Right. Confession time. I lost the plot big time this weekend. I know I need to analyse why or it's going to come back and bite me when I'm trying to maintain, so here goes.
I made it through half the day on Sat, but was feeling hungry and edgy from get go. Went walking and shopping with the girls and when I got back at about 3pm, had a snack (nuts). And another (more nuts). And then some chocolate. And then some pasta (strictly on my binge list, funnily enough, chocolate isn't!). And then more food. And then continued on Sunday. Why? I'm not sure, but here's what comes to mind:
Tired. Hot. Grumpy.
Felt I deserved a treat. A reward for being good all week.
Tend to get hungrier on days off after exercise - is this a mental thing? Or any actual physiological thing?
Certain foods / state of minds are triggers for me.
I don't seem to get full when I'm in this mental place.
I try and punish myself for doing this (right, so tomorrow I'm only going to eat 1000kcal, and I'm going to do at least 2 hours of exercise...) which then stops me getting back on track the next day.
Why do I feel the need to do this? To "reward" myself with a binge? It's not a reward. It's a punishment, because I end up hating myself. A reward would be a nice meal out. Not eat everything in the cupboard until I feel bloated and cr*p.
To be honest, I still don't really know why I do this. Well, at least the rational part of me doesn't. I didn't feel bad, even when I knew what I was about to do. I felt good, it's only afterwards I feel crap. And I was doing so well.
Well, okay, I was a bit obsessive - counting every single calorie, exercising as much as possible, spending hours on this site. Banning loads of foods (I don't call it banning them, but effectively it is). I know I need to relax about this diet stuff, but I just can't. I have promised myself I'll be more relaxed about it all in September, but not now. Now I want to lose as much weight as possible. I know it's not clever, or sensible, but that's what I want to do.
I need less choice at the moment. Calorie counting is providing me with too much to obsess over and choose. So I've signed up for 28 days to Go Lower. It's ketogenic, which means I can't exercise as intensively as I do when I have carbs in my diet. A good thing, sometimes. It's more calories than LL (which made me feel weak and treacle-brained). But I lost a stone on LL two weeks, and I've kept 12 pounds off. So if I can drop 1 stone in 28 days of Go Lower and keep that off, it'd be great. Nearer my goal.
And I'm also hoping an almost too expensive to afford diet might just give me the kick up the proverbial that I obviously need...
I'm not beating myself up over this, but I am determined to learn from it. So I'm not going to scrap this diary, but I will ask a moderator to please move it to the diary section, because I'm not calorie counting at the moment.
Good luck calorie counters, and thank you for your support - I hope to see you (lighter) in a month or two...xxx
