Don't you just hate it when....
- Thread starter Shirleen
- Start date
Texty_F
Gold Member
Jezzi - I have read some of your other posts, and whilst it may be a work in progress hats off to you for posting your inner most thoughts for all to see. It has made you realise that there is still some work to be done. I'm sure when others read your post they will be thinking they have been there too (the binges) I mean. Hopefully it's out of your system for today at least, and the fact that even looking at it now is making you feel sick, certainly means you won't be doing it anymore tonight. I have read how supportive your OH is and that's fantastic, its good that your honest and open and feel that you can tell him, not many would. Your right not to beat yourself up about it, it wouldn't make any difference as it's done now. Maybe tomorrow in the cold light of day you could write down why you think you did it, and how you were feeling at the time. It's something to look back on if you feel it happening again. After 5 months I'm sure it's just a blip. Good Luck and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you
Miss_Corset
Target? Bring it on!
DYJHIW you get drunk and think 'to hell with the plan' oops!!
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Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
peacelily
Silver Member
jezzi999 said:I just did something very shameful.
I need to own up to it and there's probably a better thread for it than this, but I need to say it and say it quick while I can.
After 5 months of no binging at all (after a very horrible couple of years of really life disrupting binging) I just caved.
Hubby is out, I have bad cramp and so I used various stupid excuses to feel sorry for myself and had a binge. And not a thoughtless "grab something and eat it binge" but a planned and prepared binge like I used to.
I actually spent the last hour fantasying about binge foods. And then went to the kitchen and made a huge batch of raw cookie dough (about the only thing I could physically make as we hardly have anything bad in the house apart from brown sugar).
The whole time I was making it I was thinking "i'm going to regret this, but sod it". And I was thinking how I'm going to have to admit it to you guys, and to my husband... But I made it anyway.
And then put it in a bowl, took it to bed and started eating it raw. What an animal. Thank *$EUR* it was so sickly, I only managed about 5 tablespoons. I'm looking at the rest of the batch now and even looking at it is making me heave. It's going in the bin right now.
I doubt it will make any different to my weight loss next week (Saturday weigh in), it's not about that, its the loss of control that's really scared me. I thought I had this pattern of "medicating" my crap moods with secret grim eating under control, but I spoke to soon. It's still a work in progress.
While it'd be well meant, please don't tell me to draw a line under itI'm not going to beat myself up but I do need to think about why I did this, and how I can stop it happening again, because I can't get back on to this roller coaster, I just can't do it again.
Sorry for sticking this here but part of my approach of tackling my binging over the last few months has been a "no secret eating" rule, as that's one of the worst bits of the binge eating. So i'm being honest on here, and honest with OH when he gets home.
Hey Jezzi. Just read your post and thought it was so honest but have to think that setbacks in the recovery with bulimia and anorexia are usually inevitable and are the aspects of recovery that will teach you the most about living with these difficulties longer term. In the big scheme of things although you were in the binge mindset, I would imagine that your binge was minor in comparison to ones you may have had in the past. I was just wondering about the combination of factors that conspired to get you to that point, WI day which meant you still had a week to recover; reaching club 10, so was there a sabotage element there, the fact that your resistance is low cos of cramp(?hormonal) and you were alone. Each one of these may have caused a problem normally but having them all occur at once might have been more than anyone could manage. To quit after 5 spoons whether you felt sick or not is good going. It's futile to say don't beat yourself up but i do hope you can see the progress you have made on your journey. X
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Sweethearts
Gold Member
....when you're in your 10th week of a cold
Oh no
hope it leaves you soon. Have you tried anti-biotics? they can prescribe them over the counter at the chemist now if it's for a cold/flu i think x
ScarlettStar86
Gold Member
Not sure if you can get free ones but if you eat plenty of bio yogurt when on anti biotics it helps replace some of the good bacteria that gets killed off and less chance of getting thrush, I used to suffer badly but not had problems since following that tip x
ScarlettStar86 said:
I've had mega problems with it....every 3 weeks for years
most of the time it's quite mild but other times I just want to pull my insides out just to scratch them!!! Too much info...sorry lol. I was prescribed a low dose tablet (fluco something or other) to take twice a week, but that can cause liver problems so I had to have blood tests so they could keep their eye on it. I've stopped taking them now and it's not been too bad recently to be honest. I'll keep my eye out for the bio yogurt, thanks
I'm back on plan as of tomorrow as I've put roughly a stone back on in the last couple of months....struggled to get back on plan after our hols to France in August. I've been really really bad over the last few weeks (I blame the puppy lol). It's been a very stressful 5 weeks!! I've slipped back into old habits very easily.....and I can't say I've enjoyed it that much either. Eating enough to make me feel sick isn't fun!! I've felt bloated, none of my size 14 stuff fits any more, I have back fat again ....oh I could go on!!!! But I won't.....I've waffled far too much already!!!
Shirleen
Gold Member
mrstore said:I've had mega problems with it....every 3 weeks for years
I'll keep my eye out for the bio yogurt, thanks
I'm back on plan as of tomorrow as I've put roughly a stone back on in the last couple of months....struggled to get back on plan after our hols to France in August. I've been really really bad over the last few weeks (I blame the puppy lol). It's been a very stressful 5 weeks!! I've slipped back into old habits very easily.....and I can't say I've enjoyed it that much either. Eating enough to make me feel sick isn't fun!! I've felt bloated, none of my size 14 stuff fits any more, I have back fat again ....oh I could go on!!!! But I won't.....I've waffled far too much already!!!
TMI ALERT!
The bio yogurt is also good if inserted iykwim?
Maybe Doc will give you some fluconazole as a pre-emptive measure. Even if its the cream x
parfittaroles
Silver Member
Shirleen said:
I was trying to think of a way to word that!
Malc-D
One day at a time
great all i can think of is a yoghurt taking away a horrible irritable errm problem
and the relief sigh that follows .. ''mmm danone''
somethings a guy doesn't need to know about, and you wonder why we like being simple creatures
DustQueen
Gold Member
Malc-D said:great all i can think of is a yoghurt taking away a horrible irritable errm problem
and the relief sigh that follows .. ''mmm danone''
somethings a guy doesn't need to know about, and you wonder why we like being simple creatures
Lol you men aren't so simple last time I got the dreaded thrush it was a bloody boy that gave it to me!
M Louise H
Gold Member
Dirty boys - slugs, snails and puppy dog tails!
