in that, but still - 99% of the time nothing ever will.

Off course I didn't sleep well... I was too scared I'd sleep in (despite the fact I had alarm set on my phone haha) but still it was certainly much easier than my nightshifts in the care home. I'm probably going to find it hard if they get more regular staff here for the family I'm helping with and they have less room for me and I'll need to go back to care home work. I'm really happy to be helping this family, but I recognise that it would be better for them if they can have more regular set up with a rolling rota. However there is a second family also on their books, and they don't seem to be finding it easy to find staff, so I may be able to do this for quite a while.

Now, as in summer I was in a struggle as I didn't have enough summer clothes and put myself under pressure to make them... now we are autumnal and I'm in the same dilemma, but with a different mindset. I've still to cut the dresses I mentioned, but I'll do it soon. I will then have 3 dresses to wear with tights and boots. I have 2 pairs of jeans I wear regularly and a pair of leggings and a mishmash of tops, hoodies and cardi's etc. That's about it. I did have some other trousers but they're pretty worn and old clothes become my painting clothes lol.

So I put it to myself, do I need the pressure to make new clothes for autumn/winter? nah. I'll make some obviously but at my leisure not by demand. I decided that it is worth me making things like dresses or things that are fitted as the waist etc ends up in the right place, but for normal everyday tops, hoodies and trousers there really isn't any point and it doesn't save any money as fabric is so expensive anyway. So I made an order to simply be, I ordered jeggings, jeans, tops, a dress length tunic and 2 pairs of boots.

The blue boots I have are great but too colourful to go with everything, so I've ordered a pair of 'berry' calf height boots which I hope to wear with jeans etc and a knee high black pair for wearing with skirts. The boots are an extravagance but I tend to wear boots for a good 2-3 years so I don't mind as much, and many of the other items were inexpensive. The delivery has arrived... so I'll be trying them on shortly. Hopefully they will fit and be enough to see me through the winter.

Hopefully by spring I'll be down a size :)

Have a nice weekend everyone x
 

ladybird777

Silver Member
S: 15st2lb C: 12st9lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 30.4 Loss: 2st7lb(16.51%)
They aren't hurting much but they look awful. I have to smile with my mouth shut and be careful I do not break them further. My friend ended up with sepsis due to untreated teeth and was in hospital on a iv for a few days. The teeth still have not been treated months later. It's a bad situation for everyone.

I can never wear knee high boots as I walk so much I have massive calf muscles so they are always too tight. They sound great tho.
 

ChilliQueen

Silver Member
I have to buy the curvy calf boots, the standard ones won't fit at all, can't wear wellies either but they'd hurt my feet anyway lol.

Well the online shopping trip was mostly a success... I'm only sending 2 things back.

The calf height boots are my new favourite things. in the photo on the website, referred to as 'berry' they looked a red/brown colour but in actual fact they're quite a deep burgundy red, slightly purple in fact. and the adjustment at the side means they fit fine for me, they gap open slightly where they would overlap for a slimmer leg, but they still look good over skinny jeans/jeggings and I love them.

Collectively including my dresses I feel I have a reasonable autumn/winter wardrobe now. Mostly casual but some smart enough should I ever go anywhere that I want to feel smarter. I'll never be a person who has cupboards full of hundreds of clothes that just isn't me, but it's nice to see my own style evolving over the past year or so. I've definitely changed and I'm pleased about that.

So much of my life I've spent in my old industry work uniform - branded shirt and snickers work trousers. I miss the trousers I've even considered buying some lol, so many pockets but not especially flattering... Anyway I spent probably 80% of my life in that uniform. Now I'm finding I do need to have more clothes because I no longer have that kind of uniform provided for most of my days. Altho I have a work tunic I don't have to wear that for my current role as we're in peoples houses we just wear practical clothes but not uniform. I think it's taken me a while to find my own style as I'm realising I never really had one.

Onwards and upwards!
 

ladyfelsham

Dirty keto rocks!
S: 348lb C: 334lb G: 140lb BMI: 59.2 Loss: 14lb(4.02%)
The boots are a lovely colour, it's almost a plum, and very pretty, but they also will keep your tootsies nice and warm for what I forecast will be a freezing winter!

And oh my we are twinsies when it comes to justifying our retail therapy :D :D I so could hear "me" in your posts there - and I mean that in a totally nice way :D. I have a friend who I message and say "I really need XYZ" and she's as bad as me for shopping so tells me all the reasons I really need it, she's virtually there pushing my arm to the Buy button :D.

I did a big clothing purchase a few months ago - some new shirts mainly, as I'd been literally living in my PJs for the last year, with only the occasional foray out for hospital/GP appointments - so they are there for me when I'm ready to venture out a bit more. WFH means comfort first LOL but I've just signed up for a U3A Christmas market day trip in November, so I will have something nice to wear. Although they may all be a bit big for me by then!
 




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