Food without the angst - Vegan SW

14.04.2014

It's a lovely day in the vicinity of Sunny St. Ratfords. I had breakfast in the garden.

3 free Linda M sausages with fresh tomatoes and mushrooms with a caramel flavoured coffee (+ almond milk of course)

Lunch: I've made soup with courgettes, loads of parsley, carrots and tomatoes and butter beans (OK, I've revamped yesterday's left overs) with loads of parsely and more almond milk. B U T I put chillies in as well, rather too much. M'boy will like it, not me though. Perhaps if I add to a tin of something else to dilute it ? Or cook some orzo into mine, yup, that's the plan.

Oh,very good news today. I had a half a minute consultation with my GP today, I am NOT diabetic, or pre diabetic. I need yearly testing though, as I was meant to be doing after m'boy was born as I had gestational diabetes with him.
 
The day continued with more soup, rasperies and strawberries and one banana. 2 Wheetabix to go to bed with as 2 x HXB Not a syn has passed my lips, I so want to get my first stone award next week.
 
15.04.2015

Today needs careful planning as I will be out most of the day and am bound to get hungry and possibly make some unwise choices. I shall start with a good breakfast, I think sausages and baked beans, with a grapefruit. Stamina for the day and all that .... and take fruit out with me. Back later to enter in what I actually had.

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Breakfast: 3 x Linda Mc sausages, the free ones, with baked beans, raspberries and strawberries
Snacks, loads of fruit, more raspberries and strawberries and an orange
Dinner, a great veggie curry cooked by DH. Lots of sweet potato and peas, raspberries with a small amount of Alpro yogurt, small syns.
Later, 35g puffed wheat (HXB) and coconut milk
 
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16.04.2015

Oh dear (sort of) I found a nearby Tesco that stocks Violife. I've had loads with an own brand ryvita thing. 2 xHXB, and probably over my syns for the day, it was wonderful. However I am very tired today andneed to guard against making foolish choices because of that.

It's nice, I used to be unable to admit to myself I took any joy in food and tastes. Now I can say, yup, it was good but it's time to stop eating it now.
 
I've lost track of food, I'm so tired. I know I've probably had more than my HXs in violife and ryvitas, and a couple of choccies. But am having little snooze now. Such niceness here. My daughter is here. A flying visit, she's making a marathon treck from Belfast to Norwich by train and boat. It has to be this way because of the cat. What an intrepid traveller she is. She and her partner started yesterday evening with masses of luggage and their beloved cat. I picked them up from Euston this morning. Oh goodness, I was worried about the drive there but I got there Ok and now they are snoozing. Ah, it's so nice having them here. My furry grandchild is staying with my SIL (we made up and are friends again) as he's FIV positive and could catch illnesses from our cats and not be able to fight them as his immune system is non existent. Tomorrow her partner will go by train to Norwich to welcome the van with all their things, and I will take her up there on Sunday. Saturday being a day of recovery and visiting relatives. Hark how I ramble, I need sleep.
 
Oh well, weight loss wise, yesterday was a total disaster. But I enjoyed what I ate, didn't gobble the WHOLE cake just because everyone else had fallen asleep and weren't there to see me or know about it and I didn't then getting out the stashed chocolate to punish/block out the guilty bad feelings. I can just say, that was nice food, I'll eat a lot less over the next couple of days to make up for it.

It was very interesting though, to watch how someone who has not food or weight issues acts around food. Very interesting. My daughter had been travelling all night and had hardly any sleep and had been having to shift heavy luggage and manage the well being of their cat. The two of them had hardly eaten as well.

So when we got back home she was starving, and was also opening the fridge and cupboards and finding loads of delicious treaty vegan foods she had seen on FB vegan pages but not been able to access where she was previously.

She was trying everything,necking down ice cream and chocolate and spreads but having tastes of this and that. Well, she couldn't resist a whole Tesco Free From cornetto. Actually no, she dod throw away the end of that, and only ate half an easter bunny. then apologised that she couldn't eat all her toast and marmalade, threw that away and had a healthy (but non SW friendly, I was caring about SW at that point) sandwich of seedy bread, hummus and falafel. No worries about the calories or fat content, just being purely guided by appetite. She has got a bit chubby a couple of times, but it seems to have shifted with no deliberate effort on her part.

I'm not used to being around people like that. My mother was a concertina lady, she moved from an old size 18 to a 10 and then swung around between the two for a couple of decades. She'd go on strict diets when I was small. She'd be restricting her intake and boast to me about having only eaten a stupidly minimal amount of food. At the same time, she would put my food on the plate and make me eat it all, whatever my appetite was telling me. She would tell me that she knew better than me what I needed, and also gave me the starving children in Africa line. So, I grew up confused around food, to say the least.

