Gizmo's diary

[_Gizmo_]

Well, tbh, i'm kinda nervous about writing everything down, but hey! It might actually help me in some way lol

Decided to start losing some weight after seeing loads of pics from uni and partys on facebook and hating pretty much all of them because of my size. Wouldn't say i'm happy with the way I look at all. Plus I don't feel happy with myself, think I would be alot more confident and be able to talk to people more if I lost all the weight. I think I gained the weight because of being bullied at school and also bad relationships which ended up in me comfort eating most of the time. Which I hate myself for doing, as I really felt tired and weak most of the time, also a little bit depressed I guess. Hopefully I won't feel like that for much longer! Guess it's gonna stay like this if I don't do something about it, which is why i decided yesterday to be serious about dieting and exercising. Not going to stick to any particular diet, just going to eat better and do some exercising. May calorie count but I'll see how I get along this week.

So today I haven't had any fizzy drinks (which used to be ALL that I drank some days), drank water and tea, haven't eaten any chocolate, ate lots of fruit and veg, had special k for breakfast (for some reason before I thought I would never like it but I actually do O.O and i never ate anything for breakfast before). All of this is completely different to what I used to eat and drink. The thing that i'm most proud of today was stopping having sugar in tea. I used to have 3! sugars with tea Very bad! But I couldn't stand it without, but today I just decided to have tea without any sugar in. I actually really liked it, before i guess all i could taste was the sugar. So from now on I will have tea, no sugar Tomorrow I will cut out sandwiches from my work lunch and just have a salad instead. Hopefully I won't feel too hungry, but I'll just try to keep myself busy at work so I don't think about food too much.

As for exercise, before i used to come home from work and do nothing really, just watch a dvd or something. ended up feeling really down through thinking too much and just feeling bored. I work 9am til 7pm so I used to feel too tired to do anything. Took dog for a 40 min walk tonight, even ran for a couple of short bursts but she's old and doesn't do much running. And then when I came home I went on the stepper for 20 mins with some Rise Against on. Good music to exercise to Looking forward to the weekend so I can take the dog out for an hours walk across the fields when its actually light Not as much fun going for a walk when it's damp and dark lol Also i'll have more time to exercise when i'm at home with the music on loud May join the gym in the next couple of months, may have to make a playlist of good songs to put on my mp3 player, music seems to make it more fun!

Well that was a big diary post! didn't expect to go on that much lol! I'll probably post more next week. Hopefully I'll stick to this and see a difference when I weigh myself on sunday

 

[caferine]

hope you do well!
stick at it though you know you can do it so stop using terms like "hopefully i'll stick in" even if you have a fizzy drink or chocolate exercise more so you can have it or jump straight back in to the diet!

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks I will do it! So no hopefully now lol

Well I didn't think today was that good. had some special k before i went to work, then had lots of salad and an apple during work. Annoyed myself because I gave in and ate 2 dairy milks from the box of roses a client brought as a thank you present, along with lots of other chocolate and a bunch of flowers, was nice but sooo tempting >_<

Work was a little bit depressing in parts (i'm a trainee vet nurse, sometimes its not the nicest job ) but generally I felt really happy with myself and not really tired, which i used to feel alot before. I did feel hungry though, but I guess I have just changed my diet suddenly, hoping this will go soon! lol I finished an hour late so didn't have time to take the dog on a long walk, instead I went on the stepper for a little bit longer than yesterday (with some New Found Glory and a bit of Rammstein on). This was after having 3 pancakes with sugar, butter and lemon juice on But i've just attempted to work out the calories in what i've had today and it's less than 1000. Didn't expect that! lol Think from now on im going to try to count calories and try not to feel too guilty about having some chocolate sometimes.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Today hasn't been too great. deffo need to up the amount of calories I've been having and also the amount of water, coz I just felt tired and hungry all day. Got up an hour earlier to take dog for a walk but didn't have the energy to do any exercise when I got home. Think taking the dog for a walk early was a good idea coz I felt more awake and less stressed at work. but it was a busy day. started at 9am and didn't get to have any lunch until after 2pm!

Going to start seriously calorie counting tomorrow, need to do a food shop which will be fun! Need to resist too much nice things lol! Not going to cut out the foods I usually eat, just cut down the amounts. and maybe try some new stuff ooo and going to buy some filters for the water filter I found lying around in the kitchen not being used. Will save me loads since I won't have to buy bottled water now, becoming addicted to drinking it lol good thing I guess!

