Oh honey, don't spill tears.

I hope they're tears of relief and of letting go of old built-up feelings.
I do truly believe once you have an eating disorder you always have an eating disorder. Think its something I will have to battle with for the rest of my life. People think once you get over it then your cured but its not that simple.
You are absolutely correct. An ED is a mental addiction (a set of thinking patterns which give us a chemical seratonin boost), because there's an element we're addicted to - sense of control, power, or just ritual. It may be habit. Is an ex-alcoholic ever cured? No. They live, and take each day as it comes. They will always want to have some alcohol and at times they'll feel that they can have "a little" and have control. But no. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't have sugar. Period. But I always crave the sugar and carbs. Like a deep itch that you can never scratch.
I'm sending you lots of hugs. ED is so difficult. Well done on doing LL, I'm sure for you it's been a bit more of a struggle than for some people who are doing it to lose some weight. You have that additional worry. The over-exercising makes sense, yes. 'Purging' does not simply mean getting rid of the food by that one way. Purging and MIA behaviour can also be expressed through self-punishment of the things consumed through exercise or starving of self for a number of days "to balance the damage". A BED sufferer will not usually take part in any purging behaviour. There are subtle differences, but all have a very strong addictive element.
I do have fears at this point that if you're balancing out your shakes with exercise (or did I misunderstand?) that you are already slipping into that old mentality. I have to reaffirm at this point that you must, absolutely MUST do RTM when you're done. To the letter. Don't say "I hope I can do it" - that lays seeds of doubt. Say you WILL do it 100% and the longer you say it without any questioning (I mean what is going to stop you?) the more determined you'll be. RTM will teach you things about nutrition. Personally I would refrain from Week 10-11-12 until you're absolutely ready. I held off on those because I wasn't ready for the carbs or sugar, and rightly so. Many people
who maintain live quite happily without those things in their lives.
I had a look at your photos yesterday, you look fantastic!! Though through the sadness there was beauty shining through in your old photos too. I'm more of a believer of inner beauty, the "shell" is only that. A shell for who we really are. After all - how many people have you met who are "technically beautiful" but their beauty rots from the inside-out when they open their mouth? I bet many.
Let your inner you shine and treat your body well. It's the only one we've got.
Have a lovely day ahead,
xx