Gizmo's diary

[_Gizmo_]

Omg this weight loss thing can get stressful lol

Figured out that with calorie counting I was getting so obsessed with counting up what I could eat that day, that I was feeling stressed. Think i've got the healthier eating ways stuck into my head now. Had a chocolate biscuit last night and it didn't really satisfy me. I'd rather eat a carrot than a chocolate biscuit now I'm just going to eat whatever I feel like along with lots of water and then write down what I ate, instead of planning all my food for the day. This is still better than my old eating habits! I could easily polish off a whole packet of pringles or a box of french fancies as a snack!

I've hidden my scales under my bed. It was difficult to get under there because I have to keep most of my things under my bed as I have a tiny room with little storage space. So now I'm hoping I won't weigh myself more than once a week, which will hopefully stop the stress of seeing weight go up and down randomly.

Also stopped going to the gym on nights where I have work the next day, I finish at 7 then go straight to the gym and won't end up eating until around 9pm! Which stops me going to bed at a decent time, not a good thing when I wanna start getting up around 7ish to get a decent breakfast and maybe take dog for a half hour walk before I head off to work.

All I want right now is a stress free weight loss So now my plan is eat healthier foods, little and often and not worry too much about calories. Go to the gym a few times a week and take dog for good walks. Go to bed earlier and wake up a little bit earlier. And most of all not to obsess about how much I loose! As long as its not going up then i'm not too worried. If I lose 1-2lbs a week i'll be happy

 

[_Gizmo_]

1-2lb a week is a healthy way of gaining the target you desire, plus, but doing it that way you are going to find it easier to maintain once you get to goal as you will be better at portion control and which foods you should be eating etc. You are doing such a great job, a STS is good, just means you will have a smashing week next week. xxx

I hope so! lol just gotta wait until sunday. Keep wanting to check my weight but i'm not going to let myself until my weigh in

I don't think i'd be able to maintain using another diet. I'd just think that i'm able to eat food again and go back to what I used to eat. This way i'm finding out what stuff I like already. I'm a fussy eater but i'm trying to get myself to try new things lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Urgh, feel exhausted after work. Very busy and depressing day. So just feel like eating loads Not been to the gym since sunday but will go tomorrow, sat and sunday! Kinda miss going, but it was just too much to go after I finished work...

Watching a programme about severly morbidly obese people, with one guy that was 1,000lbs at one point! Puts me off wanting to eat lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Well, today has been ok I guess. Had a chocolate binge, well it seemed like it since i haven't had much chocolate lately. A cream egg this morning, a mikado in the afternoon and chocolate angel delight (half a pack) while watching New Moon. Not too bad really I guess so i'm not really worried about it. I think I know why i'm craving chocolate lol which is why i'm worrying about sundays weigh in because its coming up to that time and I always put on weight then. Not for long tho so i've weighed myself today to make myself feel a bit better and I have lost 2lbs since sunday. This isn't official yet so i'm not counting it on my ticker or anything atm

Atm i'm still thinking getting to 10st seems impossible coz my bro weighs 10st something and hes reli thin. About the same height as me, maybe a couple of inches taller. It'll happen though lol I'll make sure I get to 10st. I can and can't imagine being that thin. It's weird.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Apparently my weight loss is noticeable Went to see some friends I hadn't seen in a few weeks and they commented on how i've lost weight. Went to see How to train your dragon. It's really good! I want a pet dragon! Also went to macds after as my friend wanted food. I ended up having a small fries, which i'm proud off as usually i have large fries, double cheeseburger and a large strawberry milkshake. There was 230 calories in the small fries Shocked at how much I used to have!

Now I feel exhausted as I've just gotten home and I just generally feel bad. Got a headache and stomach pains so no gym tomorrow. Just have a lazy day which right now I need. Don't think my official weigh in will be great but at least it'l only be temporary and I already know i've lost this week

Also still shocked that I ran over a pheasant today Stupid creature walked into the road! I tried to swerve out of the way but I felt something go under my tyres. Oops!

 

[_Gizmo_]

Officially lost 2lbs this week So close to the 1 stone loss now! Hopefully i'll get there next week

Didn't have a lazy day as planned as my body has now decided that before 8 is when I should wake up! lol (Before clocks changed anyway ). Didn't go to the gym as I don't feel great but took the dog for a walk. Also i've decided that i'm going to attempt to learn Finnish. I really would love to go to Finland one day and it gives me something to do lol. Might aswell use my free time to do something like this

 

[_Gizmo_]

It'll be a challenge lol and maybe fun aswell. Don't know anyone else who knows any finnish. I like to be different lol. Plus itll stop me thinking about food lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Think i'm losing my motivation a little bit. Not done much exercising this week because i've not been feeling great. Think thats because I started taking the pill again so hoping that the feeling ill will go away soon once my body gets used to it. Went to the gym yesterday and just couldn't do anything for long. Could hardly lift the weights and had pretty much no energy for anything else. May have a pj day tomorrow and try to rest a bit. Hope I'll feel a bit better after and try to get my motivation back.

