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Feeling fed up and emotional :(

Sorry guys i just need to write and get things things down. it'll be a long one so dont feel obliged to reply!!

It's my own fault really. i have battled with depression for the best part of 10 years. i ran out of happy pills 2 weeks ago and thought i would be ok....silly silly me. got some more today, so i know i will feel better soon.

I am alfway to my goal now, and i still feel as fat as i ever did :(

I am also feeling so emotionally drained doing the diet...as for everyone its been a tough old process for me.

Alot of my depression comes down to control...scared of not being able to control things, that i actually have no control over. (sound strange but i know what i mean) apparently its fear of the fear or something.

One thing i have NEVER had control over is food. at that has changed. now i'm scared that when i finish TFR. i go back to where i started, and i really really dont want that.

The pharmasist suggested that maybe i would like to refeed for a week or two, and give myself a break from the strict regime then get back on track for the last leg of my journey. i said i would do TFR this week and see how i feel next week (Today). and i still don't know what to do.

Part of me really really wants to sit down with hubby and have a meal (i dont want the crap i used to have) and just chill out. but i am also thinking why prolong my process even more.

to make things worse i have cheated a couple of times in the last few weeks, i only have myself to blame. Maybe if i refeed and eat properly, it will stop the food demons and i can get on the straight and narrow. hmmmmmmm an hour before i weigh in so i need to decide.

On the plus side i have decided to write a book, about my diet process and the ups and downs. i know i am not the only person in the world to feel like this. but sometime i feel i am. :)

i will feel better after WI and will prob feel a bit stupid later!!

Like i said
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A little of everything!

Take a deep breath. Re-read your post. Sit for a few minutes and think about it.

You've got your pills again, give them a chance to kick in. See how your WI goes. Don't make any rash decisions. You don't need to eat, maybe you want to, but you don't need to. You've done amazingly well this last 4mths. You've come so far, you just need a reminded (kick up the virtual ass! LOL!) that you CAN do this?

I was obsessed with food & cal counting before LT. I logged & weighed every bite that went in my mouth- and lost NOTHING. That wasn't healthy.
Now I've come off tfr (if only for a while) I find I'm not eating for the sake of eating? Well...not as much as I was anyway! LOL! I'm maintaining (so far) and don't feel deprived, or as out of control as I did. Maybe when you get a bit further you'll feel better able to deal with what you'll do after LT?

Take another deep breath. Relax. Don't stress about it. Go for your WI and let us know how it goes.



I will be skinny again!!!
As Irish mum has said

I loved the feeling of control on LT and for around 2 months afterwards I kept that control! Then it was easter, I was eating chocolate and didnt gain.... I thought I was invincable again and ate what ever I wanted when ever I wanted... I havent weighed myself after my week away of eating PURE crap but i can feel it... and I can barely get a pair of jeans on that were lose on me before going away....

Having the control there... and knowing your limits is what is nessecary, I just got lost along the way and even though I seen it I didnt stop myself...

It a very hard process to follow and all we can do is try and learn from our mistakes!

Its completley your choice if you want to refeed for two weeks... I still lost weight on refeed... But you have to bare in mind once you have eaten you may find it extremely difficult to get back on to TFR

Only you can decide what is right for you... And I hope you get your heart and head settled onto something soon Kez xxxxx


Positivity is the key
Hi Kerry,
firstly thank you for your honest and open post. It can be hard for people to talk about depression and feeling that lack of control, I applaud you!!
I am reading this after your second post where you say you are going to refeed and I admire that. We are the people who know ourselves best, you need to know you can control the eating part of your life and perhaps this will give you the chance to try it. As you know I have decided to stop after the next 2 stone (it may be sooner, who knows, only me really) and I am doing so, as I also fear that control issue and not becoming too reliant on LT for all the hard work.
I am glad you made a decision about your medication, perhaps at a later stage you can discuss this with your G.P and decide to try to stop again, with proper support.
There is no shame in needing the help of medicine or the therapies, we all have issues in our lives that are best addressed by professionals and they are trained to help us cope.
I wish you all the best, you are a strong woman, you have proved it on here every day and you deserve to be the best you can be.
With fondest thoughts.
I can`t really add anymore to what has been said, But didn`t want to read and run.




Life is not a Rehersal!
Hi Kez

Well done you for being honest and open and getting down exactly how you feel...that is certainly a good starting point.

I too have battled with depression since I was around 15, and I am now 43....coupled with eating disorder, it doesnt bode well,,,BUT, I can honestly say I feel the most in control than I ever have.

TFR is good for that, and I understand 100% about how you feel about it and how it brings that control in your life. Rather than me going on and on,,,I think if you read my REFEED DIARY on the refeed section you will see how I faired when I ate for the first time a few weeks ago! I had to refeed for my hols....

My fear is the same as yours....I was ok on LT, but what about when I started to eat...would it go belly up!!!! It hasnt but it hasnt been easy either, although I am at the end of my second week and feel so comfortable around food.

I took the opportunity to address issues that I knew I had whilst I was on LT and I am now proving to myself that I dont need food as a crutch and I can enjoy a nice meal without feeling guilty.

You have to get it out of your head that LT is the answer...because it isnt. If you dont deal with food and the problems behind the control, then LT will be another crutch for you.

Personally, I think you have done incredibly well, and i wouldnt think anything about you refeeding and trying to deal with your demons with food. You have the support of the forum and we are all here to help you.

Only you will know if it is the right time; like Doirin says, she has made a major decision this week when to stop but that wasnt her intention at the beginning..as we are changing so much whilst the weight is coming off and on LT.

I wish you all the best and it is achievable and I understand so much about just wanting to learn to live normal and eat, which isnt NAUGHTY either!!!! That is another thing to learn...bad habits you see die hard! We think food as bad and makes us fat, but it needed be like that.

As I say, have a look at my refeed diary as I have tried to be so honest with my feelings as I was petrified withe the refeed and really didnt want to refeed because I felt safe on LT!

Take care and the medication will kick in shortly too which will help you to calm down and think straigher.

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