Now I live with G, my dh. He is a very anxious individual who's anxiety hits hs stomach and he literally cannot eat, and throws up sometimes. He also has a history of having had a burst ulcer which made his eating habits difficult. Now, he has the attitude that he has to eat whenever he can, and take advantage of the times when he is not feeling sick. Other times he will have food and be unable to eat. He is very definitely an undiagnosed autistic person. My son, who does have a diagnosis, has got quite chunky and is desperate to do something about it. He won't take responsibility for calorie counting, or to follow a recognised plan so fasts for most of the day with a banana or two and then makes up for it at the end of the day, often with something that isn't the best choice.Really, I should model healthy eating for him, but I'm still quite out of touch with y own needs. I'm getting better but as I said, my daughter was a revelation for me.D

Dunno what I'm going to eat today. I might do veggie soup and a fruit fast with a melon I happen to have, and whatever else I pick up when I go out this morning, but I also don't want to feel like I'm unishing myself for yesterday. So, I'm going to have a bath and a coffee and a ponder.
 
Well, after all that sensibleness, I totally lost it and reverted to my old habits. Ho hum
 
.... and .... have got back into focus.

Yesterday: Leak and potato soup, green beans and free sausages, 2 x HX B (wheat puffs - you get a decent sized bowl for your 35g) Melon, pear, banana, orange. Almond milk.

I'm not sure why I flipped like that but all's OK now. Oh, I had a couple of those mornings where I woke up and the memories of just what I had been doing to myself came flooding back with horror. And now I feel clean and on track again.
 
It was stressful today, my poor son has severe General Anxiety Disorder which leaves him quite unable to do things a lot of the time ... it's his story so I won't gossip but h's having a hard time atm and being his mum isn't easy either.But the desire to binge and squash the feelings with food have gone again. I don't know what makes the twisted thinking and actions return, but it's nice that the gaps between are getting longer.

Food today is a bit hard to syn, with an obscure brand of fancy mustard with no nutritional breakdown used as the base for a stew. But as I've had no HX Bs, I'll count the oil in it, and the oil on my marinaded tofu as that, in which case it's been minimally synfull today.

After an abysmal and worrying day, we had a jolly evening chopping down a tree. Only half of it is down so far but we did it with the neighbour and his chain saw. M'boy was up a tree (WITHOUT the chainsaw) sawing away, and just having a good time with someone who must be closer to his age than mine. I actually like this tree, a laburnam. but it's too close to the boundary. Some will regrow from the butchered stumps and it's true, we will have more light. And it was beginning to push through the old fence panel. Soon it's time for next door's plum tree sucker bush to go to, we can't put a fence panel in there until it has been very much reduced. So, lots of firewood for next winter.
 
22.04.2015

Breakfast: An apple, a bowl of rice, tomatoes, gherkins and black eyed peas with a large mug of coffee earlier. It is strange, I am still in a stressful situation with my son but, I've kind of stepped back from it emotionally and am eating quite normally.

Pasta with a few syns worth of Dolmio Mushroom Bolognese sauce with cooked carrots mixed into it

The rest of the tin of black eyed peas with gherkins.

Wheatabix

the odd banana and apple and orange as snacks

Counselling tonight, intersting session in which I linked my passion for a wildish park where I grew up, had good and bad times- loads of memories - linked it to my grieving for my parents. A very tearful session. Strange, I don't think my counsellor is aware of this but she very rarely follows up anything I saw about weight loss. It's an area she struggles with herself, as she shared with me once and it's as though she just doesn't want to talk or think about it with me. Still, I'm managing OK without much input from her on this subject.
 
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Hello there. Good to see you're still going. Blips happen and you're straight back on it. That's the path to success. Good to see counselling is happening, but very strange she doesn't follow up on weight. Saying that, mine didn't because I think she believed if I was more healthy mentally I'd be ok with food but nope. The more relaxed I am the more I relax around food and that equals weight gain for me.

I'm back on it calorie counting. Started monday on 1200 a day to give me a boost for the first week, then will swap to 1390 as 1200 is really hard. My wedding Anni tonight so saved up cals and walked a lot. It's 5km minimum per day for me. Are you still swimming/walking. Let's shift some of this..,
 
Welcome back to the straight and narrow :) 1200 is LOW, it does sound sensible that you plan to up it the following week. Have a nice evening tonight, congratulations X
 
I've been pretty much on track this week, had some blips and followed up with a low syn day so I like to think I'll be OK. Yesterday was a much much travelling and filling in Probate forms sort of day. I stayed on track, worked out I could have a third of the choccie bar I bought and shared.Got home hungry to find a wok ful of something delicious and ricey, I haven't seen OH yet who cooked it. However, I ate it all, so I hope it was OK for me!

