Giving My All - Getting to Goal!!!!

[Beverley75]

Okay, this is going to be my weight loss diary where I get to be brutally honest with and about myself and put down my weak moments and my triumphs!

So here goes ... yesterday disaster struck. Came in to work for our team building day and and after spending the morning cleaning and sorting out paperwork (spring cleaning as team building? ooookay), I found out that the 'meal together' portion of the day wasn't going to just be a light lunch with drinks where I was planning to fit in with with water in a pretty glass (as ever conscious of my 4ltrs!!) and my soup (had chicken & mushroom by the way, and it was YUM!!) - we all had mandatory attendance at a four hour sit down dinner in a chinese restaurant!!!

I was Gutted! I had managed to survive the day and the smells of everyone elses' lunch, refused the repeated and insistent requests that I join them for a bacon butty, jacket spud etc and was feeling quite pleased with myself when this happened! FOUR HOURS!!! On my second day of SS with CD .Why is my luck so sh!t? By 3:30/4:00pm I was miserable but I thought water, water, water will save me. And you know what? To an extent it did. Had 3 and a half litres by 4:30 (when we went for the meal) -, when the drinks order came around I asked for a litre of still water, and when my boss insisted I order something I ordered Pakchoi and satay chicken with no sauces just garlic garnish. Pakchoi, that lovely chinese green veg reminiscent of steammed cabbage with garlic saved me. I nibbled that until I felt ill and had a bit of the plain chicken.

Feel rotten today and really frustrated. I try to take this a day at a time, and now I feel like I'm back to day one mentally. I'm certainly no further down the road this morning . Okay, I didn't pig out and inhale every carb in a five mile radius - but I fully intend to avoid any invites for the next few months - even fib if necessary! Spoke to my CDC when I got in last night - she was wonderfully there for me at gone 10pm! And she seems convinced that I should be fine as I didn't indulge in the rice & carb dishes. I dunno - the proof will be in the 'pudding' when I go for my first weigh in on friday evening.

On a lighter note, I'm on annual leave from tomorrow for the rest of the week - don't know if this is a blessing or a curse for week one but hopefully I'll be fine!

At first 'base-line' weigh in I was 15st 3lbs (so from the start of my LT journey when I weighed in at 18st 6lbs, I've lost over 3st) and my BMI and counsellor think I should aim to lose 5st more. To be honest, I think 5st will be too much loss for my 5ft 8" frame - I'm a 16 dress size at the moment so 5st would take me to the infamous 'size zero', wouldn't it? Anyway, I'll keep going until I'm toned, healthy and comfortable with my weight and attitude to food.

I strongly suspect that the main benefit of reaching goal & travelling the gradual maintenance route will be to see food as what it is - fuel for the human body and not a way to pamper and make myself feel satisfied!

So this is the start of my diary raving. I hope I look back at this in months to come and marvel at how things have changed!

Off to look for the 'ticker tape' thingy everyone seems to have to chart their weight loss progress....
Bev x

 

[nce1]

i think you showed a lot a willpower at the meal so don't be so hard on yourself . I've just started my diary as i've been fafing about this last week.

 

[Karen]

bev!!

if i had sat in a chinese restaurant for 4 hours i would have left 3 stones heavier. u did brilliant!! its not like u could have avoided it as u didnt even know it was going to happen. totally not ur fault and i dont think u should feel so down on urself. u showed AMAZING self control. i really mean that!

you'll know how well u did when friday comes and u r standing on those scales. im sure it wont have put u off track.

hope u enjoy keeping a diary and well done on being so strong

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Beverley75]

Hi nce1!

Hey Mandie,

Thanks for the support - but it gets worse... just been offered a CREAM CAKE!

Is this a cosmic conspiracy or what???? I'm going for a walk!

Bev xx

 

[Beverley75]

Hi Karen!

bev!!

if i had sat in a chinese restaurant for 4 hours i would have left 3 stones heavier. u did brilliant!! its not like u could have avoided it as u didnt even know it was going to happen. totally not ur fault and i dont think u should feel so down on urself. u showed AMAZING self control. i really mean that!

you'll know how well u did when friday comes and u r standing on those scales. im sure it wont have put u off track.

hope u enjoy keeping a diary and well done on being so strong

xxxxxxxxxxx

LOL!!! Hilarious! What's worse is a good chinese meal is a particular weakness of mine - but I think the non stop conversation (and hunk at the next table) took my mind off wanting to 'inhale' the egg fried rice!

