From one extreme to the other - food diary!

I was supposed to go 'home' this last weekend to visit friends and family and have one of my twice yearly drinking sessions, but the little one was poorly so had to put it off, I'm glad in a way as no doubt my list would look like yours, but I wouldn't feel guilty and I'd enjoy every second as I'd know that come Monday its back to work and that the weekend was a very rare event and won't ruin your life...
Look at me, I'm all optimistic for a change :)
 
Jhsax said:
I was supposed to go 'home' this last weekend to visit friends and family and have one of my twice yearly drinking sessions, but the little one was poorly so had to put it off, I'm glad in a way as no doubt my list would look like yours, but I wouldn't feel guilty and I'd enjoy every second as I'd know that come Monday its back to work and that the weekend was a very rare event and won't ruin your life...
Look at me, I'm all optimistic for a change :)
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Yeah you are right - I'm just concerned it won't be a rare event as I'm back up there this weekend but I'm the only one that can determine what goes in my gob haha!
 
So I'm literally up to my neck in denial at the moment (my head is submerged by false hope) that I'll have a STS at the very least later. I think this is the problem when you see losses after the odd couple of cheats - you get lulled into a false sense of security that you can still scoff and get away with losses. Today I've consumed a grand total of 2L of water, 2 oranges and a packet of French Fries in the hope of damage limitation for the scales later – which is a bit dull of me really as I won’t be able to get a proper gage on my weight but it is what it is I guess. Feeling a bit sorry for myself as starting to miss OH – yeh I know, it’s only been like less than 24 hours (tells self to get a grip) but it’s a bit sucky nonetheless. At least I’ll be less tempted to reach for the takeaway menu this week – I don’t feel right getting a takeaway on my own somehow. Anyway, will report back later after I’ve faced that b!tch… the scales.
 
A totally deserved 2lb on - however I had a huge non scale victory last night....

MY WEDDING DRESS FINALLY FITS

Or I finally fit into my wedding dress....

But whichever way you look at it.... YAY!
 
So as previously mentioned – I fit into my wedding dress – YEY! Now don’t get me wrong, I can still do with losing more weight to look how I want to look in it (including last nights gain I’ve got to lose 17lbs by beginning of June in order to leave enough time for alterations) but the modesty panel on the back finally does up without popping open – so I could wear it if I stayed at this weight. This is such a relief as those who have read my previous ramblings will know that I purchased my wedding dress 2 sizes too small, and it wouldn’t even meet at the back at first.

But anyway – desperately need to get my backside back into gear.

On another note I was thinking last night – when you reach target, how do you think you’ll “class” yourself?

I mean, I know we shouldn’t categorise ourselves but I think 90% of us do inadvertently. So when I was a teen and had an eating disorder, I always classed myself as “fat” – I know now that I was far from it, but that’s the evil of eating disorders. Anyway, as I got bigger I still classed myself as “Fat” (because I was – no pussy footing around it). I would always make jokes about my weight and laugh about how fat I was – this was totally a defence mechanism – in a way, I was making people aware that I knew I was fat and also mentioning it before they did. Messed up I know.

But back to my original point – when you get to target do you think you’ll class yourself as an “average” weight, or even, dare I say it, “Slim”? I just can’t ever imagine uttering those words about myself. Now, for instance, I class myself as “chubby” – maybe still even “fat” – just not as “fat” as before.

Anyway, I probably should get back to pretending to work….
 
