Does anyone else really self-sabotage??

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Goldi-chocs, 27 August 2014 Social URL.

  1. Goldi-chocs

    Goldi-chocs Silver Member

    I find my behaviour really confusing. I start a diet (usually Atkins as it's the only one I've ever had any success on) and stick to it really well. I get into the swing of it and by day ten or so the habit has really kicked in and I don't give it too much thought. I find my energy levels increasing, I start to fit back into clothes and other people start noticing and might give me the odd compliment. And then, not long after those compliments I stop. I binge on carbs and begin my well recognised 'I'll start tomorrow' approach, which has been going on since March for me at the moment, with me currently able to fit into approximately only 25% of my clothes

    I'm familiar with the concept of yo yo dieting, but it seems strange to me that it's not through hopelessness and deprivation that I give up, but just when I'm starting to see results and feel good about myself. It almost feels like a conscious decision to self-sabotage.

    Trying to figure out what's behind it.

    1) am I scared of achieving my goal- perhaps it won't feel good when I get there so I'd rather keep chasing it?

    2) when I get down to a comfortable level do I rationalise and think- I'm ok here, there's more important things in life than constantly controlling what I eat/weigh?

    3) I really enjoy eating when I feel good about myself. There feels so much less angst guilt- so in that (short) window when I'm feeling more attractive and before I start piling on the pounds, I really really enjoy the food I'm eating.

    4) do I think "I'll never make my goal anyway-why bother?"

    I am so aware of my pattern, and that in the long run it reduces my self-esteem, yet I don't feel able to break it- or rather, I haven't changed it yet.

    Anyone else so frustrated with their own behaviour?
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  3. Erryn

    Erryn Full Member


    I'm new to this forum but the reason I joined is because I wanted to break the cycle of weight loss/self sabotage.

    This time WILL be different. I am now at my pre pregnancy weight, which is a huge milestone, but I've noticed that rather crack on until goal (another 20kg), I've started reverting to old habits - eating the wrong things (and too much of them) and letting my training slip.

    Over the last few days, I've been thinking long and hard about what it could be and I think I've finally come up with the answer - it's fear of success. Sounds strange I know but I've done a bit of research on it now and apparently it's quite common with weight loss.

    When I see that things are working and I'm doing really well, why on earth would I stop... and it's fear. As you say. What happens if/when I get to goal? What if it doesn't actually make me happy?

    Also, I've been chasing my target weight for nearly 20 years and something ALWAYS gets in the way to stop it from happening. This time around, there is nothing at all stopping me. I have a free and clear stretch to do it. So having focused for so many years on my goal, what do I do once I reach it? What else is there to focus all my energy on? I am a stay at home mum - having sacrificed my career to look after my beautiful baby girl who took 5 years to finally arrive.

    Another thing - once I reach my goal, I'm sure I'll be asking myself why I didn't before - why did it take me nearly 20 years? Why have I wasted so much of my life on it all - all the calorie counting/dieting/training... I can answer where the last 10 years went on it but not before that. I guess it will make me take a long hard look at why I let it consume me for so long.

    Another thing - what if, by focusing on weight loss, I've avoided dealing with other issues and once the weight is gone, they'll rear their heads - what if I'm not ready to deal with them?

    Also - excess skin. I can already see that my skin is loose in places. With another 20kg down, after all that hard work, I don't want to still be unhappy with my body.

    ...but yeah, the big one is happiness. What if it doesn't make me happy? I've focused on how amazing my life will be without the excess weight to help with motivation, but I guess the reality is that my life won't really be any different.

    So in short - yep. I guess with weight loss the physical side of it is always the easiest but we need to deal with the psychological side to reach our goals and stay there. I guess the best way around it is to acknowledge it all. Accept that we will have these doubts and air them to ourselves. Focus on what might be the problem and come up with possible solutions or ask ourselves 'what's the worst that could happen?' So if, after all my work, the weight loss doesn't make me happy, I need to focus on what will make me happy - what the real thing is that I need to address - and I guess that's where the self sabotage comes in.

    Sorry for waffling! Really my answer is yes - I do get frustrated with my own behaviour but this time I am determined not to let it beat me.
  4. NakedLunch

    NakedLunch Full Member

    Erryn - I think the point you make about what the actual problem may be once the weight is lost and the focus shifted, is really interesting.

    Personally, I'm an emotional eater. A few years ago during a pretty rough patch I managed to gain about 3 stone in 12 months, and I was already overweight to begin with. I started dieting, and whilst I've manage to slowly lose it (I'm talking three years!) but during those years i've managed to sabotage any efforts every single time. It seems just always trying to lose weight is a secure and familiar place, whereas the prospect of getting to target and keeping it off is unobtainable - because I've never been slim, or happy with my size.

    It's only now that I've actually manage to concentrate any emotions into doing something other than eating to oblivion. However - what I've lost in food related guilt, I've now gained in exercise related anxiety. For instance, I had to cut the gym short of Tuesday for the fact I was worn out I nearly wobbled off the cross-trainer (not a good look) - and driving home, I felt the same anger, disappointment and anxiety as I would have done swallowing a cake whole.

