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What doesn't kill me.....
S: 19st2lb C: 16st1lb G: 11st11lb BMI: 35.2 Loss: 3st1lb(16.04%)
So I haven't been here since the beginning of August.... Ive been going through a pretty financially difficult time, and haven't been sticking to SF 100%... or even 80%. It's been hit or miss lately.

Thankfully I've been hovering around a 3-4 lbs weight fluctuation, so I haven't gained back any of the 40 lbs I originally lost.

Ontop of the financial stress, comes the fights with the BF.. he wants me to quit smoking.. he wants me to get back up and start loosing weight again.. yes yes I know. But sometimes it's hard to hear him out because this is a man who also smokes (although not nearly as much as I do, but still) and at 37, can eat like a hippo, and not gain. He's not thin, he's actually quite muscular.. but you kinda want to strangle him and say.. "Seriously?!" If I had his metobolism, I'd be set!

Anyways.. After going at it with him for a little bit over the weekend, I was driving home, feeling pretty down.. and I had an epiphany. Actually, I remembered that I had funyuns in the car, and THEN I had the epiphany.

Alot of us here can say we are emotional eaters, but have you ever felt it? Felt the psychological effect of food? As soon as I remember I had those stupid snack things in my car, my mood immediately lifted and things didn't seem so bad. Just at the thought that I have these things in my car.. and yes I ate ate them.


And the wheels started turning and I realized that I let food control my brain and emotions and I let my brain constantly think about cigarettes and when the next time I can have one... and if I can't have one.. what can I eat until I can have one. And then after I eat, I want a cigarette, bc it is very satisfying to have a smoke after eating..

I'm letting all this crap control how I think, how I react to situations, how I interact with people, and how I feel about myself. Everyday I think about loosing weight. Everyday I think about stop smoking. Everyday I say I'll try better next time...And I can't because I let food and cigarettes control me.

I had my last cigarette this morning at 8:00am. I have none left to smoke, and I have no money to purchase any.. I mean, I could.. if I didn't want to be able to buy gas and make it in to work and all...

I'll have to wait a little bit longer to start back on properly dieting.. I do not have the money until later this week to buy actual good for you food.

It's time for me to take responsibilty for the way I am and what I do.

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Gold Member
S: 232lb C: 179.8lb G: 140lb BMI: 30.9 Loss: 52.2lb(22.5%)
iknow exactlyu how you feel.
I was like that when i smoked, and also tried dieting..

all of which completly blew me away, as lately ive started to understand it more..

keep your chin up and keep sticking around here... you will need every ounce of help and support, and we are all ehre for you!

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