Diary

[Aprilycm]

So I did diary day 1 quite successfully yesterday but only just thought about gaining some online support today. I don't expect (or encourage!) anyone to read this because it is most likely boring and i'm just doing it for me and something to look back on kind of like a blog? I am trying to think of all the small successes, for example yesterday I got diet pop instead of full fat, small I know, and today I had one of the (healthy) leftover fajitas instead of them both which I really wanted to. I have also been using less oil and less bread and trying to count calories using MFP. I have had a few ice lollies because i've got very painful tonsillitis and it seems to be the only thing that soothes my throat and i'm having no more than 2 a day, they're small ones for kids. I'm also off sick this week because I was very ill last week and in hospital in resus because my airways had closed up to the point i could hardly breathe. Scary. Throat is still unbearably painful this week but i still manage to eat through the pain! Theres loads of reasons I want to lose weight but really the main one is I just don't like the way I look. I do worry about my health, but if i'm being honest I really do just hate the way I look. I want to go into a normal shop and buy some normal clothes. I want to be respected and look smart at work. My partner is amazing and loves me so much so this is just for me, he says he loves me no matter what and I believe him, but I still want to look good for him and look after myself.
It's only half 3 and i'm bored so I may update this later I may not but I'm focusing on the small things i'm doing as well as the big things.
Peace.

 

[Aprilycm]

Day 3! I've been good today and weighed out my cereal. I poured a usual amount and it turns out I have been eating double the normal portion! Woah! So glad I weighed. Then I had normal portion lunch and a snack of olives. I had another ice lolly because my throat is so sore! They're only 60 calories and worth it. Ive ran out now anyway so might just suck some ice. Only problem now is OH is at work until 8 and it's tea time! I might have some pasta and sauce as I have 700 calories left and then might have something small later when he comes home. I hate him working late shifts it messes everything up! Still very determined but its still so hard, this is not easy, and I never thought it would be but it is mentally so difficult. I have at the very least 40 pounds to lose and I want them gone by the end of the year.
Ive had my pasta and feel better I still have 400 calories left actually so I can still have something small tonight with him. Now to drink lots of water and chill out to try and get better. 5 whole days off work now and now happy about it as i'm getting behind.
Keeping focused.
Peace!

 

[Cavegirl21]

It's shocking if you guess a portion how much more it is. I weigh my cereal and have to have a banana with it so it fills me up.

Hope you feel better soon and your tonsillitis doesn't hang around.

 

[Aprilycm]

It's shocking if you guess a portion how much more it is. I weigh my cereal and have to have a banana with it so it fills me up.

Hope you feel better soon and your tonsillitis doesn't hang around.

Hey thanks for reading my diary! I like the banana idea, I have been using raspberries to get my sugar kick but not very filling will try banana. I've bought the quaker oats in packets ready weighed now, more expensive but better than weighing everyday and I know how much i'm eating.

Thanks, am drinking plenty of water and resting.

 

[Aprilycm]

SO didn't post yesterday but had a great day. Stayed within my calorie limits that i'm happy with and actually started to feel better.
Today, even better! My tonsillitis has pretty much almost gone and even had enough energy to go shopping with mummy
She bought me lots of new things he he, some of which she even got me in a smaller size or two because she believes in me so much. SO happy. All day I've had this weird excitement about losing weight and looking at instagram of ladies that have lost weight gives me a new found hope that i've never felt before. Also today the ice cream man came round and OH and mum had ice cream and I said NO! WAT?! That has never happened there must be something wrong with me!
Really tho, so happy right now, and weirdly excited about my journey. Aqua class tomorrow then back to work and normality Monday.
Peace! xxx

 

[Mini]

Great to hear you are feeling well and you sound so positive!

Well done on saying no to the ice cream

Good luck on your weight loss journey!

 

[Minerva]

I'm glad your throat is less sore and you can get back to normality on Monday! Routine is what keeps us going, but hopefully it won't be too stressful.

It looks like we have a similar amount of weight to lose and are both calorie counting too!

Good luck with everything, I hope your positivity keeps going strong, you can do this!

 

[Aprilycm]

Great to hear you are feeling well and you sound so positive!

Well done on saying no to the ice cream

Good luck on your weight loss journey!

Thanks! When you hear the ice cream truck its like ignoring a primal instinct! I am feeling positive although its only been a few days

 

[Aprilycm]

I'm glad your throat is less sore and you can get back to normality on Monday! Routine is what keeps us going, but hopefully it won't be too stressful.

It looks like we have a similar amount of weight to lose and are both calorie counting too!

Good luck with everything, I hope your positivity keeps going strong, you can do this!

Aww thanks! I'm really enjoying calorie counting, I've. done SW and WW in the past but I'm finding it great that literally noting is off limits as long as you count it, which has actually made me not have anything naughty since I started. Weird.
I am 5ft 3 and weigh around 190 pounds so it does not sit well on me, I have a lot to loose, I need to get to about 120 as i'm so short. So 70 pounds to go. I am feeling positive, I've had my moments today but still so focused-even replaced pasta at lunch with spiralled butternut squash.