    Losing weight in the right environment with the right support is great, but the years of psychological torment we put ourselves through comes an afterthought.
  5. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    I'm the same. I do really well and I'm happy for a bit and then I seem to think it's fine to eat whatever I like "because I've done so well" or because someone says I look slim. Why must I sabotage myself?! Xx
  6. Goldi-chocs

    Goldi-chocs Silver Member

    It's daft isn't it? And I think you're right, it's that first 'you've lost weight haven't you?' Comment that starts to trigger off the thoughts of a binge.

    You'd think it would spur me on to do more......

    The annoying thing for me is that I know the pattern, it's not even a hindsight thing, as it's happening I notice myself deliberately heading off the diet. So I have the self-awareness, I just don't know what's making me lose focus each time.
  7. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    I do this too, "Ooh, I've lost a bit, I've got wiggle room for a cheeky treat" or I've done badly so get annoyed and eat for comfort, it's a never ending cycle!

    I also get that sometimes my brain goes "what's the point? you only live once, and you love food, who cares?!" and eat, and then feel terrible, so I eat because I feel bad!

    The important part is that we keep trying, everyone slips, we all have blips, but don't give up, you will get there! Don't let a night off, or a slip up become permanent again, try and get back on, you'll feel so much better if you do.
  8. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    I'm glad it's not just me (no offence, I wouldn't wish it on anyone!)
    I've been doing badly recently and I'm so scared to weigh myself :(
    It's like I can't win. If I put on then I think "oh well I'll just start tommorow " and pig out and if I've lost then I'll be like "oh well I can have a treat tonight I deserve it".
    I think maybe we could change our "treats" to none food related. For example, I think if we could change our goals to other things like getting a new dress or something then it could help to keep us going. Xx
  9. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    I've had to start doing that too, I've said I'll treat myself to a holiday when I get to goal, and for each dress size I drop, one new item of clothing.

    Weigh in, take the gain or the loss and get back on, if you don't you'll only be bad for longer and do more damage, I know seeing a gain sucks so bad, but sometimes it can knock you back on! We're all here if you need help resisting the pig out!
  10. NakedLunch

    NakedLunch Full Member

    The vicious cycle with food "rewards" just don't work for me - at all - although I kid myself at the time I want them, and then meet the familiar regret/anger because suddenly I've eaten my body weight in, well, anything really.

    I've been planning on sleeve tattoos for about 5 years, but always "when I get to target" well, target never came, so, I made the appointment and figured I'd HAVE to get slimmer with a deadline, and for doing so the tattoo would be the reward. It's the only thing in all my years of dieting that has focused me, I won't be at target for the first appointment (I'll need about 3/4 sessions) but its a commitment you can't deviate from, so far, it's worked.

    Self-sabotage is one thing, but how many of us have family/partners who surreptitiously, and mostly unconsciously, sabotage us?! My boyfriend is so slim, yet he will, and quite often does, eat like something of supersize/skinny, I'm talking whole packs of biscuits, cakes....

    I hope one day all dieters can forgive themselves for being human, I like the fact slimming world does focus on the psychologies of slimming...even if I totally don't follow the advice!
  11. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    Thank you Hun. Do you have a diary I can follow on there? I really appreciate the support :)
    I've weighed and I've stayed the same (10stone) so I'm ok with that. Xx
  12. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    Oh I am totally with you on the tattoo thing! I have 5 tattoos and I want my left sleeve doing ASAP , it's just the money I can't afford to at the moment but it's a good way to keep me focused.
    I agree with the sabotage thing, like my parter loves his take aways etc and sometimes I feel like I don't want to deprive him of what he can eat! I've started having a healthier version of whichever take away he wants so that I can stick to my diet whilst he can have what he likes :) xxx
  13. NakedLunch

    NakedLunch Full Member

    Yeah, the money (ouch) however, it was kind of two birds one stone deal, because I've had to budget so all the wasted money of food/alcohol splurges have had to be cut down, I didn't realise how much extra cash I was spending on food, frightening!

    Yeah, I can't deprive him if he wants crappy food: I cook slimmingworld, and he's more than happy to eat it, but I leave him to it when he decides he wants two slices of new York cheesecake at midnight... I can sabotage myself well enough without joining in with him!
  14. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member
    I wouldn't read back too much though, I've restarted after putting on a stone and the last few pages are just me moaning!! But you're welcome to join!

    STS is great, so much better than a gain, and you've not lost, so treat, and you've not gained so no sadness, no excuses now. Good luck!
  15. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

  16. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    That's a good way to look at it - imagine 3 or 4 takeaways a week for example like I was before, that's like 40 pound a week, in a month that's 160 to spend on a tattoo! Xxx
  17. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    That's such a good way to think of it! I've decided to treat myself to a new one when I get back to my pre-holiay weight!
  18. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    Good plan! Let me know what you're thinking of getting :D xx
  19. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    It'll either be a raven on my left shoulder-blade or a quote on my forearm, my OH moans at me because both of mine are writing and all I seem to want are quotes, he's worried I'll turn into a human notepad!
  20. thelifeofpieface

    thelifeofpieface Gold Member

    Haha I love quotes though, that's something I wanna get too xx
  21. ZenDogNine

    ZenDogNine Full Member

    I self-sabotage and always have - whether it is my weight, my fitness, by job, my relationship...seems I cannot stop myself. I am not having counselling to try to work it all out. So far, all I have established is that I have ridiculously low self-esteem and have 'the negative voice' on speed dial! I just wanted to say, I hope you work out your reasons and find a way to overcome them. x

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