Yay, congrats on your dress, I flatly refused to even set a date until im a size 14 maximum, so 15yrs lol

My parents told me I was overweight from about 5 onwards and I believed them (I was far from fat) as I got older I considered myself the fat one out of my friends, but I still didn't let it effect my confidence until I fell pregnant at 18 (why I'm back at uni now lol) and at around 8months gone my lovely boyfriend told me he was leaving me because I'd gotten fat and I wasn't attractive anymore, that was 13yrs and 5stone ago and I never got over it. I think considering yourself fat gives you an excuse to eat what you like. "Why not have an extra donut, everyone considers me the fatty, might as well live up to my reputation".
I don't think I'll ever consider myself slim even if I made it, years of conditioning doesn't just go away, but I'd probably find something's weird, like being able to squeeze through small spaces, I have to go side on through my mums baby gate (for the dog) I bet I'll keep going through it sideways to get my tummy through even when its gone :) or going around cars in carparks because I don't think I can fit between them
 
Jhsax said:
I think considering yourself fat gives you an excuse to eat what you like. "Why not have an extra donut, everyone considers me the fatty, might as well live up to my reputation".
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^^ This 100%.

Self fulfilling prophecy.

I agree – I don’t think I’ll ever class myself as “slim” – more than anything I think it’s because it’s something I’ve always aspired to be, I’m used to it being just that – an aspiration. Funny how these things affect us. Also agree on how little things that change are the ones I find the strangest. Walking up the stairs and being able to talk at the same time without having a near asthma attack, trying on something and it being too big rather than too tight.
 
Back on plan yesterday but am starting to get back into nasty old habits of starving and binging so need to be careful.

Breakfast: Orange and coffee (0.5)

Lunch: Orange and French fries (4.5)

Dinner: Left over veggie spag bol with a MOUNTAIN of pasta and 40g RF cheese (HexA)

Then I watched Bates Motel and fell asleep by 7.30pm and decided that living alone is pretty boring and that I have to do stuff I don’t like doing – taking bins out – eurgh. Consdiering it was International Women’s Day yesterday I have come to the conclusion I am far from an “Independent Woman” *sigh*……
 
Wish I could try something on in a smaller size :-(
Sometimes I wish I could live by myself, men and kids are so messy and lazy, or perhaps its just mine, I have a friend whose OH does all the housework and cooking, I want one......

I had to force breakfast down me this morning as I just didn't want it, but I knew I'd be starving later if I didn't eat. Strange how they say don't eat if your not hungry, but eat 3 meals a day.
 
You've been doing fantastic. Don't worry about a day or two off track. Just try to eat smaller meals more regularly its what I do to stop the binging. Cause I know if I had a chance I'd eat a trolley full of stuff or I'd starve for a day. Which is not good for the body.
 
Jhsax said:
Wish I could try something on in a smaller size :-(
Sometimes I wish I could live by myself, men and kids are so messy and lazy, or perhaps its just mine, I have a friend whose OH does all the housework and cooking, I want one......

I had to force breakfast down me this morning as I just didn't want it, but I knew I'd be starving later if I didn't eat. Strange how they say don't eat if your not hungry, but eat 3 meals a day.
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You're doing fantasticly - I've got every respect for you as it can't be easy losing weight and sticking to plan and then having the issue with your waist. Before you know it you'll be picking up your old sizes and they'll be hanging off you.

Yeah I think it's one of those odd things like if you followed every bit of advice on what causes cancer / illness / should and shouldn't eat when pregannt etc you'd end up living off dust. Same with diet advice - if you followed every piece of advice you'd end up eating nothing! If I ate when I was hungry I'd eat nothing all day and scoff myself silly come 6:30pm!
 
marybobs said:
You've been doing fantastic. Don't worry about a day or two off track. Just try to eat smaller meals more regularly its what I do to stop the binging. Cause I know if I had a chance I'd eat a trolley full of stuff or I'd starve for a day. Which is not good for the body.
Click to expand...

I'm totally making excuses but I've figured it's going to be a bit more difficult than usual to stick to plan over the next week or so. With moving, living between Cardiff and Leicester and keeping myself busy to avoid missing my OH, sometimes a quick unhealthy meal is going to be more appealing than something SW friendly! So not going to beat myself up TOO much. Yeah I know what you mean about binging - the concept of 3 healthy meals a day seems so natural for some people yet I've literally got to conciously think about doing it....
 
