Dealing with comments people make

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Starlight, 22 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

    Posts:
    37,910
    Likes Received:
    1,128
    Diet:
    Weight Watchers
    Im already starting to have some mixed feelings about comments Im receiving as I lose more and more weight.

    For the most part I love that people now notice & are commenting on it but there are a few things that niggle. Things I suspect will become more and more as time goes on.

    Last night I was doing the shift handover to the night shift, now its kind of important, it involves running through the calls, let them know whats outstanding, the current status of the calls cops are at, any calls that the cops will need a relief from that kind of thing. I was going over things with the night shift and mid way through the girl I was talking to said out of the blue 'You know you can really see a real difference in your face' Ok, I appreciate the sentiments but the timing just totally threw me.

    Ive had a few people ask how much Ive lost and are suitably impressed but then add 'Mind you youd piled on a bit' Yes, thank you I know, you dont need to state the obvious. Do people think because Im now addressing the problem then theyre free to make whatever comments they want?

    The one thing I can really see me being self concious about as time goes in is the amount Ive lost which will become a direct link back to my starting weight. Im not sure how Ill feel admitting to people Ive lost 15/16 stones in weight.......

    Does anyone else feel like this, will it pass? Am I just plain mad ;)
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

    Posts:
    4,590
    Likes Received:
    305
    Start Weight:
    17st4lb
    Current Weight:
    16st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st7lb(2.89%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan - Step 1
    No - I don't think you're mad. Sometimes compliments come as a bit of a double edged sword. When I'd lost loads of weight in 2006, I'd get plenty of complimentary comments but sometimes there would be quite insulting remarks about my pre-weight loss size which came like a sting in the tail.
    Someone at Uni once said 'How did you ever let yourself get to that size in the first place?' which totally floored me. I think I just garbled something about having 'obviously eaten too much'. Of course, now I've regained quite a bit, I'm paranoid about the people who made those negative comments as I know what they must really be thinking.

    It's a toughie ... losing a lot of weight seems to give the green light to SOME people to trash your 'former persona' as if you're a different person and they're not insulting you at all. Which they are.

    If I saw someone with a whole new hairstyle and image, I'd never dream of saying 'Well, it's good you changed your hair because your old style made you look so old'.
     
  4. cah-ching

    cah-ching Gold Member

    Posts:
    11,948
    Likes Received:
    494
    Hi Starlight,

    You aren't mad. I feel exactly the same. I really hate it.
     
  5. cah-ching

    cah-ching Gold Member

    Posts:
    11,948
    Likes Received:
    494

    Funny you should say that. I had my hair in braids over Christmas. When I took them out, a work colleague said "oh by the way, I prefer your hair like that" ... when I mentioned how offended I was to my friend on the phone on the evening, he suggested I was being touchy and that the colleague was offering a compliment. I still don't regard it that way. How I look weight/hair is no one's business. For me it wasn't a compliment it was a criticism of my braided hairstyle. A compliment sounds like this "Cah-Ching - I really like your hair like that, it looks nice" which is different to "I prefer your hair like that by the way"

    Who the hell do people think you are ... and the thing is, if I were to pull the colleague up on it, I would have been accused of being touchy or defensive as my friend intimated I was being.

    Shhhheeeeesh! Makes me mad. I've considered the comments I'll get when I slim and I know I'll end up singing someone's eyebrows with the fire that will come out of my mouth!
     
  6. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

    Posts:
    4,319
    Likes Received:
    232
    Hiya - not sure if this is a daft suggestion.....but do you have to tell people how much you've lost ????? Could you not just say 'LOTS' or 'HALF OF ME'....or something like that ????

