DizzyDeb
On a Mission!
Have decided to start a diary, something to hopefully keep me motivated when I'm maybe not feeling so strong - think it will be good to be able to look back at my more positive days and remind myself why I am doing this and how important it is to keep going. Feel free to read, comment, advise or ignore 
I previously lost nearly 5st on CD about 2 years ago and for various reasons I came off it and went back to my old eating habits which resulted in 5st back on, plus an extra one :cry:
I've had a few attempts at a restart over the last year but to be honest they've been half hearted and I havent been dedicated to it at all. My results have always been great on Cambridge and having tried every single diet under the sun in the past I know that the quick results and the removal of food from the equation are the best options for me.
I have a hugely unhealthy relationship with food and i definitely use it to plug every gap there is in my life, i have never found anything that is more comforting than food and even when I feel so miserable about my size and the way I feel - I continue to eat :sigh:
Have decided to just plonk everything down here, all the personal stuff too, and hopefully it will make me start to address it if its there in black and white for me to see!
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and he absolutely destroyed the person that I was - why? - because I allowed him to! The abuse continued through my pregnancy and still I didnt have the guts to leave. The final straw came after I lost my 2nd baby following an incident with him and it all finally clicked in my head - there was only one person who could change the situation and that was me - so I left him and have never regretted the decision for a second.
We've been divorced for 7 years now and I have an amazing 14 year old son who is my best friend in the whole world and whilst he has a relationship with his dad I very rarely see him which suits me fine because to be totally honest, the guy still terrifies the life out of me.
I locked away all the feelings I experienced over those 10 years and have never dealt with them properly and I am now finding that things are unconsciously spilling out of that locked away place in my head and for the last few years I have really struggled to push it all away again.
None of my family or friends really know exaclty what I went through - I'm ashamed to tell anyone how I allowed myself to be treated. I tell myself it wasnt my fault but then I question that thinking too because surely it must have been partly my fault, people dont act that way for no reason - do they?
Anyway, years of using food to plug the gap, numb the pain - whatever - have left me 8st overweight and enough is enough. I cannot let my past define who I am going to be for the rest of my life and I need to move forward, so I have restarted CD and am also going to speak to my gp about counselling - might aswell tackle the whole lot together.
So there it is - day one of my diary / journey and day 3 of my restart on CD. I am feeling good about the diet, am sleeping better already and dont feel so bloated. I must have walked about a mile between the loo and my desk / couch / bed over the last 2 days but its a great feeling cos I know I am doing something about sorting myself out.
Phew, if I feel this good about peeing non stop how great am I gonna feel when I can get my ass back in my jeans - and fasten them without cutting off my circulation!!
Onwards and upwards - or downwards in the case of the weight!
I previously lost nearly 5st on CD about 2 years ago and for various reasons I came off it and went back to my old eating habits which resulted in 5st back on, plus an extra one :cry:
I've had a few attempts at a restart over the last year but to be honest they've been half hearted and I havent been dedicated to it at all. My results have always been great on Cambridge and having tried every single diet under the sun in the past I know that the quick results and the removal of food from the equation are the best options for me.
I have a hugely unhealthy relationship with food and i definitely use it to plug every gap there is in my life, i have never found anything that is more comforting than food and even when I feel so miserable about my size and the way I feel - I continue to eat :sigh:
Have decided to just plonk everything down here, all the personal stuff too, and hopefully it will make me start to address it if its there in black and white for me to see!
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and he absolutely destroyed the person that I was - why? - because I allowed him to! The abuse continued through my pregnancy and still I didnt have the guts to leave. The final straw came after I lost my 2nd baby following an incident with him and it all finally clicked in my head - there was only one person who could change the situation and that was me - so I left him and have never regretted the decision for a second.
We've been divorced for 7 years now and I have an amazing 14 year old son who is my best friend in the whole world and whilst he has a relationship with his dad I very rarely see him which suits me fine because to be totally honest, the guy still terrifies the life out of me.
I locked away all the feelings I experienced over those 10 years and have never dealt with them properly and I am now finding that things are unconsciously spilling out of that locked away place in my head and for the last few years I have really struggled to push it all away again.
None of my family or friends really know exaclty what I went through - I'm ashamed to tell anyone how I allowed myself to be treated. I tell myself it wasnt my fault but then I question that thinking too because surely it must have been partly my fault, people dont act that way for no reason - do they?
Anyway, years of using food to plug the gap, numb the pain - whatever - have left me 8st overweight and enough is enough. I cannot let my past define who I am going to be for the rest of my life and I need to move forward, so I have restarted CD and am also going to speak to my gp about counselling - might aswell tackle the whole lot together.
So there it is - day one of my diary / journey and day 3 of my restart on CD. I am feeling good about the diet, am sleeping better already and dont feel so bloated. I must have walked about a mile between the loo and my desk / couch / bed over the last 2 days but its a great feeling cos I know I am doing something about sorting myself out.
Phew, if I feel this good about peeing non stop how great am I gonna feel when I can get my ass back in my jeans - and fasten them without cutting off my circulation!!
Onwards and upwards - or downwards in the case of the weight!
