Eeek! Re-starter - 10stone to lose

Hi CG, I think so many of us operate in extremes, like you one day I can feel so motivated and really want to eat healthily and then one little bit of stress or upset and I suddenly feel the complete opposite, like whats the point in bothering etc, I am so all or nothing. I am trying to do the middle of the road approach now but its so difficult, only the other night I had been doing so well and then suddenly felt really low and finished off this packet of Carrs cheese crackers, I usually use them to go with meals and have say 4 or six with a meal well I ate all the ones left in the box, I was like "where did that come from?", I just realised emotions plus trigger foods equals disaster for me, I now have stopped getting those in the house and just get things that if I do go to have an extra one I will not continue munching on them for ever and a day!

I think as well we often expect far too much of ourselves as if we should be "perfect", we are human and sometimes we slip up, the key is how you cope with the slip up trust me your lemon cupcakes will not have wrecked your progress just like my cheese cracker munching didn't wreck my plan, it was a temporary glitch which as people who use food for comfort is going to happen at times. I am finding the best way is to quote my therapist use "self soothe" techniques which for me could be having a relaxing shower, a nice hot cup of hot chocolate or tea or whatever you fancy, listening to some up beat music, anything that just helps me to feel good about myself during a stressed period, relax and change the feeling of stressed to more chilled and the more chilled me doesn't need the binge food so much.

Also don't worry about the scales so much as if you are staying on track most of the time then the weight will come off and also sometimes we just stall or as women our body weight can fluctuate so easily that we can beat ourselves up for a slight gain when it could just be something like constipation, time of the month etc etc Also re the scales I bought a new set, really quite expensive, well they were crap they told me I was half a stone less or more depending where I weighed in the house ha ha now I have got some new ones which at least give me the same weight each time I get on as every time I weigh in I like to hop on them three times or so times on a Sat morning, mad I know!!

Oh and exactly re the removal of the crutches in our life, food has always been like my best friend, worst enemy as well but best friend, something I could rely on when times got tough and now my binge food isn't there as readily and I feel like I am going through some weird bereavement for it, a real loss, something I have used since I was 8 yrs old is no longer there to support me and as a result my OCD which is my other main crutch has gone through the roof, its like a balloon, hold it in at one end the other end gets bigger, so annoying though!!

Em xx
 
1978Emma said:
Oh Tracy that is so similar to me, I used to try and eat my calorie allowance any way I wanted like low fat crisps, always looking at a way of trying to get away with eating my trigger foods ha ha but like you now I am trying to eat healthier options like snacking on fruit etc, its all new to me but I am really enjoying it and I'm saving my treat foods for my planned meals out. Em xx

Hi Emma. Yes, I've found that introducing things one by one is much easier than suddenly changing your whole diet in one fell swoop! I now feel really unwell if I overindulge in something like cake (as I did for my birthday last week!), it's really noticeable and I find myself really wanting fruit, which isn't something I ever thought possible, lol. xx
 
Carriegirl21 said:
What a day.

I weighed-in & my idiot scales that weigh different every time you step on then, even though they are new & weren't cheap!... Said I'd put on 1/2 a pound! It's only my 2nd week :(

I've been 100% all week & more active so I call nonsense on my body & the scales!

I will be totally honest - I wasn't even going to post about this gain but what's the point in hiding it?
I was LIVID.
So much anger & confusion which quickly turned to self loathing... Which ended up with me eating a Lemon cupcake straight after breakfast.
Why?
Why sickly lemon cupcake? Why were you even in my fridge?!
I felt disgusting afterwards - my knee-jerk reaction is that of a petulant toddler. A gain doesn't make me think "must try harder & keep at it"... A gain sends me straight to the fridge!
VERY frustrating! I couldn't stop myself but thankfully after 30 minutes of feeling sick I decided the best thing to do was throw the last 2 cupcakes left in the box in the trash. Now - I hate wasting food but this was an act of defiance - I needed to make a point to myself - my sucess is worth more than the price of 2 cupcakes. I knew if I kept them I would probably eat them out of anget so Off the went down the chute!

After that I was mad all day but I did an x-box kinect work-out, did my cbt exposure therapy (short outdoor walk alone) got on with the cleaning & tried to ignore all the negative chatter in my head willing me to binge.

It's so strange how your mindset can change so dramatically from one day to the next.
Yesterday I was on the ball food wise & felt positive about it.
Today that gain sent me straight into binge-town & all the horror that comes with it.