Oh glory be, probate! I don't understand what they are asking on some of the forms but I'm bowed if I want to spend the amount solicitors charge. We might have to though, my brother isn't up to dealing with it, and I've so much on here stressing me, family and stuff. Hopefully I can get down to it on Tuesday, sit here with the forms, scanned paper work m'brother has sent and phone the help line when I get stuck.

I'm also hoping to get weighed tomorrow morning. It's difficult to commit myself to mornings as my son needs so much encouragement to get out of bed, let alone school. He's hardly been in for months. Even when it isn't happening I can't really just go off and leave hime to it. Ho hum. And evenings are full of college interviews!! Any one that does prayers, candles etc ... all good wishes for him getting 1) to an interview and 2) getting to college would be very much appreciated.

Breakfast today was Linda M free sausages and half a tin of Sainsbur'ys ratatouille which comes to 2 syns. But I'm counting it as less because much of the syn value comes from the oil in it and that could be a HXB so the starch and sugar in it I'm counting as 1 with some speedy veggies.
 
27.04.2015

Woo hoo, I went for the WI, and left m'poor boy disconsolate at home. 1.5 lbs off - that's for two weeks, screw up salvaged thank goodness. So only half a pound to go for my first (this time, HA) stone.
 
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Binged this morning and last night. Dh has been very stupid over something. Of course, I recognised where the binging came from AFTER I had done it. We will talk about this issue tonight, he doesn't know this is what I have in mind when I said we need to discuss finances, or that I know, Ho hum. But we will get this sorted.

Good news is my son has the offer of a colllege place in September, doing the course he wanted. It was all very stressful, and I can't imagine him being able to do a long college day and evening once a week. We so much need to build up his stamina, and in theory he is open to this, But today he is still so stressed by yesterday he won't get out of bed ...
 
I#ve been in and out of focus recently, it was an old habit to get blips around moving down into the next stone, or coming up to a milestone of other sorts. Right now I'm approaching moving down a stone and losing my first stone plus having family worries. As usual. Ha!

I got this email, and thought that if ever anyone reads this, they might find it useful.

Book Review: Body Respect by Linda Bacon, PhD and Lucy Aphramor, PhD, RD
Posted: 01 May 2015 01:09 AM PDT
Health at Every Size—The Surprising Truth about Your Weight by Linda Bacon, PhD was a groundbreaking book based on the concept that a high weight doesn’t necessarily lead to illness and early death, as we’ve been repeatedly told. Now, Bacon has co-written another cutting edge book with Lucy Aphramor, PhD, RD: Body Respect—What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight. If you want factual data on the relationship between weight and health, you’ll find it here, along with information on diets and “normal” eating.
I’ve been in this field for more than 30 years and I learned a lot from Body Respect. For instance, I no longer use the term “overweight.” As the authors point out, the term is meaningless. Over what weight? Better to say high weight or fat. But, no, you might insist, the word means above what a healthy poundage or BMI is. You might say this if you didn’t read what the authors conclude about how weight ranges and BMI categories were arbitrarily determined and who funded their research. Could it be Big Pharma?
If you want to understand how a focus on weight rather than health is hurting you and stopping you from reaching your health goals, Body Respect lays it all out for you. Sometimes the only way to stop hating your body is to stop buying into the myths that have generated fat phobia. This doesn’t mean giving up on your desire for a healthy, attractive body, but it does mean that a weight obsession will likely drive you farther away from reaching your goals. The authors discuss set point and how stress and other environmental factors affect your weight on a physical level. They explain what years and decades of dieting have done to make it harder for you now to metabolize food the way you would like to. Best, they describe how returning to “normal” eating—eating according to appetite—will start to reverse the damage that diets have done.
Here are some of my favorite factoids from the book:

  • “Dieting triggers a reduction in leptin, which both increases appetite and decreases metabolism. And chronic dieting results in chronically less leptin release, which could easily explain why the majority of people with a history of dieting actually gain weight over time.” (p. 20)

  • “…your taste buds, and many other sensory cells, constantly regenerate. If you don’t use all your sugar receptors for a few weeks, they don’t regenerate in the same quantity. In other words, if you reduce your sugar habit for a bit, you may find it becomes a natural choice in the long run and that high quantities of overly sweet stuff no longer have the same appeal—you don’t have to fight the urge to reach for them, because there isn’t one!” p. 131)

  • “The lower your self-esteem, the more you measure yourself against an outside standard—a standard you can never meet—with painful ramifications.” (p. 136)

