Depressed and failing

[Sez]

No kind platitudes please, I know what I have lost already, but its NOT what I wanted, nowhere near a healthy BMI yet.

I cannot head my head right again. I have lost the initial zip I had and I feel more miserable about it that I would have beleived possible. I dont think its just feeling sorry for myself, its somehow bigger than that now.

I am very bloated all the time, I am so uptight and cranky and my family are suffering worse than they have before. (I was grumpy in the early days of ss-ing, but nothing like this.) I want to screamand shout, I want off this rollercoaster, I want someone to take this away from me, I want someone to look after me now. I am crying as I write this...why??

Why is it that others have done so well on this plan, lost way more than me and yet I am utterly pathetic and cant seem to aim for the last 3 stone. That now seems a so much bigger mountain than the 10 I had to lose initially.

My LLc is great, I honestly cannot fault her, but I STILL dont know what to do to get myself straight again.

If any of you, in your early LL days, are considering breaking the abstinence, listen to this honest, heartfelt plea.....DONT DO IT!

 

[Mrs Lard]

Dear Sez

No platitudes, I promise.

Just a couple of suggestions - is it time for a break?

Second, is it time for some reading? Which books have you read? I have a couple I'd like to recommend but need to check with you first.

Sending you massive hugs (NOT enabling!).

Love Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sun]

sez, huge cuddles for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Cerulean]

LL's secret is that it doesn't work unless you make it work.
I feel fat now. The stone I've put on over my goal stops me from feeling 'skinny' but I've realised that it makes me feel 'fat'. I compare myself to other people and I see failure (I know that everyone will yell at me that this is not the case, but really if all it took were other people's kind words, we'd all be slim, wouldn't we?)

You have to make it work. I have to make it work. We'll make it work. That's a platitude, sure, but a grim faced, steely one. Are you ready to make it work? When it gets like this you have to kick the doom in the nuts and just get on with it. I think. That's my answer today and I'm sticking to it today.

 

[Mrs Lard]

Hi Sez

Sarah's right; LighterLife doesn't work unless you (me and anyone else) make it work. And sometimes it doesn't work in the way you want it to work (slow weight loss to name but one)!

I suggested a break just to give you some mental space - I had a break from Route to Management by going back on packs - just so that I could feel some control over one area of my life. It's not conventional but it was what I needed. And I haven't given up yet although I have come perilously close in the past couple of weeks.

At the end of the day, it's not about the weight. The weight is just a symptom of what's really going on. I've just updated the self-sabotage thread, if you want to look there.

As my friend said to me, "what are you prepared to do (to make it work)?". What I think I'm prepared to do may, it turn out, be very different to what I am actually prepared to do to lose weight and get a grip on my issues with food.

I don't know if that helps. The other key thing to remember is that you can only control NOW, this moment. If you can access that thinking, to get you through, you may feel better.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[SandraEG]

Sez

I think one way or another you need some space to think about how to are going to continue. Can you plan a nice day/morning/afternoon for yourself with some quiet reflective time - maybe a massage or a soak in a jacuzzi at the gym (if you go to one) or whatever nice treat for yourself appeals? Use this time to really think and plan and be positive.

I agree that once you've broken abstinence it becomes a daily struggle. Last week I mostly won my battles. The weekend and yesterday I didn't. This morning I have woken up determined to have an abstinent day and hopefully start a run.

This may be a platitude but it's a good one - you have only failed when you stop trying.

I know exactly how you feel. I am also frustrated that I could (and should) have lost 7 stone by now. But I haven't and I just need to carry on or I won't lose any more. That's the grim reality.

Please don't give up!

 

[Sez]

I am sincerley honoured to have such amazing from answers from all of you. Thank you.

It is right that it wont work unless we make it work. At the moment I am listening to my needier side and not allowing the diet to work for me. It very much, at the present time for me, is not about losing weight, it is more about getting the head stuff sorted. I have prroven that somewhere within me is the ability to do this, but also there is seeming inability to carry on. I fear terribly where I will "go" when I am able to eat again. This is why I MUST get this head stuff sorted now.

Cerulean - Your grim, steely faced platitude is the honest, slap you in the face truth. Thank you.

Mrs L - I have two books I have bought to read on this "trip". One is the Hungry Years, of which I have read half, the other is Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth, which I saw recommended here but Have yet to dip into. Any more? I am happy to reach out for any helping hand offered right now.

Sandra - I just need to carry on or I won't lose any more. That's the grim reality. Yes, it is. There is no kind way of buttering this up. If I stop, then I will never lose the weight, end of.


Sun- I need cuddles too, thank you.


Speak soon guys, off for a bar now. 16:19 and no cheating today, mind you, Iam not in bed yet so still time!!

xx