Dear diary... onwards and downwards :o)

[redhead66]

Dear diary,

So here I am again, ready to restart the rest of my life.

The last few weeks haven't gone entirely the way I'd hoped, mainly due to unexpected surgery knocking me sideways for a while, but it's time to draw a line, stop making excuses and get my head and my ass back into gear again.

After this weekend, my OH is away until 30th December, so my commitment is:

• I won't feel bad about being selfish and concentrating on CD
• I will stick 100% until he's home again, and that includes Christmas Day
• I will put my work coffee money (£2 a day) in a pot and have my hair, nails, waxing done ready for when he gets home
• I will drink more water and less coffee
  
• I will make time to relax after work
• I will start my walking plan ready for the Edinburgh Moonwalk
• I will occupy my free time with pastimes not based on food or cooking

It's hard not to feel selfish after investing so much time and effort into the endless, and fruitless, battle with my weight, but this time I promise I'll go easy on myself and accept that I deserve to be happy.

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi, and welcome back. Wow, you sound really determined, which is brilliant. Good luck with your weightloss journey.

 

[Aaleigha]

Love your new plan
you can only succeed with that much determination and no obstacles either

 

[redhead66]

Well that's it, my lovely OH has now gone away until 30th December... and with him he's taken all my excuses for not giving 100% to my diet. No more buying his favourite foods, cooking, or eating out, so no more putting it off

The birds in the garden think it's a feast day - bread, cheese, dried fruit, biscuits have all gone onto the bird table... better in their tummies than in mine

I'm about to have a hot choc mint, frothed up with my new latte whisk. Does anybody find that they spend almost as long deciding what to eat as they did when they were eating proper food? Although SS removes a lot of the food choices, it does make me really think about what I want to eat, rather than simply opening the fridge and stuffing my face with the first thing I lay my hands on.

By the time my OH gets home I want to have lost 42lb, which is about half way to target. He always tells me that my weight doesn't bother him, but deep inside I'm sure that he'd prefer me slimmer, sexier, happier and more confident. It will absolutely make my New Year to surprise him with the more slimline me when he gets home... and best of all, the Bridget Jones knickers will be gone once and for all

 

[redhead66]

I've nere "got" the spicy tomato soup... it's the weird scummy stuff on top, but I thought I'd give it another try. Nope, still not keen... what is that froth LOL? :yuk:

 

[miss-r]

Hi redhead,
Good luck with the weight loss, you know you can do it!!! as you have before.

That will make it easier for you, getting the bad food out.
When I started CD I used my sugar to make a big pot of body scrub which I am still using.
I am not too keen on the soups either but i've not even tried the spicy tomato one but I am doing SS+ now. I added black pepper when I had them before.
Anyway just wanted to say good luck! and I look forward to reading your updates. xx

 

[cornishkez]

Hiya, the spicy soup one is yummy, but you have to be really careful making it. If you make it with the water too hot it just seems to kind of curdle and split. I make mine using tepid water to about half way and mix it up good and proper, then add in some hot water (not boiling though). Try not to stir it up too much when you add the hot water, it's a faff and means you need to drink it pretty much straight away before it goes cold, but its the only way I've found to avoid the scummy froth!

 

[redhead66]

Woo hoo, I've made it through day 1

I know it's nothing drastic, but in the past I've been guilty of not giving myself credit for achieving the small things, then I've got downhearted and fallen by the wayside. CD is great for the big losses, and I'm so looking forward to them, but this time I'm determined to celebrate the small victories as well as the big ones... and getting through the first day after so many false starts is a victory

I've not really thought how I'm going to celebrate the losses, maybe that's today's project... so more on that one later.

Hope everybody is having a good day too xx

 

[miss-r]

Hi I just wanted to say good luck on your weight loss, and well done for doing day one!
I agree about celebrating small victories. When I was disappointed the other week I told myself If someone loses a pound a week that is still 52 pounds a year! (Though I suppose if I lost 1 pound a week on CD every week i'd be disappointed)
I am trying to look at everyones CD diaries and just had a look at yours for the first time. I look forward to reading your updates.xx

 

[redhead66]

I've listed all the things I want to do when I lose weight and there are some things, like my burlesque classes, that are better off waiting until I'm a lot closer to target - well who wants to look like the dancing hippo from Fantasia, it just isn't the sexy image I'm aiming for .

