getting back on plan after a death


loves to eat

My mum passed away on dec 17th after a very long fight with cancer. It all seems so sureal for me & hasn't really hit yet I don't think as keep finding myself forgetting. It has been a very bumpy few months for me & hubby as my MIL passed away in mid november & then our friend died a week later (he was only 29). Me & hubby decided we have to get used to our new normality so booked a holiday in 10 weeks. As my mum lived far away I was over there for 2 weeks with my brother & step dad. Everyone puts weight on at christmas but we had 2 weeks of not sicking to the plan at all. I have been a member of SW on & off for ages & until recently had lost 7lb but have put that back on & more. I went to a class on friday & got weighed & am going to go to regular class next monday with my friend. After fridays class I was full of good intentions but have had all sorts of naughty stuff since having like healthly tea but then a bad pudding & wine & crisps etc & there is still a box of biscuits that is calling my name that I opened (i don't even really like biscuits but that didn't stop me yesterday) I know it is early days & I am due to go back to work at the end of the week so that may help but am finding it tough to get back to it

All advice greatly recieved
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Full Member
S: 17st0lb C: 17st0lb G: 13st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)

I'm sooooo sorry for your loss. It is one of the most incredibly difficult things - losing your mum. My mum died 10 years ago and it's still tough :sigh: The big mistake I made was just giving up on slimming and the end result was that I've put on 6 stone since she died (I was my lightest ever when she died and I just kept eating). I'm very much an emotional eater so I ate and ate and ate and just never stopped... IT's a huge regret for me now as I know my mum wouldn't have wanted me to do that to myself....

So, my advice is to be good to yourself - particularly when you are grieving for your mum... But don't make the same mistake I made by using my grief as an excuse to eat whatever.

I think it's great that you have a holiday booked - you've had a very traumatic few months. The holiday will give you something to look forward to and hopefully keep you on plan.

Remember - we are only human, so don't beat yourself up if you're not 100% on plan. Grief affects everyone in different ways :cry:

Mind yourself,

Happy Holidays

Gold Member
S: 9st11lb C: 8st9lb G: 8st9lb BMI: 22.1 Loss: 1st2lb(11.68%)
What a tough time you've had recently. I too had a very tough year last year & even though I'm generally a positive person I found it hard sometimes.

But as you said you have to get back to normality & once I get a job we will do.

I can't really offer any advice, but I'm sure once you get back to work things will slowly seem much easier to cope with.


Full Member

That's terrible, I can't speak from experience of losing a parent but it's one of my deepest fears. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you both.

Focusing on your holiday is key I think. I know my wife and I always need something to look forward to in these months. Is your husband dieting too? I know the support a partner can give is immense. On a practical level bacon medallions and chicken kebabs keep me sane when my mind wants to eat crap!

I'm sorry I can't offer much to help but I hope 2012 is better for you and your family,

Take care


Devon Dolce

1lb at a time!
S: 16st7lb C: 15st11lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 33.6 Loss: 0st10lb(4.33%)
Hi hun, I'm sorry to hear you've had such a tough time of it of late. You know we're all here to support you with your weight loss journey and just when you need someone to 'talk' to, especially on the 'off topic' thread xxx


Gold Member
So sorry to hear the news of your Mum. It won't seem real yet but that it is all a dream.

Are you ready to attempt to lose weight yet?

Irene xx


Full Member
So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad in June and I know exactly how you are feeling, you can never be prepared for the death of a parent and it really hits hard. It's still very raw to you and I think the best thing you can do right now is cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself. When I lost my dad i didn't want to go entirely off plan because I knew any huge gains would make me feel even worse, but nor did I want to stress out or think too much about what I was eating. So I went somewhere in the middle and it worked for me.
Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and do whatever you need to do to help yourself get over this horrible time. Things will get easier eventually I promise.
I'll be thinking of you x

Chamonix Bee

Full Member
S: 16st7.5lb C: 14st11.5lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 36.8 Loss: 1st10lb(10.37%)
Oh Maypole I know what you're going through & there are no words of comfort that will ever help but only the distance of time seems to take the edge off the pain.

