Feeling Low

[ElsieAV]

Hello,

I'm sorry for such a negative post. And nothing anybody can say can make me feel better.. I think I just need to get out how I'm feeling.

I need to cry I think. A really big cry. I got to a size 14 a few years ago and was unhappy so I did Cambridge and lost a lot of weight and everything was all good... now I've put it all back on and more. I'm now an 18/20. I THINK I weigh more than 15 stone but I've no idea because I think if I get on the scale I will feel much more depressed.

I know I am bigger as I have seen recent photos and my clothes no longer fit.

I have a holiday booked for 3rd November.. so I do have time to lose a stone or so if I redo the very low calorie diet again. I've used slim and save before, and I have some left over cambridge products.

I guess I just feel vile. I'm visiting my family this weekend and I feel every time I see them, they get more disgusted with me. I don't see them often so every time I go I can tell their shock at my size.

I'm also really conscious in front of my partner. I cover myself up all the time and I just don't feel like getting close to him anymore. He must be disgusted with me too... It's horrible that feeling isn't it? I feel so conscious eating in front of people because I think they must think "how greedy is she".

I'm a bit of a secret eater.. I don't think people understand HOW i've put the weight on because they never see me eat loads. But I eat food when they aren't around. It's an emotional thing I think.

So I'm desperately starting the Very Low Calorie Diet again on Sunday. I'm visiting my family this weekend so I will just eat "healthy" and cut down the carbs so that it isn't a big shock to my system again on Monday... I'm so SCARED that I'm not going to do it. It's scary being this unhealthy and ugly isn't it?

I do feel ugly. Which is awful. Someone posted a photo of me today and I wanted to vomit... When I think I lost all that weight and did this to myself?

I suppose this is a bit of a desperate post.. I do feel better to see it on paper. I never realised how depressed I was about it until I was kept awake all last night so upset after seeing my reflection (which I avoid like the plague!). I dont want to weigh myself for a week or so. i know I won't see a loss but I really can't face it right now. x

 

[lornab612]

I don't think there anything I can say to really help but just want to send virtual hugs? Hope you find something that works for you in the long term, x

 

[Flabuless Mama]

Feeling much like you at the moment. Took RawrGirl 22 years of yo-yo dieting before she finally hit goal, kept it off for about a year, then gained it all back this summer. horribly disgusted and frustrated with self. Maybe we can be support mates and encourage each other to get back to goal and keep it off this time around.

 

[LovelyLyds82]

Hi just having a little read. It's so sad to hear you feel this way. I totally get what you are saying.
your family love you no matter. It's hard to put on weight after losing it but if it tells you one thing it shows you can do this and you are better equipped this time. You only fail when you stop trying. Keep trying and try to be kind to yourself a little. You do not deserve to speak to yourself this way. You are more than what the scales or clothes size says. One step at a time lovely Xx

 

[Toujours]

I know how you feel - I lost 2 and a half stone a few years ago and have somehow managed to put 3 stone back on! I was so disappointed in myself and sometimes I get so angry for letting myself get to this point because it makes me feel so self-concious and upset. I feel so angry at myself and have fear that I'll lose it all and then just put it all back on again. I've decided that a diet isn't enough - I need to make healthier lifestyle choices and stick to them forever.

You will be able to lose the weight again and you will be able to keep it off! You've just got to believe in yourself and make those changes for yourself.