Don't you just hate it?!!

[fatpossum]

I hate it when my skinny friends are patronising with me about my desire to be slim.

They verbalize their support and acknowledge losses when they occur and when there is a lapse and a few pounds creep back on again they offer sympathy. But this sympathy is accompanied by comments such as "oh don't worry, you look lovely as you are" (FAT!!) and "some people (i.e. THEM) are meant to be slim and others (i.e. ME!!) cuddly". - GAWD I hate that word - cuddly!!!

What is that about???!!!!!!!

Unless one is unfortunate enough to suffer from one of the rare conditions that leads to excessive weight gain I do not believe that anyone is meant to be fat. Fat is the result of excessive calorie consumption so why do 'the skinnies' want to pretend that it is anything other than that.

I feel quite diminished when I receive comments such as those.

I was not born to be fat!!!!!!!

 

[Clarabel]

possiblt cause they don't know.
they only know skinny and so don't know what is the right or wrong way to say things.
Maybe you could explain these things to them so that they understand.

They've never faced the same challenges that you facing now.

 

[blue_grapefruit]

Can you imagine when you get to be slim and start calling them cuddly?

Just wait to see their faces hun, it wont be long. Stick with it!!!

 

[SoonToBeGorgeous]

Jealousy is the word that springs to mind!

Jealous that you will be more competition when you are slim, etc

Just let them get on with it!

 

[Mary Poppins]

Yes!I hate those sort of comments too!
One of my friends said to my once that she thought I was happy being the fat,funny girl!
What was I? her personal clown!
Other friends have said though that these sort of comment aren't meant to be hurtful and are just supposed to say that they love you how you are!

Susanx

 

[Russiandoll]

I know they're only trying to be supportive but they can't really know what it's like so should stop pretending they do. I'd never be so patronising to an eczema sufferer; I can try to imagine what life is like for them but I don't truly KNOW.

I had a friend at college (a lovely woman) who was about a size 10. One day, a group of us was talking in the canteen about weight and I mentioned how tough things were when I was 22st. Obviously wanting to be sympathetic, my friend said "You might not think it but I DO know how you felt. I was in Next once and tried to get a pair of size 8 jeans on but could barely get them over my hips. I had to resort to a size 10 and ended up sitting on the floor of the changing room in tears."
I guess it was supposed to make me feel better

 

[spooky]

Tell 'em to bog off!

 

[fatpossum]

Thank you for your views chaps!

I have to admit that despite my struggles with maintenance I have managed to stay at a size 10/12 for the past 6 months - I have fallen into a pattern of gaining 7/8 lbs and then shifting it and then gaining it again (please don't preach because I already know that its not good to do that). The reason I am writing is because I really sense that 'the skinnies' see my current 'normal' weight as a temporary state of affairs and fully expect me to balloon again any day now.

So when I do mention that I am struggling (which I am at present!!) I really get a sense that they think that I should give in to my 'natural state' and stop struggling with what nature has dictated!!!!!! I have one very good friend (she really is a good friend) who gives me an encouraging pat whenever I mention my struggles and tells me to relax and that I will find it easier once the weather improves - WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?!!!! I am not a hibernating bear and how is it that she never turns to lard during the winter months?!

I am irate about it all. If I can only bottle this anger perhaps I can re-direct it and re-gain my focus. I am desperate not to regain all those pounds I spent so long shifting last year but I am starting to think that it is inevitable!!!!!!!

I think there is a serious case of self-sabotage going on here. :help2:

 

[corinne_j]

I agree that it's jealousy - and fear of change. They are used to you being the '"fat friend" and probably can't deal with the fact that you've taken control and actually done something about it.

I've got 2 1/2 - 3 stone to lose, I'm now a size 14 (yippee!) and my mum said the classic line the other day "don't lose any more weight, you'll look gaunt" When I told her that I wanted to be a comfortable 12, she commented that I'm a big strapping girl (gee thanks!) and wasn't meant to be a 12...Hmmm we'll see about that!

Corinne x

 

[fatpossum]

Hi Corinne J,

I can so identify with what you write. I spent all of my childhood and most of my adult life with the firm belief that I was a 'big-boned girl'. I was told "the weight suits you" and "you're probably one of those people with brown fat !!) and "you're naturally big" and once when I was pleased to tell an aunt that I hadn't needed stitches after the birth of my son she replied "why would you have needed stitches, a grand, big loose girl like you"!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was only 18 at the time and there was nothing "loose" about me ............... I could go on but I won't.

It was only in the past year or so that I have realised that there is nothing 'big-boned' about me at all - quite the contrary, I have in fact got tiny wrists and fingers and narrow shoulders and even a slim waist. I am now 46 and this is a revelation to me!

I really feel that I have reached a cross roads in my life. I now have to decide whether I revert to being that "big-boned-loose-girl" I used to be or embrace the fact that that isn't and never was me. It's just such a pity that I wasted all of those years thinking I was huge and living up to that.

I think I'm a bit of a misery at the moment! :cry:

 

[corinne_j]

"why would you have needed stitches, a grand, big loose girl like you"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha I've just spat water all over my computer reading that

Please try not to feel miserable by what's in the past - look to the future - a future of being slim and happy - it can and will be yours - never again will you be referred to as a grand big loose girl again lol

Corinne x