  • “Genetics, personality, previous metabolic strain, and early developmental events all interact to influence physiological and psychological resilience. For example, people who have experienced abuse, neglect, or other forms of early adversity have weakened immunity and are predisposed for heightened physiological reactions to stressful events. There’s a lot of room for change, though, as we can ‘rewire’ our neural pathways to a great extent with the right support.” (p. 103)
Other topics the authors cover include emotional empowerment and weight-loss realities. Additionally, there are enlightening discussions about valuing diversity and how we can all play a part in creating a culture that doesn’t devalue people because of their size—or any other trait. If you are serious about understanding your eating, weight, and health concerns, including your current or past weight struggles, and are ready to face reality, you will want to read this book to finally get the facts right.
Best,
Karen
Home - Karen Koenig | Author
http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/
http://www.*************/pages/Nice-Girls-Finish-Fat/114097795301428
 
Hey Micci,

I really like the quotes from that book, especially this spoke to me "The lower your self-esteem, the more you measure yourself against an outside standard—a standard you can never meet—with painful ramifications". Sums me up really. Also the bit about focusing on weight rather than health. A lot of the time the focus on weight comes along with even deliberate damage to health which really is an oxymoron as a normal weight and health are often equated. I will read up about it, if it's affordable I may just invest :)

I hope you're doing alright?

 
I#ve been in and out of focus recently, it was an old habit to get blips around moving down into the next stone, or coming up to a milestone of other sorts. Right now I'm approaching moving down a stone and losing my first stone plus having family worries. As usual. Ha! I got this email, and thought that if ever anyone reads this, they might find it useful. Book Review: Body Respect by Linda Bacon, PhD and Lucy Aphramor, PhD, RD Posted: 01 May 2015 01:09 AM PDT Health at Every Size--The Surprising Truth about Your Weight by Linda Bacon, PhD was a groundbreaking book based on the concept that a high weight doesn't necessarily lead to illness and early death, as we've been repeatedly told. Now, Bacon has co-written another cutting edge book with Lucy Aphramor, PhD, RD: Body Respect--What Conventional Health Books Get Wrong, Leave Out, and Just Plain Fail to Understand about Weight. If you want factual data on the relationship between weight and health, you'll find it here, along with information on diets and "normal" eating. I've been in this field for more than 30 years and I learned a lot from Body Respect. For instance, I no longer use the term "overweight." As the authors point out, the term is meaningless. Over what weight? Better to say high weight or fat. But, no, you might insist, the word means above what a healthy poundage or BMI is. You might say this if you didn't read what the authors conclude about how weight ranges and BMI categories were arbitrarily determined and who funded their research. Could it be Big Pharma? If you want to understand how a focus on weight rather than health is hurting you and stopping you from reaching your health goals, Body Respect lays it all out for you. Sometimes the only way to stop hating your body is to stop buying into the myths that have generated fat phobia. This doesn't mean giving up on your desire for a healthy, attractive body, but it does mean that a weight obsession will likely drive you farther away from reaching your goals. The authors discuss set point and how stress and other environmental factors affect your weight on a physical level. They explain what years and decades of dieting have done to make it harder for you now to metabolize food the way you would like to. Best, they describe how returning to "normal" eating--eating according to appetite--will start to reverse the damage that diets have done. Here are some of my favorite factoids from the book: [*]"Dieting triggers a reduction in leptin, which both increases appetite and decreases metabolism. And chronic dieting results in chronically less leptin release, which could easily explain why the majority of people with a history of dieting actually gain weight over time." (p. 20) [*]"...your taste buds, and many other sensory cells, constantly regenerate. If you don't use all your sugar receptors for a few weeks, they don't regenerate in the same quantity. In other words, if you reduce your sugar habit for a bit, you may find it becomes a natural choice in the long run and that high quantities of overly sweet stuff no longer have the same appeal--you don't have to fight the urge to reach for them, because there isn't one!" p. 131) [*]"The lower your self-esteem, the more you measure yourself against an outside standard--a standard you can never meet--with painful ramifications." (p. 136) [*]"Genetics, personality, previous metabolic strain, and early developmental events all interact to influence physiological and psychological resilience. For example, people who have experienced abuse, neglect, or other forms of early adversity have weakened immunity and are predisposed for heightened physiological reactions to stressful events. There's a lot of room for change, though, as we can 'rewire' our neural pathways to a great extent with the right support." (p. 103) Other topics the authors cover include emotional empowerment and weight-loss realities. Additionally, there are enlightening discussions about valuing diversity and how we can all play a part in creating a culture that doesn't devalue people because of their size--or any other trait. If you are serious about understanding your eating, weight, and health concerns, including your current or past weight struggles, and are ready to face reality, you will want to read this book to finally get the facts right. Best, Karen Home - Karen Koenig | Author http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/ http://www.*************/pages/Nice-Girls-Finish-Fat/114097795301428

Really interesting. I have a Nancy Friday book called the power of love which discusses self and body image
 
....nah, I lost it, been making stupid choices for about three week now :(
 
I do like a lot of Nancy Friday's work. Or did, I've not read anything by her for a long while now. It was she who wrote Our Mothers, Ourselves, wasn't it? I'll look out for that, thanks.
 
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