dreamingmaid
Silver Member
Good morning diary,
It has been a long time since i started a diary of any type and I am composing you now as I really want to lose the rest of this weight and be slim forever.
I have just about had enough of dieting and I know I have missed huge chunks of my life obsessing about my weight and trying and failing different diets.
When my second baby was 6 months old I embarked on a journey with Cambridge and absolutely smashed it. I got down to my goal weight or near enough, and I was happy, my two babies were my life, we had fun, I was content and happy and life was good. I moved town, got pregnant again put on 6 stone and had my third child. Again, like the previous time, I commited to getting my weight off and indeed I did just that. This time I got to just under goal weight. I looked like a completely different person.
But, then just as soon as I got to goal, my obsessiveness with weight continued, I was overeating and starving myself. I just couldn't find the right balance. My weight was going up, half a stone here, a few pounds there. I knew I had to do something but my compulsion to eat was so great. I tried hundreds of different diets, I have done them all, my thinking was so tied up in trying a new magical diet, thinking that if I could just find 'the one' i could tackle my issues altogether and lose the regained weight and finally be happy.
In amongst all of this, I was losing out on life, my time spent worrying and overthinking meant I was never really in the here and now of life, I feel like i've missed chunks of my own children's life. Of course, I am a good mummy, they are well taken care of, nicely clothed, clean, get awesome birthday and xmas presents from me but when it comes to the nitty gritty stuff, of them telling me about their day at school, my attention would re-direct to worrying about my weight, my diet, what new diet I would try next. There were weekends I wouldn't take them out because I was so drained from anxiety and worry about how to tackle my weight that I couldn't even plan a day out with them. I love my children so much. I am bearing my heart here, and opening up to be judged but by writing this down, already I feel relieved as it has been inside for so long.
So, it's safe to say that I regained all of my weight. I hit a dizzy height of 16 stones. (from 9st12 at my lowest). I felt awful and looked awful.
But it dawned on me, that it wasn't an elusive magical diet I needed to find, I needed to change my whole mindset. I tackled some deep rooted stuff from my past, looked long and hard at myself and decided that all this overthinking was just imaginary. I wanted to lose this weight and I had a complete turn around in my thinking. I, again embarked on the only thing that had ever worked for me, Cambridge, I did step 2 and lost 4 stone in about 4 months. I got to about 12 stones where I 'settled'. I wasn't fat anymore, I was comfortably fitting into size 12 tops and 14 jeans. I looked good. An odd treat here and there wont hurt.
Except it did, I have put on about 8 pounds since i started rewarding myself and I haven't been able to get into the right mindset since i started lapsing.
I currently weight 12st8 as of this morning. Yesterday was a binge from hell. I was feeling run down anyway with a cold and slightly high temp so again I rewarded myself with food....a lot of food, a lot of BAD food, mainly a whole day consisting of chocolate and crisps and bread. I went to bed feeling disgusted and upset with myself but vowing I have to get a grip on this before I end up at 16 stones again.
So this is my statement of intent:
I WILL follow Cambridge Weight Plan Step 2
I WILL average about 3.5 pounds per week
I WILL use all the tools of my past experience to reframe any negative thinking
I WILL live day to day and in the moment
I WILL log in when i can to update my diary with food or thoughts for the day
I WONT overthink the rules
I WONT look for an easy way out, another diet or another plan
I WONT feel sorry for myself
I am doing this for my happiness and for a great, full and amazing future.
It has been a long time since i started a diary of any type and I am composing you now as I really want to lose the rest of this weight and be slim forever.
I have just about had enough of dieting and I know I have missed huge chunks of my life obsessing about my weight and trying and failing different diets.
When my second baby was 6 months old I embarked on a journey with Cambridge and absolutely smashed it. I got down to my goal weight or near enough, and I was happy, my two babies were my life, we had fun, I was content and happy and life was good. I moved town, got pregnant again put on 6 stone and had my third child. Again, like the previous time, I commited to getting my weight off and indeed I did just that. This time I got to just under goal weight. I looked like a completely different person.
But, then just as soon as I got to goal, my obsessiveness with weight continued, I was overeating and starving myself. I just couldn't find the right balance. My weight was going up, half a stone here, a few pounds there. I knew I had to do something but my compulsion to eat was so great. I tried hundreds of different diets, I have done them all, my thinking was so tied up in trying a new magical diet, thinking that if I could just find 'the one' i could tackle my issues altogether and lose the regained weight and finally be happy.
In amongst all of this, I was losing out on life, my time spent worrying and overthinking meant I was never really in the here and now of life, I feel like i've missed chunks of my own children's life. Of course, I am a good mummy, they are well taken care of, nicely clothed, clean, get awesome birthday and xmas presents from me but when it comes to the nitty gritty stuff, of them telling me about their day at school, my attention would re-direct to worrying about my weight, my diet, what new diet I would try next. There were weekends I wouldn't take them out because I was so drained from anxiety and worry about how to tackle my weight that I couldn't even plan a day out with them. I love my children so much. I am bearing my heart here, and opening up to be judged but by writing this down, already I feel relieved as it has been inside for so long.
So, it's safe to say that I regained all of my weight. I hit a dizzy height of 16 stones. (from 9st12 at my lowest). I felt awful and looked awful.
But it dawned on me, that it wasn't an elusive magical diet I needed to find, I needed to change my whole mindset. I tackled some deep rooted stuff from my past, looked long and hard at myself and decided that all this overthinking was just imaginary. I wanted to lose this weight and I had a complete turn around in my thinking. I, again embarked on the only thing that had ever worked for me, Cambridge, I did step 2 and lost 4 stone in about 4 months. I got to about 12 stones where I 'settled'. I wasn't fat anymore, I was comfortably fitting into size 12 tops and 14 jeans. I looked good. An odd treat here and there wont hurt.
Except it did, I have put on about 8 pounds since i started rewarding myself and I haven't been able to get into the right mindset since i started lapsing.
I currently weight 12st8 as of this morning. Yesterday was a binge from hell. I was feeling run down anyway with a cold and slightly high temp so again I rewarded myself with food....a lot of food, a lot of BAD food, mainly a whole day consisting of chocolate and crisps and bread. I went to bed feeling disgusted and upset with myself but vowing I have to get a grip on this before I end up at 16 stones again.
So this is my statement of intent:
I WILL follow Cambridge Weight Plan Step 2
I WILL average about 3.5 pounds per week
I WILL use all the tools of my past experience to reframe any negative thinking
I WILL live day to day and in the moment
I WILL log in when i can to update my diary with food or thoughts for the day
I WONT overthink the rules
I WONT look for an easy way out, another diet or another plan
I WONT feel sorry for myself
I am doing this for my happiness and for a great, full and amazing future.