 

[KatSparks]

Hi Gizmo,

You are doing great. All the changes will certainly pay off! Though you are right upping the calories might be a good idea as you don't want to get too low on energy or you might get a feeling that it's too hard to go on. You should still lose loads as your lifestyle is totally changing. Keep up the good work!

Kat

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks! I've upped the calories now. If I get between 1200-1500 a day, i'm happy. Need to finish working out todays as i've just been out for a few drinks, hehe. At the moment the calorie count is at 1161 without the drinks. Thought I might aswell go out for once as it saves me being at home doing nothing! my mum and her boyfriend bought all my drinks for me so can't complain lol Was kind of a treat today as I did my first decent shop!, lots of random snacks that should last me over a month easily, so hopefully will be spending less money on food each week. Actually took the time to look at each label and how many calories were in them, which ive never done before. didn't realise there was as much calories in a bar of chocolate as there is in a decent big meal! No wonder I got like this! will be more careful from now on! AND the other good thing today was that i didn't do my usual binge when i got in from shopping. just made up a cup-a-soup instead and then took the dog on a walk

Done so much walking today! was a good thing but i'm not used to it lol instead of paying £1.50 to park near the bank I parked at my grandparents house and walked into town. would rather save my money and try to lose a couple of Ibs than lose £1.50 on being lazy! then took dog for a half hour walk on the field, wanted to stay out longer but it was getting dark and theres no lights out there. Walked to the pub and back aswell, which is a good 20-30mins each way. Probably helped burn a few calories from the drinks. Had cola when I was at the pub. Didn't want to drink to many alcoholic drinks as i don't want a hangover!! lol Not bothered about drinking fizzy drinks now as I don't feel good after drinking them. feel soooo much better drinking water, which i should have drank more of today. Got my new filter though so will save alot on bottled water, and should be drinking more during the day!

Nearly done the first week! yay! and i feel more determined to do it now as i feel much better now, and i don't feel useless and that im wasting my life. People have been saying that im fine the way i am and that im not big, i think i am but i know what to wear to hide it a bit, lots of hoodies usually! lol but i still want to lose the weight as i'll be healthier, happier and i'll be able to do lots of things that i don't feel like i can do now like:

• Dancing when on a night out: always feel to shy to dance properly and really enjoy myself when i'm out.
• Horse-riding: i feel as though i'm too heavy for the horse.
• Swimming: don't feel confident wearing a swimming suit.
• Playing football: used to do it alot when i was younger, played for the school team, just don't feel fit enough to do it now.
• Pole-dancing: Really interested in giving it a go, just feel like i'd break the pole if i tried lol
• Go into a shop and be able to buy what i want without thinking 'but it's not in my size ': went shopping with my mum for my xmas present which was clothes from new look, actually had to go to the new look in a different town because the shop here had stopped selling clothes in my size (18-20!), felt so embarressed
• Buy boots that will fit me and are cheaper than wide fit ones which i just can't afford now.
• not worry about my chin and looking pregnant: do this all the time with pictures, i untag most of them on facebook.

theres probably more things to add to that but i'm too tired at the mo lol looking forward to my weigh in on sunday, will be interesting to see what it is! will be happy when i've lost the first Ib

 

[_Gizmo_]

Well heres a before pic of me! (if it works) this was before a night out dressed as pirates months ago (end of may 2009 i think), would have loved to have worn a skirt and a corset but I wasn't comfortable enough to attempt it. Think i've put on a little bit more since then.

 

[_Gizmo_]

I've lost 2Ibs!! Didn't believe the scales for a while lol! Now I definately want to keep going, do not want those 2Ibs to return lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks

Can't wait to join the gym, hopefully when I have enough money in 2 weeks lol getting bored of just walking the dog and going on my stepper. Ended up doing an hours walk in the snow today because I went to a meal with family and it was too bad to even think about attempting to drive there! Could get used to it apart from being cold and soaked by the time I got there May walk to work tomorrow if its too bad, aswell as taking the dog for a walk before i go lol

I feel like i've lost weight, can't really describe it lol. I can't see any change but my tummy feels firmer and flatter, not when i touch it, just generally I'm happy with it tho, means the fats starting to leave lol

Decided on a treat for when i get to goal. A nice corset and a pair of high boots. I've always wanted these but couldn't find any to fit. I feel the real me is lost in all the weight, as i'm not confident to wear or do all of the things i want to do. I feel like i'd be more sporty without the weight aswell, i used to play football loads and miss it now.

