Getting back up the wall

[Evergroovy]

Ack! I have just had the worst day and fallen off the program! I am only on day ten and all ready found myself regressing.
I was rushed off my feet this morning and left the house with out my lunch time pack. I was late for a meeting with my solicitor (no stress there then) and had made arangments to meet my friend for "lunch" afterwards. I was half way to the meeting when I realised I would not have time to go back for the pack. I told myself I would only have a green salad no dressing (my logic said that as long as I kept it under 125 calories I would be ok)and that is what I did. The trouble is I started to feel ill on the way home. Instantly tired as if I was on the end of a sugar crash. I felt as though I would throw up. I have issues around insulin, and stopped at a petrol station for something to stop the crash. I waited almost an hour before shoving the brownie into my gob. I was then overcome with guilt and forced myself to throw up the lot. I can say hand on heart that I have NEVER done that before. I felt better physicialy but also scared. Is this what it is like to do route to management? Yikes!
I know that I have to get my head back in the game tomorrow but I found myself thinking. Oh hell I will have to climb that wall again tomorrow so I have eaten half a pack of biscuts (out of desire?) Desire for what exactly? I am worried that this is an adiction I will not be able to break. Any advice?:wave_cry:

 

[RecoveringChocaholic]

Hope you are doing better today evergroovy
Don't beat yourself up just start today as a new start
Making yourself sick really isn't what rtm is about we are going to retrain into healthy eating
Good luck with the rest of your journey it's not an easy one but it was your choice to lose weight this way & the support you get here & with your group meetings will help

 

[Tange]

(out of desire?) Desire for what exactly?

Hi Groovy

Wow lady you have just given me a light bulb moment. Desire for what exactly?? I am going to write that on my hand I think.
So you fell over, big deal, just get up and move on, you are only human and we are all different. Stick two packs in your handbag to make sure you are not caught short again.
You have come out and shared that with us and hey look I took something very positive away from your words. Hang on in there. And don't look back the the oops, look forward to the fantastic feeling you are going to have when you start dropping sizes.

Good luck and keep posting.

 

[Evergroovy]

Thanks for that you two.

I have put a pack AND a bar in my bag (you never know where you might be) I am a bit loath to talk about it during session this week as the whole experience made me feel so out of control. I am grateful for the anonymity to be had in a forum as well the encouragement.

Having just written that. I realize that I am once again trying to appear like I can handle anything. One of the character traits that got me into this dress size! You know the one. Stress? Anger? What stress and anger? I'll just stuff this food into my mouth until the feeling goes away. Then quietly stew in the misery of feeling fat and frumpy all the time. What a vicious circle!

Me thinks I do protest to much about my image. I recon group is the BEST place to talk about it! So here you go forum.....Has anybody out there figured out how to break this cycle? I have to believe that it is possible. Thanks again for your kind words and success stories

All the best

 

[Tange]

Good for you. And trust me there are some that know the feeling. I do. There is no worse than that feeling of disgust in oneself. But also be careful to not be too hard on yourself. This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, I tend to be very very hard on myself and its been a journey to find that middle ground. I think I am almost there, I can now talk to myself in an adult way without getting the razorblades out and cutting(figuratively speaking of course)(or feeding myself as I used to)
Oh and feel free to come no here and moan as much as you need to. Or celebrate your wonderful losses of which there will be many.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Hi everygroovy. Glad you are feeling better. You've had some good advice from these ladies!

I was going tos ay DO talk about it in your group, but then you realised that as well.

It's a knee jerk reaction not to want to discuss those things. After all, how many years have we perfected the art of denying we have a problem, and even better, imagining we could hide it, and no one else would ever recognise we had that problem. Denial. It ain't just a river in Egypt!!

So do use your group - get it all out. It is safe, and there is a circle of trust. (Just like in Met the Parents! ) And thats why we pay the big bucks - for that counseling. There is NOTHING you can say in group that has not been said before. Trust me.

Wishing you loads of luck - as you progress through the plan you will learn so much about yourself, and your relationship with food, and you will realise, food is NOT the answer to stress. Unfortunately, there is no real answer. but bubble baths are a much better alternative to Pepperonie Pizza. (Though, have to admit, pepperoni still must taste better then soap!! ) But - we have to realise, and life is living proof - when one stressful or unhappy situation sots itself out, you can bet dollars to donuts, just around the corner lies another one. So dealing with those with food -well, it is just not the way, as we all know now.

Gld you found this forum - its a great place to unload, check in, get reassurance that you are NOT alone, and that LOADS of us know and feel the very same things you do. Noone can possibly udnerstand what it is like being fat, except other people who have been there- and finding this group has been an absolute life saver for me.

Wishing you all the best and look forward to your posts!

XX