GG's WI - onwards and downward!

gaijingirl

gaijingirl

has lying hips
I went to my 1st meeting tonight.

I have been feeling really excited about starting LL since I got the call late last week - so positive and happy, if a little apprehensive. But once I got to my meeting I felt really depressed. It may be because I am a bit sleep deprived and I just got my period. Also, I'm not sure that my counsellor likes me v. much. In fact, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me at all. And I'm not sure that I'm al that satisfied with him either! :eek: I didn't understand one of his explanations this evening and he was quite short with me. :( To be fair though, I wasn't the only person in the group who didn't understand what he was talking about!!

Anyway, I came home and had a bit of a sob. Actually, I also had a bit of a sob on the way home! I think partly because I can't quite believe it's come to this. What have I done to myself that I'm now having to resort to sachets of "food" in order to sort myself out.

I also am terrified of failing. I don't fail generally at things. I've always been quite good at most things. Except self image, weight and self esteem. :( In my mind, I've already failed because the others at my class seemed so positive and gung-ho and up for it. I just felt like I was fighting back the tears - and a few times I had to hang my head to hide them welling up. In every other area of my life that's just not me!! I've done triathlons, the Moonwalk, moved abroad to a country where I couldn't speak the language (Japan) and lived there very successfully for 4 years, last year I did something that made me physically sick every morning for 3 months - but I saw it through to the end and succeeded. But this... this is my nemesis. :( Already it feels like I'm failing just because I'm afraid. And this somehow seems to negate everything else that I've achieved. No matter how much I succeed in other areas of life - this makes everything else worthless.

Here's to waking up tomorrow with a positive mind set and just getting on with it!! I feel, in a way, that I've hit rock bottom. Hopefully the only way is up. I'm also lucky that in the rest of my life things are good. I have a fantastic, supportive partner. I've been able to take a year out from work to do the MA that I've been longing to do. I have plenty to keep me busy.

But if I don't manage it this time... well I can't imagine..... :(
 
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What a refreshingly honest and open post.

I'm sorry that you didn't feel comfortable with your counsellor, I'm hoping it's just initial nerves on your part and possibly stress on his. This will settle down and once you bond with the rest of your group you will feel happier.

I can relate to the feeling of despair about how we ended up in this place but the most important thing is that those emotions are what drove us to try LighterLife in the first place. And LighterLife is completely life changing!

Those will no doubt not be the only tears you cry as the whole journey is a very emotional one for all of us. And you will learn some very valuable lessons along the way.

Keep focused on why you want to do this in the first place and this will keep you on track. Think positive thoughts and don't cheat and by christmas you will be 3 stone lighter!

Big Hugs to you and keep yourself busy tomorrow to keep your mind off food. Take it one day at a time!

Hugs to you x
 
Hi gaijingirl,

You will find like I have that the women on here are dynamic and successful in many different areas of their lives as well and it is their weight that seems to of got the better of them, just like myself.

It is a known fact that high achievers have an addictive personality and guess that is why we are high achievers:D

But, for us here our addiction is food, for others it can be many things from drinking too much to gambling.

The thing about food addiction is that we eat food to live and as such it is nothing that we can abstain for life, we could mind you as there are people who never eat due to different conditions and live long healthy lives on formula.

If you think about it babies who are not breast fed are given formula and no one bats an eye!

The formula we take on this diet has everything the body needs to stay healthy and it is low calorie so that we use up our store of fat...bit like a bear hibernating in the winter lives off his fat.

When we have a lot of weight to lose it is over whelming and very upsetting and most of us who come to a vlcd have tried so many diets before and failed.

We don't come to a vlcd as a first stop but out of desperation as we want so much to be slim.

The alternatives is gastric surgery of some sort or other and these have their own associated risks and on top of that you end up doing a liquid diet and never having the same quality of life again as the side effects can be pretty scary. Or you manage to finds ways around and end back at square one. I am sure there is some success, but in the long term I feel the jury is still out.

For it does not solve the problem of what is going on inside our heads that got us into this kind of bind in the first place.

I think you have taken a positive step and I think Shadow is probably right that it was an anxious time for everyone and if at the next meeting you feel the same I would have a word with him and explain how you feel as it is best to be honest from the start and that way he will be aware and it will help him help you.