 

[_Gizmo_]

Today started off bad Didn't walk the dog or walk to work because I was too tired, snow didn't help either. Should of gone to sleep a bit earlier. Spent all day at work thinking 'I can't be bothered to do anything today...'. My eating didn't suffer, kept up with that well, don't even want to eat the biscuits and jaffa cakes even if I've got enough calories left for them =) Had the plan of coming home and relaxing all day coz just didn't feel great. But once I had eaten something that changed Ended up doing some jumping jacks, sit ups, 1000 steps on the steppers and lifted some weights for a bit! Maybe watching the biggest loser while I was eating helped a bit lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Haha thanks, had a lazy night tonight though coz I couldn't be bothered to exercise, got out of work to late. Kinda difficult fitting exercise in when I start at 9 and finish at 7. Only work 4 days though so I can do loads at the weekend. May have to go to the gym before work, coz itll wake me up and I won't have to worry if i finish late like I did today.

Had a really stressful day at work, just everything seemed to be going wrong and finished late. Hardly drank anything all day because of not having any time to! Didn't eat as much as I had planned. 10 hours is a long day at work so I just plan to snack every so often to keep me going. Because of being busy and stressed, I was so hungry and just wanted to binge! :cry: Now I know I comfort eat coz thats all I thought was going to make me happy. Managed to control it though, kinda... lol had 1 digestive biscuit when I got home, because I hadn't eaten the snacks so still had the calories to use. and made my tea, and munched on a few cherry tomatoes while I waited. then after tea I was still hungry, tried drinking water but no didn't stop me wanting more food, so just had some cucumber instead of the chocolate I was wanting. Ended up having a jaffa cake after but still managed to keep under 1300 calories for the day, may have overestimated for a few things though so may be lower than that. Was sooo hard trying to control the urge to just binge

 

[_Gizmo_]

Lol I couldn't have a packet of chocolate open around home, Id just eat the lot! lol esp minstrels! hmmm now im craving them >_< Thankfully I work at a vets so I have to do things that put me off food sometimes lol!

 

[_Gizmo_]

Not got much motivation to get up early and take the dog for a walk before work. Maybe having a few days off will change that as I actually do feel better if i've done something in the morning. Also just had a tiny binge on cheese, but that was leftover from lunch and I won't have gone over my calories for the day so not too bothered about that.

I think I just need to relax a bit this weekend. So much stress this week... Also trying to decide wether or not to go to sonisphere festival is not really helping. It's quite a bit of money, but Rammstein are headlining and even though I saw them a few weeks ago, I wouldn't mind seeing them again coz they are amazing live! Plus the fact that the keyboard player spends half of the show on a treadmill may make me want to use 1 more! lol!

 

[_Gizmo_]

Lol good luck with the challenge. I think I need to think of some targets to go for. With good rewards. I know one of the rewards will have to be buying the New Moon dvd when it comes out on the 22nd march. And I think my mum will be wanting me to do it as she is also a Twilight fan. Hmmm may have to have a Twilight day tomorrow hehe! Another reward can be going to see Eclipse when it comes out in July I think

 

[_Gizmo_]

Went and had a look at the gym tonight! Think i'm definately going to join, seemed a really nice place, great for £19 a month Was a bit scared of going to look so I dragged my brother along lol But people didn't seem to care coz they were just getting on with their workout. Will go along next weekend when I have enough money and have been shopping for some clothes and trainers. They gave me a free guest pass so I think I'll be making use of that lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

Lol thanks. It's not that bad lol Might be different when I go there to actually use it though! lol Probably will go before work. Then maybe do a couple of the classes if I finish early enough. I'm at work when most of the classes are on

 

[amberstone]

Hey Gizmo

Good name Keep up the good work your doing great, the 2 lbs loss and resisting temptation and the lifestyle changes

You look lovely in your pick too as Aishas said already

Oh i want a corset now too! *mini pout*

Amber

 

[_Gizmo_]

Thanks I hate pics of me, unless i've managed to get it so that I look slimmer lol!

So hungry right now, saved up most of my calories so I can have fajitas My fave food! lol Will have to do the same tomorrow as I try to make food last over a couple of nights (I like to save money well try to anyway, most of it seems to go on random dvds instead lol!).