I too lost my mummy last August 2011 to stage 3 lung cancer. Growing up, there had only ever been me, my sis & mum so we were all pretty close having no exended family. I too live 2000 miles away & it was during a visit to see her in Nov.2011 that I made her see the doctor about a lump in her throat. She was diagnosed just days before Christmas!! It was such a shock! I wanted her to fly out & spend Christmas with us but she started her chemo on Christmas eve. What an awful Christmas it was. I flew back the UK mid Jan 2011 & stayed to nurse her through the treatments for two months. She was so brave & never moaned about it. I couldn't eat & lost 2st with worry but when I came home to Cyprus, hubby had booked a cruise for us to take my mind off it all & that cruise was just the start of me putting the weight back on and adding some too! Just couldn't get my head round anything never mind healthy eating.

Mum was doing so well but died a sudden unexpected death due to a blood clot on her lung which, apparently, is a side effect of chemo. At least it was quick & at home even though it was violent. My son found her which was awful for him. I struggle every day to get over it. The pain is immense.

With travelling back, arranging the funeral & sorting out her affairs, I have found it impossible to stick to any plan & must admit I have drank quite a bit to numb the pain which of course, is calorie laden. Like you, the more weight gained, the worse I felt especially when I couldn't get into my clothes. I felt I had lost control of my entire life!

TBH, joining S.W. has been a great help with not only losing the weight but it has given me something to focus on & take my mind off things especially at this time of year as of course, this time last year we were living through hell. I don't work but hubby does so I'm on my own all day as the rest of the family are all settled in the UK. It can be so hard at times but I'm getting on with the grieving process. What else can we do?

We too have booked a cruise in June for a special birthday & because life is for living. I'm keeping focused on getting to my first goal so I will feel good about myself when we embark on that ship.

It still feels all sureal. You'll have good & bad days but the bad days do get less & soon you'll be waking up without your poor mummy being the 1st thought in your mind & you won't be thinking about her a million times a day. They say the 1st year is the hardest.....I'm just trying to get through those milestones like Christmas, her birthday & so on.

Together we'll stay focused on losing this weight and feeling good about ourselves, aye Maypole? Thinking of you, hun. Xx


Gold Member
S: 15st10lb C: 13st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 30.8 Loss: 2st1lb(13.18%)
HI Maypole,

sadly I too have a bit of a clue how you may well be feeling. My Mum got breast cancer age 47 and was clear of it for five whole years. She lived out in Spain so I couldn't get to her as much as I'd like during her treatment. Spring 2009 and it came back just after her 53rd birthday, invading her liver and bones, threatening to go to her brain. Stage four. She died December 21st that year and I couldn't get there as Gatwick was snowed in. I couldn't get to her funeral either on Christmas eve. My friends and family think that two years on I still haven't grieved as I haven't had closure. Maybe they are right but I had a wonderful weekend in Spain with her at her stunning hospice a few weeks before she died and was still very much with it, if a little frail at just over 6st. We joked it was a shame we couldn't slice some of my fat off me and stick it on her, more than once.

Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing, booking a hol and getting back on track with life. I did race for life in July in memory of my Mum and Grandma. I walk a lot anyway but never run so set myself the challenge of jogging the whole lot and did it!

Christmas will never be a good time for you or I and possibly many others but it will get easier and I always raise a glass or few to my mum on the 21st and 24th.

I wish you and your family all the best for 2012. Go with the flow and don't beat yourself up too much if you slip up with food or randomly get upset. We are only human x


Full Member
S: 17st0lb C: 17st0lb G: 13st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
oh applekath - what a sad story :cry:I didn't grieve for my mum for over a year..... I was on hols, had one or two too many drinks and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I was very lucky that my sister was with me as I completely fell apart. When I got back from my holidays, I went to the hospice where my mum died and got counselling. It was the BEST think I ever did. But it wouldn't have been as good if I had gone for it earlier - I just wasn't ready to grieve.....

Mind yourself - we all grieve in different ways.... Hugs
S: 15st6lb C: 14st2lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 34 Loss: 1st4lb(8.33%)
Maypole I really feel for you. Its a year in 2 weeeks time since My mum died, and we have our second awful christmas, last year she was dying and this year she wasnt here with us. This last year I have just messed about with my weight, losing then gaining, I just could not focus on anything. This year I am going to do it, and so will you. Enjoy your holiday, and take care xx


loves to eat
Thanks for everyones replies I am back on plan & back to work today. I work in a call centre & it has been ok so far. Just getting used to my new normal now as I am missing mum texting me as she did alot :(