Your not alone in worrying if you will succeed on this diet as I came to it wondering can I do it and was so fed up...it was easier to stay in denial, but staying there was like being in a prison of my own making and it does limit your life and options.

When I lost the first ten pounds in the first week that I found was the motivation I needed to keep going.

Hang in there and I hope you have a good day tomorrow and remember to take it one day at a time and break your goal down into mini goals that are more achievable and be sure to be gentle with yourself.
 
Hi there,

I know this is going to sound terribly corny but I could have written your first post myself.

I have my own business that some would consider to be successful and even I admit that in the short time I have been doing it I have achieved a lot, at the time of starting this mad diet I was a school governor and head of the parents guild, I have three lovely well adjusted children and to the whole world "I am a strong woman" BUT I loved having an area of my life that was out of control - ie, food!

It was great to internalise that I am not capable of doing everything perfectly and that there was an area not under strict control.

I too was gutted at how "bad" I had got to have to resort to giving up my one and only vice in life - my beloved carbs (pasta and rice), chinese takeaways, crisps and chocolate!

I felt very very down for a huge portion of the first month or so, very regularly breaking down into floods of tears.

Making stressful decisions at work was an impossibility for me, I seemed to lose the real me in that first month. It took me four weeks to decide to move the kids to a new school - when it should have been at the blink of an eye given the circumstances - somehow removing food from my life "changed" who I was, I wasn't the strong in control person any more - how could I be when I had to resort to drinking powder stuff for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I somehow didn't seem worthy of my responsibilities.

Looking back though I think it is part of the healing process. I really think that once you get the first three weeks out of the way the counselling if you do it properly and really think about everything AFTER the sessions completely strips you bear, so that you can really get the best out of it.

I do not regret one single solitary second of taking this journey! It is THE best thing I have ever done. I have learnt masses about myself and I have found coping strategies that I didn't know existed. I no longer hide behind food - especially comfort eating.

I can't say I am any more confident that I was before because I think that would be completely impossible, however, for the first time in my adult life I feel better about myself and my self image. I no longer wear great big huge glasses (she says with them perched on her nose) but I wear contact lenses, I put on a bit of foundation in the morning and I make sure my jewellery co-ordinates with my outfits. Tiny subtle little changes but they all add up to someone who is happier in their own skin.

It isn't an easy journey for some people (others seem to sail through it) but it is a fabulous journey and please give it time and give the counselling time to work, you sound like the sort of person who would do brilliantly with the counselling.

Good luck.
 
Hi there, just reading your post brings back so many memories and Im sure alot of other members feel the same way.

What your feeling is very natural and happens to us all, the first two weeks at the Group there seemed to be a lot of negative talk and feelings discussed by everyone and quite slowly, week by week, the negativity went and some very confident people were emerging all talking positive instead (including me).

Your right what you say, in how has it come to this having to subcumb to packs to eat instead of conventional food. You can't go back and change things, its no good beating yourself up about it, but what you can do is to embark on LIGHTERLIFE PROGRAMME, hang onto everyword, get as much out of it as you can and don't let go, do not cheat, do not pick - if you do it 100% your 'little' problem will soon be over. It won't be that long into the programme that you will be feeling, "my god this works".

Little did I think 14 weeks ago that I would be writing this to new starters on the programme. I went into it thinking that this was my last chance before I have a gastric band or my jaws wired because it had come to that. My jaws constantly ached with moving up and down eating all day long and my ankles sent pains up my legs when I walked. If I had to walk long journies, I had to take some talcum powder in my handbag to stop the inside of my legs from bleeding and becoming red raw, so you see I thought the same as you "how has it come to this" and "why I have let myself go so much".

Im sorry that you also haven't got off to a good start with your Counseller, which surprises me. I think alot of it would be down to nerves and feeling slightly paranoid that everyone is getting at you. Trust me things will calm down each week.

Although my Counsellor is alright, I wouldn't say we were bousum buddies but I know if I have a problem I could go to her with it. Get involved with the Group, your all there for the same reason, if you get to know somebody it is nice to be able to sit with them and discuss the previous week's activity and for somebody to listen to you.

