Well, the title says it all really!
Although my diary will record my weight loss journey, not my WG escapades!
5 years ago I weighed 18.5 stone. With a vlcd (cambridge) I went down to weigh 10st7 4 years ago.
Then I got into a heap of trouble in my personal life, and became rather ill, due to substance addiction, which sent my weight down to 8st4, which I managed to get up to 8st7 this march. I was also diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder.
Then, just when I was at rock bottom, I lost my home, and ended up homeless.
I was picked up on the streets & given somewhere to live and a job as a working girl... on the condition given by my new boss - no using drugs.
So, that was in march... and since then I've gone up rapidly to 10st10! A bit too much for my liking.
It's been one hell of a journey the past 4 years... I've been through a lot of crazy stuff, and come out of the other side.
Life isn't perfect, or even ideal, but have a lot to be thankful for... it was touch & go if I'd even stay alive around christmas.
Really strangely, it's my job that saved me & got me off drugs... and although I don't want to do it forever, it literally saved my life.
I'm independent now... I have a flat & a car, my kids live a few hours away but I see them & take them out for a fab day out every weekend, and they have a happy healthy mum, instead of one on life support at christmas.
There's so much I'm sad for in my past, and the way it's affected everyone involved... but in a way I think I had to go through it all in the way that I did... or I would have never got certain issues sorted out, and they needed sorting!
So, I'm here coz I'm getting surgery in a few weeks, it's my 2nd time - I got a boob job a few weeks ago... LOVE them! Next it's a tummy tuck to lose my lil mummy tummy.
I'm struggling with being the size that I am... I'm very over critical with my own image, and I was happy at size 8... and I want to be happy, so that's where I'm going to get back to!
I'd like to quit smoking soon, then I can start exercise which I do enjoy... at the mo I smoke 45 a day
so when I'm at target I'll quit the fags & start back at the gym. I'm going to start swimming this week in the meantime... I hope... the body disporphia is a pain in the ass & sometimes I'm too anxious to leave the house for days for worrying about what people will think I look like... daft I know! It hasn't been too bad until the last few months... coz I used to use drugs 24/7 to cope with it, and now the weight I've gained plus the fact I've got to learn to live with this without buzzing along ignoring it all by being high... also I left my boss's place (bloody exploitation) and I'm on my own in a new city where I don't know anyone... and the work is very isolating, so the bdd is more of an issue than ever lately. I'd like to quit work asap & have a more normal life, but it's complicated.
So, here I am, alive & well, and ready to continue my journey to being healthy & happy,and learning to live well!
Wish me luck!
xxx
Although my diary will record my weight loss journey, not my WG escapades!
5 years ago I weighed 18.5 stone. With a vlcd (cambridge) I went down to weigh 10st7 4 years ago.
Then I got into a heap of trouble in my personal life, and became rather ill, due to substance addiction, which sent my weight down to 8st4, which I managed to get up to 8st7 this march. I was also diagnosed with body dismorphic disorder.
Then, just when I was at rock bottom, I lost my home, and ended up homeless.
I was picked up on the streets & given somewhere to live and a job as a working girl... on the condition given by my new boss - no using drugs.
So, that was in march... and since then I've gone up rapidly to 10st10! A bit too much for my liking.
It's been one hell of a journey the past 4 years... I've been through a lot of crazy stuff, and come out of the other side.
Life isn't perfect, or even ideal, but have a lot to be thankful for... it was touch & go if I'd even stay alive around christmas.
Really strangely, it's my job that saved me & got me off drugs... and although I don't want to do it forever, it literally saved my life.
I'm independent now... I have a flat & a car, my kids live a few hours away but I see them & take them out for a fab day out every weekend, and they have a happy healthy mum, instead of one on life support at christmas.
There's so much I'm sad for in my past, and the way it's affected everyone involved... but in a way I think I had to go through it all in the way that I did... or I would have never got certain issues sorted out, and they needed sorting!
So, I'm here coz I'm getting surgery in a few weeks, it's my 2nd time - I got a boob job a few weeks ago... LOVE them! Next it's a tummy tuck to lose my lil mummy tummy.
I'm struggling with being the size that I am... I'm very over critical with my own image, and I was happy at size 8... and I want to be happy, so that's where I'm going to get back to!
I'd like to quit smoking soon, then I can start exercise which I do enjoy... at the mo I smoke 45 a day
so when I'm at target I'll quit the fags & start back at the gym. I'm going to start swimming this week in the meantime... I hope... the body disporphia is a pain in the ass & sometimes I'm too anxious to leave the house for days for worrying about what people will think I look like... daft I know! It hasn't been too bad until the last few months... coz I used to use drugs 24/7 to cope with it, and now the weight I've gained plus the fact I've got to learn to live with this without buzzing along ignoring it all by being high... also I left my boss's place (bloody exploitation) and I'm on my own in a new city where I don't know anyone... and the work is very isolating, so the bdd is more of an issue than ever lately. I'd like to quit work asap & have a more normal life, but it's complicated.So, here I am, alive & well, and ready to continue my journey to being healthy & happy,and learning to live well!
Wish me luck!
xxx