However, I need to focus on the things I can do now, the non-food treats that I can give myself during the journey. I thought it would be really easy to come up with ideas, but it's been a lot more difficult than I thought and has reaffirmed how much I associate food with treats in my mind, which is something I'll have to work on longterm. Anyway, I've decided to give myself a treat for every round stone I get to, so here goes:

1st = a fishy pedicure and a posh nail polish
2st = silk nails applied and a proper manicure
3st = a hot stone massage
4st = a Mac makeover (long for one, but feel too frumpy at present)
5st = a bottle of Nahema
6st = a Swarovski silver Intervalle bracelet
7st (target) = a set of the most beautiful lingerie I can find

My sweetheart OH has promised that when I reach target he'll take me to Meadowhall, treat me to something special to wear with my bracelet and lingerie, and a night at Hotel du Vin in Leeds

Is anybody else planning to treat themselves during their journey, if so, I'd love to hear your plans?

V xx

 

[Tessieg1]

Hi Redhead, just catching up with your diary. You are doing really well, and I love the idea of your treats. Sounds fantastic!
I haven't actually thought about treats as such. It will just be lovely to buy some nice trendy clothes. My sister said that when I reach 3st loss she will pay for my hair to be cut and styled, and my dad said when I reach goal he and my mom are going to buy me some suits for work.
I am going to go have a think to see if I can work out some treats for along the way.
Keep up the good work and your hubby won't recognise you at the end of the year!

 

[redhead66]

Day 4 and all's well

The hunger has completely disappeared, but I still have a faint headache - probably it's caffeine withdrawal as I've given up my daily super strength coffee fixes. Last night I slept for 6 hours straight which might not seem a lot to some people, but it's nigh on a record for me because I don't normally manage more than 3-4 hours unbroken sleep a night.

I've booked my first Zumba class for next Wed and can't wait. I danced for years when I was younger, but since I put on weight I've avoided any exercise that involves others and needs coordination... if I don't dance then nobody can make comments about the fat bird bumping into people :sigh:

I've also downloaded a walking plan, ready to start my Moonwalk training. I honestly can't believe that I've signed up to walk 26 miles through the streets of Edinburgh in the middle of Saturday night. The prospect of walking past the pubs and clubs in the city centre at throwing out time, flashing my bra, will certainly keep me on the straight and narrow... I have to look good in that bra LOL When I told my brother and OH, they laughed hysterically for 5 minutes before asking incredulously if I'm serious. Oh yes, I'm serious, and that response is going to cost them big time in sponsorship money

Tomorrow is going to be my big challenge at work. It's my dept's favourite day of the week - bacon butties in the morning, and then I buy cakes for the team and we sit and debrief the week on Friday afternoon with coffee and cakes. I can close my office door when the butties arrive, but I can't avoid the afternoon. I guess it's my first challenge on SS, so I'll sit with my glass of water and watch everybody else indulge.

Ah well, nearly Friday and soon the weekend. Have a good one everybody xx

 

[cornishkez]

Hey hun, you sound in the same boat as me. I'm on Day 4 today as well and it's definately turned around today. Also, I am a poor poor sleeper. Really restless, but last night got 7 hours sleep and I woke up feeling like I'd gotten 14.

Good luck for tomorrow, be strong! x

 

[redhead66]

You too Kez x

 

[redhead66]

Today has been a day of plans and decisions, quite a strange day really.

I got up this morning feeling pretty down - not for any particular reason that I can think of, just in the kind of mood where I could fall out with myself... or even worse, I could head straight for the fridge. To snap myself out of it, I decided to sort out my holiday clothes as we go to Florida in 3 months... but all that did was depress me even further because it made me realise how many gorgeous clothes I have that I simply can't fit into. I found myself sitting on the bed, tears rollng down my face, wondering how I'd let myself get to this.

The reality is, the clothes were the final straw and the tears were for any number of reasons. I dried my tears, came downstairs and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and just as I did, Gwen Stefani came on the radio singing What You Waiting For. It stopped me dead in my tracks for a moment and started me thinking what exactly am I waiting for? The knight in shining armour to come whisk me away? The fat to disappear overnight without any work on my part? To be offered my ideal job without even applying for it? One thing's for certain, it isn't going to happen. If I want it, I have to work for it!

So, today has been spent updating my CV - I have a good career, but it doesn't satisfy me in the way it did, which means it might be time for a fresh start.

I've cancelled my gym membership - they changed the classes to ones that I struggle with because of a back problem, and I've simply stopped going. I'm starting Zumba next week elsewhere and training for the Moonwalk, which will give me regular exercise.

I've decided to change my CDC - my current lady is great, but she can't offer the support I need. I've found a lady in my village, and have made an appointment to visit her. Fingers crossed everything goes OK because it will make sticking to SS a lot easier.

I've written up a detailed schedule for the time between now and our holiday, and if I stick 100% I'll be packing all those lovely clothes in my suitcase and wearing them with pride in the sunshine.