Just been to see Clash of the Titans in 3D and it was awesome Mmmmm Sam Worthington... hehe. Now i'm tired because I drove over to hull to see it (Cinemas around scarborough are useless!). Had to go to a later showing than planned as it was sold out when we got there.

Weigh in tomorrow. Hope I can finally get to the first stone loss

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thought I might aswell post a before and now piccy. Hate the before pic so it's only my body lol. Its one of the pictures that made me want to lose weight. It was at a party at the end of Jan. Urgh hate pics of me. I can't see much difference but people keep telling me it's starting to show.

I'm starting to worry about myself a bit. I'm not wanting to eat even though I know I should. Even feel guilty after eating a meal . I'm having to force myself to eat as I'm not eating enough and my body can tell, just my brain is telling me I shouldn't. That makes sense to me anyway. Will sit and have a good think about things and make my brain get out of this way of thinking.

I've had a bit of chocolate today but the sight of a whole easter egg makes me feel sick. I used to eat several in 1 day at easter.

Going to weigh myself in a couple of hours. Hope it's good lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks. I really can't see any difference. Still wear my size 20 jeans and size 18 tops even though they're really baggy now. The top in the before pic is a size 20 and the top in the now pic (which was taken a week ago) is a size 16. My size 18 jeans are fitting a bit more comfortably now

I hope the feeling guilty thing goes soon. It's annoying lol. Will work on it tomorrow I think.

Anyway, lost 2lbs! So thats 1 stone lost now

 

[_Gizmo_]

Urgh, eaten too much chocolate today. I blame easter! lol also comfort eating... Meh! So confused. I like my job, I get to work with animals and an animal job is hard to find. But working at a vets was not what I wanted to do. Was just lucky that my uncle was setting up a vet surgery just as I finished my degree. When I was finishing I wasn't planning on applying for jobs in a vets. I wanted to apply to zoos and assistance animal places such as guide dogs/hearing dogs. I did and didn't get anywhere. I like that I help animals, even though I don't actually get to do as much with animals as I would like to. I loved it when I did work experience at Blackpool Zoo. I also like to tell people about different animals. Not confident enough to do public talks atm though. Maybe time will change that, I hope lol.

I don't know what to do. Right now I need to concentrate on working on paying off some of my overdraft. And also losing the weight lol. So for now I need to stay in this job. Its going to be years before I can qualify as a vet nurse, but I don't think I want to stay in that job for the rest of my life. One thing that annoys me is that my work life and home life is never separate as I work for family, so if I go to family occasions, then my uncle is there. I also don't want to stay in this area for the rest of my life. I want to work with wild animals. It interests me more. I love learning about different animals. Some of the best things I've encountered were when I did work experience at a zoo or sea life. I fed sharks and seal pups when I was at sea life. At the zoo I fed pelicans by throwing fish into their mouths, I was followed around by the giant tortoise while I tidied his enclosure, I had a couscous nearly sit on my knee, and ended up having a tug of war with meerkats when they tried to steal my brush lol. Thinking about all that, i'd love to work in that sort of job again, it's more active aswell. But I feel like my uncle and family expect me to stay in this job. If I was really happy with job, I wouldn't be thinking like this. Just stick at it for now, been looking and there's no zoo jobs atm anyway. They are rare to find, but i'm not going to get anywhere if I don't look for stuff.

I need to make sure I am happy aswell as others. I have a bad habit for trying to make everyone happy, even if it means I won't be. Whenever I get into a relationship, I put all my dreams aside and make sure they're happy. If I can't have them where I want to be then i'd forget about it. Urgh, life is horrible sometimes. Need a good long think about things.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Urgh, life is evil sometimes lol Don't know what I want to do as a career really. Something to do with training/behaviour of animals. Will take a while though so shouldn't be worrying about it much right now lol

Went for a long walk on the beach with the dog after work Feeling a bit better now. Been feeling a bit ill for over a week. Since I went back on the pill. It was so bad yesterday that I cooked some cous cous for lunch and ended up throwing it away after 2 bites. Had some grapes instead. Hardly ate anything yesterday. Didn't take the pill today and I felt so much better so off to the doctors on friday to see if I can have something else. Been on them before and this never happened. Might have a rest day on sat where I don't do anything, just sit and relax. Think I need a day like that, always try to keep myself busy lately, and thurs and fri are going to be busy days. Might make me feel loads better if I just do nothing all day! hehe

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks for the advice . After a lot of thinking and talking to someone tonight, i've decided to look into dog training again as i've not done much of this since I left uni. I know most of it anyway but I just want to read up on it all to remind myself of it lol. Think eventually I will apply to train guide dogs or other assistance dogs. Think that career will be the best for me. It'll be so satisfying to know you've trained a dog that will change someones life

One thing though, the job description says that you need to walk several miles in a day. Think thats good motivation to go exercise now hehe! I'd probably love the job when i'm thinner and have better fitness, but I think if I did it now i'd fail at it lol. Fitness levels are not good atm! Need to get into the mood for exercising lol.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Lol don't think I could do that. I took my dog to the beach today which was like an hour and I was so tired after that. Had to walk up a steep hill at the end. Urgh so unfit lol.

