Futility of comparing two peoples losses.

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by IanH, 14 November 2011 Social URL.

  1. IanH

    IanH Silver Member

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    Wrote this some months ago - but thought it may be of help to some here...

    ---

    I oft times see online, or hear, people say things like "compared to your loss, my mere *stone pales into insignificance" or "I only lost 3.5lb and was expecting more" or words to those kind of effect.

    Making comparisions or statements liek that are only excercises in futility and could be seriously damaging to ones weight-management efforts. It truly doesn't matter if you have 7lb, 2st, 3st, 6st, 9st, or 15st to loose, we are all going through the same journey together. It's an indvidual journey though - and although we may stand side-by-side and support and help each other - everyones journey is neverless unique to them - we all have our aims; we all have our goals; we all have our reasons for undertaking the journey; and we all have our own expectations.

    Comparing your own weightloss against someone else in group (or online) is pointless - we all have our individual journies to make, and we all have our individual quirks, and we are all going to loose at a different rate compared to anyone else standing next to us in these journies.

    I'd much rather think of it as "I've lost *lb this week" as opposed to "I lost *lb but they lost more and I want those kind of losses". Those kind of losses are possible, and absolutely nothing wrong with aiming for them - but take the pressure of ourselves - aim for them, but providing we get a loss in that week, be happy. Providing we've done our best that week, if we don't quite hit the mark, be happy that you've done what you can and gotten a good result.

    I once had a target weight I wanted to hit by a certain time - two weigh-in's before - it was very obvious that I wasn't going to get there - I needed 5lb off in that week to hit the target. I could have sat down and planned a weekend of minimal food, no syns, lots of excercise and be very disappointed when I didn't get that 5lb, or I could sit down, have a good think and realistically not expect a 5lb loss in a week at that stage of my weight loss journey (I had lost just over 13st at the time, and wanted to be down to 13st7.5lb), and take the pressure off myself, and just aim for a loss, be 100% on plan, use what syns I wanted to, and just relax, knowing I've done my best. I got a loss that next weigh in - much to my surprise - it was the 5lb I was looking for. But even if it had been 2lb - I'd have been happy (maybe not so happy as i was with the 5lb) but i didn't put the pressure on myself to get there, i didn't have false expectation levels to be dashed if i didn't make it, and the consquent disappointment from that.

    There's a saying that's favourite amongst consultants that sums up the above perfectly - "Reach for the moon, set your standards high, if you dont acheive what you went out for then it really doesn't matter BUT you will know you tried your best and you can still grab a star on the way down."

    The only expectations to meet though - are your own. Be realistic but aim high and if you don't succed totally in your aim - then be happy with where you do land.
     
    teresa32uk and Mini like this.
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  3. Jodieboo

    Jodieboo Gold Member

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    A very good read Ian, and I totally agree. I struggle to get a pound off each week even though i'm sticking to plan 100% but I know that everyone is different and at least it's in the right direction!
     
  4. LittleFlutterby

    LittleFlutterby Fluffy lil flutterby :)

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    Seriously dude- how did you know I had to read this tonight???

    Thanks- really. I'm always guilty of comparing myself to others- because I am SO uber competitive.

    But, my journey is *my* journey. I should be chuffed of the weight I've lost so far- not be disheartened at the amount I have left to lose, or how someone has lost half a lb more than me.

    This journey is about a mental change, and I think your post has helped me gain some acceptance.

    Thank you so much :)
     
  5. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Comparing yourself to others is just choosing a club to beat yourself with! Anyway you cannot predict or control what happens on the scales anymore than you can control how much hair you grow! What you can control are your eating habits.
    If you stick to plan 100% and are honest with yourself and you have a gain/STS/small loss, then you KNOW it's not a true figure just true for that day, so stick with it and the scales will reflect the truth!

    Our bodies are not machines that you can stick in reverse and off the weight goes! It may be that you spin your wheels for a bit, but it does have a positive effect it just may take a little bit longer to become apparent!
     
  6. 888sally888

    888sally888 Full Member

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    And the shame of it is that we do that as well as compare other qualities.

    Lets all be happy to be us and alive. I run an old peoples lunch club and one of my lovely ladies died on Saturday. Thats a wake up call
     
  7. Siobhmrk4

    Siobhmrk4 Full Member

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    I also needed to read this, so thank you Ian. Also, congratulations on your weight loss. You are an inspiration.

    I was so angry after weigh in last night - I lost 0.5lbs. I wanted to be at my target (14lbs to go) by christmas but I can accept after reading your post that this won't happen and im not being fair to myself.

    My partner who eats exactly what I eat during the week lost 2.5lbs. I was comparing my weight loss to his. But now I can see that we are both different and as im not far from target my weight loss will be slower :)
     
  8. Mirrakel

    Mirrakel Full Member

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    Great post.
    Its so easy to compare and be disappointed.
    I've been losing on average 1lb per week. Last week I put on 1lb... and it made me realise how happy I was with ANY loss - I lost that 1lb this week and I was so chuffed!
    I too have also realised its pointless *for me* to set dates by which I want to lose x amount of weight. All it does is cause added pressure and disappointment if you dont happen to lose it.
    It can take time to realise these things.. so we shouldnt be too harsh on people who havent got there yet.
     
  9. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    i can totally relate to this post - i am always beating myself up over other peoples losses.
     
  10. Jael

    Jael Full Member

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    It works in the opposite way too. First time I did SW, I did it at home, losing about a pound a week, 2 if lucky, with a few episodes of gain/STS. This time I'm at group, I've lost each week, usually 2-4 pounds. And I find I'm getting self-conscious in front of the people losing normal amounts or staying the same. I've taken to weighing late each week, so I'm not part of the slimmer of the week stuff, because I'm worried I'll start p***ing someone off.

    Soon, I'm sure my losses will dwindle. But it's so true. We mustn't compare ourselves. Every day sticking to the plan in a success
     
  11. IanH

    IanH Silver Member

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    The like is for the second paragraph btw...

    With regards to your sentiments about weighing late to avoid SotW - DON'T. I oft times felt the same it has to be said - and did receive some criticism for winning - but one of those weeks (and i received some then too as i recall) i won with a 1.5lb loss. SotW is about celebrating those who have done well, and it shouldn't matter if it's the same few people each week - they should be using any negative feeling to spur themselves on to do the absolute best they can and be happy that they've given it their best and got (hopefully) a good result.
     
  12. LittleFlutterby

    LittleFlutterby Fluffy lil flutterby :)

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    After winning sotw 4 times (i think it was) i started to get paranoid that people were getting p***ed off that i was winning it a lot...same with sotm, i was really worried about winning it the 3rd time in a row, because of what others thought....

    I've won sotw 14 times, since April, and sotm 4 times. actually- it was funny last month, i missed out on sotw and sotm by half a lb- HALF A LB!.... and when my C read out the loss of the winner and i went "argh- half a pound!" and started laughing, the group went "oooooooooh- close" but still congratulated the winner.

    I used to be so damn competitve. Now, not so much. I actually won sotw with 2lb loss, which doesn't happen often to be honest- usually it's a 2.5-4lb loss that gets it. But I was happy nonetheless :)

    Next week though- I want a 2.5lb loss....or more, of course- but 2.5lb i will be happy with....sotw would be a bonus of course ;)
     
  13. hope to be slim

    hope to be slim Full Member

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    i am unfortunatly a slow but syeady,,,i hope loser.
    Dont think I will win the fruit too many times ,but I am in for the long goal and thats all i bothered about.
    xx
     
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