Dating while doing a VLCD

[lilbit]

Hi all,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years and I'm thinking of when it's time to date again.

I have just over 40kgs left to lose, which is going to take me all of this year to do. But I don't want to wait to start dating until I'm at my goal but I'm confused about how dating will work whilst doing a VLCD?

I guess the main bits are how not to seem like a girl with food issues (what man appreciates that?) by avoiding meals or a glass of wine for the next six months.... and also I seem to be regularly spotting for about a week and a half with just a week where I don't spot. That will make the whole intimacy thing with a potential new partner awkward!!

Also, I'm worried that if I wait to start dating until I'm at goal but then having loads of loose skin and and the body issues about that where as I don't have anyhang ups now and am really confident.

I know the sensible thing would be to just avoid it... but I'm not considering that as an option. I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for the last year and don't want to spend the next year alone as well (unless of course I don't meet someone and that's totally fine, I'm not desperate!).

Sorry for the brain dump! But if anyone else has any similar experience or advice I'd love to hear it!

 

[evil weevil]

It's a complicated one. I've been single for the past year other than a quick fling, but have spent most of my life single as I'm a. too busy and b. too picky so it doesn't bother me too much. I will probably feel like dating again in September - I am working away for 7 weeks in the summer so don't want to get involved before then anyway, which has pretty much made the decision for me and handily I will be much slimmer by then I was about 2 weeks in to a VLCD when I got involved with my last partner, and after the third date I gave the diet up as she was clearly happy with my body so it really didn't help body matters long term - when things ended in the April I used it as an excuse to overeat and it's taken me a year to come back successfully to Exante. If I were you I would perhaps get half way to your new body before starting to look - too much progress to throw it all away, and starting to see the smaller you inside. If you met someone now they may unintentionally sabotage your efforts. Of course, someone might come along and sweep you off your feet before then! Ultimately the decision is yours.

 

[kathyd]

Maybe you should get into the dating pool now by trying to find people in health-conscious places. Go to gyms, find or start a walking group, look up on Meetup.com in your area. That kind of stuff is probably your best bet for finding someone who'll get what you're doing and what your concerns are.

 

[AliGal]

Lovely Lilbit,

If you're thinking that, then I think you should. I don't think we should put our lives on hold. You will want to man age it proactively - maybe thank someone who asks you out for a drink or dinner and say can we go and see a film instead or go for a walk or the British Museum (and you have the black coffee, of course!). I would even say after a few dates that you are on a special medical regime - so have to have meal replacements so will look forward to having dinners when you are back on food again.

It would be good to also use the time to go out and do lots of things. You know that old advice that they used to give to get active and meet men. So I really enjoyed salsa - going regularly to same classes helps, and zumba will get you fitter and into the beat if you aren't ready for salas yet. I just accepted that I get sweatier than others. Join a life drawing class or learn to sail on the Thames or at a reservoir.

Maybe even write your ad on Match.com to say - curvy girl seeks partner to enjoy live and help her get fit?

Whatever you do, do something and have fun! Good luck.

 

[xSinead]

I'm not in your situation because i've been with my partner 4 years. But we've recently moved into our own house & i'm cooking dinner every single night for her, so the temptation is still there, like it would be if you were to date & go for meals etc. Its all about willpower though i think. If you're in the early stages of dating, suggest doing things where food isn't involved, cinema, bowling, something fun. And then as you get to know them, telling them you're on a VLCD won't be an issue at all. But as you say, you've been in a long relationship, so maybe now is time for YOU to concentrate on YOU, don't worry about finding someone to date!

 

[lilbit]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply and offer your advice and thoughts!! Its certainly a lot of food for thought (no pun intended!).... will have to contemplate things for awhile I think. I'll will most likely take a few months out and really focus and then see where I'm at in the summer. I really like the idea of joining some active clubs and see who I might come across. Start living now how I intend to carry on, and attracting similar types of people into my life. Thanks again!!

 

[AliGal]

I really like the idea of joining some active clubs and see who I might come across. Start living now how I intend to carry on, and attracting similar types of people into my life. Thanks again!!

FABULOUS plan, Lilbit. I love your response - and hope you'll cut some pics out of old magazines of the sorts of things you'd like to have a go at. I belive that f we don't find things we don't like we're not trying enough new things (applies also to food, films, clothing styles!).

Have fun and post back in a couple of months about what you're doing so we can have the vicarious thrill of your life too!