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do you get annoyed when your husband doesnt stay in the marital bed?

Fatty_no_more

Slimming for my children
#1
I think per week my husband will come to bed once?

He says its cos he needs his sleep for work or he fell asleep (but yet conveniently the tv and light are off)

Really gets to me and whenever i say anything he says ok i will make an effort to come to bed.

I think i will start putting a star every day every day he doesnt coem to bed as he doesnt think its that often as yesterday we were with our friends and i bought up how he sleeps downstairs to get a full night sleep and i havent had a full night sleep in over 6 months. and he said oh its only every now and then!

Anyone else have this? It really upsets me. just makes me feel i am too disgusting for him to sleep next to. probably not the case AT ALL but would it upset you?

x
 
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big bear

A bear on a mission!
#2
I'd be glad of the whole bed to myself lol

I'm sure he loves u & ur not disgusting. Is it because ur son wakes in the nite? Maybe he genuinely needs the sleep& does he know how u feel or is this the 1st time u've spoke to him about it?

Virtual hugs xx
 
#3
Mine comes to bed maybe 2 or 3 nights a week but its because he suffers from bipolar and it affects his sleeping pattern. Some weeks he will sleep almost constantly and others barely at all. So now when he isn't sleeping so good I have banished him to the couch as he would wake me up for a chat because he couldn't sleep.
Him "Claire?"
me: "......."
him "Claire?" *nudge*
me "Huh? Wait? What? What!?"
him "Are you awake?"
me "I am now" *gritted teeth*
him "I can't sleep"
me " You don't say" *fume fume fume*

So as much as I don't like the fact that he doesn't come to bed much its a better option than me beating him to death with the alarm clock.
 

Fatty_no_more

Slimming for my children
#4
HE says he just accidently falls asleep or needs to sleep.
I spose part of me is jealous as i get about 4 hours of broken sleep a night?
x
 

pammyd

Silver Member
#5
It really upsets me. just makes me feel i am too disgusting for him to sleep next to. probably not the case AT ALL but would it upset you?

x
This would really upset me I have to say, but, your are in no way disgusting!!! Have you told him that this is how he makes you feel? I think you should. He really shouldn't have to "make an effort to come to bed". Why are you only getting 4hours interupted? Sorry to be nosey but even with a baby you should be getting more than than..
 
#6
Occassionally OH will fall asleep on the settee & I'll just leave him there, he will come to bed when he wakes up. Otherwise he usually goes to be at 9am as he works shifts so he HAS to go to bed to get some peace & quiet.

I don't this this is to do with you being disgusting. But there is obviously a reason if the lights & tv are off he hasn't just fallen asleep. Maybe he is telling you the truth that he needs his sleep; as you said you only get 4 hours of broken sleep per night. How often are you up in the night with the little one?
 
#7
Have you got a spare pillow and quilt you can throw at him when your going to bed? he might get the message and at least you have the bed to yourself :)

I doubt it's because your disgusting. I expect your a bit sleep deprived at the moment and everything gets blown up out of proportion when your tired.

Have you got anyone who could have the baby for you so you could get some sleep?

Even if you managed to get a couple of hours in the afternoon it would help, or are you trying to get the housework or ironing done when the baby has a nap?

if you are then stop it and go have a nap as well. xx
 
#8
OH does tend to eventually get to bed, but sometimes it can be an hour or more later than me, particularly if he dozes off before he sets off. It drives me nuts when he does that because I find it hard to sleep until he gets there, and if I am up early, I can end up with very little sleep because of it. We have a very small bedroom and he has to climb over the bed to get to his side, so he ALWAYS wakes me up when he gets there if I have fallen asleep, so I cant win either way.

You have my sympathy, but dont take it personally!!
 

judimac

Mad old Bat with Attitude
#9
I suppose I was lucky in that OH could sleep on a clothesline and never heard either of my 2! He would say, "wake me up and I'll feed him" which totally missed the point. Is he a light sleeper? I know that a new baby is a HUGE shock to the system, and all time consuming for mum. It may be that he does just want a full nights sleep.
Can you get a baby sitter and go out for a meal and have a bit of quality time together. If someone could look after bub for a night (preferably a weekend)and you could actually have time to talk.
Husbands often feel pushed out initially , babies are alien to most men!
If your babe has a nap during the day, then hang the housework and get your head down. I always had a nap after the lunchtime feed to boost my batteries.
Now my problems sleeping are caused by OH snoring like a jackhammer! I often decamp to the front room!
 
