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friends are getting fed up with me

#1
:cry:One of my friends is having a b'day soon (a big one!) and they are going out for a meal and drinks. I thought it would be easier if I said no I couldn't go cos its really hard going to something like that while doing LT. Anyway they are not happy and are saying whats the point in not going out, they dont think I am being a very good friend. They think its good that I am trying to loose weight but dont seem to understand that I cant just take one night off.

I have said that it is not going to be forever, and of course I would rather go out than stay in but I cant go to a restaurant and just have a glass of water. I dont know what to do now cos I think it may be easier to just go and have a good night.

Any one had this happen to them?

:) :party0016:
 
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#4
Yeah I have noticed that my friends are being off with me and everytime I mention the diet they roll their eyes are most are generally sick of hearing about it.
If I were you I would just like at it like this.
*You have made a massive decicion to make such a lifestyle change and are already over the worst of it.
*Is it really worth falling off the wagon for one meal? If it is then go
*Also they should be able to respect the fact that you are unhappy and need to change things for yourself and support you in this decision.
Maybe they dont realise how important it is and you need to remind them?
just keep remember why you are doing this!
You could always meet them after the meal?
xx
 

Time4ME

MUST get a grip
#5
Of course you dont - sorry I forgot...

Well couple of things to think of... You can meet them after, ok so you'll only be drinking iced water but so - offer to drive em home?

If your 'mates' challenge you with regard to you not being a good friend turn it round... Tell them this is a really important 100 days in your life and thats all it is 100 days, 14 wks...

You've got weeks & weeks after where you can all go out celebrating....
 

Bobbin

Needs a flattering photo
#6
Could you join them for drinks after and have water then? I know its not ideal but then you at least get to go out for a while and see them all. I have my sisters 30th coming up on Friday, my CDC has advised a step up of eating so I can go out and then a step back down untilI am back fully on shakes. Its a shame if you can't do this. Have you asked your counsellor what you can do???
 

gazz

Full Member
#7
I nolonger drink or smoke, and no I don't eat ! BUT if you were an alcoholic in recovery would you still be wrong for saying no ? Thats the way I look at it, good friends will understand that for you at the moment food and drink is just as bad. Tell them sorry but you value your life and the new way you are going to be more than your old one. I'm sure they will understand.
 

Bobbin

Needs a flattering photo
#8
Thats fantastic advice Gazz, I suppose people never view food in the same way
 
#9
ive sat in loads of resturants and pubs with my mates when they are eating and not had a problem. my mates are all really supportive of me now they have seen me with the weight loss. they are all really impressed. dont miss out on you friends birthday
 

annie_d

Silver Member
S: 14st5lb C: 13st7lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 28.7 Loss: 0st12lb(5.97%)
#10
I think the drink analogy maybe a good one. I am an alcoholic who has not drunk for a long time. I stopped because i was very ill with pancreatitis and the pain was immeasurable. Worse than giving birth. I can go out with friends and not drink alcohol now but initially i avoided that environment until my "not drinking habit" had a firm foundation...going out for a meal is a very different thing. You can't sit at a table and order nothing, you have to eat.
You have your own path to follow and at the moment the path is to not eat. This is for both your physical and you mental health well-being. I dont thnk you should accompany your friends. It's just one night, they will be fine.
 
S: 19st9lb
#11
Aw I completely know how you feel!
I've had to cencel soooo much, last night was my friends bday and he was quite p*ssed off cos I'd said I'd go ut I knew i couldn't sit there in the pub with all my friends and the barman offering me the "usual-vodka and redbull" with a pint of water, i hope i do get strong enough to at some point. Then I stayed in my other friends (where i had the dreaded chicken wrap) and I was trying to make the last bus home cos i knew the sooner i got out the better as she was really going on and on about me eating but when i tryed to make my excuses she was saying I can't let the diet control my life etc. Considering I've let my weight control my life for so long I think a few months of something that will change that will be well worth it!
My best friends going down to Kilkenny for her bday in Feb for a weekend but understood that it would be too hard for me so instead we're going away when i finish maintainance.
She's a real friend but she also understands the weight battle(she won) so it's not that your friends are bad friends they just don't understand!
Last night my friend offered me ice-cream to put in my shake!
They mean no harm but try explain the importance of the diet to you!
We can do it DAISY POWER!

xxx
 
#12
Hey Daisy

Thanks so much for your advice, you make so much sense. I know my friends try to understand but the problem is none of them are fat so they dont really know how it feels to have this struggle.

Love "DAISY POWER" that has made me smile, thanks for your support :)

X
 


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