I ended up getting so worked up with anxiety that I thought I was going to panic so in the end I gave in to food again - but not a huge amount, just 250cals over my daily allowance - but it's more than just the calories to me now - I want to know the reason I find such relief & comfort in food when all I feel is stress around it.

I hope I can carry on tomorrow on plan & not go down the 'I've blown it' route - cos lets face it - that only leads to one place & it's the opposite of where I want to go.

Positives:

1. Got rid of binge-worthy food before I demolished all of it.

2. Did a work-out & a walk even in my negative state.

3. Ate the rest of my 'extra' food in front of OH watching tv & did not keep it secret.

Hoping for a better tomorrow :)
CGxx

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

Hiya! Please don't stress about temporary weight fluctuations, because that's all they are!! As has been pointed out, us females are slaves to this sort of thing, for various reasons. I only get weighed every couple of months, at the doctor's, and over that length of time I've always lost weight. Thirty years ago, at the age of 20, I dieted to the extreme and was obsessive about weighing myself, and developed eating disorders. So I was determined not to go down that road again. If you stick to your calories you're bound to lose in the long term, the scales are just a distraction, lol. In that Gillian Riley book she says you shouldn't weigh yourself at all. I can always tell I've lost weight by little things like my trousers falling down, the numbers are meaningless. ;)

Don't be a slave to those damned things, they're no-one's friend! xxx
 
I wanted to add my voice to this thread.

I weighed in today at 19st 2lb - officially the biggest I have ever been. Part of me wants to cry, but the rest of me knows that it's not an option. I got myself here, and I'm going to get myself back to a healthy weight. In essence, that means that I have 9st 2lb to lose. A big target, and it's a bit scary - but I know I will feel absolutely brilliant when I get there.

Good luck to the OP with your journey. Stay strong and we can do it together :)
 
exactly Tracy, I find that since I have been doing more of a lifestyle change with much more healthy eating and my planned treats, the food which I used to binge on, so my "trigger foods" as I call them don't seem to have anywhere near as much power over me now. I have been walking around places in the last few weeks where loads of my binge type foods are available and I just haven't felt the pull towards them like I would have done in the past, I feel if I want a treat I can have one like when I went out with my niece the other day I had a whopping big ice cream sitting on the sea front but enjoyed it and didn't feel the need to carry on eating or eat everything in sight afterwards as I would have done in the past. Em xx
 
Hi SerenEala, good luck with your weight loss hun, you will find this board so supportive, we all have a lot of weight to lose and its a wonderful supportive environment on here, people are here to cheer you on when you are doing well or offer advice when you are struggling. Em xx
 
hi serena

well come to the board do not worry you want a giggle you will find it you want a hug there here for you anything you want we are here for each other as we are all in the same boat going the same way down down but like we all know it comes with bad days so welcome and join in the fun hun

xxchezzxx
 
I'm dithering about whether to post this or not... Because I've been away so long (a whole year this time) and because I'm nt sure if I'm going to come back to the board properly.. Guess I just missed you all & didn't want to leave my diary open with no explanation for my absence?

Well, here goes -

I've had the worst year of my life. I thought I already had, quite a few times, but this was something else entirely. I've never felt more terrified or less like myself & I'm still no-where near "OK" but I'm better than I was this time last year.

I'm trying to keep this not too long.

The basics - my Panic, Anxiety & depression took over my life to the extent that I don't know how I functioned.
I went through countless medications & had bad reactions to every one of them - one even landed me in the ER - if I could have a vampire Glamour that memory away I'd say YES YES YES! (True blood fan yup) ;)

I've had numerous health problems & had to have major surgery this year. I won't go in to what it was right now but it broke a piece of my heart to know I'd been right all along - there was a physical reason for my pain - I'd been ignored & misdiagnosed & mistreated for over 10 years.

It took me over 3 months to physically recover from surgery, I'm not sure anyone gets over it psychologically, not really.

Anyway to lift this up a bit - the good thing to come out of moving here was I got a proper diagnosis & FINALLY correct treatment. It's done. The pain is more or less gone. It's fascinating to have physical abilities again that I've not had for years!

So. My head is messed up but I'm still getting lots of help with that.
My surgery is done. It could be a recurrent condition (not Cancer) but it could be the end of it. Sorry to be vague.
Surprisingly, I checked my last weight I posted on here & it was only 1.5 lbs less than I am today!
Part of me was terrified to look in case it said I'd gained stones, so I almost laughed (then cried) to see I was almost the exact same weight!
It's good as I could have ballooned over te past year.
It's sad to me as I've not lost anything in a whole year.