    It's really none of their business...and if it makes you feel uncomfortable to discuss it, then don't.....am I missing the point ?? sorry if I am....but I just think that - if you don;t want to share thos onformation, then don't.....you can avoid the question withoug being rude.....

    apologies if I've got round end of stick......:rolleyes:

    Debz xx
     
  7. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

    Posts:
    4,319
    Likes Received:
    232

    I totally agree - people ALWAYS feel they have the RIGHT to comment on how we look, what we wear, what style our hair is in....is it because we're a bit overweight ?? does this happen with slim people ?????

    do we not matter cos we're bit overweight ?? makes me mad !!! :mad:

    Debz x
     
  8. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

    Posts:
    681
    Likes Received:
    32
    Start Weight:
    20st3lb
    Current Weight:
    18st4lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st6lb
    Lost(%):
    1st13lb(9.54%)
    Diet:
    CD
    I think that some people can't keep themselves to themselves and feel the need (and think they are entitled to) to comment on everybody and say whatever they wanna say. Those same persons though would never allow anybody to do the same!:mad:

    Starlight, I can understand how annoying this can be for you. If it was me I'd just say something like "I dropped 4 dress sizes". It may not be true, but at least it will mean that you don't have to feel uncomfortable.

    Elie x
     
  9. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

    Posts:
    4,590
    Likes Received:
    305
    Start Weight:
    17st4lb
    Current Weight:
    16st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st7lb(2.89%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan - Step 1
    Thing is, you SHOULD be able to say 'I've lost 10st' or whatever because it's a amazing achievment. And there's nothing wrong with compliments if they just stayed as compliments and didn't come with an insult in their wake.

    Just saying 'hey - that's fantastic ... well done' is enough. Why do some people feel compelled to tag 'you look much better / younger' on the end? It's well meaning I'm sure but is a veiled insult - even if it's not meant to be. And for me personally, it only feeds into my insecurities i.e I must have looked awful before ... even though, at the time, people SAID I didn't!! They obviously lied!!

    Maybe I over-analyse language ... but then I AM an English student :p
    I have another bug-bear regarding the words people use but I'd better not hijack this thread with it ...
     
  10. JEM

    JEM Cambridge Diet Counsellor

    Posts:
    521
    Likes Received:
    21
    Start Weight:
    24st0lb
    Current Weight:
    11st5lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st11lb
    Lost(%):
    12st9lb(52.68%)
    Diet:
    CD
    It's a bloody nightmare....I hate it!

    When I tell people I've lost nearly 14 stone, I get really uncomfortable at the weird and very suprised look people have on their faces.....but eventually you get used to it and I can now shrug it off. When people ask how I got to that size, I just laugh and say that I used to eat a lot of kit-kats.....it usually shuts them up as there isn't a great deal they can say to that!

    Don't let it put you off though, the feeling of being slim far outweighs the odd comments that people will sometimes make.

    Jem x
     
  11. Lynn8124

    Lynn8124 Gold Member

    Posts:
    3,804
    Likes Received:
    63
    Start Weight:
    19st7lb
    Current Weight:
    19st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    seefood
    Yeah that's people for you. :rolleyes: Think LL referred to them as 'backhanded complients' if I remember right. Try not to let it get to you, thought it can be mega annoying.
     
  12. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

    Posts:
    7,411
    Likes Received:
    316
    Start Weight:
    18st11lb
    Current Weight:
    12st4lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    6st7lb(34.6%)
    Badges:
    Maintainer
    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan
    OK, maybe I'm sticking my neck out (not for the first time of course :rolleyes:), and maybe I'm in the tiny minority here - but I actually really love the reaction I get from people when I tell them I've lost almost 8 1/2 stone. I actually make a point of showing THE most unflattering 'before' photo I have of myself to all my new clients to prove to them that I've "been there, done that" and worn the XXXL t-shirt in the past. Of course, I accept that's largely to establish my credibility as a CDC who hopefully knows a little about what's she talking about in terms of how it feels to have been heavily overweight and then lost it using this particular diet. Invariably I always get the "But that doesn't even look like you!" comment - to which I just smile and say "Well, my hair IS a different colour now" :).