So happy I got my dog a car harness this week. Now we dont have to go on the same boring walk each day. Was nice to walk by the sea. Might go down there again on monday I think. She's now on a diet aswell so it'll be good for both of us. She needs to lose 4 or 5 kg which is alot for a dog. Hopefully everyone else in the house will stick to my rules of no treats or human food lol. Just means I have to get up early each day to feed her. But then I can go back to sleep after hehe.

Hoping I won't get ill again since I've changed pills. Might mess up my weigh in on sunday with stopping and starting a new type. I'll be happy if it's a sts this week as i've had too much chocolate this week and ended up going to mcds after the cinema today. Had a happy meal though! so not as bad lol It was cheaper to get a happy meal than to buy all the food separatley. Plus I got a toy dragon. I didn't get Toothless though, only the 2-headed dragon. Love how to train your dragon, such a cute film lol. Went to see clash of the titans for the second time today. My mum wanted to see it and she hadn't seen a 3D film before. Was a fun day. Had a good talk with her about career stuff. Decided to pay off the overdraft then look for jobs. Should be able to pay it off by the end of the year I hope. Esp with my min wage going up when I turn 22 in June

 

[_Gizmo_]

I think I might be depressed. My life isn't as bad as I think it is really. And i'm just making it a lot worse for myself. This is something I need to sort out before any career change happens. Urgh, seems like too much hard work! Need to stop worrying and start relaxing a bit. Tomorrow im planning to take the dog to the beach in the morning, then sit and read for most of the day

 

[_Gizmo_]

Atm i'm reading the night watch trilogy. Still on the first book but should be able to finish that today

 

[_Gizmo_]

Well today didn't go as I had planned. But I got a few things done. Hoping I can relax a bit tomorrow. Not got anything to do apart from walk the dog and maybe get a bit of shopping in but that won't take long. Was going to try to get back into going to the gym but I really need a relaxation day. Hope that'll make me feel better.

Still the same this week. But i'm happy with it. Had a bad week with loads of chocolate and cola. And the maccy ds, as well as lack of exercise. lol plus other things aswell. Oh well, can't change that now.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Finally managed to have a relaxing day lol. Spent a lot of time looking at clothes I wanna buy when I get to goal. Needed some more motivation to get back into it all again and looking at the pretty clothes was what I needed. Can't wait to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe Best get saving if I want to buy it all though hehe. Also need to go back to the gym and generally get exercising again lol.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Eek! Panicing coz im going out tomorrow and the only jeans that fit me are ripped at the bottom and generally don't look great lol. So shopping tomorrow me thinks! Hoping that somehow i fit into 16s hehe doubt it though lol

not wanting to eat apart from at meals. even though i get hungry in between. blah! might have a snack in a min. can't last until after 7 with nothing! lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Didn't get into any size 16s when I went shopping for jeans but did get a pair of size 18 jeans from the new look here. Happy about that because I went to get some jeans from there at xmas but had to go all the way to another shop to get some because the new look here doesn't have anything above size 18 in, which didn't fit me then.

Went out last night, was fun but I got too tired too early so left when my friend did (she works on a sunday). Was looking forward to it all day, but I think there is something wrong with me. Wasn't totally as happy as I used to be on nights out. Just felt like I wanted to be at home all the time, which isn't like me. I used to go out at least once a week and I love parties. Just atm I don't feel comfortable around people, even friends. I'd rather be on my own I miss being around my friends and having fun nights out. Just wish I had the energy to be able to do that. As well as money... my friends don't live here coz I met them at uni, and haven't seen much of them since I finished last year. Maybe have a night out or party once a month, sometimes longer. Drove home this morning even though my friends were going to go out for something to eat later. Think I paniced about the eating part lol but also I need to save money, urgh. life is evil sometimes.

My life really needs sorting out. Not sure whether or not to go to the doctors about feeling down alot, but i'd rather try and sort it out myself if I can =/. So today i'm gonna get most of my tidying done. Then tomorrow i'll start exercising and going to the gym again as well as relaxing with a book. Hopefully that will make me feel better. Maybe sorting out what i'm eating again might help. Cola and chocolate seem to have worked their way back in again. I don't mind having them occasionally, but i'm having them too much right now. Need more healthy foods back in my diet lol