Kezzerbelle
Silver Member
Sorry guys i just need to write and get things things down. it'll be a long one so dont feel obliged to reply!!
It's my own fault really. i have battled with depression for the best part of 10 years. i ran out of happy pills 2 weeks ago and thought i would be ok....silly silly me. got some more today, so i know i will feel better soon.
I am alfway to my goal now, and i still feel as fat as i ever did
I am also feeling so emotionally drained doing the diet...as for everyone its been a tough old process for me.
Alot of my depression comes down to control...scared of not being able to control things, that i actually have no control over. (sound strange but i know what i mean) apparently its fear of the fear or something.
One thing i have NEVER had control over is food. at that has changed. now i'm scared that when i finish TFR. i go back to where i started, and i really really dont want that.
The pharmasist suggested that maybe i would like to refeed for a week or two, and give myself a break from the strict regime then get back on track for the last leg of my journey. i said i would do TFR this week and see how i feel next week (Today). and i still don't know what to do.
Part of me really really wants to sit down with hubby and have a meal (i dont want the crap i used to have) and just chill out. but i am also thinking why prolong my process even more.
to make things worse i have cheated a couple of times in the last few weeks, i only have myself to blame. Maybe if i refeed and eat properly, it will stop the food demons and i can get on the straight and narrow. hmmmmmmm an hour before i weigh in so i need to decide.
On the plus side i have decided to write a book, about my diet process and the ups and downs. i know i am not the only person in the world to feel like this. but sometime i feel i am.
i will feel better after WI and will prob feel a bit stupid later!!
Like i said
It's my own fault really. i have battled with depression for the best part of 10 years. i ran out of happy pills 2 weeks ago and thought i would be ok....silly silly me. got some more today, so i know i will feel better soon.
I am alfway to my goal now, and i still feel as fat as i ever did
I am also feeling so emotionally drained doing the diet...as for everyone its been a tough old process for me.
Alot of my depression comes down to control...scared of not being able to control things, that i actually have no control over. (sound strange but i know what i mean) apparently its fear of the fear or something.
One thing i have NEVER had control over is food. at that has changed. now i'm scared that when i finish TFR. i go back to where i started, and i really really dont want that.
The pharmasist suggested that maybe i would like to refeed for a week or two, and give myself a break from the strict regime then get back on track for the last leg of my journey. i said i would do TFR this week and see how i feel next week (Today). and i still don't know what to do.
Part of me really really wants to sit down with hubby and have a meal (i dont want the crap i used to have) and just chill out. but i am also thinking why prolong my process even more.
to make things worse i have cheated a couple of times in the last few weeks, i only have myself to blame. Maybe if i refeed and eat properly, it will stop the food demons and i can get on the straight and narrow. hmmmmmmm an hour before i weigh in so i need to decide.
On the plus side i have decided to write a book, about my diet process and the ups and downs. i know i am not the only person in the world to feel like this. but sometime i feel i am.
i will feel better after WI and will prob feel a bit stupid later!!
Like i said