I can't wait until I can get a corset, most of my friends have them but one wouldn't look right on me right now. Will wait until I've finished losing it all and then I don't have to spend loads of money on one which will end up too big for me. The ann summers corsets go up to size 18 and are £50 Cheap compared to most of them though and they're nice ones lol

 

[_Gizmo_]

I had the fajitas last night, and it made me realise just how much I was putting into my body. Think i'm starting to appreciate food more and even becoming less reliant on it I don't need food to make me happy, in fact I feel happier now! Think i've got the food part of this sorted, just need to sort out the exercise part! Had such a lazy week, but I think thats due to the stressful days at work. Will feel better when I've joined the gym next weekend I think, just got bored of just going on the steppers lol Plus the gym will give me a chance to get away from being just at home or at work, and maybe meet new people. Which should be great for my confidence

 

[_Gizmo_]

Right, feel like having a rant about things now! lol Been thinking about why I put on the weight and got to the way I am and also why I've failed before when I've wanted to lose weight.

I was a skinny kid to be honest, until I was bullied at school, this made me eat and eat to basically make me feel better. Then when I left school and moved away to college, I ended up in a few relationships which ended badly, or I was stupid enough to get back with them. One of my boyfriends emotionally abused me for so long, it was a long distance relationship (due to being at different unis) and we used to talk on msn every night. He would turn something that I said agaisnt me and have a go at me, which ended in me running upstairs to try to hide the fact that I was crying away from my housemates. The next relationship I had ended badly aswell, he ignored me for 3 weeks before I offically ended it and I havent heard from him since he began ignoring me. I found out on facebook 2 weeks after I ended it that he was in a new relationship My last one was not as bad, it ended because of him having too much uni work and the distance didn't help either (he lives in the town I went to uni at). My last boyfriend was the only one I openly spoke to about my weight, and he helped me realise why I got the way I am. When i'm happy I tend to lose weight and when i'm not I put it on. Unfortunately theres been too many unhappy times in the last few years. When I left uni and moved back home didn't help either because I left where I felt was home to me. Most of my friends either live there or the gatherings happen there. Things happened at school which meant when I moved away from home to go to college at 16, I had no friends back home (long story, people are nasty sometimes ). So now that I'm back at home, I feel alone here. Only have 1 friend here from college, who is busy alot and the other person I know here is my nasty ex. The stress of being practically alone here and starting my job as a trainee vet nurse didn't help any weight loss at all. The comfort eating had become a habit, and all I tended to eat was junk food. Mainly because I thought it was cheaper... I don't think the years of uni and partying help either. Eating lots of junk food, drinking lots of alcohol, and lots of cola.

My lifestyle really needed a change! I kept thinking about what it would be like if I was slimmer, my style would probably change, maybe not by much casually but going out clothes will. But I never bothered to do anything about it. A couple of weeks ago I thought, if I don't do something soon, that won't happen. The person I am right now is not who I am inside. The real me is more active than this, she wants to do sports (mainly extreme sports but still! lol football aswell!), she wants to learn guitar and be in a band (unlikely to happen but I can dream ), and theres a whole load of other things she wants to do that my size is holding her back from! I'm only 21, if I focus now and get the weight off, I can still do these things! I think its my confidence thats being affected mostly. I'm so shy. I'm hoping that when I get to goal then I'll be as loud as I know I can be lol! I'm losing the weight for me, not anyone else. Not to get a boyfriend, as i've already had a few relationships before, and could probably get another boyfriend even like this lol. Although I wouldn't mind seeing my exes faces when I finally do lose the weight hehe

When I began this journey (2 weeks ago tomorrow), I weighed 16st 7Ibs. I hadn't weighed myself in YEARS! Last time I remember weigh myself I was around 12st Last weigh in, I weighed 16st 5Ibs. It's getting down slowly, but I'm determined not to let the weight get back to how it was. At least i'm doing something about it now. I have the time to do it, I don't get to see my friends as often as I'd like so I have plenty of free time to go exercise lol No excuses this time! I can be bothered to get myself to how I want to be! Nothing much is changing at the moment, apart from my weight. No relationship issues to get me down. The only stressful thing is my job and even that puts me in a good mood occasionally.

My next weigh in is tomorrow (or today as its passed midnight ). Pretty excited about this one as I cheekily weighed myself yesterday. Must hide the scales and only use them on a sunday! lol