You take care - and keep everyone posted.
 
Thanks everyone. So far today things are going fine! I've started a blog here:

Hunger for More!

I got in touch with LL this morning and it seems I can change my LL counsellor if necessary. I then called gaijinboy who advised me to stick with my current counsellor for just a little bit longer and if I still feel the same way in a week or so - to then change.

I am drinking my raspberry shake as I type this and it's actually ok! I'm also 2x green teas and about 1.5 litres of water down.

Your posts here really really help. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person feeling negative and down. It's in such sharp contrast to how I felt up until yesterday! I was so pleased to get on the programme and so excited to be starting. I guess reality is finally hitting home!

Anyway, time to stop whingeing and just get on with it I guess!! :D

I'm drinking my first LL shake (raspberry) as I type this and it's not too bad. I blitzed it with some ice in a brand new blender I bought yesterday.

Day by day!!
 
Hi Hun
Im on day 7 now of LL and I was like you so ready for it I felt like bursting.............ask anyone here lol :eek:
My 1st meeting was fab though except 1 thing I did CD last year and was so ill my 1st 3 days so was expecting the same with LL so I happened to mention to the @LOCUM@ counsellor did you feel ill in the 1st week,not saying I did Cd and ws ill,she replied no I felt good?????I said dint you feel hungry at all she said no not at all????
Well I though ummmmmmmmm most people feel hungry?Maybe she didnt want to put the new ladies off so I just replied fab.I think if she didnt feel hungry or ill she should say some people do though but she didnt!!!!As I think that may help the others in the group see we could feel ill or hungry?
But you have made a good change you have started to be successful in this weight loss journey as you've taken a step in the right direction...........We can do it and we will do it!!
I feel last night you may of been abit hormonal and and took to heart what 'he' said.
Try and think positive as this time next week you could be 1/2 a stone lighter????
((hugs))xxc
 
hi i'm day 1 tomorrow got all my sachets .......only 6 women in our group which is very cosy ....just stuffed myself and can't wait for the cleansing to start ......sods law got a training day tomorrow as well .........gaijingirl i'll look out for you ..where do you live ....not the crisp aisle now......no fixed abode ?
i want to loose 56 lbs ......mind you the first time i have weighed in my jeans ever !!!!
 
Dear Gajingirl,
I`m on day 75 of LL and it`s the best, most life changing thing I have ever done! No, really - I have `fought` being overweight for more years than I care to remember. Yes, done the other slimming clubs, been there, got the T shirt and put the weight back on. But as you process through the weeks at LL you will find the counselling really, really helpful, because you will find out WHY you got this way. Please don`t think `how did it come to this?`, think, wow, I am going to be a different person inside AND out in just a few weeks.........and you will be. The rapid weight loss is so encouraging. I`ve lost 32lbs so far and have 25 to go and I`m loving every moment of trying on clothes. Just go for it, what have you got to lose? Only your prison (food) bars.
 
DAY TWO

Well, all in all, day one went pretty well! I won't pretend I wasn't hungry, but I managed it ok. The support I received from friends on the veggie boards at weightwatchers.co.uk and the ladies at minimins.com really helped! :) :cool:

I tried out the raspberry and caramel shakes, the vanilla bar and the Thai Chill Soup. I liked both of the shakes (which I blitzed in the blender with ice and approx 230ml water). I really rather liked the Thai chilli soup. It basically is like a cup a soup - complete with dodgy bits of chewy stuff floating around in it - but the taste is very nice! I wasn't overly keen on the bar tbh which I took to college with me - but I didn't hate it either. It was also the thing that filled me up most.

The biggest problem I had yesterday was at my badminton club. I usually play for 2 hours, but after 1.5 hours I really felt very weak indeed and I got a massive prickly rash on my chest!! :( I couldn't really stop playing as I was needed to make up numbers. As I had already cycled about 15 miles yesterday I guess it was just a bit too much!

I really do hope that this is something that will even itself out when I get to ketosis. Sport is quite important to me and bicycle is my primary form of transport, so I really need the energy for it all. One of my motivating factors for doing this diet is that I want to be able to get back into running and squash - two things which have become impossible for me since putting on so much weight! Ideally I'd like to be able to train again for the London Triathlon next year.