Actually now I've thought about it, I'm pretty proud of me too! I am however begining to suspect that there's some kind of conspiracy in this place ... the guys are insisting that I have a cream cake ... (they're going to the shops)... our office is really close to loads of delicatessens and coffee shops. I actually haven't got a big problem with sweets, I usually crumble over savouries but I AM NOT going to my first CD weigh in heavier than last week.

Going for a walk around the block - if I disappear each time I'm offered me food I'm sure they'll get the message soon enough!

Thanks for making me feel loads better about yesterday!
Bev x

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

LOL!!!
Going for a walk around the block - if I disappear each time I'm offered me food I'm sure they'll get the message soon enough!


Bev x

Not only that but you'll be really toned and slim!!

Well done to you - and I'm sure you'll be fine on WI day - why not ask your CDC for a midweek WI just to see how well you've done??

 

[Beverley75]

Hi Flirty40greeneyes!

Hey, that's a really good idea!

Just back from my walk - there's a huge library next door so I'm thinking of going in there during lunch next week. I love to read fiction so I can escape on rainy days from temptation!

Today is absolutely dragging - off to do some work!
Bev x

 

[Beverley75]

Another installment

Had my first WI last friday (yes I know it wasn't a full week since I started, but it's what the 'mummy' schedule would allow) - and lost 3lbs!!! I was alright at first but now I feel kind of gutted and demoralised. It's so stupid but I was expecting something spectacular and keep telling myself that at least that's 3lbs I'll never see again....

All things considered I should be happy that I can get into my size 16 jeans without holding my breath..:jelous:

Okay, that's my winge for the day out of the way.

Having a pretty good day so far, had my chicken & mushroom soup for lunch (loving it) and I might treat myself to one of my other favourites for dinner. It is hard to sternly talk myself out of picking in my precious 'me' time (8pm - 10pm) but I try to concerntrate on how far I've come and how great it'll feel to be able to see food as just fuel and be at my target weight.

Keep promising myself to come on in the evening and give a bit more of my story ... but I must confess that I hate using my antiquated dial-up at home!

Deep into week two and hoping to lose even one pound - one pound off is one pound off me!

Bev x

 

[Beverley75]

I'm, baaaack!

I have had an awful few days so have been keeping quite a low profile for the last week....

I was really doing ok and so positive about CD and the variety of flavours - then disaster struck .... I fell ill. I know that like LT, when ill you are advised to eat light meals as your body needs that extra boost but to be brutally honest I just went 'hog wild'!!!:break_diet:

I actually think half of what I ate I didn't even want but I kept telling myself that I was so down and low on energy that I needed to eat. I can see the logic of needing to eat but I feel so wretched now!:cry: To make it worse my counsellor and sister were so suportive and I feel like a failure.... why on earth can I just not breeze through the next 5 stone without feeling sometimes like I'm missing out on all of the savouries I used to enjoy? How do I honestly see food as just fuel when I have to make all these tasty dinners for my son? Most of the time I try to just go to bed early after my 'dinner' shake so that I can avoid temptation.

At least drinking the 4ltrs of water is a bit of a breeze for me! Yay, something's going right!

I do want this, and I WANT to lose weight but I feel like it will take forever to get to target and I'm so frustrated with myself! Everyone on here has some fabulous stories and seem to do really well, so why do I lack the willpower and impetus to stick to my goals? I still love the variety and flavours of the shakes but my goodness, it feels like one thing after another - if I'm not having to go out with work colleagues, ... it's a close family members' birthday with attendant dinner party,... if I'm not ill, ... I'm hosting my best friend (of 20 years! Never thought I'd be old enough to have a friend for 20 YEARS!) and her boys for the whole day! UUUUUgh! I love my family and can't be a hermit but how else do I stay invincible?

I dunno what's wrong with me today ... ignore me - I'm having a bit of a low day. I'll bounce back tomorrow. I always do. And you know what? I want a life. I want to be healthy, happy and physically confident again .... so I'll just keep on trucking.

Have a good day all!
Bev x

 

[boofaloo]

Do you know for all those diaries you read where people seem to fly through these diets with not a care in the world there are the same number who find it hard from day 1 right until the end!!!
I think the key is to keep plugging away at it. I'm on day 4 now. I have been 90% good. The other 10% well it just gives me room for improvement

Why dont you follow 790 for a while or just when you have an 'occasion' at least there is something you can eat and you can go straight back on to SS when you can.

We are all with you - this journey is hard. If it wasnt the whole world would be a size 10!!!!