Goals: internal vs external aims

[Nellyphant]

This is such a fabulous thread, thank you.

I grew up with my Mum not eating until the evening and always calling me fat - which when I look at photos now I can't understand why she did and my Nana calling herself fat all the time and then stuffing her face (which she still does and she's 84) so it's no wonder my relationship with food is warped.

I've been keeping a journal for over a year now to try and sort out my depression a bit. Just before New Year I read back to last New Year and then kept reading. I was basically writing the same thing every day "eating out of control, hate myself, I'm ugly". So I thought, that's my biggest bug bear, I have a fabulous DH & DD and I deserve to love myself like they love me and deserve to look after myself so I contacted a CDC.

Since starting CD on Friday I've put my journal in the kitchen so that when I'm bored/lonely or whatever and feel like eating I write how I'm feeling. Yesterday was a tough day and I wrote in it 4 times which resulted in 2 full A4 pages being written by the time I went to bed but it stopped crooked thinking and focussed me again.

 

[louisa83]

Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!! Your post is beautiful xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

Oh bless you both. You are most welcome and thank you for your kind words.

Nelly - My thread is currently called inane rambles because really that is all I am doing on it, rambling. It's nowt to do with food at all at the moment as I'm happily in maintenance. I honestly could delete half the stuff and the thread would still make sense but I love writing as a tool, and so I shall continue to do it. I'm thinking about trying to sell my thread on the black market as the ultimate sleeping pill because there's no way anyone could read the whole thing without falling asleep. All the best on your journey.