#10
aww hun I so sorry he is making you feel disgusting but i'm sure its not the case of why he doesn't come bed. I bet its cause your little one wakes him up.
my husband has ear plugs they seem to work great
try talking to him tell him upsets you that he doesn't come to bed because you feel he doesn't want you and ask him if the reason he doesn't come bed is cause your little one wakes him up if this is the case suggest ear plugs or maybe suggest finding other ways to help him get to sleep togther.
your little one is only young and won't be keeping you awake for ever even if it feel like it now.
i have 2 my oldest was a terriable sleeper she was 4 when she slept though the night. but my youngest is a great sleeper but I think its cause i'm more relaxed with him. he falls asleep in our bed then i move him to his own bed and he stays there till 6-7 and comes into bed with us.
my daugther i used to try get her to stay in her own room and it just cause more stress but when she was old enough to talk to she just did it on her own like i know my son when hes older will fall asleep in his own bed when hes older but i get a full nights sleep and it works you just need to find what works for you hun. don't worry if its not what people say you should do or if people say they will be in bed with you till they are 12 they won't as soon as they hit nursery or older you can talk to them make the big bed cool and you have had years of sleep instead of years of fighting.
good luck with it all hun
 
#11
The best solution to this is to TALK to him. If you don't talk to him your perception of why he doesn't come to bed with you will grow out of all proportion.

What a great shame it is that we females are conditioned to think that ALL males want a slim woman in their lives. That they think a slim woman looks better, is better. It is only other woman that make us feel like this, not the majority of men. In my experience and I am about 100 years old lol, most men prefer and find sexy lovely curvaceous woman.

Why do you think he would find you disgusting ?? Just because you carry a little extra weight......come on, you are a new mum, he must admire your SW efforts. He probably adores you. TALK to him.

He probably genuinely needs to get his sleep if he has to get to work each day.

TALK to him.........find out. Do not let your imagination run riot.

big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Mrs V

Loves Life!
#12
I have to agree with the others Hun. You are tired and things do start to play on your mind more when you cant think straight.
Me and Hubby didnt sleep together for almost 6 months last year because of his snoring, so I can sympathise with you.
As the others have suggested if little one has a nap during the day, have one yourself, the house wont fall down around your ears just because you didnt do a bit of dusting etc. Even an hours nap would make you feel better.
If little one doesnt sleep, what about quiet time with him? My Daughter never had a day time nap, so I always did something that was quiet around those times, like story, or drawing. I would make myself and daughter a drink, then we would sit together and do a quiet activity and even that was relaxing enough.

It will get better Hun, just remember Hubby is also working and can get tired too.

xxx
 
#13
I agree with the others but just think of it my way..
more room
no smells
no snoring
no other noises related to smells
watch whatever you like on telly before he gets there.
no stealing the duvet
do I need to go on.............?
 
#15
I thought you'd have learnt that by now.(lol)
bit like fattybellygut bucket said to me when I was sweet and innocent-it can't hurt can it?trust me.....9 months laterI gave him trust me!!
 
#16
but how are we going to have another gorgeous baby if he wont even sleep in teh same bed lol.
x
I thought you'd have learnt that by now.(lol)
bit like fattybellygut bucket said to me when I was sweet and innocent-it can't hurt can it?trust me.....9 months laterI gave him trust me!!
You crack me up !!!!

It isn't funny though is it. Do try talking it through.

xxxx
 
#18
Tiredness is the best contraceptive in the world lol !!!!

It is a killer and you are both tired. Don't know the answer for you, any chance of a quiet weekend alone............. rekindle the romance perhaps.......... that though is down to you both not just you.

hugs xxxx
 
#20
would it help if you expressed milk in the evening to give you just that little bit extra time,even if its only long enough for a hug.He may be genuinely tired as well.I know its much harder for you having to get up with Mikey but eveery time you do it is bound to wake him-not easy when you have to go to work as well.Maybe you need an evening without the little one,a nice quiet meal and time to talk in peace. Discussions never seem to work with little ones around.Thing is unless you both talk (without him thinking your nagging)you'll never sort it out.
 


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