The second biggest problem yesterday was that I have never peed so much in my life. At one point I was literally going every 10 minutes. Unfortunately this was last thing at night when I wanted to be going to sleep. My cats brought me a mouse which was running hysterically around the flat - but all I could do was a kind of flying leap to navigate my way to the toilet for pee #563. I am seriously considering buying some kind of chamberpot! :eek:

Yesterday was also my first class at uni. I am majoring in Japanese cinema and we watched a video on the history of Japanese film. I immediately managed to out myself as being much too keen and very very uncool - certainly compared to all the other students in my class who were at least a decade younger than me and mostly a size 4!!!! Am I the only postgrad on this course? Still looking forward to getting to know them. Discussions about the video take place today and I really must try and avoid rabbiting on!

Anyway, day two already. Feeling quite positive. I do keep getting urges to go and make toast/buy a pattie or something like that - but then remember that I don't do that anymore. I think it's more a habit thing than me actually really wanting the toast or a pattie!

Off to make my first shake of the day and a nice cup of white tea

Onwards and inwards!! :D
 
Your Day Two sounds rather positive. You'll find as you get on with the Programme that the eating part becomes secondary and all the other stuff in your life you are able to deal with more positively because you've not got that black cloud of guilt following you round.

Week One will fly by - you'll see and when you have your first WI hopefully this will inspire you to carry onto Week 2.

Another piece of advice. If you don't like the bars (which I didn't when I tried them) cut up a bar ie toffee into 12-15 small pieces, place on some greaseproof paper and put in the microwave for 1 min - 20secs. The bar swells up just like sponge mixture and you end up with lots of little biscuit type thingies. If you pull them out of the microwave put them in a tupperware tub and leave them for a couple of hours, they harden up and hey presto you have lots of munchie things to eat with a black coffee or tea at breaktime with the rest of your uni friends. I found this helped me through the first few weeks until I got into a routine.

Take care .............:)
 
ooh.. thanks for that!! i guess I just find them just too artificial... but your idea sounds brill! Definitely going to try that tomorrow.

Today is going well - I have no intention of eating.. but I have to say that I'm so hungry it actually physically hurts!

I guess this means I'm getting to the top of my wall though! :)

Treated myself with some stuff from Lush today - which I've never done before - it's just SO expensive AND I joined my (new) uni gym and signed up for classes!
 
Hi Gaijingirl,

Hello, my name is gemma and i am on day 31 of LL. I just wanted to say that i have been reading your thread and just wanted to say C*O*N*G*R*A*T*U*L*A*T*I*O*N*S at your drop in weight loss. Well done, hang on in there this diet is truely brill. So far i have lost 25LB and i feel great.

the hunger will pass and then the fun will begin in seeing the weight fall off

Gem xx:)
 
It's going well! I must be in ketosis because I'm not starving hungry. I do get hungry from time to time but generally it's because I haven't had a pack in a long time or have not been drinking enough water.

My head's in quite a solid place right now too. Feel quite determined and positive.

My 1st week WI is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it.

I'm only slightly concerned about the exercise thing. I do lots of exercise. I commute by bicycle (at least 14 miles a day) and play tennis several times a week, badminton once a week and swim many days too. I don't want to stop doing this but I don't want to get into this burning muscle thing either! My counsellor says it will be fine and I always thought it would be fine, but now I'm not so sure. I read your post on another thread and I don't really want to impede my fat loss by losing muscle! :eek: On the other hand I like playing sport and it's how I keep sane - I'd get so bored otherwise!

Anyway, overall it's going well.

And it's very kind of you to think of me!! :)
 
Your exercise is something you have always done, it isn't something you have just taken up with the diet so I wouldn't worry :)

You sound like you are well on your way to losing the weight. Once I started ticking the days off they flew by and then I was shocked at where the time had gone but in a good way :D
 
Thank CoM! My partner just came in and told me how proud he is of me for doing this. He seemed quite surprised at how well it seems to be going. He congratulated me for not whingeing.... :D (of course I've been whingeing on here instead!).

WI tomorrow - really hope I've lost a good bit!
 
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