I am not beating myself up over staying the same weight as, quite honestly, I'm very lucky & glad to be alive!

So. I downloaded a new weight coach app called "Noom" last week. It's OK but basic & only has a US food database.. But it has a "coach" to remind you to exercise (if you've set exercise into your weekly schedule) & to log your meals. It also has a pedometer which I like.

I've not used MFP for 4 months but it's definitely more accurate than NOOM on nutrition & exercise!

So - I completed my first week & lost 2lbs.
I'm trying to not get obsessed with numbers & calories but instead just focus on eating less crap & trying to comit to gentle achievable exercise.

I'm finding it OK so far as It's only week 1.

The reason I restarted my weight loss mission was seeing a photo a week ago & realising how I really look & how long I've wanted to change. And how much I hate being this way.
I'm still near my heaviest ever weight & I've spent 18 years trying to lose it & that blows my mind.

My plan is - stick with the plan of achievable exercise & aim to eat healthier BUT not to beat myself up if I go over my daily allowance. Simple right? (don't worry, I still have my sense of humour intact, somehow!)

I may come & post & I may not. I'd like to check in now & again without becoming obsessed with checking every day.

Mainly I wanted to say thanks for all your support over the years I've been on here & that I'm still here, just in the background for now ;)

Hope everyone is doing well!

CGxx
 
hi CG
wow hello and im gald you have got sorted at last and your now on a nice steady road to a healthy you i agree taking it slow is this best way and the right way good luck love and will catch up with you when you nip in ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
 
Hi and welcome back. I am so sorry to hear of all your physical and mental health issues that must be so hard on you. I think we all do what is right for us and a plan that keeps the pressure low is probably what you need. You are most focused on the health aspects (ie eating right and exercising) which are the most important. And so many have no idea just how crippling the aspects of anxiety can be especially when you have actual physical health issues which probably reinforce it. You are in my thoughts and I hope things improve in all aspects of your life soon.
 
hi CG
wow hello and im gald you have got sorted at last and your now on a nice steady road to a healthy you i agree taking it slow is this best way and the right way good luck love and will catch up with you when you nip in ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Hey!

Thanks so much :)
Definitely taking things slow this time & so far so good, ten days in :)

Hope you're doing well & I'll try & pop in on your diary too!

CGx
 
Hi and welcome back. I am so sorry to hear of all your physical and mental health issues that must be so hard on you. I think we all do what is right for us and a plan that keeps the pressure low is probably what you need. You are most focused on the health aspects (ie eating right and exercising) which are the most important. And so many have no idea just how crippling the aspects of anxiety can be especially when you have actual physical health issues which probably reinforce it. You are in my thoughts and I hope things improve in all aspects of your life soon.

Hi!

Thanks so much, that was so lovely to read x It helps when people understand how all consuming Anxiety can be, It's so hard to explain.
I'm definitely taking things slow this time & the biggest thing I'm trying to do is avoid beating myself if I do have a slip or whatever you want to call it - that's what messes me up every time so if I can avoid that I think it will help so much.

Hope you are doing well, will try & check in on diaries :)

CGxx
 
hi carrie, i just came across your diary. i have depression and anxiety too, the thought of leaving the house gets me anxious which is a shame because i enjoy walking. you're doing really well, i know how difficult it can be. i'll subscribe, it's nice to find someone who is in the same boat as me xxxxx much love, beth.
 
hi carrie, i just came across your diary. i have depression and anxiety too, the thought of leaving the house gets me anxious which is a shame because i enjoy walking. you're doing really well, i know how difficult it can be. i'll subscribe, it's nice to find someone who is in the same boat as me xxxxx much love, beth.

Hi hun :)

I'll pop over to find your diary in a mo too.

I agree - it's always good to find others Stuggling with the same issues on top of the weight loss - I've been depressed since childhood but developed Panic disorder & major Anxiety around 4 years ago & it's pretty much taken my "normal" life away from me.
The biggest mistake was having it going undiagnosed for 2.5 years & therfore getting no treatment & thinking I was going insane/dying of some horrific invisible disease!

It. Sucks.

I'm having a right rough time with it right now but I have to tell you - this time last year I could not leave the flat (even to put rubbish down the chute a few meters down the corridor) without having my Anxiety sky rocket.

As it stands now, from the outside, it looks like I've come far as I go out every day, even if it's just walking to get a coffee, most days I can use public transport alone & maybe go to the shops. It's still hard & some days are just impossible but I keep reminding myself "last year you couldn't put garbage out - look! Now you're on a bus!" (that may sound batty but I'm sure you'll understand what I mean!)

