Soooo... Finally I got myself together and started this diary. It's a big step for me and I've been hesitating to do so for the past few days. Perhaps it tastes too much like commitment! It's in writing now, it's official and I have to carry on. This first post may be on the long side, with some background and initial thoughts. So bear with me. I've been overweight all my life - certainly since age 7, when I started taking appetite-inducing allergy meds. Perhaps it's because I started them so young that I've always had trouble telling when I'm full, or the difference between being hungry and being thirsty. Be it as it may, I've never been happy in myself and got the usual dose of mocking in school and out of it, hurtful comments from kids and adults alike, probably a story no different to many on this site. At different times, I tried to change it with exercise but always fell off the wagon in the end. Then, time came to get married. A great time but extremely stressful right up to the day. I started overeating worse than ever, binging all the time. What bride gains weight before her wedding day? I did. And did and did and did. Over a year later and I'm just now on the course to change things. The big question is, why did I do this to myself? It doesn't take a whole lot of brains to see it was the wrong course to take. I saw it as well as anyone and still set myself on that road. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to understand it. The best I can do is guard against it ever happening again in the future. Now, I've never been on a diet. I've made many formless attempts at eating better, but lacked the discipline to see them through. Really, what I'm doing now is something I don't want to see as a diet, either. It won't finish once I've reached my goal weight, although it may evolve. I want to see it as more of a lifestyle change that will stay with me for life. So I'm counting calories, learning what reasonable portion sizes are, and drinking a lot of water. An 'everything in moderation' approach. Eventually, I hope to have so much practice I won't need to calorie count. I think this is a sustainable way of going about my weight loss, one that will get me there and keep me there afterward. So, this is the beginning: 3rd January, 2013. The few days since then have gone well. I'm using mfp with a target loss of just 1lb per week, but I've mostly been hitting targets for a 2lb loss. We'll see what comes of that. I haven't found it all too strenuous, since I'm fortunate enough to love fruit and most vegetables. I do miss my ham sandwiches and putting cheese in pretty much every meal, though. I think that might get tougher as the novelty of it all starts to wear thin. 5th January: I started 30 Day Shred! Talk about a running start, jumping right into it with no previous exercise and nearly 7 stone to lose! Foolhardy? Maybe; I'm certainly struggling. I'm already tired by the end of the warmup and probably rest more than follow the reps. My hubby thinks I've taken on too much. But I'm determined to continue, especially as already after day 3 my body felt different, a little tighter. It's possible I won't even get past Level 1 in the 30 days; but that's okay. As long as I keep making progress, I'll be happy. No matter what, I'll end up with something better than what I started with. That's it for now. A little rambling and maybe a litle negative at times, but I'm hoping it will help me to put it all down.