 

[Aprilycm]

I've been so positive these past few days and I am still really focused. I'm still very unhappy about my appearance, and the positivity is completely coming from the fact that this is only temporary and soon I will not look this way. Today I had to go to TESCO, and I normally go to little TESCO so I don't have to see anyone, but I needed tofu and had to go to big TESCO... I felt so uncomfortable. I felt that every man woman and chid was staring at how big I was. I tried to suck in my belly but due to my condition that made my back hurt more. I felt so out of place if I saw someone I would have gone home and cried. I got in the car and felt relieved it was over. I could have easily gone to the mcdonnalds on the way out (WHY IS THERE ONE AT EVERY SUPERMARKET?!), but instead I thought again about what I will look and feel like when i'm healthy again, and the fact i'm so big now just means that there will be an EVEN BIGGER transformation for me to notice in the next few months and the rest of the year. so I went home, cooked my spiralized veg with some pesto and sat in the sunshine. Happy days.
Tonight tofu pad thai! Which we wouldn't be having if I had succumbed to my crippling anxiety of big TESCO. I shall be enjoying every last calorie all the way up to 1,500 today.
Also can't believe over 60 people have looked at this diary, hats off to you I shall have to try and make it more interesting.
Back to work tomorrow, mouth still swollen but otherwise good, so lets see how work fits in with the new me.
Peace! x

 

[Minerva]

Aww thanks! I'm really enjoying calorie counting, I've. done SW and WW in the past but I'm finding it great that literally noting is off limits as long as you count it, which has actually made me not have anything naughty since I started. Weird.
I am 5ft 3 and weigh around 190 pounds so it does not sit well on me, I have a lot to loose, I need to get to about 120 as i'm so short. So 70 pounds to go. I am feeling positive, I've had my moments today but still so focused-even replaced pasta at lunch with spiralled butternut squash.

I do like the freedom of calorie counting too, I did VLCD's before and they had a bad effect on me, so this actually works so much better... and like you - just because I 'can' have everything, doesn't mean I will, because I'd rather spend my calories on something nourishing and filling! I'm 5ft 4 and started this latest diet attempt at 186lbs! So we're actually both quite similar in that regard I'm on week 3 and so far have lost 11lbs, so it will come off, I promise I keep my maximum calories for the day at 1200, but that's just my VLCD brain tricking me saying it won't work above that - even though I know it should.

Well done for going out and braving the big wide world and avoiding McDonalds! It's retraining your brain, slowly, step by step, not to give in. The first few times saying 'No' are the hardest, but soon it won't even cross your mind. And honestly, don't be worried about making your diary more interesting... Just be you! Write what you want to write, this is YOUR space, we read because we want to help and it makes us all realise we all go through the same struggles and ups and downs. You sound like a beautiful person inside and out. Come the summer and you'll read this back to yourself and you'll see how far you've come. xx

 

[Aprilycm]

Well I've not posted on here for a while as i've been so busy at work! Whoever said teachers work 8-3 needs a good talking to. Still on plan, i've upped my calories to 1600/1700 for the time being and it seems to be doing me some good. I've lost 6.3 pounds so far and I've been doing this 3 weeks now. I'm very pleased as I've always known weight to come off slowly with me, never more than 2 pounds a week so i'm pleased with this. Still happy and taking it slow. I'm instagramming a lot as well,theres so many good success stories on there (@Aprilycm).I'm hoping to write in here more too as I've still had some of my small successes, like not eating a whole bag of popcorn to myself in the cinema and saying no to extra snacks. My friends are coming back to Manchester at the end of June, so i'm hoping to have made enough of an impact for them to notice by then! One top that didn't fit me already fits me now which is odd as I've only lost 6.3 pounds!
Peace! xx

 

[Aprilycm]

I do like the freedom of calorie counting too, I did VLCD's before and they had a bad effect on me, so this actually works so much better... and like you - just because I 'can' have everything, doesn't mean I will, because I'd rather spend my calories on something nourishing and filling! I'm 5ft 4 and started this latest diet attempt at 186lbs! So we're actually both quite similar in that regard I'm on week 3 and so far have lost 11lbs, so it will come off, I promise I keep my maximum calories for the day at 1200, but that's just my VLCD brain tricking me saying it won't work above that - even though I know it should.

Well done for going out and braving the big wide world and avoiding McDonalds! It's retraining your brain, slowly, step by step, not to give in. The first few times saying 'No' are the hardest, but soon it won't even cross your mind. And honestly, don't be worried about making your diary more interesting... Just be you! Write what you want to write, this is YOUR space, we read because we want to help and it makes us all realise we all go through the same struggles and ups and downs. You sound like a beautiful person inside and out. Come the summer and you'll read this back to yourself and you'll see how far you've come. xx

This post made me smile so much
Not been on here for a week or two as I've had so much going on but its given me that new burst of excitement again knowing I will be reading this back in the summer and maybe i'll even be wearing shorts who knows!!!