Guilty Chicken.....

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by chunkychicken, 5 June 2007 Social URL.

  1. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member


    My previously unshakable will power appears to have sodded off somewhere leaving me in a right old mess. I can't seem to stop (and I know that sounds stupid) putting things in my mouth.

    I have sat and talked to myself about it (yes I know how that sounds) and all I can come up with is that I am approaching a milestone and for some reason that I cannot figure out I appear to be sabotaging myself the closer I get. In the majority of my adult life I have never been thinner than I was on my wedding day October 2005. I am now within 4 lbs of equallying that weight and being slimmer than I can ever remember being (unfortunately I still have another 5 stone (ish) to go after this - but still ...).

    I thought I was back on top of it again yesterday - I went back to basics and had my packs at set times roughly 4 hours apart throughout the day and wasn't hungry - but came to cook my OH's tea and there was a prawn and a tiny piece of chicken, then a half teaspoon of the sauce (just to test the flavour... ahem) - then when he had finished it all and left it out (big mistake) I ate another couple of prawns as well.

    What worries me is I am supposed to be battling my chatterbox - but it appears to win everytime. Its like I say "don't do that - you are not hungry and you will feel crappy later..." and the chatterbox says "shut up you can't stop me" and wham food eaten. Does this mean I am too weak to beat my lifetime of letting my rebellious child do whatever she pleases?

    I was fine until I went camping on BH weekend - and I didn't cheat then. So why since I have come back has it all gone wrong?

    Someone with wise words please help me out. This is the first time I have believed in a programme completely and I am sure if I can just get over this picking I will be fine to the end (even if it is a long way away) but I need a hand to get over this wall.

    Very unhappy and disappointed in myself Chicken.
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  3. Juliakno

    Juliakno Taking it Day by Day

    Hi Chunkychicken! Please, please, plese don't give up. I think you hit the nail on the head - something inside you is trying to sabbotage you. Now I am only guessing here, but could it be fear of the unknown? Like you said, you actually can't remember being slim, and something inside you is fighting claw and tooth to keep you from changing.

    On a personal note, I think I know how you feel, I have been big since I was a child (with all the bullying etc that comes with it) and at the moment can't see myself actually ever being slim. There is some sort of comfort in knowing what to expect, even if it is bad and painful. I take it one day at a time at the moment and hopefully get used to my changing size as time goes on. I have to admit though that the voices in my head demanding food, telling me that this won't work etc, are getting louder as time moves on.

    You are not too weak to keep your rebellious child in check!!!! I think the first step is to just pick yourself up and to stop beating yourself up over what you did wrong yesterday. FOr me that is the main reason why in the past diets haven't worked, crooked thinking along the lines of "oh, now you've blown it, you might as well not bother now". Try and get all the help you can get, and if possible remove temptation from your life for a few days (could OH cook for himself or have some ready meals for a few days, so that you can really break the cycle?)

    don't know if the above helps but look at what you've achieved so far, you know this diet works, and even a whole bad week wouldn't stop it from working as long as you go back on it.
    chunkychicken likes this.
  4. Tiger Girl

    Tiger Girl Full Member

    Hey chunkychick
    Ah the dreaded chatterbox! Mine too was out in full force making best friends with my rebellious child at the weekend. It's so so so tough when this happens, but it can be beaten.

    Firstly, the fact that you already clearly have loads of insight into what's going on is really helpful. I have experienced some similar situations myself when moving into different weight ranges which I've not been for some time. I found the dress that I wore for my 30th birthday the other day when I was sorting out some old clothes and it's so big for me. I wanted to cry. I felt so fabulous on my 30th birthday (only a few years ago!) and couldn't believe that I clearly didn't look as fabulous as I felt! It's so weird that this happens and is clearly the unconcious demons raising their heads and coming into your concious mind...and if like me your rebellious child is a wild one, it can feel pretty hellish to get it in order!

    Work out the mental stuff and it will help you so much. You sound like you're well on your way which is great.

    Is the picking thing generally an issue for you? I'm lucky, I don't have to prepare any food at all and have so much admiration for anyone who does! If it is, being aware of it is the first step to changing that behaviour. My sister reckons this is a real problem for her and we've been doing mini sister councelling sessions over the phone about this all week! She started off by saying 'I always pick when I'm cooking' When we dug a bit deeper, she doesn't *always* do this (hence proving that she doesn't actually need to!) Ultimately she's starting to challenge this belief and is realising that it isn't necessarily as true as she thought it was!!

    Keep going. Accept that there are big changes emotionally and physically. This diet is so much more than getting into a size 10!
    You're doing brilliantly.
  5. katie_oxo

    katie_oxo Silver Member

    Hi Chicken - I think a bit of this could be plain old fear, fear of not passing a goal and fear of passing it and what comes next. I was the same abuot hitting 16 stone - I'd been 16 stone for so long (a long time back) and nothing I did got me below it ---- the only time I've mentally struggled on LL was when I got close to 16 st. You just have to grit your teeth and stick with the programme ...... that really is the only way through it - you'll soon be past that milestone and you'll be able to sail on happily onwards and downwards.

    Please if you see something on a plate you think you're going to pick at - squirt it quickly with washing up liquid and bin it..... unless it's someone elses dinner of course :)

  6. SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!

    SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue! Full Member

    Lighter Life

    I fully understand what you mean about sabotage of ourselves when we start to get to weights we have either never been to before or for so long, I think it gets quite scarry.

    I had the wedding dress moment a few weeks ago, and was so surprised it fit me. For a while there I wondered if I was doing the right thing to continue as I was happy when I got married, wore a bikini on the honeymoon and felt confident. I started to relax a bit and food wanted to creep back into my life.

    You have done really well, and I guess this scarry time has you questioning if you would be happy to stay at the weight you are now or venture into the unknown and be not only a different size but maybe a diffent part of you that has been surpressed.

    Don't worry about the odd lapse, but get back on the straight and narrow and take the next step.

    Sometimes we all give into the crooked thoughts, but they don't win all the time

    Take Care, and maybe have a little break for preparing meals (if you can?)

    Sam x
  7. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

    What a wealth of support and wise words - thank you all so much. It really does mean a lot to me that I can come on here and ask for help and have people who genuinely understand reply to my post with such wonderfully helpful comments without being judgemental.

    I had a flukey good weightloss this week - so the picking caused no damage to my weightloss but I feel much more in control now and think that little blip is behind me. I am also past the milestone that appeared to be causing the problems - so hopefully as Katie said - I can sail through until the end now.

    Thanks again people - you are great.
  8. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

    Current Weight:
    Hi ChunkyChicken, what a fab loss you had this week!

    Glad you say your blip is behind you. Hope you find it plain sailing from now on.

    Well done.
  9. Juliakno

    Juliakno Taking it Day by Day

    I am so pleased to hear that you are back in the saddle again, so to speak. Great weightloss too!!! Just keep on going!
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