Off plan AGAIN last night – but hey, I’ve come to the conclusion that the next week or so is going to be difficult with everything going on. Yeah, I’m totally making excuses but will be on plan where I can, but at the same time not lose sleep and be racked with guilt if I have the odd meal here and there off plan.

Breakfast: Orange and coffee (0.5)

Lunch: Pasta, lighter than light mayo (0.5), thai sweet chilli cod filet (1.5) peppers roasted in garlic and chilli frylight (NOM NOM NOM) French fries (4.5) and an orange

Coffee at my Mum’s (0.5)

Dinner: Small Chips, curry sauce and pineapple fritter (100000)

On a kind of positive note, I would usually polish off a large chips, potato fritter and curry sauce so the down size to a small is a big achievement for me (I only ordered small as I didn’t want my Mother thinking I was a pig LOL).

In other news, my Mum told me that she hates what my friend has done to my hair and that it feels like a brillo pad (harsh but true unfortunately) so we shuttled round asda last night buying all these re-nourishing treatments – so if anyone has any tips on rejuvenating bleached to death hair please let me know!

In other news, I got strangely annoyed the other day over the stupidest thing. This may be a bit TMI for some so please feel free to skip this bit. With my increased in take of water I spend, what feels like, 90% off my day in the loo. Now I work in a male heavy industry so there are not a great deal of women in the office – meaning the ladies loo is usually empty when I go in. So I realised that I subconsciously have a “favourite” cubicle that I always use when I go, I see it as “mine” – and so yesterday I went in and was flabberghasted that someone was in MY cubicle – how dare they!! Even more flabbergahasted (and disgusted) when I went back 20 minutes later (yeah I have a really weak bladder when it comes to fluid in-take) and they’d left the most horrific mess in MY cubicle – ok so I know we all have to “go” – BUT CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF!!!

Hmm what else can I ramble about that’s not loo related…. Oh yeh, my brace.

So I got it tightened last night (will be coming off on 4th May – whoop!) but after eating my curry sauce it has gone neon yellow – it literally looks like a UV rave in my mouth. Gross.
 
Early start tomorrow so thought I'd update now

Breakfast: orange and coffee (0.5)

Lunch: pasta, Thai cod (1.5) lighter than light mayo (0.5)

Dinner: bisto cauliflower cheese (1.5) with added cheese (hexa) sugar snap peas and quorn beef steaks (1 - I think!)

image.jpeg

Syns: 5

Up to Doncaster tomorrow for handover meetings and then to Leicester to see my other half - don't think I've ever been so excited to see him (sorry for the cheese on toast haha)
 
*Emerges from under binge eating rock*

Yeah so Friday was off plan
As was Saturday
And Sunday
And yesterday

Friday I was travelling up to Doncaster with work – which I find being a nightmare being on plan (please take this as my excuse for being lazy and not bothering to prep). As I was super tired driving up I stopped at Starbucks for a caffeine boost. Now I’m usually a bog standard Americano girl when it comes to coffee – but I thought I’d go all out and have a skinny vanilla latte – OMG if you have not tried this you are missing out. I then had another one at lunch (full fat this time though) eurgh it was so good. So good in fact that I spent Saturday driving around looking for our local Starbucks so that I could get another one. Ooops…

I won’t bore you all to death with a list of my calorific weekend, but it was good. And fattening. So I’m shamefully avoiding the scales this week.
I was hoping to be back on plan yesterday, but on Sunday I noticed a horrific grinding noise on my brakes – a quick trip to Kwik Fit told me that my brake pads and disks had gone and that the relevant parts wouldn’t be in until Monday. They also advised that the car was by no means driveable to Cardiff. So another night on the air bed it was! Which meant that I was still in “Leicester” mode which meant that I could still scoff my face… Ooops. So £225 later (robbing bar-stewards) I have working brakes. Yay.

Back on plan today, but my friends are coming over tonight for a take away so am planning on having an on plan takeaway (she says…. but I can feel the wave of temptation already distracting me….!)

Here’s hoping I can keep my gob shut.

(doubt very much that is going to happen)
 
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