As for the knight in shining armour... well I guess I'll just have to settle for the guy in the scruffy orange coveralls, hard hat and safety glasses that make him look like he should have gone to Specsavers LOL! He's never here when I need him, messy when he is home, drives me insane at times... but he loves and supports me 100%, and what more can I ask?

Sleep tight everyone, I've still got another couple of hours til bedtime because I'm picking my brother up after a night out xxx

 

[redhead66]

OMG, I went to pick my brother up and, on the way there, I was sitting waiting for the traffic lights to change when a guy - stark naked except for a black woolly hat, strolled across the road in front of the car. This is at 2am, and in the centre of Barnsley

All I can say is that, judging by appearances, it was a very cold night LOL!

 

[Sarah Lou]

Ha ha Redhead I bet you thought you were seeing things!!! how did he not get arrested?? I just wanted to say that a couple of years ago I did the London Moonwalk Marathon, in fact I was only talking to my cdc about it today. I can honestly say it was a great experience and something I thought me of all people would do. I had zero fitness but trained from November to May, slowly each week building up.. I can remember driving 26 miles and thinking dear God but once you start the adrenalin kicks in.. around 3.00am it gets a bit chilly and quite as you have passed most of the crowds but thats where the training comes in and you dig deep.. if I can help in anyway with hints and tips please feel free to ask.. the most important thing is to enjoy it.. and take proper blister plasters.. at 20 miles up one came on the ball of my foot but that plaster saved me I can remember at the time they were about £6 for two but it was the best money I've spent.. good luck on your cd journey x

 

[redhead66]

Thanks for the advice SarahLou... I can't believe I've signed up to do it, but the reaction on my OH has made me determined that I'll get to that finish line

Well it's been a funny old week, but not in a good way for the diet. I've spent the week working in Holland, which wasn't expected and was pretty horrid as it was a result of staff issues, so we weren't warmly welcomed. I went with the best of intentions of doing a week of 810, but the week was so stressful that we fell into the habit of hitting the hotel bar for a drink and debrief on the day straight after work, and then going out to dinner etc :sigh:

Then to cap it all, I heard that my boss in the UK had been made redundant. I was quite shocked by a comment from a colleague that I must be "really happy" about it. It was no secret that he and I didn't have a great working relationship (an understatement), but on a personal level why would I be rejoicing that a guy with 2 young children and a huge mortgage has lost his job? Some people do have a warped sense of reality if they would be cheered by another's misfortune.

Anyway, time to get back on track. I've started SS again today and I'm soooo hungry that I could fight the dog for her biscuits , but I'm glugging down the water and knowing that in a few days it will all be in the past and I'll be feeling great again.

I have an added incentive to lose the flab. On the plane home a little girl in the seat in front turned round to chat. We were talking about her favourite films and she mentioned Shrek, and then came the whammy... she looked my up and down and said you look just like Princess Fiona because she has orange hair and she's fat too Her mum looked horrified, but all I could do was laugh and agree because there's no running away from the truth, and she was too young to lie My colleague was in stitches, so I think I've not heard the last of it. I'll show him though, soon I'll be Princess Fiona from the start of the film and not the end

It's time for a long bath, hot mint choc shake and then an early night.

Night xx

 

[Less Rotund One]

Re: Dear diary... you look just like Princess Fiona!!

.....at least she didn't say shrek - count your blessings! Xx

 

[redhead66]

I'm sooo ashamed to say that I've completely lost my way:cry:After being away last week, I got back on plan on Saturday and lasted all of a day. By Sunday evening I was stuffing my face, and just haven't been able to get back on track since. I'm so annoyed and upset, and feel stupid that I've let myself down like this and have put back on all the weight (10lb) that I'd lost.

I've had a pretty crappy week - firstly at work, and then on Sunday my OH rang to say that we may have to cancel our new year holiday in Florida as he might still be working. I'm so disappointed because we've already cancelled twice this year and once for next year because of his job, so this holiday means a lot to me as we spend so much time apart. Rather than letting my OH know how disappointed I am, I told him that I understand and then channelled my upset into stuffing my face - my warped reasoning being that if we're not going away in the new year then it doesn't really matter that I'm fat.

It's made me realise how I "cushion" him from the real world when he's away - I sort everything that happens with the house, cars etc, check the planning and travel for his work, and never fail to offer a sympathetic ear when he tells me about how bad his day has been. When he asks me how I am, how my work was, the answer is always the same - fine.

Why is it that I can be so strong and vocal at work, but when it comes to discussing my personal needs I completely cave in and bottle everything up? I never used to be like this, but I wasn't a size 20 then either. I'm so sad that yet I've allowed my weight to eat away at my self confidence and rule my life like this.

I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads - I can either carry on eating and feeling sorry for myself, or I can choose an altogether harder route and get back on track. I just hope I'm strong enough to make the right choice....