    I truly can't remember a single time where I have been remotely bothered being asked the inevitable questions of how I got so fat in the first place. Basically it ain't rocket science - I just ate (and drank) far too much. The most important thing (and what seems to impact on people most of all) is that I did something about it, not that I 'allowed' myself to get so large in the first place.

    In all honesty, I'd be a complete idiot not to have been able to see myself that I was grossly overweight (morbidly obese in fact), and in fact the only thing I don't have an answer for is why I didn't do anything about losing the weight many years ago. The only thing I can say to that is that I guess it just wasn't the right time for me until I started CD 2 years ago and something just 'clicked' into place.

    I also don't think that people were lying to me or being falsely complimentary when they said that I looked nice when I was bigger. I don't see any reason why I can't have looked nice when I went out then - I just happened to be wearing larger size clothes which I hope suited my shape and frame at the time. Looking good isn't the sole preserve of the slimmer person in my opinion and I see larger people all the time who I genuinely DO think look nice and are wearing something which looks great on them.

    I just think people are genuinely impressed by the effort one goes to to lose weight - basically because nearly everyone knows just how easy it is to put on weight and also how damn tough it is to stick to a diet .. any diet!

    I would say enjoy the compliments - whether they're given to you 'after the event', along the way or even before you start losing weight.

    Or maybe I'm just grateful for any compliments I can get at my age .. :rolleyes:

    Lots of love
     
  13. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

    Posts:
    244
    Likes Received:
    32
    I know where you are coming from Starlight. It seems to me that the people who make those remarks are people who have a weight problem themselves. The "naturally" slim people in my office never say anything like that to me whereas the ones that need to diet (or at least THINK they need to) are the ones that make the remarks.

    I am ashamed to admit this but at parties I look around to see if anyone in the room is bigger than me. It makes me feel better if I am not the biggest one there. Now if you are very big there is a good chance you will be the biggest one there. Perhaps the others who struggle with their weight want you to stay big cos you will be the biggest instead of them. Does that make sense?

    And you know I think the thing about this site is we come on and we are honest with each other - the anonymity helps so much. I can admit to you guys because I don't know you I have been worried if I could fasten the plane seatbelt or that my thighs used to rub together so much they got sore. We all know how much the fat has hurt us so we empathise with each other. We wouldn't admit it to our friends and colleagues though and I think that is part of the problem. They don't know how hard it has been for you or how the remarks hurt. At the staff christmas do the chairs were really close together and it was a squeeze to get into them. One guy I work with said to me when I was about to sit on one side of the table "you'd better sit on the other side as I dont think you will fit over on this side." I was mortified and I had tried so hard to get dressed up and do my hair and make up nice and that one remark just shattered my confidence for the night. They are probably just glad it is you or me and not them.

    I have had a few snidey remarks in work - like "if you lose it fast you won't keep it off".

    Starlight you have done fantastically well - I am really made up for you. You should be able to wear it as a badge of honour. It is sad that people have issues where it threatens them if you lose weight. Maybe they think if she can lose all that weight surely I should be able to lose the extra 2 stone I am carrying round. I dont know.


    Sorry to ramble but I hope you know what I mean. Good luck with getting to goal I KNOW you can do it because you are so determined and you and everyone you know should be very very proud of you..
     
  14. paris192

    paris192 Full Member

    Posts:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    people can be just plain mean and sometimes it can be without them realising but then on other occasions its done just to have a dig.
    ABout 2 years ago I was at a BBQ and one of the girls there asked me when I was due !!!!
    Now she knew full well I was not expecting but it was just a nasty dig. She funnily enough lost all her weight on atkins and now thinks shes a wag( orange and everything!!). She now is an expert on weight loss and always has something to say about it.

    Thats just pure spite , and in the last few weeks I met her while out walking and all smuggly she gave me a thumbs up and keep up the good work..... not impressed !!!!
     
  15. paris192

    paris192 Full Member

    Posts:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    actually looking back after that BBQ I stopped going out and everything... it was very hurtful. Im the type of person who just smiles and let it go over my head. I should probably have decked her !!! ( only joking)
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...