I'm still so far from well but I really appreciate being able to leave the flat even if it's really hard it helps SO much to be able to do that.

I hope you can get out & about soon & thanks for finding me here :)

CGxx
 
SO! I've decided to set a mini goal :)

No pressure time wise but in lbs I currently weigh 306lbs (gulp, why is it still so hard to write that?)

I started at 308lbs

My goal is to get below that blasted 300 mark!

So - 6lbs to go.

I tend to lose veeeeery slowly no matter what I do so I'm not imagining it will be soon but it's a nice little goal to aim for :)

I promised myself I wouldn't get obsessed by numbers (lbs or painfully exact calories) but I still need to be able to measure my progress.
I'd love to just weigh once a month as I fluctuate naturally SO much (love fluctuating, really really love it grr) ;)
However I never make it a month without jumping on those cheeky scales! Maybe if I hit my first target I can set monthly weighing as my next goal? Rather than a number goal it would be a behavioural one? Yes, I think I like that idea :)

I'm still going good with food, under my allowance every day (not by loads & not undereating on purpose, just working out that way)
I'm still keeping up my exercise goals using the NOOM app - I've set really small goals that I feel can be achieved even on my worst days -

Mon - 20mins Just dance game Xbox
Weds - 20mins extra walking, even if it's on the rooftop patio!
Friday - 20mins Just dance game Xbox

I'm half way through my second week & haven't missed a workout yet.

Today was the first day I didn't hit my pedometer goal but I only went to get coffee & had a friend over so I hardly moved! Totally not beating myself up over that as doing something social is a huge deal for me with my anxiety - so that achievement trumps missing 1000 steps for one day!

Ok, on with my 3 positives :)

1. Completed my 10th day on plan and kept up with all my exercise goals (not counting pedometer lol)

2. Did something social even with high anxiety. (not food related but it means the world to me)

3. Did not try & deal with anxiety & stressful evening by eating - cooked healthy dinner & cried & talked to OH & came on here instead.

Hope everyone had a good day :)

CGxx
 
cg im so proud of your darling thats great you have hit 10 days and your still doing great your doing amazing hun x x x
 
hi carrie, i just came across your diary. i have depression and anxiety too, the thought of leaving the house gets me anxious which is a shame because i enjoy walking. you're doing really well, i know how difficult it can be. i'll subscribe, it's nice to find someone who is in the same boat as me xxxxx much love, beth.

hi beth
if your wanting to do some working on you tube there is leslie sansone walking routines i love them i do her 2 mile walk and really enjoy it
x
hope your having a good day
 
oh gosh, the baby steps you've been taking are really positive though, it does make a huge difference to people like us, so i'm really pleased for you :)

i only leave the house if i have my mother with me but there has been occasions where i managed to leave the house for a little walk and i even caught the bus when i had a counseling session. but i guess it really depends on my mood, if i'm feeling good and have bursts of energy i'm more likely to be productive and leave the house. i seem to be stuck in a downer period at the mo and it really sucks. my level of progress is just a line of spikes, haha.

mini goals are a good idea! i find it much easier to lose weigh when i stick to mini goals. i have like over 100lb to lose so i'm eek when i think about it! so i set myself mini goals of 5 or 10lb :)

how are you today? hope you're having a positive day xxxxxx
 
hi beth
if your wanting to do some working on you tube there is leslie sansone walking routines i love them i do her 2 mile walk and really enjoy it
x
hope your having a good day

hey chezz! actually i think my mother has that dvd with her ever growing collection of fitness dvds, heh. i think i tried it once when i was 15, eek. thank you! :) have a good day too xxxxxx
 
oh gosh, the baby steps you've been taking are really positive though, it does make a huge difference to people like us, so i'm really pleased for you :)

i only leave the house if i have my mother with me but there has been occasions where i managed to leave the house for a little walk and i even caught the bus when i had a counseling session. but i guess it really depends on my mood, if i'm feeling good and have bursts of energy i'm more likely to be productive and leave the house. i seem to be stuck in a downer period at the mo and it really sucks. my level of progress is just a line of spikes, haha.

mini goals are a good idea! i find it much easier to lose weigh when i stick to mini goals. i have like over 100lb to lose so i'm eek when i think about it! so i set myself mini goals of 5 or 10lb :)

how are you today? hope you're having a positive day xxxxxx

do you know beth its great you ae taking little mini gaols i do that to as if i look at the big picture i would scream with horror so i have just broke mine down to little goals at a time xxx
 
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